The Oilers are dreamy

Amber McCormick
September 08 2008 07:50PM

With the off-season ambling to a close, we've recalled all of our writers to OilersNation World Headquarters™. Some returned from far-off lands in moonshine-powered airships, while others simply abandoned their boxes on Jasper Avenue, their bid to create a "Kinder, Gentler and Concrete-ier Tent City" a lost cause. One such writer is Ms Amber McCormick, an Edmonton-based comedienne who's been with us since our humble beginnings (ie, back when we sucked). We met her on Facebook. And stalked her. Until she agreed to write for us. This is her story. —DJ Spyn Cycle

Another hockey season is fast approaching. The papers, the internet machine and people’s mouths are all making their predictions for the Oil. Some opinions are just plain ridiculous and some have genuine merit. I, on the other hand, tend to be rather superficial. It’s not my fault, I’m just a girl. So what if I’m unable to rattle off stats like Rain Man? I can recite the entire dialogue from Sixteen Candles. I suppose everyone has a gift.

I’ve been the victim of smack-talk from friends asking me, “Why would they let you write for a sports site?” I explained to them that the Oilers Nation is a place where people can express themselves without judgment. A place where, no matter how old you are, man or woman, your opinions matter. I chose to leave out the part about nepotism and sexual favours.

Perhaps my friends have a point. Why should a girl, who admits her ignorance in the realm of solid-water skating sports, write for The Nation? I’ll tell you:

Because it’s fun. Pure and simple.

I like to think there are other women out there like myself. Women who are concerned about whether or not Pisani is taking care of himself and eating right, wondering what kind of hair gel Pouliot uses (which he now refers to as "product"—he’s so fancy), trying to imagine what Stortini would look like in a turtleneck and if there is one out there to accommodate his large sternocleidomastoid muscle.

See, I know stuff.

Bottom line is I love watching the game. I love the butterflies I get in my stomach when there’s no score going into the second period. I love the excitement of a dirty play. I love to see a little blood on the ice. Twisted? Perhaps.

But I feel I have a place in this community. I like having a voice and a soapbox to share my opinions. Who else is going to be the one to break it you that Penner’s purdy eyes have been out-purdied by Lubomir Visnovsky’s? It’s me. It’s my job 24/7. That’s 24 hours a month, seven months a year.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have cramps.

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Amber lives in Edmonton. Everyday she tries to do her part in preserving nature. Tomorrow she's pickling squirrels. Amber doesn't sweat the petty thing and she doesn't pet the sweaty things.
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#1 Wanye Gretz
September 08 2008, 08:06PM
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I for one think that Amber is hilarious. Her articles last year were solid gold and I look forward to reading her this coming season.

I like to imagine Amber as that super hot girl that would mace me if I got too close to her in a bar. Except replace the word "mace" with the word "fall in immediate love".

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#2 doritogrande
September 08 2008, 08:14PM
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Where did you pick this one up, and why have hot-oil not beaten you to her?

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#3 lowetide
September 08 2008, 09:06PM
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Great article, fabulous sign.

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#4 Fiveandagame
September 08 2008, 09:08PM
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Umm when did they start letting women on the interweb without having to take their clothes off first?

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#5 Wanye Gretz
September 08 2008, 09:23PM
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Ooooh yeah fiveandagame. You may have heckled the wrong blogger. Think Brownlee is scary? Get ready for Amber hahahahaha

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#6 David S
September 08 2008, 09:24PM
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"...wondering what kind of hair gel Pouliot uses (which he now refers to as “product”—he’s so fancy).

Actually, I think Souray is the Gel...errr "product" King of the team.

Man. You Nation guys are going to have to start having fall training camps and cuts and such , with all this talent coming on board.

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#7 Fiveandagame
September 08 2008, 09:40PM
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Wanye buddy thats what I was hoping for! At least then the funny smart hockey loving girl will be paying attention to me.....

And before you point it out, I know how pathetic that is....

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#8 The Towel Boy
September 08 2008, 10:03PM
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I always thought of Souray as a pommade type of guy.

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#9 lowetide
September 08 2008, 10:06PM
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Well he is a man of constant sorrow.

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#10 misfit
September 08 2008, 10:19PM
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Yeah, Souray's definately a Dapper-Dan man.

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#11 Jeremy
September 09 2008, 05:16AM
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"Momma, what happened to that fella that used to wear #44 for the team?"

"Aw baby, he done R-U-N-N-O-F-T"

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#12 Westy
September 09 2008, 08:32AM
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Have you seen Sourays wife? I would like to believe it was the "product" that got him there...(then at least there is hope for the rest of us...also, I think the product is actually Soul Glo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktl6L3ZwvL4

Ok...I'm done...

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