Return of the Mats

Wanye
January 07 2009 09:49AM

After seven months of drama, 4,397 stories on TSN/Sportsnet and 1,298,375,984 blogs on the subject, Mats Sundin will make his triumphant return to the ice against your Mighty Edmonton Oilers tonight.

Sundin will be playing alongside Kyle Wellwood and Mason Betha and will be expected by most delusional Canucks fans to bring the entire NHL to it’s knees within moments of stepping on the surface of RX1.

You will forgive us if we don’t share the same enthusiasm or hope for a guy who will be 38 in February. Sure, Sundin is a remarkably steady NHL player having scored 37, 31, 31, 27 and 32 goals in his past five full seasons. But he was drafted the year that Sam Gagner was born and that makes him, oh what’s the word here:

Old.

Old and cranky as evidenced by his dithering and wavering for months on end, while Canucks GM Mike Gillis sat and waited for word on his generous two-year $20 million contract offer. If someone offered us $20 million to do anything including being the "hair eater at Eveline Charles" we would say yes so fast it would make your head explode. But not ol' Mats. That's not his style.

First Sundin debated whether he wanted to suit up in the NHL ever again. Then he pondered which team best suited his skills and had the best chance at giving him a shot at ye olde Stanley Cup. Then he decided to sit on the decision until even the most ardent talking heads at Sportsnet were tired of talking about the issue and the season was almost half over.

And then, just when no one really had the energy or interest to care anymore -- he decided.

(Swoon)

For a guy who famously quipped that he didn’t "want to become a rental player" his one-year deal for a pro-rated $8.26 million seems exactly that. We seriously doubt that the Canucks would be considered odds-on-favorites this year by anyone living outside of a 10-block radius of GM Place and a one-year deal under isn’t exactly an assurance that he is arriving to build much of anything long term.

For a guy with $74,042,632 in career earnings -- big ups to Deep Oil (incredibly) -- it can’t be the money though that brought him back, can it? How many IKEA Ormsorgs and ABBA box sets does one need exactly? Doesn’t appearing in a string of unbelievably bad Pokerstars ads pay as well as we would guess it does?

Perhaps one of you genius citizens of the Nation can explain the logic of his signing to us. Explain slowly for as it has been pointed out repeatedly we have the intelligence of a three-year-old who doesn’t pay attention.

Either way, we are sick and tired of smelling/seeing/hearing about Mats Sundin’s signing drama-rama every time we turn on the TV. Now we can settle in to a non stop barrage of 24/7 Sundin coverage as he skates to a measly 15 goals and the Canucks bow out of the first round.

Sweet.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 topshelf
January 07 2009, 10:06AM
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I hope he blows his knee first shift. Such a hipocrite.

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#2 bdubya
January 07 2009, 10:10AM
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Although the contract is a ridiculous overpay Sundin still makes the Canucks way better in my opinion. They keep winning even though their only good player has been injured half the year. There is no team in the league who wouldnt be way better with an extra 20 goal scorer added to their second line. But really, 10 mil???? Thats insane.

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#3 JRocks247
January 07 2009, 10:13AM
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Great...a Vancouver team with Mats looking to prove his worth, then a pissed off San Jose team that got routed in Cow Town. Get ready for the "Fire MacT" chant to hit 5th gear.

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#4 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 10:23AM
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Who saw this coming?!?

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#5 vdizzle6
January 07 2009, 10:23AM
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i hope mats pokerstars sundin breaks his hip so all the bandwagon nucks fans will finally realize that signing an old swedish plug for 5 milli was a complete waste. 3-2 oil..

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#6 jayoilfan
January 07 2009, 10:26AM
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I hope the dude falls flat on his face on his first shift and breaks his jaw.

I, like many am totally sick of this moron. It's not about the money, my a$$ it is too!

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#7 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 10:35AM
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What?...no blog about how Souray is an All-Star?

If he was a sandwich, I'd eat him.

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#8 Colin
January 07 2009, 10:37AM
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If he wins them ONE game they would have otherwise lost is he worth it? Two, Three?

It was worth a shot, what else could the lame duck canucks try? Although he is vastly overpaid.

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#9 Bruthah
January 07 2009, 10:43AM
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So yeah, during a conversation with Towel Boy, yes THE Towel Boy, his use of a dollar sign made me think we should call the aforementioned player 'Mat$ $undin'.

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#10 Jonathan Willis
January 07 2009, 10:44AM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

What?…no blog about how Souray is an All-Star? If he was a sandwich, I’d eat him.

That's being saved for a special Dion Phaneuf: Not An All-Star post.

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#11 Jonathan Willis
January 07 2009, 10:47AM
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And Sundin is a terrific signing for the Canucks. I'm not going to bother defending that because while he may not be worth the money, does anyone seriously believe the Canucks are better without him?

