So it's a footie match, is it?

Wanye
November 24 2009 01:29PM

Before we left on our trip, our sole European Friend — a Brit — advised us: "Wanye, if you're going to go to Europe you HAVE to try to hit up a soccer game. Only don't call it soccer, call it football. Or footie works even better. Calling it soccer there is like calling it Ice Hockey over here. Don't embarrass yourself for heaven's sakes." 

With this sound advice ringing in our ears, we threw caution to the wind and headed off to the footie match — Real Madrid v FC Racing.

As the subway neared the game more and more fans started piling on wearing their Real Madrid scarves, hats, jerseys and the like just like taking the beloved LRT at home. The fans were quite calm as apparently Real Madrid plays in 157 leagues simultaneously and this game wasn't against anyone crazy. A Real Madrid victory was expected by anyone who knew anything, or so we gathered watching the numerous pre-game shows in the local bar the night before. 

We got out of the subway station near the stadium and it looked as though we had stepped into a major offensive campaign by the Spanish Army. If there was one police officer there was 8 gazillion, with paddy wagons lined up on all 4 sides of the building in case anyone wanted to step up to the plate and get sassy.

The stadium - the largest in Europe we were told - is designed to keep everyone outside as long as possible, presumably to give the cops the largest clubbing and tear gassing zone possible without damaging the building. We now realize the convenience of entering RX1 from any entrance and being able to wander freely until you find the right section.

Here we had to wander blindly around the outside of the building trying our ticket in every automated turnstile only to be rejected time after time, much to the rage of everyone lined up behind us as we had to turn around and head back down the 5 flights of stairs back down to the street. 

In Madrid they call the sections vomitorios - you read that right - and they keep them a state secret to confuse out-of-city fans who are dare take a ticket from a deserving Real Madrid fan.

Eventually we found our vomitorio and sat down to an unbelievable site of 120,000 of our closest amigos watching what turned out to be a great game. And we sat right close to the action, assuming you define "close" as "a low suborbital plane."

Game play is a tough thing to follow though we could actually see quite well despite the fact we could stand up and slap the International Space Station as it flew by. As much as we cringe when an NHL referee turns on his mike to announce a call, or Mark Sholtz comes on screen to "entertain" the faithful during a stoppage in play, we now see that it keeps the casual fan engaged and quasi informed as to what exactly in hell is going on during the game. Here there are no announcers and the scoreboard helpfully shows only the two team logos, the score and the time remaining in the half. This left us looking around confusedly as a pair of goals were called back, penalties were assigned for various phantom injuries and crazy plays went un-replayed after the fact.

This didn't seem to bother any of the other 12 million fans at the game much less the man sitting next to us. This dude must not have heard that the game was a lock as he nervously watched the first 5 minutes of play before whipping out a pouch of tobacco, rolling a cigarette and lighting it aflame to sooth his tattered nerves. We looked around aghast, expecting one of the billion cops within the surrounding block to run over and taser this guy within an inch of his life, but it only seemed to serve as inspiration to the fans around us who followed suit. As the game wore on it looked like a Snoop Dogg concert there was so much smoke in the air, except here we didn't get a hankering for Doritos or find anything to be hilariously funny.

As the game wore on Real Madrid scored a goal much to the delight of the hometown fans. They stood, they tooted the awesome little plastic horns everyone seemed to have on them and victory cigarettes were lit as far as the eye could see. Oh and you know what else they do in between tugs on rich Spanish tobacco? 

They sing. 

Yep, it seems everyone has a song they sing at all points during the game. Defense - there's a song for that. Offense? A song. Player subbing in — song. 11:42 on the clock? Song. Oh and they dance too to keep time for the singing. We are out sung and danced at hockey games, Nation. Outside of the national anthems and the occasional accompaniment of Cotton Eyed Joe we can't remember ever singing or dancing at Rexall Place. We don't know when hockey fans decided to turn down "no singing or dancing lane" but we can't help but think we would be a tremendous singing/dancing threat on several dozen hockey beers.

As the game rolled on into the second half we noticed a group of hilariously intense fans sitting behind the far net. Ringed by security guards we initially mistook these folk for fans of FC Racing. But as the game wore on it became clear they weren't. Though they didn't sit down the entire game, we couldn't tell who they were cheering for exactly. Real Madrid wears black and white, FC Racing red and green. These mystery fans were clad in purple and sang mystery songs, danced mystery dances and smoked mysterious cigarettes all out of sync with the other fans at the game. And with a minute left  they whipped out all these huge flags and banners on cue and stood there as if to say "What are we doing here? Why are we so excited? You'll never know Wanye."

