GDB: Two surprises on TSN

Wanye
October 15 2008 03:30PM

Two things surprised us when we accidentally went to TSN.ca this morning. Well it wasn’t really accidental. We couldn’t remember if there was a game tonight—and the schedule on the OilersNation is conveniently from 12 seasons ago.

*COUGH*

Surprise #1

According to TSN, in the second game of their double header tonight “Brian Burke's Ducks take on Kevin Lowe's Oilers.” Someone might want to mention that Steve Tambellini, who swears he’s the team’s GM.

Surprise #2

The Oilers are ranked 15th in the TSN power poll and the Leafs are a paltry 27th. This ranking system is the brainchild of Scott Cullen—who steadfastly refused to list Ethan Moreau as a key injury to the team last year, despite the fact he was team captain. When we called this to his attention via e-mail, he gracefully told us to pound sand and read a different website. This was part of the reason the OilersNation was born. If you want to know more about this we can explain in greater detail.

Draft

The First Annual Wanye Gretz Draft In Support Of Wasting Time At Work™ is in full swing and that fact will provide endless joy to us all throughout the imminent 11 months of winter.

Big ups to Madman37 who has taken the lead. Kris Letang? That kind of picking has gotten you the early lead? WTF? The Randy Gregg Experience is rocking out in second, and has the current advantages of a) a hilarious name, b) second place glory with the ladies, and c) Braydon Coburn. If you’re like us and you’re saying “Braydon who?” It explains why we’re currently sitting in 41st.

But with five players in action tonight, watch for your ol’ pal Wanye to lay the hammer down and vault into striking position. We always start slow in these things but we usually end up laying a beating on everyone. Shifty dudes we know in the draft have arrived too by the way. We’ve been playing drafts with them for years and they must be watched. Philip Ontakos (great name) started the damn thing two days late and is still 22nd. Lenny Bamboo can’t be trusted either, nor can “craving a blowie.” For you kids reading this—we are assuming his name is referring to some new variety of satellite transponder.

MSG is currently 106 points back of French Pro-League Castoff which entertains us to no end. Why? Because these two are brothers and would generally rather take an air to ground missile to the tender bits than lose to each other at anything. Glorious. It gets us to wondering: do you have anyone you are guaranteeing you will beat in the draft? We’ll go out on a limb here and say that of all the teams in the draft, we want to beat “Phil Kessel’s nut.”

Didn’t think we would ever say that in a sentence.

Tonight

Last game there was a boatload of traffic on the Nation and the 81 comments under the now classic “teacher with viagra pants” photo tells us there are people who like to make comments and chatter online during the game. We will be back online—will you?

—Wanye Gretz—2004 LPGA Comeback Player of the Year

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Madman37
October 15 2008, 11:04AM
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What can I say? I saw Gonchar and Whitney were hurt. The minutes had to go somewhere. Plus, Letang is only 1 million dollars.

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#2 Nesquik
October 15 2008, 11:21AM
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You want a third, Headline reads: "Oilers host winless ducks in northwest showdown." http://tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=252686&lid=sublink02&lpos=topRelated_main

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#3 NoPantsTuesday
October 15 2008, 11:37AM
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I thank the hockey gods that Coburn is still providing me points. I swear, he is gonna be the reason my pool lives or dies this season. That and if Souray can start playing better than he did last game. If only they gave out points for looking so damn good.

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#4 Gord
October 15 2008, 11:57AM
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"According to TSN, in the second game of their double header tonight “Brian Burke’s Ducks take on Kevin Lowe’s Oilers.” Someone might want to mention that Steve Tambellini, who swears he’s the team’s GM." Wanye, TSN is trying to bill tonights double header as "Rivalries". You couldn't really call the Ducks and Oilers rivals, but you sure can use that to describe Lowe and Burke!

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#5 Ssseth
October 15 2008, 12:27PM
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Interesting to see a little more history on the Nation.

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#6 Dennis
October 15 2008, 12:55PM
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1. Everyone still knows that Lowe's the real GM.

2. How much did you pay Robin for access to his old high school photos?:)

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#7 tricksnard
October 15 2008, 12:56PM
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Yeah, I'd like to hear more about it. 3 hours left to kill at work, so why not.

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#8 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 01:30PM
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Wanye Gretz v Scott Cullen

Back before we were Wanye Gretz (the dark days) and the Nation was all of 11 days old, we used to read the powerpoll weekly and live or die with how the teams were ranked.

