November 19 2008 10:30AM
Please to be playing YouTube video before reading begins. Sweet baby Jesus. What the hell happened while I was gone? Can't a guy try and get some R&R without the whole world falling to crap? We had barely touched down in E-Town, barely had a chance to get a few deep breaths of good Alberta air in our lungs before we set to work fixing everything that broke while we were gone.
First thing is first
Web development company - you are SO FUCKING FIRED. No output. Terrible excuses. You know who you are. We will do you the parting honor of not naming you publicly in the small hope you will one day fix your joke of a company. It's over. I believe you will find all the passwords changed to the website have been changed and that you can't access anything. We hired a new development company last night - a reader of the Nation who offered us his most righteous company’s services and we took him up on the offer. We are also paying him more than you quoted us too, just so you know. In any event: December 5th, 2008 the new site will be up if we have to rebuild the entire internet ourselves. Count on it. Don't think you are getting a penny of my loot either, champs. Don't like it? Sue me. We have more lawyers than P Diddy and OJ combined. And we will fight you till death. The only way we want to hear from you is through registered mail from here on in.
As a parting gift, may we suggest you go here and sign up. This is Gwyneth Paltrow's life advice newsletter called Goop. Perhaps you can find some guidance here to steer your rudderless ship.
Second thing is second
What the hell? Another chain of bloggers tried to lure Jonathan Willis away with promises of riches and untold fame? Well here you have the honour of dozens of our family members reading you annually AND we pay in buttons and cat fur. How much you want, Jon? All of it? HERE! (throws piles of cat fur on the ground, buttons spill out.) That doesn't work for you? How about actual money? I think you will find an e-mail in your inbox with an actual offer to make you the highest paid blogger that hasn't worked for big media that we have ever heard of. We hope it’s enough to keep you here. We all love you here at the Nation—you’re our smart buddy, and NO ONE messes with our smart buddy. Don’t want Willis to leave, people? Leave him comments and shower him with praise and tell him not to go.
Third thing is third
What the hell Oilers!? Don't you dare think that a single 7–2 win is going to soothe the towering inferno of rage that blazes throughout the OilersNation. Mark our damn words, if things don't pick up we’re going to do nothing but rag on you until changes are made. Think how loud dozens of comments per month will get. We also allowed things to get too far gone lately. But we are drawing the line and so should you. There are no more excuses for either of us. There are no more chances. Things are going to change. Now where are my steroids?
One last thing
Jason Gregor just sent us a text reminding us that if you have a chance today, tune in to the Team 1260 sometime between 12 and 6pm. Today is the day where they have real heroes and true warriors on the show, as Jason talks with kids and their families about the Stollery Children’s Hospital here in Edmonton. It’s inspirational stuff and we should all have a listen and remember how lucky we all are.
NOW where are my steroids?