March 07 2008 09:52AM
(click image to enlarge) Every time we watch a game that's on the road, we realize what a rip off Oilers hockey is during stoppages in play. Now you may argue, "Who cares about stoppages in play? I care about what happens during the play." Well you, my friend, are an idiot. Take a gander at the lovely ladies in the picture above. This is what's known as an "ice girl" and they exist all around the league. Many teams have them, they even put out calendars sometimes and save children from burning buildings. Unlike your typical NFL cheerleaders who do little but dance and get run over by the occasional player running down a pass, these lovely ladies actually perform a valuable service. They clean the ice. And they're smoking hot! How good is that? But no, what do we get here in good old our town? Guys in leather jackets riding mini zambonis. What a rip off. We know there are some of you in the Nation who are of the fairer sex saying, "Oh no you didn't! I don't want no hussies up in here cleanin' the ice in front of MY MAN!" But consider player safety ladies-these women are paid professionals. Ice girls graduate from an intensive 4 year degree at the University of Tijuana which includes courses like:
- Ice Safety 101: Waiting for the play to stop before going on the ice
- Ice cleaning 412: Shoveling, stopping, shoveling
- Economics 112: Getting paid every two weeks for the shoveling
We don't know about the training given to the guys who currently shovel Rexall Place wearing suit vests, but we bet it doesn't amount to much more than someone yelling out "Who here can skate and work a shovel?" We all know there are two things male Edmontonians can do at birth: shovel snow and skate. So every two-bit hustler in town qualifies for the job.
Is this what we want for our Oilers? Morons with no qualifications? Do you think that Matt Greene would have broken his ankle in a rut in the ice if the Oilers had ice girls taking care of the scenario? No. Do you think that Ryan Smyth would have been traded if Kevin Lowe could have been cheered up by the ice girls prior to the 2007 trade deadline? No. Think of how the entire OilersNation morale would improve the minute the ice girls would come on the ice. We can see Rod Phillips now: "Oilers are down 3-1, Mathieu Roy has suffered his 1,246th injury of the year and is being attended to by the Oilers medical staff, but HERE COME THE ICE GIRLS!!"
Seriously, why not?