Might sound funny, but we’re thinking Oilers

Wanye
April 28 2008 05:03PM

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Dagnabbit, there's been far too much talk about other teams here lately.

This is the OilersNation, not the teams-still-in-the-playoffs Nation. We were lying on a cardboard bed underneath the Highlevel Bridge last night, trying to sleep off our Sunday binge, and we got to thinking. If we were Kevin Lowe, what's on the top of our “To Do” list when we roll into the office Monday morning? You know  he has something to do every day. He doesn’t take many off our K-Lowe, does he?

For us it would be...

  1. Sign Horcoff
  2. Find goal scorer and acquire using Stoll, Torres, Roloson, Anaheim Draft pick as bait
  3. Mail Brian Burke a box of toe nails
  4. Send Mr & Mrs Gagner a thank you letter for raising their son so effectively
  5. Buy and hang 1,523 mirrors at Oilers head office to ready for the return of Craig Simpson

What do you think should be on this list?

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Ed
April 28 2008, 05:30PM
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Get Garon locked down

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#2 David S
April 28 2008, 07:56PM
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Spray down Jarret Stoll's space with Fabreze

Buy case of Chapstick for Gagner negotiations

Arrange one-way, open-ended air ticket for Jarret Stoll

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#3 Tony Romo
April 29 2008, 08:36AM
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Buy book for Rob Schremp "Life after pro hockey"

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#4 jdrevenge
April 29 2008, 09:22AM
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Cast Pitkanen in the Wizard of Oz so he can join the Tin Man on his search for a heart over the summer.

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#5 risto
April 29 2008, 10:00AM
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Send a good luck card to Gator - he's on another average team with one superstar that could sneak into the SCF.

Re-sign the Electric Norseman in the summer - this guy is one tough cookie!

I love Matty's idea of Norton - can you imagine?

Extend Garon - this guy will give us 55+ quality starts a year

Remind the new owner to celebrate the Oilers' roots in the WHA - we are the only club to flourish and survive the 1979 merger. Hang a '79 league championship banner, have WHA nights against Carolina, Phoenix and Colly, bring back some old-timers. I know, this is coffee break stuff, but it's fun.

I still think we need Pitkanen. If he is leaving, we need a nasty stay-at-home hitting machine. Our team toughness went WAY up when the forechecking maniac Glencross came over from Columbus.

Oilers hockey = 2 forecheckers, speed through the neutral zone, team toughness and big time 3rd period goaltending. and a little magic. We've got most of the pieces, except the team toughness. Our tough guys now are brittle.

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#6 Brian D
April 29 2008, 11:43AM
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Buy 15,390 bottles of Rexall Brand Pain Killers to show new boss that you have his back, and are prepared to listen to his ideas no matter how painful

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#7 David S
April 29 2008, 01:00PM
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Arrange farewell office party for Pat Laforge.

Send out staff email making attendance mandatory at Pat Laforge office party.

Buy 3 cases air sickness bags.

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#8 1011011
April 29 2008, 02:28PM
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Commission 100 foot statue of Daryl Katz to be placed beside Gretzky Statue outside Rexall.

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#9 Steve
April 29 2008, 06:14PM
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Offer free agent contract, have wife over rule, watch free agent's career slide with other team and get divorced within 2 years because career is in decline.

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#10 tracey
April 30 2008, 09:42AM
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make life size poster of cogs!!!!!

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#11 doritogrande
April 30 2008, 11:40AM
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Mysteriously, Sheldon Souray crippled, can never play hockey again, goes on LTI, thereby giving Oilers 5.5M in capspace.

Sign Hossa.

Torres decides he's rather have a career as a sandwich artist, agrees to have his contract town up.

Gilbert and Greene both have breakout campaigns for Team USA, both jump another two spots on the Oilers depth charts as a result.

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