Lord Pennyton von Cash rolls into town

bingofuel
January 17 2008 10:27AM

ovechkincashdive.jpg 

Well well well!

Mr “I-don’t-need-an-agent” is here. Mr “Screw-my-team-I’ll-play-with-garbage-till-I-retire” has arrived Mr. “Jaromir Jagr Jr.” has arrived on a platinum jet, forcing his teammates to walk to the blizzard that is E-town today.

You think you're so great because you make Ales Hemsky look poor? Well screw you, Ovechkin. You and your army of solid gold robots don’t scare any of us. We recognize that you're a sniper, and may be the next Pavel Bure. But why would a team commit 1/5 of its payroll to you for the next 13 years? I hope you like playing with AHL Allstars and UFC fighters-turned-hockey-players, and guys who have to keep lacing 'em up or their bookies will smash their kneecaps. 'Cause that's about all the Caps will be able to afford with your massive contract strapped around their collective necks for the next 13 years.

Oh and also, god help them if you turn out to be Pavel Bure, with his career cut short by injury after injury due to the sawdust that is his right knee. That’s guaranteed money you're paying out Caps Owner Ted Leonosis. You'd better teach Chuck Liddel to skate to protect your boy 24/7 and not let him so much as shower without a bodyguard, lest he break his hip or something.

Do you like C Thomas Fleischmann? At US $500,000 he'll be playing on the powerplay with you for years to come.

Do you enjoy having D Viktor Dovgan manning the point? He too is about all the Caps will be able to afford at $500,000 per year.

Enjoy the cash, my Russian friend. Hopefully you can use it to purchase Stanley Cup rings off the widows of dead NHL players, cause you ain’t winning one the legit way.

Oh yeah, the Oil are playing the Caps tonight.

Prediction:

Oilers: 4 Caps: 2 Ovechkin: $115,384.62 per game until 2021

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 tamatam
January 17 2008, 11:21AM
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Is that really what he makes per game? Holy crap!

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#2 IMissSmyth
January 17 2008, 11:25AM
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With that kind of money to throw around he can hire players from an opposing team on a nightly basis. Oh my god! It all makes sense! People are giving Stortini $15 a night not to throw punches!

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#3 IMissSmyth
January 17 2008, 11:25AM
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oh also... uh... we roll into his town.

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#4 tracey
January 17 2008, 11:50AM
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Is that Scrooge McDuck? too funny

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#5 Hulk Hogan
January 17 2008, 12:11PM
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Ovechkin sucks. OOOOOH YEAH!

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#6 Information man
January 17 2008, 12:26PM
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Other than the fact that the Oilers are playing IN Washington, not in etown as you suggest, I think you are on to something here. He isnt worth that kind of money. More than Crosby? Come on

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#7 The Nation
January 17 2008, 12:32PM
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You are right Information Man. But we still hate Ovechkin

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#8 Mike
January 17 2008, 02:02PM
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Why is everyone signing such long term deals?

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