September 30 2008 09:29AM
So we’re back from our weeklong “stay” in Calgary. We can’t say we enjoy going down there as often as we do but we’ve learned to survive on the mean streets of Cow Town. How do we do it? Behold our failsafe Surviving Calgary Checklist™:
- Bring lots of water. Calgary water has something in it that causes able-bodied men to fancy their hot cousins after a few glasses.
- Once in your hotel room, wet towels and stuff them along the crack on the bottom of the door. Usually this is done to keep smoke from a fire out of the room. We use it to keep Calgary air out of the room. There is something in the air down there that leads people to think that Mike Keenan is an able leader of men.
- Look no one in the eye. This could lead to random fist fights with people who think that you are somehow trying to put the moves on their hot cousin and need to be put in your place.
- Look everyone in the eye, provided you are packing what we call the “Edmonton Welcoming Committee” which consists of a 50,000 volt taser and a shank.
Anyways, we returned from our trip and sat down with our morning Rye and Cheerios and decided to check out our favourite website on the internet. Once we were done there we thought we would swing by the Nation and see what’s what.
Flames fans writing about how the Flames are going to do this year? Really? What in the sweet tap-dancing-zombie-baby-Jesus is going on around here? A Flames fan on an Oilers website? That makes as much sense as a dog driving the space shuttle right? HAHAHAHAHA.
No time for laughter.
Consider this a warning.
If there are Flames folk on here, we’re going to go out of our way to let them have it. It’s only fair. They’re hogging all of the hot cousins.
We have decided to play the Hockey Draft on the Sporting News website. We have been playing it for years with The Boys™ and we would like to see how smart all the citizens of the Nation really are. It’s a grand time and we shall be referring to it regularly throughout the year. We have invited all of the Nation staff to play and we are already going to guarantee a win. Plus, if you manage to beat us in the draft you can punch us in the face! Guaranteed!*
*Not a guarantee.