Somehow or other we felt that if TSN said the Oilers were 11th they would somehow find a way to win more games and if they said the Oilers were 25th strong willed Oilers would give up the fight and resign themselves to an extended losing streak.

So one day we had enough and sent the creator of the powerpoll this email. Note our use of quotation marks – an early sign of our mental disorder that would later be named Wanye.

December 4th 2007.

Hello Scott!

Greetings from the OilersNation. We are big "fans" of the thoroughly-researched and statistically-relevant TSN "powerpoll" and thought we would take the "time" to "write" you on behalf of Oilers fans from coast to coast and give you our two "cents." A few things you may want to note for next weeks calculations:

It's awesome that the Oilers are trailing Phoenix and LA in the powerpoll ranking, despite the fact that the Oil lead them all in wins, points and have a better record in the past ten games and despite the fact that Craig MacTavish can bite through a one-inch-thick steel cable… WITH HIS MIND. That's got to count for at least one bump up the rankings.

It's also inspiring that you note that the Oilers are suffering from player injuries. Or merely one injury, as the poll suggests. It would be nice if you included the fact that the team captain has missed the ENTIRE season with an injury, and include him in your "key injuries" section. Nevermind including the also-injured Matt Greene, who is a top four Oilers defenceman.

I guess you're too busy covering the upstart Maple Leafs and posting gems like this to do any research into the other Canadian teams:

"As some of you know, I'm participating in a head-to-head fantasy hoops league with a number of journalists, among others, from the Toronto area. This week was the time to lock horns with TSN's own Tim Chisholm."

Anyhoo, just wanted to congratulate TSN on their continued insightful Oilers coverage.

Love, The OilersNation

And did he ever have a good response..... (now we are looking for the response he sent)

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#9 Jonathan Willis
October 15 2008, 01:37PM
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Note our use of quotation marks – an early sign of our mental disorder that would later be named Wanye.

More importantly, note how he used "Matt Greene" and "top four Oilers defenceman" in the same sentence. It was that bad. And it wasn't that long ago.

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#10 Gord
October 15 2008, 02:18PM
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Scott Cullen is so brutal at powerpolls that he got pulled off the CFL one and was replaced by their on air analysts. I can only imagine that he will eventually have the same fate when it comes to the NHL powerpoll. You can only fake competency for so long. Obviously his boss isn't reviewing his content for reasonableness. :/

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#11 The Towel Boy
October 15 2008, 02:20PM
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Scott Cullen is a boob.

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#12 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 03:41PM
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Ah finally.

Here is his reply. This is why we hate TSN:

Oilers Nation - I didn't realize that the last ten games were more meaningful than the games that preceded them. I could have sworn the season started at the beginning of October. The Oilers captain is a checking winger and not a top six forward. As you might note, I have NEVER put a checking forward down as a key injury, nor have I put down a depth defenceman like Matt Greene. How Greene qualifies as top four in Edmonton is puzzling since he ranks seventh among their defencemen in ice time per game. The Maple Leafs dig was a good one though, very original and well thought out since I spend such an inordinate amount of time writing Leafs-related articles. You must have intended that for someone else. If you don't think you're getting appropriate coverage in my rankings, however, you are welcome to choose any number of other rankings online for your information. No one's forcing you to read any of my gems. Regards, Scott Cullen | On-line Producer, TSN.ca | scullen@tsn.ca

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#13 Gord
October 15 2008, 03:47PM
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What a douche bag. And Scott Cullen is an idiot. ;)

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#14 DJ Spyn Cycle
October 15 2008, 03:48PM
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To be fair, Wanye, you and I talked A LOT about hating TSN well before the infamous Cullen incident.

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#15 Brett
October 15 2008, 04:01PM
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Hey guys, I emailed scott on April 1st (ironic I know) wondering why Horcoff, Souray, and Moreau were all not included on the injured list, and why the Oilers were ranked 22nd after they had won 15 of their last 20 games....here is his reply.

"Any players who have been deemed to be done for the season eventually fade off the "key injuries" list because they aren't going to have any further impact on the rankings. Souray, Horcoff and Moreau were all listed for several weeks before they dropped off. Same as it was for Simon Gagne, Martin Havlat, Rod Brind'Amour etc.

The last 20 games are no more important to me than the preceding 60.

Regards, Scott Cullen | On-line Producer, TSN.ca | scullen@tsn.ca

Looks like he has an answer for everything...or no answer for anything.

