Thinkin n drinkin

Wanye
November 20 2008 12:00PM

First of all, we don't respect MacT. We respect the Alien King that inhabits the body of MacT. We salute you heartily, King Zangatan, and we look forward to the day you burst free from your host and bring forth an ordered new day for the inhabitants of Earth.

"Oh Wanye. You don't really think no alien king embodies no Coach MacTavish." Oh really? No non-parasitic alien hosting person would be able to as effectively guide a team to a shitanusly® mediocre start as MacTavish has done so far this year. Would an Earthling suit a defenceman up as a forward against the best team in the league like our Commander is tonight?

First we did a little thinkin’. Some folk can have a bad year and then bounce back the next. It happens all the time. Other people can have a bad year and follow it up with a worse year. Happens all the time too. All that thinkin’ made us thirsty so we helped ourselves to another lunch time beer. Then we finished the job and found the following. It’s as good as any indicator stat—and proves a point.

Question: Which Oilers are playing above or below last years point per game levels?

Doing better than last year (8)

Souray—up 0.39 PPG Smid—up 0.19 PPG Grebeshkov—up 0.18 PPG Moreau—up 0.17 PPG Strudwick—up 0.15 PPG Gilbert—up 0.12 PPG Hemsky—up 0.09 PPG Visnkovsky—up 0.03 PPG

Doing worse than last year (11)

Cole—down 0.38 PPG Horcoff—down 0.36 PPG Gagner—down 0.34 PPG Penner—down 0.28 PPG Nilsson—down 0.26 PPG Brodziak—down 0.22 PPG Stortini—down 0.18 PPG Cogliano—down 0.13 PPG Pouliot—down 0.08 PPG Staios—down 0.08 PPG Pisani—down 0.02 PPG

It’s comforting to know that Jason Strudwick is getting more points this season and that Smid is on pace to shatter the four points he collected last year. It’s slightly more—oh what’s the word here—TERRIFYING to read the who’s who list of players that are substantially behind the pace they set last season.

One would hope that at almost the quarter point of the season the bulk of the players on the team would be doing better than they did last year, especially considering the Oil missed the playoffs. To see the bulk of the top two lines sitting in the “crappier thanst before” category makes our eyes water slightly. Good coaches bring the best out of players. It’s that simple, really.

We don't personally have a hate on for MacT. We just like winning and Cup runs. We hate going and getting liquored up in the hopes of a drunken riot on Whyte Avenue only to see the team lose needlessly. We don’t really care who’s in charge. If it meant home-ice advantage in the first round, the Oil could name Ayman al-Zawahiri Coach GM and Director of Marketing for all we care.

Oh yeah the draft!

Don’t think we have forgotten about our First Annual Wanye Gretz Draft to Waste Time At Work (FAWGDTWTAW™). Two dudes have the damn thing basically in a choke hold: the Pocket Rocket and French Pro League Cast off.

By the moustache of Parros, how are these guys holding us all ransom despite having used barely any trades? We know that MSG must be super pissed about the beat down his brother is handing him—and the fact we are also beating him. Where’s all them smarts at, Nation?

It’s time we focus our brain on this thing. We can’t be doing this bad, we promised Grandma we’d win.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 baggedmilk
November 20 2008, 02:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

HAHAHA Wanye the last picture just killed me. Props on the words and DJ for the picture. Holy shinto.

Avatar
#2 Wanye Gretz
November 20 2008, 03:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

DJ (while a genius with the pics) is in charge of everyone else. That's all me baby.

Avatar
#3 New Guy
November 20 2008, 03:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I don't think there are enough Al Quaeda jokes on here. Well done

Avatar
#4 |\|0081?|\|þ®1|\|(355
November 20 2008, 05:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

There are not enough al quaeda jokes anywhere my friend.

Avatar
#5 1011011
November 20 2008, 05:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

That Amy Winehouse is one foxy broad.

Avatar
#6 Amber McCormick
November 20 2008, 07:07PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Oh Amy, forget them trying to take you to rehab. Go see a dentist!

Avatar
#7 Moony
November 21 2008, 08:04AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I personally like that your picture of Mac-T also has Craig Simpson and Lupul on it. Maybe it is time to update the database of pics Wayne...

Avatar
#8 Jerry MacWire
November 21 2008, 08:30AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye is able to see into the future. Lupul is coming back. Simpson is coming back. You can never have too many Oiler alumni. Success breeds success.

Avatar
#9 Wanye Gretz
November 21 2008, 11:40AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I was looking for a picture that would allow for a good view of his torso to be honest.

The associated press doesn't seem to take into account drawing aliens coming out of stomachs when it takes pictures of the bench.

It's amateur hour if you ask me.

Comments are closed for this article.