A great 24 hours in the Nation

Wanye
October 09 2009 01:11AM

What a wonderful 24 hours this has been as a fan of the Edmonton Oilers. First this picture above being considered a good idea, then a two-goal lead blown, then a last second tie game with the Flames then gassing it in OT. Excellent times what not?

Tragedy One

It's going to be hard to argue with the NHL marketing brass on this one. Do you like the sexy Mens people? Do you feel as though professional sports aren't homoerotic already at the best of times? Would you like to be slightly aroused by your local ice hockey squad? Yeah, apparently this is the major idea behind the picture you see above, in the new ESPN something something.

What is the deal here exactly? Why is this going to make people like hockey more? Like many red blooded mammals on this planet, we harbor some sort of man crush on Sheldon Souray that has us watching the games hoping he will be forced to look for an extended period of time directly into the camera. But even we draw the line at this.

This just makes our eyes bleed and only stokes the fires of the enemies of the OilersNation. Bastards like that TLP down in Calgary who will be eating this up for lunch. We don't need this kind of drama to deal with on the interwebs.

Just a business suggestion

You know your ol' pal Wanye is a Titan of industry. We have probably bought more granola bars in the past 3 months than you have in your whole life. So when we say we know the business of hockey, we know the business of promoting the business of knowing a guy that works in the arena where sometimes people play hockey. But sweet ghost of Kevin Costner, what the hell?

Do better things than this NHL! You owe it to the game! Have Sheldon Souray fight Kimbo Slice or get Sam Gagner cast in a Three Six Mafia video. Anything that actually promotes the Mighty Oil. This is not how you bring the NHL into the major lime light in the US for anything positive.

Now if you will excuse us from dwelling on this tragedy for too long,

Tragedy Two

Oh and if this pictoral Hindenburg wasn't enough for you, the Oilers gassed one with 0.0158 seconds left in the game then lost it in a shoot out to the Flames. Blow a two goal lead? Gas it at the last possible second? FML.

We remember going into this game. A short 24 hours ago, when life was going much more positively. Life was simple then. No weird photo shoot making it weird to cheer for Moreau, no mind snapping loss to the Flames, no snow on the ground this morning.

And now back to having that picture blown up and put on my wall.

Oh the humanity.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Victoria
October 09 2009, 01:22AM
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Someone should sell Souray's helmet from this pic on Ebay.

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#3 Quinn's Chesthair
October 09 2009, 01:57AM
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WOW. Bigsexy brandishing his "helmet" in ESPN. Not exactly the kinda thing I want to see in my favorite sports publication. And what exactly is Captain Glass looking at?

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#4 jeanshorts
October 09 2009, 04:14AM
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Isn't being unemployed awesome!

*curls up in a pile of newspapers*

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#5 Petr's Jofa
October 09 2009, 05:28AM
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Man I should go back to bed. This was not the way I wanted to start my day.

Alarm goes off at 5 = Grumpy to start with.

Turn on the score and see the ticker go by wich lets me know that the Oilers lost in OT = Sad but got a point so oh well.

Get out of the shower to catch the end of the OIler highlights and Quinn talking about Souray's injury now I'm pissed off

Then I actually catch the full highlight package and see that the oilers had the lead with 1.5 seconds left = Really really pissed off

Then see that Edmonton had a 4 on 3 in ot and couldn't score = near tears.

The I see that The FLame's winning OT goal was a squeeker through Khabibulin and Hemsky has Kipper beat but hits the post = Arrrggg!

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#6 Petr's Jofa
October 09 2009, 05:44AM
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Oh, and teh day keeps getting better! Who the #*$& lets both techs go on vacation at the same time!?! Excuse me, I'm surfing the internet, I don't have time to load my own data! I have some game threads to read through.

~ Clutches the stuffed Oiler moose in his office and rocks back-and-forth slowly muttering - "Only 8 hours until the long weekend..only 8 hours, 8 hours..." ,

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#7 jayoilfan
October 09 2009, 07:21AM
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I wonder how many teams ESPN went through to get someone to agree to the above photo shoot.

Maybe we're all secretly jealous it's not us standing where Cogliano is... but then again maybe not.

Now lets go punish the Habs for being the Habs on Saturday.

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#8 BUCK75
October 09 2009, 07:42AM
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Chara was in the magazine too.

http://www.twitpic.com/kmh2g

That pic of 18, 44 & 13 looks SO CASUAL, kinda like you want to go down to japanese village & get some swordfish? Worst idea ever.

They should have just stuck to the Serena Williams, Danica Patricks, etc...no dudes.

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#9 The Towel Boy
October 09 2009, 07:46AM
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*puts down copy of ESPN magazine*

!@#$%^%&

That's about how I feel about this game...

Khabi was good. Real good. Can't fault him for any of those goals against. Even the high stick one at the end. ....moogily googily.

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#10 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
October 09 2009, 07:50AM
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So now three of our players look like they're gay(not that there is anything wrong with that).

