GDB 36: Ring in ye New Year

Wanye
December 31 2008 02:57PM

Tonight’s game against the Flames cannot be accurately described using any of the primitive languages developed on Earth to date. Instead it only be described by interpreting a smell:

The smell of kicked Calgary Ass.

In the past, a young Wanye Gretz has rounded up a straight thuggin' posse and headed to the Saddledome a grand total of five times to see the Oilers play the Flames on New Year's Eve. We get our 100 beers stashed safely under our seats, put on bullet proof vests, brass knuckles and Oilers Jerseys.

We then witness the Oilers lose.

As in the Oil are 0-5 when we attend games in Calgary.

So this year we have decided not to go to the game because:

1) Have you SEEN the roads? 2) Perhaps we are a jinx to the Mighty Oil 3) Have you SEEN the roads?

A better man than us -– loyal citizen of the Nation JD Revenge -– sent us an email awhile back that we would like to share with you as inspiration for tonight’s game. Now JD Revenge has the unfortunate luck of living in Calgary. This is partially salvaged by the fact he is an ardent supporter of the Edmonton Hockey Squadron. JD tortures all coworkers, friends, neighbours and any Flames fan he meets on our behalf. We all owe him a debt of gratitude.

In November of this year he struck gold:

In the heat of battle a friend of mine, Dana, and I placed a bet that the Oil would outscore the Flames prior to their back to backs played earlier in the month. The bet was Kenny Vs. Spenny style. The loser would face humiliation: an email sent out to our buddies and coworkers denouncing the others position regarding their fave team. Dana lost unfortunately so while he was wallowing in his tears I typed up this lil email, to let the OilersNation know all about it.

And so to inspire both the Citizens of the Nation and the players on the Oil may we present to you the humiliation of Dana –- who is owned lock, stock and barrel by our boy JD Revenge.

Dear friends, I have decided to recant my position as a fan of the Calgary Flames in lieu of this past weekends two embarrassing losses to the obviously superior, Edmonton Oilers. It is with extreme jubilance that I now pledge my allegiance to these very same Oilers. I cannot begin to tell you the sadness spent in watching a team lose year after year in the first round of the playoffs with; horrible goaltending, an anaemic offence and a front office that has a severe communication problem. I cannot, in good spirit, cheer for a team that has won but one cup in its lengthy existence in the National Hockey League (Six Cups is way better and more fingers than I can count.) Furthermore I have decided that;
  • Roger Millions hair is not real.
  • Dion Phaneuf has no defensive game yet he plays more than any other defender on the team. Plus his eyebrows don't move which has always freaked me out a little.
  • Jarome Iginla may be a nice guy but he doesn't win. He’s also getting old (shhhhh)
  • Mikka Kiprusoff has taken to letting in a goal a period in order to alleviate his drinking debt by throwing games.
  • Mike Keenan's in game analysis, given to the locker room, is killing the team.
  • Lanny McDonald has a stupid mustache.
I could go on and on. By now you are probably wondering 'why oh why did I cheer for a such a lame team for so long?'. My friends I wish I had the answer to that question but I don't. I am confident however that my choice for a new favourite team is an obvious one. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Dana M

Oh that’s good stuff.

Go Oilers. Happy New Year, Nation.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Joe
December 31 2008, 03:58PM
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Gold. lol

Hope the Oilers can come away with a win in this one. It'd put them in a pretty good position going into the new year. Hate to say it, but the Lames been pretty decent this year.

Go Oil!

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#2 Steele
December 31 2008, 04:48PM
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I feel bad for Dana. I can only think that someone would like the Calgary Flames becuse they are a "home town boy/girl/other." Of course, this means one would root for the Home Team.

As for the Calgary Flameouts, I'd move to another town.

~Steele

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#3 topshelf
December 31 2008, 04:50PM
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Wow I just watched Phaneuf in an interview and it's true! His eyebrows really don't move. He looks like a puppet.

FLAMES SUCK.

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#4 Muller
December 31 2008, 05:07PM
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Nice pic, happy new year Oiler nation. Lets hope we can steal one on the road tonight.

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#5 Smokin' Ray
December 31 2008, 06:20PM
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GAME DAY!!!!

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#6 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 07:06PM
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The queer bots in the photo paint a pretty accurate picture of the Calgary fan base.

I am worried nation...worried that that flames are larger, madder and quite possibly playing better hockey than the mighty and omnipresent Oilers.

But I also believe Nation.

I believe that Nilsson is just a spoiled rich kid that needs to find passion for the everyday grind that is the NHL. I believe Eric Cole is angry, angry that his game has struggled in a town with an average temperature of -657. I believe that Horcoff knows he has played well above his means many times in his career, and has been rewarded well beyond his wildest dreams.

And I believe in a glorious night, that all these men will rise above the circumstances to be more than they have shown. To be bigger than than the name on the jersey. To be, in all its brilliance, an Oiler.

It's game day nation, lets cheer loud and proud for all that is good and mighty in this world. That is and will always be, The Edmonton Oilers.

Towel Boy excuse me for the continued plagiarism but...

LETS DO THIS!!!!!!!

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#7 The Towel Boy
December 31 2008, 07:21PM
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haha...it's ok five. :)

now...

LETS DOOOO THIS!!!!

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#8 The Towel Boy
December 31 2008, 07:25PM
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Is anyone else having a fairly lame new years eve?

I mean aside from watching a good BofA I've really got nothing planned. I guess getting old and being married w/ kids can be both a blessing and a curse. Besides, Have you seen the roads?!? I'm not going anywhere.

I have a 26 of Cap't Morgan and beyond that I haven't planned to do much else except throw stuff at my TV if things go south.

GOILERS!!

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#9 Smokin' Ray
December 31 2008, 07:49PM
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Am I the only loser at home?

