First Star, Worst Star: Once Again.

jeanshorts
November 25 2009 10:07PM

You know, I held off on posting this earlier, because I didn't want to take any attention off of the game day, but man. The only thing that could have made this game any more boring would have been if two 80 year old men had called the play by play. But Bob Cole and Harry Neal had to retire sometime right?

First Star
First Star goes out to Mike Fisher. I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret; I've had a bit of a man-crush on Mike Fisher for a while. Pretty much since Ottawa made a run to the finals that one year. He's a solid player. He scores goals, bang's and crashes, and god damn is he good looking. Compound that with the fact that he's defied some kind of celebrity odds and gotten himself into somewhat low key by celebrity standards relationship with Carrie Underwood. Man, I would do some unspeakable things to get a shot at Carrie Underwood. Wouldn't it be awesome if they got married and she called herself Carrie Fisher? HAHAHAHAHA! Fisher bagged himself 6 points and a plus 5 rating over the last three games, and he's been leading the charge for a somewhat suprisingly lackluster Ottawa team. He's no Dany D-bag but he's at least picking up some of the slack. Unlike some other people on the team *stares daggers through Jason "1 shot on goal in 600 games" Spezza* I remember a few years ago there were rumors that the Sens were looking to unload him somewhere, and all I could think about was how awesome he would look suiting up for the copper and blue. I'm going to continue to eat my vegetables and say my prayers in hopes that one day my wish will finally come true. High five Mike Fisher!

Worst Star


I know I'm way behind on this one, but it's a weekly column, so shut up. Worst Star to Denis LaRue and anyone ever invovled with the "War Room" in Toronto. I'm going to steal a bit from Seth Myers and Amy Pohler A La Weekend Update;
Really Denis LaRue? You can't see the puck, wedge halfway between the goal line and the net cam? Well that's fine, it's not like refs are supposed to be in position to see the puck go in the net anyway. And you had the intent to blow the whistle? REALLY? When? When Brad May was following through with his backhand? Did you figure you would stop the game for no reason just to make things more interesting? Is this the first time you've ever reffed, scratch that, is this the first time you've ever seen a hockey game? You just didn't quite understand the rules? Really?

I'm willing to cut LaRue a tiny bit of slack, since ref's already have a horrible track record to begin with, but the Toronto video replay room? REALLLLLLYYYYYY???? There are 900 cameras focused on the net and you still couldn't clearly see the puck going into the net well before LaRue had even started to put the whistle up to his mouth? The damn goalie fishes the puck out of the net!!!! REALLY! He does! What is the point of having all these dudes sitting in a room if they can't even make the simplest call ever? They're trying to play it off by claiming that the puck crossed the line 1.6 seconds before the whistle blew but it's clear as friggin day that it was in the net for way closer to 3 seconds. I always knew it was a mistake to take the video replay judge out of the arena. This call clearly would have been corrected if there was a fear of bodily harm while walking to ones car. Detroit isn't the friendliest city on it's best night. Denis LaRue must have naked photos of whoever is in charge of making sure goals are allowed or disallowed because there is no way in hell I believe that anyone in their right mind thinks this is the right call. Every year it seems the reffing get's worse, especially with the advent of all these garbage rules, but what kind of craptacular lows are we about to hit if the technology that has been installed to counteract human error is making glaringly obvious mistakes?

Yet another hilariously farcical contradiction coming from a league who supposedly wants to increase scoring, yet dissallows a clear goal because the ref thought about blowing the whistle at one point or another during the course of the game. This "intent to blow the whistle" thing is laughable at best. Should players stop playing whistle to whistle now, since it's pretty clear that regardless of what happens, if the ref had thought about blowing the play dead, it's considered dead? I should probably stop now because I could go on forever. Shame on you War Room. For Shame. 

Comment Of The Week
Just like the Miss Universe pageant I'm going to announce the first runner-up. I couldn't not put this one up, considering Gene Principe must have been rolling in his grave over the fact that he didn't get to bust out this gem on TV. And you know he would have.

Librarian Mike Wrote:

Sounds like the Oilers are bringing in some 'Jung-blood'...ahem...

And now, for the actual quote of the week, not the loser quote. I still get a chubby reading this. Well done sir.