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#16 Gord
October 15 2008, 04:24PM
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"The last 20 games are no more important to me than the preceding 60" I wonder if Cullen used the same theory for the Sens BRUTAL finish to their 07/08 season? The guy has no sports sense what so ever. How he continues to stay employed is beyond my comprehension.

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#17 Antony Ta
October 15 2008, 04:35PM
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Nobody is forcing us to read "his gems?" Last time I checked, NHL on TSN is now centered around Bob MacKenzie.

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#18 OliersNinja
October 15 2008, 05:03PM
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Well "Wanye" your draft threats to me have taken great offence to me. And since you are willing to threathen me in front of the entire OilersNation, I fell as though I must call you out.

I put the OilersNinja Personal Guarantee that I beat you in this draft. I feel as though both my GM skills and Metachlorian count(nerds you will get that) are better and much higher then yours. All that plus a wager of a crisp $20 bill or as a previous citzen of the nation posted "some of that Wanye money"

Its on

In other news GO OILERS and Scott Cullen Sucks

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#19 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 05:56PM
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First I love the Scott Cullen bashing. I couldn't believe what a douche he was at the time, but not having much of a soap box to yell from I realized there was little I could do to defend the Mighty Oil and its fans.

I guess you could now ask

CAN YOU HEAR OILERS FANS NOW SCOTT?

I am guessing you will soon if you can't already.

Oh and Ninja, I will take your $20 bet. Book it.

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#20 Lubo71
October 15 2008, 08:19PM
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GAME TIME!!

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#21 New Guy
October 15 2008, 08:20PM
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I was wondering if anyone was going to start :)

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#22 New Guy
October 15 2008, 08:21PM
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HORCOFF AGAIN!!

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#23 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:21PM
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That is a GREAT tip

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#24 Lubo71
October 15 2008, 08:22PM
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82 goal man strikes

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#25 Oil4Lyfe
October 15 2008, 08:24PM
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why are the ducks starting hiller? CANT FACE US JIGGY??????

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#26 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:25PM
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Come on Cole. Do something SEXY!

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#27 Gord
October 15 2008, 08:25PM
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The faceoff woes continue...

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#28 New Guy
October 15 2008, 08:25PM
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Holy smokes nice shot

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#29 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:26PM
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What is a Huskins?

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#30 Gord
October 15 2008, 08:27PM
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argh - bad position = bad penalty

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#31 OilersNinja
October 15 2008, 08:28PM
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Real original Ducks you have the same goal song as the Flyers... that goal should be dis allowed on that basis alone.

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#32 Lubo71
October 15 2008, 08:29PM
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Where is Gregor's best friend Sutherby? He is their leading scorer for heavens sakes

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#33 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:31PM
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He isn't in the lineup. I have no idea why. Anyone?

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#34 Brian Sutherby
October 15 2008, 08:31PM
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I have no idea why I am not on the ice

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#35 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:32PM
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Hahahaha Look a celebrity!!

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#36 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:33PM
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Kill some one SMac

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#37 jim
October 15 2008, 08:33PM
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Just don't get scored on SMac

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#38 Gord
October 15 2008, 08:34PM
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wow - Big Mac finished a shift and he is still even on the +/-

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#39 Lubo71
October 15 2008, 08:34PM
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This game has some good tempo so far

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#40 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:35PM
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I hope he doesn't give someone a MacBeatdown.

Anyone? Anyone?

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#41 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:36PM
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Gotta let that go Wanye

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#42 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:36PM
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Never. This is my calling in life.

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#43 jim
October 15 2008, 08:37PM
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We're looking much better so far...except for FO's.

I think Pronger needs a beatdown

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#44 Scott Cullen
October 15 2008, 08:38PM
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oilers wot win tonight

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#45 New Guy
October 15 2008, 08:38PM
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Hear hear Jim. Smac beats him down there will be thousands of jerseys sold tomorrow

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#46 Gord
October 15 2008, 08:39PM
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Maybe MacIntyre can catch Getzlaf in the train tracks? Getzlaf is looking real good out there for the Ducks.

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#47 jim
October 15 2008, 08:39PM
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Rexall full of 33'S

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#48 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:41PM
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No one is talking about Penners homecoming

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#49 Wanye Gretz
October 15 2008, 08:42PM
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Garon is reminding me of a fresh steak. He is getting peppered.

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#50 1011011
October 15 2008, 08:42PM
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Good god wanye

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