Ponder this thought...

If Reasoner is the poor man's Sakic, then...

is Cogliano the Rich man's Todd Marchant?

Think about it.

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#10 The Towel Boy
December 31 2008, 07:56PM
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@ Smokin' Ray:

Blows my mind.

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#11 David S
December 31 2008, 07:57PM
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Just watching the WJC game. There's HUGE hits, massive saves, chances galore, guys busting gut to win and screaming fans. So what the heck happens when these guys get to the NHL anyways?

You know, as much as I want the Oil to "doooo this"®, I can't see it happening the way the Flames are playin' lately. Man are we going to miss Hemsky tonight. (facepalm)

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#12 The Towel Boy
December 31 2008, 07:59PM
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David S wrote:

Man are we going to miss Hemsky tonight. (facepalm)

Agreed.

*nervously wipes sweat from brow*

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#13 Wanye gretz via iPhone
December 31 2008, 08:24PM
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I am taking the 50 min required to bang this out on this stupid phone:

Flames suck

It was worth it

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#14 Vaun87
December 31 2008, 08:27PM
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gah! 2-1 already. i just got home from the oil kings game and missed three goals. who scored for us?

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#15 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 08:31PM
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@ Wanye gretz via iPhone:

The flames do suck! They suck harder than a Dyson vacuum cleaner. They Suck harder than the Detroit Lions. They suck harder than a girl from Prince Albert on the leading scorer for the PA Raiders, trying with each suck to land herself a NHL sized alimony check.

...I hate Calgary......

At home tonight, thinking about the Oilers while the wife and I have "us" time....I'll be checking in everytime she hits the ladies room.

GOILERS!!!

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#16 The Towel Boy
December 31 2008, 09:06PM
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The flames suck harder than iPhones.

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#17 ramped up
December 31 2008, 09:37PM
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Smokin' Ray wrote:

Am I the only loser at home? It's better to be home than freezing my ass of at the st albert fireworks...who scored aside from Lubo??
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#18 ramped up
December 31 2008, 09:37PM
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whoops quote got screwed!!

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#19 Vaun87
December 31 2008, 09:52PM
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grebs and nilsson have scored.

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#20 David S
December 31 2008, 09:57PM
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Not bag game after all. I keep thinking if they played like this last night, we could take our current situation as a throwaway instead of a must-win. Flames will no doubt come out hard for the third.

As the resounding echo of "Bueller?, Bueller?" bounces off the walls at Oilers Nation...

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#21 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 09:58PM
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wow, empty house in here tonight

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#22 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:05PM
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Wow apparently everyone else is cooler than the few here...

Oilers are awesome BTW

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#23 David S
December 31 2008, 10:07PM
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The cool guys go out AFTER the game. The guys that aren't ruled by their "better half" that is.

Yeah. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

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#24 David S
December 31 2008, 10:08PM
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Iginla. Its always Inginla.

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#25 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:08PM
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What is it with this damn team ending droughts or streaks?

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#26 David S
December 31 2008, 10:08PM
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Uhhh...Its always "Iginla".

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#27 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:08PM
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gawd damnit I hate Iginla.....

Their captain out muscling our captain for the goal....

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#28 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:09PM
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We have a Captain?

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#29 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:10PM
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@ David S: Good call David S. yeah either we go out an live it up after the game or you know stay home and go to bed, either way we're still cool right?

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#30 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:12PM
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Well F*ck a Duck...

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#31 David S
December 31 2008, 10:13PM
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Man, what I wouldn't give for a big, tough difference maker like Jarome on the Oil. You know, somebody who won't go down with the next hard check.

Aughhhh! Here we go...

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#32 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:14PM
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Did I mention that I hate Calgary?

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#33 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:16PM
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okay Power play we need this sooooo bad

Did I mention I hate Glencross?

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#34 Vaun87
December 31 2008, 10:18PM
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wow. who has the man advantage right. oie! get your crap together boys!

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#35 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:18PM
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So I don't get it... Kipprusoff is in some sort of zone now? Or is it another case of the Oil making the other team look better. Oh man I also Friggin love the 28th place penalty kill.

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#36 Vaun87
December 31 2008, 10:18PM
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whoops *** right now***

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#37 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:19PM
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Remember when the Oilers were a threat on the PK?

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#38 David S
December 31 2008, 10:24PM
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I can feel that gas gauge bouncing off E right about now.

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#39 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:24PM
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Seriously!!! I'm just going to keep ranting to myself about this sh*t. 3 Farking Power play goals against? Come on! How in the sweet bloody hell can you expect to win with the 28th Damn PK in the league?

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#40 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:26PM
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@ Travis Dakin:

Here here and huzzah sir.

WTF is up with that. We gotta ask Gregor which coach is in charge of the PK.

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#41 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:27PM
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And then that coach needs to be fired...

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#42 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:29PM
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Okay Power play lets go.

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#43 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:29PM
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Is it as simple as Stollie and Little Sakic being gone? How can you have a Top 5 or 6 PK one year and this crap the next?

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#44 Vaun87
December 31 2008, 10:30PM
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at least we are keeping it in their end this pp

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#45 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:31PM
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I really REALLY hate being a fan of this team. It hurts so good.

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#46 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:32PM
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And holy sweet f*uck this team is lost offensively without Hemmer.

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#47 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:32PM
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Prove me wrong kids.... Prove me wrong.

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#48 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:33PM
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@ Travis Dakin:

It hurts so bad sir....so bad...

I f*cking hate this....

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#49 Travis Dakin
December 31 2008, 10:33PM
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Not going to lie.... Much respect to Iginla for dishing that off. He had time for the shot.

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#50 Fiveandagame
December 31 2008, 10:34PM
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5 points for Iginla....way to stop their top line Oilers....

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