As for the irritatingly constant Sundin updates that people were putting out every second day (hello, TSN, Toronto Media, Vancouver Media, Sportsnet, and Eklund), I think the blame for that falls more on the press than Sundin. I know they need to generate copy, but does it say bad things about the Canadian sports media that they'd chose to cover a story that never changes rather than put the time/space into other items? I think it does.

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#12 Wanye Gretz
January 07 2009, 10:47AM
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Bruthah wrote:

So yeah, during a conversation with Towel Boy, yes THE Towel Boy, his use of a dollar sign made me think we should call the aforementioned player ‘Mat$ $undin’.

Oh that's RICH

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#13 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 10:50AM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

No...Mat$ i$.

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#14 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 10:54AM
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...and for some reason I read this blog and I have this in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uB1D9wWxd2w

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#15 Gord
January 07 2009, 10:55AM
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Jonathan Willis wrote:

As for the irritatingly constant Sundin updates that people were putting out every second day (hello, TSN, Toronto Media, Vancouver Media, Sportsnet, and Eklund), I think the blame for that falls more on the press than Sundin. I know they need to generate copy, but does it say bad things about the Canadian sports media that they’d chose to cover a story that never changes rather than put the time/space into other items? I think it does.

I couldn't agree more, JW.

That being said, I will be in attendance tonight at RX1 and I am thouroughly going to enjoy booing Sundin ayntime he steps foot on the ice.

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#16 Gord
January 07 2009, 10:57AM
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Even though Mats' Pokerstars commercials were brutal, how can we forget this gem he did many years ago? CLASSIC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1u-XtTql1c

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#17 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 10:58AM
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Gord wrote:

Even though Mats’ Pokerstars commercials were brutal, how can we forget this gem he did many years ago? CLASSIC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1u-XtTql1c

Gold.

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#18 Ender the Dragon
January 07 2009, 11:01AM
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Wayne Gretz wrote:

If someone offered us $20 million dollars to do anything including being the ”hair eater at Eveline Charles” we would say yes so fast it would make your head explode.

Not to inflate your ego, Wayne, but that's the funniest thing I've read in weeks. And I, too, would eat hair from a spa for $20M. I wouldn't even ask what kind. $20M = Yum, yum. All that aside, I wouldn't label Mats' return to the ice tonight as 'triumphant' just yet. The Oil still have some say in that.

bdubya wrote:

Although the contract is a ridiculous overpay Sundin still makes the Canucks way better in my opinion. They keep winning even though their only good player has been injured half the year. There is no team in the league who wouldnt be way better with an extra 20 goal scorer added to their second line.

True that. Money aside (and I know that's hard, but ignore the dollars for a second) if Mats offered to play here, the Oilers would take him. Anyone would. He's a good player, even at 38. If anyone thinks that Vancouver is still the weak-sister team they were labelled as at the start of the season, they need to give their head a shake and smell the coffee. Vancouver has proven that they're capable of getting a dance invitation this spring, and that's more than the Oil have done thus far. Be afraid, Oil fans; be very afraid.

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#19 Wanye Gretz
January 07 2009, 11:08AM
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@ The Towel Boy:

If there were such things as Wanye Points® I would issue them to you. That is exactly where I was going with the title. Ah Mark Morrison, you returned and then promptly vanished again.

@ Ender the dragon :

Can you imagine if you could be paid that kind of money to eat hair? I once got paid $20 in junior high to drink 3 little cups of gravy from KFC and it was the easiest money I have ever made.

For $20 million - pfft. Forget about it.

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#20 BUCK75
January 07 2009, 11:13AM
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Aside from having Mat$ in the line-up, the oilers have had trouble with the hard working canucks in the past. It will take the WHOLE team to show up tonight if we have any chance against them.

23 guys have bought into a system on the wet coast - 23 guys don't know WTF they are doing on the ice in Edmonton every other game.

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#21 shakey
January 07 2009, 11:15AM
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Just like every Forsberg return, he'll have flashes of brilliance early on and then will get injured, most likely a groin, and then will be a lame duck Canuck for the rest of the year. Or the old prick will light it up and burn the Oil every time they play.

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#22 Bruthah
January 07 2009, 11:17AM
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BUCK75 wrote:

Aside from having Mat$ in......

Nice work Sir!

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#23 rindog
January 07 2009, 11:19AM
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@ Jonathan Willis:

Is that going to be before or after the blog about Modano, Tkachuk, Hejduk and Brown making the all star team but not Hemmer??

THAT IS A JOKE!!!!!

Trying to have atleast one player from every team is laughable - especially when they let the fans vote in as many from one team as they can!!!!

I guess the whole allstar game is laughable anyway - the selections might as well follow suit!!!

