Ignoring the loss and a Phantom Menace

Wanye
October 23 2008 10:30AM

We aren’t even going to comment on the game.

Game? What game? Did the Oilers play last night? Surely they didn’t because not a single Oiler had any points in our draft. No points = no goals. No goals = no game.

Because we all know the 4–0 Oilers wouldn’t get shutout by the Hawks would they? No way. Better to leave it in the past and focus on the game tonight. Oh and maybe get a quick quote from Craig MacTavish if there is one available.

“I felt like a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest tonight” —MacT

Makes sense. Thanks to the Towel Boy for the tremendous picture of Billy Grebeshkov too by the way. That guy is 12 kids of crappy. (Grebs, not the Towel Boy.)

Big game tonight though, lambs. Believe that!

Old news is still news

What was the deal with all that chatter about Toronto getting a second NHL team this week? Let me get this straight, some rock star decided they would casually suggest to the media that Toronto get a second NHL team and then the fun started. Is that right?

If you want to get a Toronto media type to reach the heights of ecstasy—mention the Leafs. You want to make them hyperventilate with excitidity? Suggest there could be TWO Leafs—if you follow our meaning. SQUEEE!

Ugh.

Within hours this stupid phantom team has become the second most covered hockey team in Canada:

  • TSN’s Bob Mackenzie has already proclaimed this new Toronto team a lock to make the playoffs.
  • CBC’s Bob Cole has already yammered through a Canucks powerplay talking about how "He can't remember when the new Toronto team looked better."
  • The phantom team already has a better first line than the Leafs, though they can't find anyone on Earth older than Fletcher who can still speak in complete sentences to be GM.

The owners of the Leafs are apparently not opposed to this idea. Presumably they are going to allow this expansion to go through because they are going to insist the new TO team take their god-awful roster off their hands in lieu of an expansion draft.

It should be fun to watch a team build a marketing strategy around “We aren’t the Leafs. But we are in the NHL. So that’s good too, right?”

Bets to be placed ASAP at the following odds

8:1 Doug Gilmour will be somehow involved with the Phantom Leafs.

5:1 Mats Sundin will somehow abandon this Toronto team, as well.

4:1 The Phantom Leafs vs the Craptastic Leafs will be referred to as the Battle of Toronto or something equally clever.

4:3 Alan Bester will start between the pipes and will immediately have a better GAA than Toskala.

1:1 Fans all over the NHL will be forced to ask "Which one?" when they hear someone say "Damn Toronto sucks this year."

Two teams in Toronto? Sure! We can point and laugh twice as hard.

—Wanye. Email. Do it. wanyegretz@gmail.com

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 baggedmilk
October 23 2008, 10:57AM
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I can't wait until there is two Toronto teams, and we get to hear even more about how they are the center of the universe. Phantoms Leafs will extend the GM position to Cliff Fletcher on an interim basis, and after a Matlock marathon and 3 glasses of prune juice, he shall rise from his sitting bath tub with the door on it to accept the position.

Wanye, thepensblog got back to me and their response is lame at best.

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#2 The Towel Boy
October 23 2008, 11:03AM
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...we could call this phanton team...the MakeBeleafs....

*cough

yyyah.

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#3 Chaz
October 23 2008, 11:17AM
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I smell a bidding war over the services of Burke brewing....

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#4 The Towel Boy
October 23 2008, 11:20AM
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I smell a bidding war over the services of Burke brewing….

Or at least that's what the Toronto Media would have us believe.

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#5 BUCK75
October 23 2008, 01:12PM
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Great picture Towel Boy, I spit my tim's all over my keyboard thismorning when I was reading the response from last night.

On the topic of the "fictional" Toront team, I stubbled upon this in my inbox this morning.

*Q & A's from Health Canada*

Q: The Stanley Cup was recently on tour in my town, and I kissed it. Do I have to worry about being infected by listeria? A: You are safe. The Stanley Cup has not been in contact with any Maple Leaf product in over 40 years.

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#6 Ender the Dragon
October 23 2008, 01:18PM
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Maybe they could just provide skates to the current Argonauts roster; that would bypass a lot of the expansion drama, and they couldn't do much worse than the Leafs, could they?

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#7 The Towel Boy
October 23 2008, 01:26PM
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You are safe. The Stanley Cup has not been in contact with any Maple Leaf product in over 40 years.

hahaha

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#8 BGH
October 23 2008, 02:36PM
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While I like the Makebeleafs, I think the current propsed name is Toronto Maple Laughs.

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#9 doritogrande
October 23 2008, 02:45PM
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Denis Grebeshkov: 0-4-4 +2 Erik Cole: 1-1-2 -2

I think you're bashing the wrong pick Wayne. Better go put some lipstick on that pig of a 1st line the Oilers have got themselves.

That last game...was terrible. Grebeshkov wasn't the reason for it.

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#10 Wanye Gretz
October 23 2008, 03:18PM
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doritogrande -

Now you are bringing logic and stats into it? That might work with Willis or Lowetide but not me.

Eric Cole is a vision, Grebshkov is a dung heap. That's a gut feeling and 100% truth.

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#11 milli
October 23 2008, 03:59PM
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Did you see Grebs keep the puck outta the net for like 15 seconds as roli thought he had it covered??? Did you see tommy boy treat it like a hot potato? I'm not gonna go on, but I agree, grebs isn't the guy to be pointing at....

2 teams in Toronto...HAHAHA!!!! Twice as many chances not to win the cup i guess!!!!

Speaking of the Burkie, anyone watch hardcore hockey and hear Strach??? I've never heard a guy run the MOUTH down as much as he did!! It was awesome, he just kept going, like what has this guy actually done....

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#12 Smokin' Ray Burnt
October 23 2008, 06:02PM
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I love that freaking picture!

Awesome.

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#13 Antony Ta
October 24 2008, 02:43PM
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1:1 Fans all over the NHL will be forced to ask “Which one?” when they hear someone say “Damn Toronto sucks this year.”

Hahaha classic!

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