Not able to ask the fans around us who they were, we were left to watch these super fans chant, dance and sing their way to a 1-0 Real Madrid victory. As they were safely led away by their security detail we couldn't help but wonder if there was a secret game within a game that they were there to observe or if they were in fact representatives of the Spanish Tobacco companies overjoyed to witness the lung carnage within the arena.

Either way a good evening was had by all:

Real Madrid 1
FC Racing 0

Mystery Fans 1
Wanye 0

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 10:29AM
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@Ender

its incorrect, trust me.

why isnt he an english athlete ?

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#52 Sexy Randal
November 25 2009, 10:29AM
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Maybe the mystery fans are the equivalent of Roughrider fans, who will show up decked out in gear at an Edmonton-Hamilton game?

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#53 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 10:30AM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

Are you the same kind of person that gets offended when a European calls Canadians 'Americans'?

nope

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#54 Ender
November 25 2009, 10:47AM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

its incorrect, trust me.

why isnt he an english athlete ?

The guy from Wales may or may not be offended, but the guy from Edinburgh is going to be pissed if you call him to the podium and announce him to the world as an English athlete. There is a world of difference between English and Scottish. While he's not completely sold on 'British', it's still much more acceptable.

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#55 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 10:54AM
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Ender wrote:

The guy from Wales may or may not be offended, but the guy from Edinburgh is going to be pissed if you call him to the podium and announce him to the world as an English athlete. There is a world of difference between English and Scottish. While he's not completely sold on 'British', it's still much more acceptable.

why ?

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#56 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 10:56AM
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@HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

You're the one claiming it's inappropriate, and he's already given a reason as to why he thinks it is appropriate. Onus is on you to disprove.

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#57 Hemmertime
November 25 2009, 11:10AM
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The mysterious purple violent group was their football "Factory". The Real Ultras, I believe. Great series on the fan clubs/uber violent group of cheerers is called Real Football Factories. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=real+football+factories&search_type=&aq=0&oq=real+football

Killed a couple days for me in the summer.

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#58 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 11:26AM
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why would he be offended to be called english and not british ?

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#59 BarryS
November 25 2009, 12:33PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

why would he be offended to be called english and not british ?

For the exact same reason a French guy in Quebec (not to be confused by a French Guy in France, who speaks a different language)would be pissed if you called him English. They bearly acccept Canadian and then only if you spell it wrong.

They both believe all them battles they lost centuries ago were a lie and a mistake and they are still independant countries.

National Myths are sacred things and not to be questioned you know

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#60 Ender
November 25 2009, 12:46PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

why would he be offended to be called english and not british ?

Because the world recognizes that the word 'British' simply identifies an individual as someone from the United Kingdom. He's not offended, because that's true. Going back to OKnPT's example, a Canadian athlete would not be offended if they identified him as a North American because it's true. He might look to clarify by saying that he is specifically a Canadian, but he accepts the term North American, the generic term also incorporating citizens of the United States and Mexico. If, on the other hand, someone publicly identified him as an American athlete, that has a much different worldwide definition specifically describing a citizen of the United States of America; in that instance, the Canadian athlete would almost certainly make a point of issuing a correction.

In our main example, our athlete is primarily Scottish but he is also British and he accepts that. But he is NOT English and would make a point of it.

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#61 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 01:03PM
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@Ender

You'll actually find that a lot of Europeans use the term 'American' to describe someone from the Americas, not specifically someone from the USA. It's almost misleading.

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#62 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:04PM
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Ender wrote:

The guy from Wales may or may not be offended, but the guy from Edinburgh is going to be pissed if you call him to the podium and announce him to the world as an English athlete. There is a world of difference between English and Scottish. While he's not completely sold on 'British', it's still much more acceptable.

Great Britain and England are one of the same now, are they not ?

would you call a polak or a ukranian, a russian ?

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#63 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 01:06PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

Great Britain and England are one of the same now, are they not ?

would you call a polak or a ukranian, a russian ?

Politically, I'm not sure how they're organized. Working for the MB driver licensing authority I can tell you that Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and England all have drivers licenses that say "Great Britain" on them, whereas The Republic of Ireland (South) has their own licensing authority.

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#64 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:06PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

You'll actually find that a lot of Europeans use the term 'American' to describe someone from the Americas, not specifically someone from the USA. It's almost misleading.

your comment is misleading and untrue.

i couldnt even start to guess where you'd get an idea like that.

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#65 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:09PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

Politically, I'm not sure how they're organized. Working for the MB driver licensing authority I can tell you that Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and England all have drivers licenses that say "Great Britain" on them, whereas The Republic of Ireland (South) has their own licensing authority.

it is because all of the countries you said and including england, its land and its citizens are owned by britain.

i believe same is to be said for canada, new zealand and australia.

all owned and ruled under the "british" crown.