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#24 Dennis Castro
January 07 2009, 11:20AM
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Like really.... Who Cares!!! Im suprised he wasn't on the All Star ballet being the great and mighty savior that he is.

I know why he went to Vancouver though. Mats wants to make the Swedish Olympic team in 2010 and with a house in Vancouver the team could stay over, I mean what could be better for team building. I can see it now, the Sedins in one room braiding each others creepy beards much like they did in their childhood back home in the Fjords of Sweden. Mr. Sundin, goalie coach Tommi Salo, and Victor Hedman in another part of the house doing a stiring rendition of Abba's "Fernando", and Henrik Zetterberg, Nikolas Lidstrom and strength and conditioning consultant Peter Forsberg somewhere in the house putting together a dresser from Ikea all the while eating meatballs. Ohhh... if only the walls could talk.

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#25 Bruthah
January 07 2009, 11:23AM
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Dennis Castro wrote:

Like really…. Who Cares!!! Im suprised he wasn’t on the All Star ballet being the great and mighty savior that he is. I know why he went to Vancouver though. Mats wants to make the Swedish Olympic team in 2010 and with a house in Vancouver the team could stay over, I mean what could be better for team building. I can see it now, the Sedins in one room braiding each others creepy beards much like they did in their childhood back home in the Fjords of Sweden. Mr. Sundin, goalie coach Tommi Salo, and Victor Hedman in another part of the house doing a stiring rendition of Abba’s “Fernando”, and Henrik Zetterberg, Nikolas Lidstrom and strength and conditioning consultant Peter Forsberg somewhere in the house putting together a dresser from Ikea all the while eating meatballs. Ohhh… if only the walls could talk.

Post of the Day! hahahaha

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#26 Deep Oil
January 07 2009, 11:25AM
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Mats is using the canucks to keep tuned as he held his poker cards too long and should of acted in July if he wanted to play for NYR. The cap ended up being his worst enemy. This is a trial dating period or common law relationship with the canucks (not engaged) - if the time in YVR does not appeal for various reasons (rain, snow, travel,) then he can pull the pin and have a do over in July and we will have to face all of this AGAIN. It is noted that Sundin's addition will be worth some games to the NUCKS - 3 - 7 games maybe and if that puts playoff money in the bank - then this is a win - win for that organization and Sundin. Will announcer - John Garrett for sportsnet being using first names when the twins and Mats are on the ice together.... ????

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#27 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 11:25AM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

I heard Wanye Points® are redeemable at the Baccarat Casino. Is this true?

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#28 RBK
January 07 2009, 11:32AM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: I heard Wanye Points® are redeemable at the Baccarat Casino. Is this true?

They are good for bags of Eviline Charles hair HAHA

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#29 Rick
January 07 2009, 11:55AM
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Finally! The whole Sundin saga is coming to an end. After months and months of tired articles and tired commentary there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am just thankful that Oilers Nation never got sucked into posting an article on this pointless drivel and equally proud of myself for not once being sucked into commenting on it.

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#30 Jonathan Willis
January 07 2009, 12:13PM
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@ rindog:

The all-star game is a joke, but in Hemsky's case, he's injured so why put him in the lineup?

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#31 rindog
January 07 2009, 12:58PM
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@ Jonathan Willis:

Becuase he is day-to-day and the allstar game isn't until the 25th.

If he can't suit-up, name an injury replacement.

The whole system is a slap in the face to the players that actually deserve to be there.

On a more shallow note - a player could use the fact that he was selected to the allstar game to put on his resume (for contract negotiations, etc).

Is Mike Modano really have an allstar season?

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#32 topshelf
January 07 2009, 02:50PM
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Is Ales Hemsky really having an allstar season? (beyond the fact that he's the best player on your favorite team)

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#33 Tony Romo
January 07 2009, 03:15PM
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topshelf wrote:

Is Ales Hemsky really having an allstar season?

When Ales Hemsky was 8 years old he shot a puck through the boards at his local arena then ran around and caught it before it smashed into his dad's car which was nearby.

He was awarded the Czech Order of Merit for his efforts.

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#34 jeanshorts
January 07 2009, 03:55PM
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I think Vancouver should have used that $10 Million to sign 4 more back up goalies to make up for Luongo's absence.

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#35 The Towel Boy
January 07 2009, 03:55PM
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@ Tony Romo:

haha.

That needs to be put on his wikipedia page.

*runs off to the internets*

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#36 LJ
January 07 2009, 05:33PM
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God. I live in Vancouver and no commentator - radio, TV, sport, or otherwise, will SHUT THE HELL UP about this douchebag.

I'm getting calls and emails and texts from all my canuck-loving frie...er..... acquaintances, and to a man they seem to think Sundin is the next coming of christ (note the small case).

I hope a Souray slapshot off his soon-to-be-replaced hip will make him think twice about suiting up again.

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