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#11 Al
October 09 2009, 08:00AM
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Yikes! That LooKs so creePy

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#12 Milli
October 09 2009, 08:00AM
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BUCK75 wrote:

Chara was in the magazine too.

http://www.twitpic.com/kmh2g

That pic of 18, 44 & 13 looks SO CASUAL, kinda like you want to go down to japanese village & get some swordfish? Worst idea ever.

They should have just stuck to the Serena Williams, Danica Patricks, etc...no dudes.

I'm with you on this one, but can we add say, Anna Pournikova....

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#13 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
October 09 2009, 08:01AM
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Never knew Moreau had a tatoo on his thigh, something I really didn't need to know either.

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#14 BigE57
October 09 2009, 08:02AM
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@The Towel Boy

He was good, too bad there wasn't enough video evidence to overturn that one at the end.

Oh well, got tickets to the game tomorrow night and if the Oil can pull that one out .500 on the first homestand is probably better than many of us expected for them to start the year.

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#15 The Towel Boy
October 09 2009, 08:18AM
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I think the bigger kick in the teeth right now is that I just read that Dany f*cking Heatley got a hat trick last night.

...!@#$%^

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#16 Ogden Brother
October 09 2009, 08:23AM
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Yikes! I really didn't need to see that at 8:15 on a Friday morning.

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#17 Ogden Brother
October 09 2009, 08:25AM
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Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach wrote:

Never knew Moreau had a tatoo on his thigh, something I really didn't need to know either.

You're looking way to close, son.

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#18 blu
October 09 2009, 08:40AM
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That pic of 18, 44 & 13 looks SO CASUAL, kinda like you want to go down to japanese village & get some swordfish?

Brilliant.

Heately with his first trick hurts, but the Flames riding lady luck like a Debbie Does Dallas outtake is getting REALLY tired.

Also, the Souray thing. I think that is a win for the Oil if Souray doesn't get hurt. His contribution on both sides of the puck as well as special teams go a diggity-damn long way.

'Novksy's goal was leet.

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#19 Dan the Man
October 09 2009, 08:50AM
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Is it just me or does Cogliano look like he's 12? Also why does a guy who is built like Moreau lose so many fights?

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#20 Whitney4PM
October 09 2009, 09:09AM
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Petr's Jofa wrote:

Oh, and teh day keeps getting better! Who the #*$& lets both techs go on vacation at the same time!?! Excuse me, I'm surfing the internet, I don't have time to load my own data! I have some game threads to read through.

~ Clutches the stuffed Oiler moose in his office and rocks back-and-forth slowly muttering - "Only 8 hours until the long weekend..only 8 hours, 8 hours..." ,

Bad day... Take that day and multiply it by the fact that I live in Calgary and am the self-proclaimed "biggest Oil fan in the office". This is going to be peachy... I think I need a drink.

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#21 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
October 09 2009, 09:09AM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Is it just me or does Cogliano look like he's 12? Also why does a guy who is built like Moreau lose so many fights?

He kind of looks like Michael Cera in that picture.

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#22 SweetJimmyK
October 09 2009, 09:18AM
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This is not the way to start a Friday.

Go to bed with Oil up 3-2, thinking it was in the bag, and get to work, see that they lost and have to have my brain scarred with that picture...

The upside is that I am computer tech here, so any Flames fan give me grief and their network shall suck for the rest of the day

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#23 Senator Theo
October 09 2009, 09:20AM
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I guess they don't allow chest hair in the NHL.

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#24 Poo Czar
October 09 2009, 09:21AM
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So, when are the Voices of the Nation gonna do one of these photo shoots?

*violently throws up and pours bleach in eye holes*

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#25 smiliegirl15
October 09 2009, 09:22AM
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What a way to start a Friday!!! It kinda makes up for last night, kinda.

I so want that pic for my desktop.

To lose the game last night in the dying seconds and then to have an overtime where Calgary got NO shots on goal but we still lost, is sincerely heartbreaking.

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#26 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
October 09 2009, 09:23AM
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Poo Czar wrote:

So, when are the Voices of the Nation gonna do one of these photo shoots?

*violently throws up and pours bleach in eye holes*

Brownlee doesn't get your motor running?

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#27 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
October 09 2009, 09:24AM
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Senator Theo wrote:

I guess they don't allow chest hair in the NHL.

That's why I never made it.

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#28 Travis Dakin
October 09 2009, 09:24AM
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Oh man, uh.... Wow.... I'm going to get laughed at harder about this picture than I would if it was actually ME in the picture. Not a good day.

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#29 Travis Dakin
October 09 2009, 09:27AM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Is it just me or does Cogliano look like he's 12? Also why does a guy who is built like Moreau lose so many fights?

Because everybody in the NHL except Penner is built like that. Remember that GIANT poster of Iginla they had hanging in the Mall? He's bulit like a brick shitter.

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#30 Gerald R. Ford
October 09 2009, 09:29AM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Is it just me or does Cogliano look like he's 12? Also why does a guy who is built like Moreau lose so many fights?

"Too much weights, not enough speed work. Useless p***k." —Jake the Muss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCHe-0w9KX8

Wanye, o' my Leader, The Nation is uncomfortable with this image. Purge it from our hearts and minds, we beseech you.