Fiveandagame Wrote:

Quinn to the leadership of the Oilers in the meeting this week,

"So guys, we're not winning, what are we going to do about that?"

Moreau "Take penalties?"

"Nope"

*Souray poses down and makes fearsome grunting noise*

"That could help...."

Horcoff "Skate really hard but wiff on one timers?"

"Uh Nope"

Khabibulin "ˆøˆ˙¶©¨¥√©˙ç"

"Not sure what you just said Khabbi but I am going with no"

Staios " Push our own players into Khabbi?"

Khabibulin " *&%#$% oyu Staios"

Penner " Score more goals than the other team"

*Quinn sheds a single tear*

"There is hope here yet"


Seriously you guys have to step your comedy game up because Librarian Mike is putting up big numbers, while the rest of you sit idly by and do nothing! Pick it up!

And finally, to steal a little schtick from Gregor, here's a hot girl on a zamboni!

75ae3221a8d731ece044e1f6246b2c2d
I like picking up chicks and then not sleeping with them. Follow me @JSBMrevolution.
Avatar
#1 Wanyes bastard child
November 25 2009, 10:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

umm... was'nt that fiveandagame that wrote that quote?

oh and first!

Avatar
#4 Travis Dakin
November 25 2009, 10:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
jeanshorts wrote:

And you were right. Good catch. FIXED!

Yeah well go back and tell everybody "except" Five and a Game to step up the comedy....

Avatar
#5 David S
November 25 2009, 10:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Righteous!

Avatar
#6 Wanyes bastard child
November 25 2009, 11:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@jeanshorts

Papa is busy doing dirty things in London phone booths and i have nobody to sneak booze from *sniff* i'll happily accept free beer for helping you :)

Avatar
#7 Victoria
November 25 2009, 11:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Quick, someone call a cleaner to get that trailer trash off the zamboni before it gets a stain!

Avatar
#9 #EM
November 25 2009, 11:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wow wee woo.

Avatar
#10 The Towel Boy
November 25 2009, 11:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

That Mike Fisher is one lucky son of a gun. Man.

Avatar
#11 Milli
November 26 2009, 07:50AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I'll take care of that "trailer trash"......

Avatar
#12 rubbertrout
November 26 2009, 09:18AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I've got some underwood . . .

Damn you Librarian Mike and damn you Fiveandagame for being far more charming and witty on the internet. I guess there's always next week.

Avatar
#13 Harlie
November 26 2009, 10:28AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

that chick on the boni has nice funbags but her nose is slightly smaller than Mike Ricci's so dibs out.

Avatar
#14 cambosmash
November 26 2009, 10:33AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@jeanshorts

Giant boobs do not make a girl good looking. Also, at the game last night they kept on putting up the same two stupid blondes on the jumbotron. I don't even know how they got tickets to the game (I could guess). They were up there three times:

1) Talking on pink cel phones 2) Taking pictures of themselves in there "stylish" (dumb) new hats with a pink cel phone 3) Texting someone on their pink cel phones

I can't believe how desperate Oiler fans have become to see some boobs on the big screen again. They cheered for those butter faces!

And there was only 1 shot for both teams in the first 10 minutes!!! So rattled right now. I'm so rattled I used those upside down 'i's in my post. I don't even know how to use them correctly or what they mean. I needed ice girls bad last night.

Avatar
#15 Eric Johnson
November 26 2009, 11:44AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

OMG! I'm famous!!!.... So when do the royalty cheques start rolling in?....

I have to say I was just lucky to be in the room when the meeting happened.

Avatar
#16 Eric Johnson
November 26 2009, 11:45AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Wanyes bastard child wrote:

umm... was'nt that fiveandagame that wrote that quote?

oh and first!

Thanks for having my back lil' Wayne.

Avatar
#17 Librarian Mike
November 26 2009, 12:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Eric Johnson

Congrats to you. That was gold.

I'm always the bridesmaid...;)

Avatar
#18 Eric Johnson
November 26 2009, 04:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Librarian Mike wrote:

Congrats to you. That was gold.

I'm always the bridesmaid...;)

Will you do me the honor of....

Being my comedy partner?

(I always had a thing for bridesmaids)

Comments are closed for this article.