A good idea at the time

Wanye
July 22 2008 10:27AM

Sometimes something that seems like a good idea at first turns out to be a complete disaster. Don’t you agree, designers of the Spider-Man Camel ?

It’s becoming increasingly clear to us that most GMs don’t have access to a calendar, and as a result don’t know what year it is during this off-season. They’re signing has-beens, also-rans, and never-weres at an alarming pace on the basis that it seems like a good idea at the time. As a public service we thought we would try and explain that things that seem like a good idea at the time can come back and haunt you.

Peep 50 Cent here at the Mayweather Fight. All them belts, all that swagger, this is what a winner looks like. In 2007.

Now check MC Hammer at the Holyfield fight in oh, 1954. Different fresh clothes, same swagger, but this ain’t cool! It’s not gangsta! What were you thinking, Holyfield? What once must have seemed like a good idea has now come back to haunt Holyfield, ‘cause Hammer ain’t the man he used to be. Once 2 legit 2 quit, he’s no longer legit. And he actually hasn’t realized that he should quit yet. But this is what a winner looks like. In 1954.

Speaking of not being 2 legit 2 quit, check these old dried up mummy husks of players being signed. Once legit, now should quit.

MIN – Owan Nolan: signed by Minnesota to a two-year $5.5 million contract. To do what, exactly? Besides being a candidate for the Just for Men Beard Edition, we can’t think of what possible upside he could bring to the Wild. Scoring 16 goals last year is respectable, remembering that he was getting to play with some “talent” in Calgary. But Nolan is so old he was born in Belfast, Northern Ireland—a city that famously changed its name to Dublin in 1937. This caused the Orange Revolution that is celebrated annually. A man that old should be signed to a game-to-game contract, with a provision that if he keels over whilst on the ice, the widow gets nothing but a corsage and a baked ham.

CAL – Todd Bertuzzi: Just when you think the Flames may have escaped the clutches of washed up NHLers going to Calgary to die, they sign Bertuzzi. Give your fans a break, Sutter! Now fair enough, it’s only a one-year deal, but why are the Flames trying to be a home for the semi-retired in the NHL? Big Bert ain’t done squat since... well you know: skate, skate, smash, break.

CBJ – Steve Kelly: Signs a one-year deal with Columbus. Drafted in 1995. A big deal then, but is about as important now as a rooftop patio on an airplane. Does your ECHL team need a new practice pylon? Couldn’t you put a giraffe in two pairs of skates and get a better performance, Scott? Somewhere Jason Bonsignore waits by the phone for his agent to call, and that quite frankly breaks our heart.

NJ – Bobby Holik: An arbitrator recently ruled that Bobby Holik was owed some additional money by the Rangers, who famously signed him to a five-year, $45 million contract back in 2002. So during the 2007–08 season, the Rangers paid him $3.5 million to do nothing, and that made him the 5th highest paid player on the team. The Atlanta Thrashers were also paying him to do nothing, but he at least got to wear a jersey while doing it. Now Holik returns to the scene of the crime for a one-year deal at $2.5 million dollars.

Hmmm.

Let’s just say this: Bobby Holik should be forced to give back every cent he has earned since he signed his big deal in 2002. It’s not Glen Sather’s fault that he has no concept of money, is it? Holik has stolen every penny he has been paid since, and is also fraudulent in his assertion that he is an elite hockey player.

Lessons Learned

Just because someone was the hotness once upon a time doesn’t mean those happy days will return again. Careful who you team up with NHL GMs, or one day you could be Holyfield, sitting there looking at a giant framed picture of yourself with MC Hammer, getting “Can’t Touch This” stuck in his head and wondering, “What was I thinking?!”

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 Brian Fellows
July 22 2008, 11:01AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Hammer with Holyfield. ha ha ha thats funny

Avatar
#2 Ed
July 22 2008, 11:17AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Spider man camel? That wasn't a good idea at all

Avatar
#3 Tony Romo
July 22 2008, 01:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I can't believe that an arbitrator would decide that the Rangers need to pay MORE money to Holik!

Avatar
#4 Ender the Dragon
July 22 2008, 01:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

If someone suggested that the Oilers were caught between signing Steve Kelly or the Spider-Man Camel, I'd want to know what kind of ice-time the camel was demanding. Enough said.

Avatar
#5 1011011
July 22 2008, 03:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Man, Steve Kelly is still in the league? Holy Crap

Avatar
#6 Wanye Gretz
July 22 2008, 04:56PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

The spiderman camel is not on trial here, dubious UFA signings are the topic at hand. But then again, there is something about the eyes....

Avatar
#7 Scott Tate
July 22 2008, 06:32PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I remember that Holik deal vividly because it jacked up Doug Weight's value absurdly and it priced him out of staying in Edmonton. Damn you Holik!!!

Avatar
#8 Mr. Brightside
July 22 2008, 09:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Does 1011011 stand for something in Binary?

Avatar
#9 1011011
July 22 2008, 09:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

1011011 should actually read 1101101. It was supposed to be the years the oil won the cup as (1s) and years they didn't as 0s in sequence. Then I messed it up once, and my computer remembers the wrong one when I come here. No one noticed but me of course, until you call me out Mr. Brightside. Now my inner geek is furious with me

Avatar
#10 Milli
July 23 2008, 09:48AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

How bout Redden to the rangers for 6 more years????? This guy hasn't played good since, well, since the spider camel got the game winning goal in the spider olympics!!!!!!

Avatar
#11 Wanye Gretz
July 23 2008, 10:18AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I remember that goal Milli. Man, what an Olympics that was!

Comments are closed for this article.