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#66 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 01:10PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

your comment is misleading and untrue.

i couldnt even start to guess where you'd get an idea like that.

When I was with a group in Italy, I noticed people toss around the term 'Americano' which literally means 'American'. If you try to correct them using the term 'Canadese' (Canadian), they brush it off as nitpicking.

You can now assume that my prior comment was based heavily in personal experience, and is thus 'true'. It happened.

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#67 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 01:11PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

it is because all of the countries you said and including england, its land and its citizens are owned by britain.

i believe same is to be said for canada, new zealand and australia.

all owned and ruled under the "british" crown.

My drivers license has a Canadian flag on it. If you're from Canada, yours does too.

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#68 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:16PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

My drivers license has a Canadian flag on it. If you're from Canada, yours does too.

look inside your passport

i cant leave canada without queen okaying it and neither can you.

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#69 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:38PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

When I was with a group in Italy, I noticed people toss around the term 'Americano' which literally means 'American'. If you try to correct them using the term 'Canadese' (Canadian), they brush it off as nitpicking.

You can now assume that my prior comment was based heavily in personal experience, and is thus 'true'. It happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKKgua7wQk

here is why a lot of people make such mistakes and comments.

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#70 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 01:45PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKKgua7wQk

here is why a lot of people make such mistakes and comments.

Thanks for the explanation. I now understand that my prior experiences with Italian nationals in 2005 were a result of a youtube video posted last week.

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#71 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:50PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

Thanks for the explanation. I now understand that my prior experiences with Italian nationals in 2005 were a result of a youtube video posted last week.

my bad, i thought you said a lot europeans had a few views and opinions they expressed.

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#72 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 01:52PM
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did you look inside your passport ?

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#73 jeanshorts
November 25 2009, 02:09PM
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This is the worst conversation ever. Please start bitching about Hemsky or firing Tambo or something, or you will be forced to sit in the corner.

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#74 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 02:14PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

This is the worst conversation ever. Please start bitching about Hemsky or firing Tambo or something, or you will be forced to sit in the corner.

x2.

Reading back makes my head hurt.

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#75 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 02:14PM
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why would we bitch about hemsky and tambo ? lets bitch about horcoff and klowe.

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#76 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 02:16PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

x2.

Reading back makes my head hurt.

what state was your head in when you were typing ?

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#77 BarryS
November 25 2009, 02:20PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

This is the worst conversation ever. Please start bitching about Hemsky or firing Tambo or something, or you will be forced to sit in the corner.

Now, now. We are trying to give the illusion we are all cultured, well travelled, people of the world, not pajamma clad basement dwellers who ouly rise to semi-consciousness to bitch and complain about those with more talent than we.

We do not go into corners in case the rats hit us from behind and give us concusions and the mice refs and the mole video review guys in T.O. call it a legal hit.

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#78 Ender
November 25 2009, 02:25PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

Great Britain and England are one of the same now, are they not ?

would you call a polak or a ukranian, a russian ?

It's the poodles VS dogs argument; all poodles are dogs, but not all dogs are poodles. All Swedes are Scandinavians, but not all Scandinavians are Swedes. Similarly, all English are British but not all British are English.

Incidentally, the UK is a sovereign country (just like Canada) that is comprised of four regions (similar to our provinces) that include England, Wales, Scotland, and North Ireland. The Republic of Ireland is a separate entity and is a sovereign country of its own. The Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland are not the same thing. This is why the Northern 'Irish' can correctly be called 'British' (part of the UK) while Irish from the Republic of Ireland are simply Irish. And it's why they have separate drivers licenses.

And your example is poor. A Ukranian and a Russian are of course different things, but 30 years ago you could have referred to both of them correctly as Soviets while the USSR still existed.

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#79 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 02:35PM
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no brits are english.

the united kingdom is not only england and neighbours.

i believe i would offend a ukranian if i called him a soviet today. yet you say that a welsh wouldnt be offended if you called him british ? weird.

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#80 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 02:47PM
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@HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

I'm done with this. If you don't understand now, you won't.

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#81 Ender
November 25 2009, 02:57PM
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@HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

I'm tempted to try and educate you further, but I grow weary. I have explained the political makeup of the United Kingdom very clearly but you seemingly still cannot grasp it. Do yourself a favor and do some reading if the subject interests you further. Then you can argue with the authors of the literature you review if you so decide instead of me. As for the Soviet thing, re-read what I wrote, especially the part that referred to the number 30.

I'm with OKnPT on this.

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#82 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 03:00PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

I'm done with this. If you don't understand now, you won't.

my whole point was that you didnt understand what you was talking about, and you still dont.

there is more to europe then italy.

people seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.

