Gary Coleman finds love, Oilers play the Sharks in celebration

bingofuel
February 14 2008 09:21AM

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One day after being linked to a mega-star Mark Messier, Gary Coleman has shocked the world by “marrying” a “lady” 22 years his junior, named Shannon Price. Believe it or not, this is the first marriage for the diminutive “actor,” who heretofore had been considered completely asexual, like a banana.

Coleman could not be reached for comment, so in his absence the OilersNation has calculated the most probable statement he would have made on the OilersNation Celebrity Interview Simulator™. Remember, this isn’t what Gary Coleman actually told anyone, just what he would have said were he not on his honeymoon at a Best Western in Tijuana.

OilersNation: So Gary, why are you getting married? Are you finally calling your one-sided stalk-love with Mark Messier quits? Gary Coleman: When I saw what you had written about me, about us, I knew it was time to dispel rumours and tie the knot. OilersNation: It's rumoured that you've only known your wife Shannon for five months, and that this is a lame attempt at launching your own reality show. Is this correct? Gary Coleman: No comment. OilersNation: Will you be dissolving the detective agency you and Messier formed in the 1980s as a result of your marriage? Gary Coleman: What you talkin’ 'bout, Nation?

So there you have it. Gary Coleman is involved in a celebrity hot-couples story for the first time in his life, and he ruins it by going and getting married. Don’t let this sway your voting Nation; plenty of couples that haven’t been able to make it are on the list.

In other news, the Oilers play the Sharks tonight. Whether or not Gary Coleman will be at the game is unclear, but an imminent victory is very clear. Mathieu Roy has been called up for the game, but how his tendency to receive facial injuries may impact the outcome of the game remains to be seen.

GAAAAAAAARY!!!!

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 TonyRomo
February 14 2008, 10:04AM
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You have failed us for the last time Gary

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#2 Jason
February 14 2008, 11:07AM
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Way to go Gary. On scoring Mark Messier. But clearly you've effed that up entirely. So GO OIL!

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#3 OilersNinja
February 14 2008, 11:19AM
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God damit Gary havent you cupped a feel yet?????....thats not a woman man that a man man

-Austin Powers circa sometime in the last 10 years

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#4 1011011
February 14 2008, 01:36PM
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Gary coleman is a force in direct to DVD movies about midgets how dare you mock him?

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#5 PennerFan27
February 14 2008, 05:27PM
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GARY NO! WHAT ABOUT MARK??? ha ha ha

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#6 Amber McCormick
February 20 2008, 11:21AM
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I'm the one Willis was "talkin' 'bout"

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