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#31 Travis Dakin
October 09 2009, 09:30AM
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Ananlyzing this picture....

What is being said by Souray in that expression?

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#32 Poo Czar
October 09 2009, 09:33AM
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More than I'd care to admit...

They could do the photoshoot at Wanye's dumpster behind the downtown Save-On-Foods, and let each writer choose their "coverage".

Wanye - empty granola bar box, Bud Light can, or dead pigeon Willis - calculator Gregor - can of pomade Brownlee - someone's severed head, cigar bingofuel - Wanye Gretz Amber - if she has any thoughts of self preservation, a can of mace and a trident

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#33 SweetJimmyK
October 09 2009, 09:35AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Ananlyzing this picture....

What is being said by Souray in that expression?

"Psst...Hey Ethan...Wanna see my stick?"

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#34 Poo Czar
October 09 2009, 09:36AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Ananlyzing this picture....

What is being said by Souray in that expression?

"Hey! There's still a head in this helmet!"

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#35 Chris.
October 09 2009, 09:38AM
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I can almost hear the conversation in the ESPN editorial office:

"We should also do a shoot of some of the Flames in kinda a showdown of rivals angle..."

"Great idea. Lets get their captain Igninla...no. Nevermind. Let's get there big name defenceman... oh... yeah... Phaneuf. Ouch. Any other ideas?"

"Didn't they trade for a high profile center? Could we take his picture? Who was that?...Jokinen? UUUGHHH! Is there even one guy we put in this spread that won't make our female readers barf in thier mouth?"

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#36 BUCK75
October 09 2009, 09:40AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Ananlyzing this picture....

What is being said by Souray in that expression?

Moreau: I think my stick needs less banana hook.

Souray: I think I need a bigger helmet

Cogs: Why am I the only guy with any decency in these shorts?

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#37 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
October 09 2009, 09:43AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Ananlyzing this picture....

What is being said by Souray in that expression?

That there is someone behind him?

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#38 Travis Dakin
October 09 2009, 09:55AM
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BUCK71 Ogden Brother Jr. Sweet JimmyK Poo Czar

Well played. Well. Played.

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#40 Ender
October 09 2009, 10:03AM
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I don't understand why the photographer would leave that jersey hanging behind Souray. It looks like the dude has horns.

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#41 Harlie
October 09 2009, 10:05AM
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Souray looks like he is wearing copper colored devil horns in that pic.

I bet Cogs is wishing now that his eyes weren't pointing down like in the picture.

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#42 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
October 09 2009, 10:06AM
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Wanye wrote:

You just now Cogliano didn't have the beans to go full monty with the vets. Lazy new Oilers, won't even go full frontal or do windows...

Just because going full monty is the tradition in the locker room, doesn't mean the newbies should have to.

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#43 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
October 09 2009, 10:08AM
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@Wanye

The picture is really more a comment on Quinn's coaching style than anything. I smell Pulitzer.

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#44 Poo Czar
October 09 2009, 10:10AM
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@Wanye

I also like how you seemingly took this photo while standing over the kitchen sink...

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#45 Librarian Mike
October 09 2009, 10:10AM
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It never fails to amaze me how the most macho and homophobic elements of society (i.e. cops/soldiers/jocks/MMA) are also the most homoerotic.

As for what's being said: "Hey Sheldon. Having problems with your helmet? I think we've got the right tools for the job right here."

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#46 Senator Theo
October 09 2009, 10:11AM
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Wanye, are you reading that magazine over the sink in that picture?

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#47 Harlie
October 09 2009, 10:12AM
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Poo Czar wrote:

I also like how you seemingly took this photo while standing over the kitchen sink...

with a womanly looking nail on your thumb to boot!

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#48 Poo Czar
October 09 2009, 10:14AM
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Man, jerking off in the sink is just GROSS.

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#49 Harlie
October 09 2009, 10:29AM
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should of played Big Poppa from BIGGY. Fits the mood with the pic pretty good...specially the Craig reference in the song..

To all the ladies in the place with style and grace Allow me to lace these lyrical duches in your bushes Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommies The back of the club, sippin Moet, is where you'll find me The back of the club, mackin hoes, my crew's behind me Mad question askin, blunt passin, music blastin But I just can't quit Cause one of these honies Biggie gots ta creep with Sleep with, keep the ep a secret why not Why blow up my spot cause we both got hot Now check it, I got more Mack than Craig and in the bed Believe me sweety I got enough to feed the needy No need to be greedy I got mad friends with Benz's C-notes by the layers, true f*ckin players Jump in the Rover and come over tell your friends jump in the GS3, I got the chronic by the tree

Chorus:

[I love it when you call me big pop-pa] Throw your hands in the air, if youse a true player [I love it when you call me big pop-pa] To the honies gettin money playin ni**az like dummies [I love it when you call me big pop-pa] If you got a gun up in your waist please don't shoot up the place Cause I see some ladies tonight who should be havin my baby Bay-bee

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#50 Sammy D
October 09 2009, 10:30AM
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So imagine the surprise when you get to work, log in to ON and that picture is displayed for all to see...

Some of us are going to be branded unfairly...

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