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#83 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 03:08PM
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@Ender

you have not attempted to educate me, come on now.

sum up for me some facts/education you threw my way today, please ? i asked you a few questions and i dont recall getting a clear answer for one of them.

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#84 Ender
November 25 2009, 03:26PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

people seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.

Oh my; so many responses, I just can't even choose one.

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#85 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 03:27PM
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@Ender

Don't do it! It's not worth it!

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#86 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 03:28PM
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@Ender

just 1, pllllllllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee.

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#87 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 03:29PM
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@Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

help him, he tried to help you.

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#88 Ender
November 25 2009, 03:29PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

you have not attempted to educate me, come on now.

sum up for me some facts/education you threw my way today, please ? i asked you a few questions and i dont recall getting a clear answer for one of them.

Ah, well then there's the problem. Simply get your 'recall' checked and everything will make sense.

Or you could just re-read the thread starting with your comment #46 and my reply #47, and if you could keep the whole thing in your head at once reading to the end you'd have your answers.

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#89 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 03:34PM
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@Ender

all i gathered from that is that you dont know what british is.

if great britian is united kingdom and united kingdom is england, i ask again.

why would the welsh mind being called english and not british?

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#90 Ender
November 25 2009, 03:53PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

all i gathered from that is that you dont know what british is.

if great britian is united kingdom and united kingdom is england, i ask again.

why would the welsh mind being called english and not british?

OK, for the unenlightened I will take time to explain what you could have researched for yourself online:

Far away across the Atlantic Ocean, there is a country called the United Kingdom of Great Britain. (Hence, United Kingdom = Great Britain) As I explained in point #78, it is comprised of four regions (similar to our provinces) that include England, Wales, Scotland, and North Ireland. The people that live in England are called English, kind of like Canadians living in Alberta are called Albertans. If you understand that all Albertans are Canadians but that not all Canadians are necessarily Albertans, then you should be able to grasp how all English people are British but not all British people are necessarily English. Are we there? Let's keep going . . .

An Albertan would not acknowledge being a Manatoban, because he's not. But an Albertan would acknowledge being a Canadian, because he is. Similarly, someone from Wales would not acknowledge being English (because they're not from England) but they would acknowledge being British (because they're from Great Britain). Get it? Please say yes or I will have an aneurism. . .

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#91 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
November 25 2009, 03:59PM
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@Ender

An Albertan would not acknowledge being a Manatoban

Ha! So true. I'm not a Manitoban - I just live here.

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#92 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 04:13PM
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a person who is from ireland refers to him self as irish, not british not enlgish.

a person from scotland is scottish, not english not british.

a person from wales is welsh, not english not british.

you call them brits, and you are wrong.

the people who hate to be called brits the most are, the north irish.

they were the original indigenous and were pushed north, persucuated and oppresed by the brits.

brits were nothing more then covenant movement who took that land in the name of the church.

not being a dick here, but i got another question. why didnt you include india and countries of africa in the united kingdom too ?

if the sun never sets on the united kingdom, that means there is got to be more to it then the timezone over the islands in question.

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#93 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 04:16PM
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also, how is a country called "united kingdom of great britain" ? and where did you find this referal ?

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#94 Ender
November 25 2009, 04:19PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

not being a dick here, but i got another question. why didnt you include india and countries of africa in the united kingdom too ?

If you are so uneducated that you don't understand the difference between the British Empire and the United Kingdom, then you need a Social Studies teacher and not an online hockey site.

I leave you with this:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

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#95 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 25 2009, 04:29PM
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@Ender

i understand that clearly. you are pissing in my ear here and trying to tell me that its raining.

DMX left me with that back in '97.

since you are trying to pass judgement here, i will do the same.

i will assume that you are a type of person that loves to talk but hates to listen, since you love to type but hate to read.

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#96 BarryS
November 25 2009, 06:38PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

all i gathered from that is that you dont know what british is.

if great britian is united kingdom and united kingdom is england, i ask again.

why would the welsh mind being called english and not british?

The United Kingdom is so called because the "English" (actually, saxon/norwegion/Danish/French i.e Norman) conquerors decised it should be called the United Kingdom. Actually there is some debate if wales was actually conquered or just got tired of fighting and used sex instead, (See Tudor kings and queens) to get control. Great Britain is Great Britain to diferentiate it from Little Britain, Brittany.

The Russians actually tried, by forced movements, to interbreed all the Slavs into a single people but ran out of time. All those moved Russians who can go home and all those other slave moved to the rest of Eastern Europe and the various "stans" who can't go home, would disagree about being Soviets or even Russians.

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