February 23 2008 02:28PM
It's Friday night, and all we want to do is kick back with a Texas Mickey of Bourbon, watch the Oilers and cry ourselves to sleep. So we turn on our TV expecting to get an eyeful of Oilers poopery and instead what do we get?
The Oilers in their infinite money-grubbing wisdom decided long ago to make this game a PPV—sucking another $12.95 + GST out of the OilersNation. We can see Patrick Laforge (pictured above) and company sitting around their oak conference table months before the season started...
Laforge: (in a Darth Vader voice) I want this game to be on pay-per-view, I want the people to pay for the privilege of viewing this ice hockey game...
Souless minion: But the people, Lord Laforge-Vader, they shouldn't be forced to pay to watch the game. It's a Friday night; think of the children who want to see their beloved Oilers play the Stars!
Laforge: (in a Darth Vader voice) You have failed me for the last time, minion (lightning shoots from his hands, frying the Marketing Drone in his seat).
Well, the joke's on you Oilers. We usually pay for ALL the pay-per-view games, or at least walk down to Hudsons to watch them—but not last night. Do you know what we did instead? Nothing! We kept our money in our wallet and watched a TiVo'd episode of Lost from Thursday! What do you think about that? HA HA HA HA HA And you horses asses mailed another one in and lost 5–2. We got to watch LOST for free rather that witnessing the Oilers lost for $13 bucks.
Screw you Molson Oilers pay-per-view!
It ain't a given that we will all fork over the dough to watch pay-per-view. Even on a Friday. Even if they are playing the Stars.
You had better do something at the trade deadline Lowe. And Laforge—we all know what happened to the real Darth Vader: he was too late to redeem himself, so the Ewoks put him on a spit and burned him at their annual family reunion BBQ.