GDB 36: Ring in ye New Year

Wanye
December 31 2008 02:57PM

Tonight’s game against the Flames cannot be accurately described using any of the primitive languages developed on Earth to date. Instead it only be described by interpreting a smell:

The smell of kicked Calgary Ass.

In the past, a young Wanye Gretz has rounded up a straight thuggin' posse and headed to the Saddledome a grand total of five times to see the Oilers play the Flames on New Year's Eve. We get our 100 beers stashed safely under our seats, put on bullet proof vests, brass knuckles and Oilers Jerseys.

We then witness the Oilers lose.

As in the Oil are 0-5 when we attend games in Calgary.

So this year we have decided not to go to the game because:

1) Have you SEEN the roads? 2) Perhaps we are a jinx to the Mighty Oil 3) Have you SEEN the roads?

A better man than us -– loyal citizen of the Nation JD Revenge -– sent us an email awhile back that we would like to share with you as inspiration for tonight’s game. Now JD Revenge has the unfortunate luck of living in Calgary. This is partially salvaged by the fact he is an ardent supporter of the Edmonton Hockey Squadron. JD tortures all coworkers, friends, neighbours and any Flames fan he meets on our behalf. We all owe him a debt of gratitude.

In November of this year he struck gold:

In the heat of battle a friend of mine, Dana, and I placed a bet that the Oil would outscore the Flames prior to their back to backs played earlier in the month. The bet was Kenny Vs. Spenny style. The loser would face humiliation: an email sent out to our buddies and coworkers denouncing the others position regarding their fave team. Dana lost unfortunately so while he was wallowing in his tears I typed up this lil email, to let the OilersNation know all about it.

And so to inspire both the Citizens of the Nation and the players on the Oil may we present to you the humiliation of Dana –- who is owned lock, stock and barrel by our boy JD Revenge.

Dear friends, I have decided to recant my position as a fan of the Calgary Flames in lieu of this past weekends two embarrassing losses to the obviously superior, Edmonton Oilers. It is with extreme jubilance that I now pledge my allegiance to these very same Oilers. I cannot begin to tell you the sadness spent in watching a team lose year after year in the first round of the playoffs with; horrible goaltending, an anaemic offence and a front office that has a severe communication problem. I cannot, in good spirit, cheer for a team that has won but one cup in its lengthy existence in the National Hockey League (Six Cups is way better and more fingers than I can count.) Furthermore I have decided that;
  • Roger Millions hair is not real.
  • Dion Phaneuf has no defensive game yet he plays more than any other defender on the team. Plus his eyebrows don't move which has always freaked me out a little.
  • Jarome Iginla may be a nice guy but he doesn't win. He’s also getting old (shhhhh)
  • Mikka Kiprusoff has taken to letting in a goal a period in order to alleviate his drinking debt by throwing games.
  • Mike Keenan's in game analysis, given to the locker room, is killing the team.
  • Lanny McDonald has a stupid mustache.
I could go on and on. By now you are probably wondering 'why oh why did I cheer for a such a lame team for so long?'. My friends I wish I had the answer to that question but I don't. I am confident however that my choice for a new favourite team is an obvious one. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Dana M

Oh that’s good stuff.

Go Oilers. Happy New Year, Nation.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:34PM
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@ Fiveandagame:

Yes SOOOOO BAD. But then once in a God Damn farking while... Nope. It's all bad.

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#52 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:35PM
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Eric Cole deserved that.

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#53 David S
December 31 2008, 10:36PM
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"We gotta ask Gregor which coach is in charge of the PK."

Its been asked lots of times. No takers on the response yet.

All kidding aside, if ever there was an indication that we don't have enough horsepower, this is it.

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#54 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:36PM
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I deserved so much more.

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#55 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:36PM
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happy F*cking new year Nation...

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#56 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:37PM
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It's official.... 2008 f*ucking sucked.

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#57 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:37PM
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Happy new year.

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#58 David S
December 31 2008, 10:37PM
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Now it's time for the cool guys to go out.

Right?

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#59 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:41PM
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uh... I have to go to bed.

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#60 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:41PM
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@ David S: True that David. Some bench bosses heads have to roll, that can't just blame the players and their efforts. Over the past 7 years the Oil have always had a good PK..

Any dreams of having reasoner back are dead as Marty Sakic is playing on the top line in atlanta.

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#61 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:43PM
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@ David S:

Yeah right, I am so going out now, I am not going to bed at all.......

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#62 David S
December 31 2008, 10:53PM
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Five - It's not the bench bosses. They're the guys who have to work with what they've got. It's Lowe and Tambo. We're a difference maker and a face-off/PK guy short in my opinion.

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#63 David S
December 31 2008, 10:54PM
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Oh yeah. Just checked the game summary at the Oilers site. Most of the vets were off the sheet tonight.

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#64 topshelf
December 31 2008, 11:21PM
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Our pk is awful. It's almost as bad as the USA's pk tonite...almost.

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#65 topshelf
December 31 2008, 11:23PM
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But hey Tamblowe, don't make a trade or anything to shore it up. I mean it's not like it's been that bad all year long right....

Jesus.

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#66 oilersseasonticketholdersince99
January 01 2009, 11:22AM
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How much longer do we have to wait? A trade,a coaching change, anything is better than nothing!!!!we lose to Ottawa a team which was struggling coming in and then we go into Calgary one of the hottest teams in the NHL and lose like that BRUTAL!!! I think what hurts the most from being a oilers fan and season seat holder is all the hype about our team going into the year.Mac t,K lowe and the rest of the jokers all feeding us bull s_it and then doing nothing, what happened to this team and this organization? Are they just going to sit and do nothing?

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#67 Anand Agarawala
January 01 2009, 03:51PM
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Queer Bot Nation, I'm the guy in the picture. And whose laughin' now??!!! Muhahaha! 10pt game for Iginla + Cammalleri. Eat it!

http://honeybrown.ca out.

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#68 Anand Agarawala
January 01 2009, 04:13PM
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ps, where the hell did you find that pic of me??!

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#69 The Towel Boy
January 02 2009, 09:21AM
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@ Anand Agarawala:

The internets is a wonderful thing.

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#70 oilersordeath
January 02 2009, 09:29PM
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Just like I predicted Flames crush the Oil, Tamblowe wake the F__k up already!! This team has no hope! its torture to watch this team try to play againts real teams.

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#71 Lame
January 07 2009, 07:47PM
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I'm also in that photo.. I think you owe us some royalties!

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