OilersNation, Alberta—Deep in the underground OilersNation laboratory, teams of scientists working around the clock have confirmed that actor Mickey Rourke, star of over 49 movies including SinCity, is the biological father of Oilers defenceman Allan Rourke. “It has been confirmed that they are in fact father and son,” explains lead OilersNation scienceologist Dr John Bednarski. “You can tell because of their long hair, thuggish looks and the fact they have the same last name.”

Despite hundreds of phone calls and e-mails, reps for the Rourkes have no comment on the matter.