The best $12.95 we have never spent

bingofuel
February 23 2008 02:28PM

laforge-vader.jpg

It's Friday night, and all we want to do is kick back with a Texas Mickey of Bourbon, watch the Oilers and cry ourselves to sleep. So we turn on our TV expecting to get an eyeful of Oilers poopery and instead what do we get?

Nothing.

The Oilers in their infinite money-grubbing wisdom decided long ago to make this game a PPV—sucking another $12.95 + GST out of the OilersNation. We can see Patrick Laforge (pictured above) and company sitting around their oak conference table months before the season started...

Laforge: (in a Darth Vader voice) I want this game to be on pay-per-view, I want the people to pay for the privilege of viewing this ice hockey game...

Souless minion: But the people, Lord Laforge-Vader, they shouldn't be forced to pay to watch the game. It's a Friday night; think of the children who want to see their beloved Oilers play the Stars!

Laforge: (in a Darth Vader voice) You have failed me for the last time, minion (lightning shoots from his hands, frying the Marketing Drone in his seat).

Well, the joke's on you Oilers. We usually pay for ALL the pay-per-view games, or at least walk down to Hudsons to watch them—but not last night. Do you know what we did instead? Nothing! We kept our money in our wallet and watched a TiVo'd episode of Lost from Thursday! What do you think about that? HA HA HA HA HA And you horses asses mailed another one in and lost 5–2. We got to watch LOST for free rather that witnessing the Oilers lost for $13 bucks.

Screw you Molson Oilers pay-per-view!

It ain't a given that we will all fork over the dough to watch pay-per-view. Even on a Friday. Even if they are playing the Stars.

You had better do something at the trade deadline Lowe. And Laforge—we all know what happened to the real Darth Vader: he was too late to redeem himself, so the Ewoks put him on a spit and burned him at their annual family reunion BBQ.

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 10110101
February 23 2008, 02:45PM
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Patrick laforge ties a mean tie.

What a terrible game last night, I wish I had been smart enough not to watch it

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#2 IMissSmyth
February 23 2008, 05:03PM
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Doesn't that signal a real low water mark for fandom when people start making remarks like "I wish I had been smart enough not to watch this."

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#3 OilersNation
February 23 2008, 05:32PM
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It isn't fandom that is at a low, its the morale amongst the people witnessing this slow death march towards the trade deadline.

We'd still take a puck to the beans for the Oilers, we are just calling a dark year a dark year.

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#4 Tracey
February 23 2008, 06:34PM
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i watched the game lastn night it wasnt that bad. gagner got another point he is 2 away from an NHL record

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#5 pDan - the p is silent
February 23 2008, 06:38PM
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Yeah, the Oil are always finding ways to suck the money out of OilNation. Almost 9 bucks for a freaking beer?

Barney from Simpsons: "That better be the best beer I've ever had .... (takes a drink)... You're Lucky .... "

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#6 OilersNation
February 23 2008, 06:43PM
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Barney: You're very kind Socialite: Excuse me did something crawl down your throat and die? Barney: Oh it didnt die! It aint about being a fan of the team, we will ride this Titanic season right to the bottom of the ocean.

We will never let go Jack! Never

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#7 IMissSmyth
February 24 2008, 12:41PM
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Barney: My name is Barney Gumble and I'm an alcoholic. Lisa: Mr. Gumble this is a girl scouts meeting. Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls just can't admit you've got a problem?

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