Foggy London Towne

Wanye
November 25 2009 11:08AM

Warning: this article isn't about the Edmonton Oilers Ice Hockey Club, their penalty killing unit efficiency or quality of opposition statistics. Instead it is about our wanderings overseas and the beers we have crushed. You've been warned, I'm a Scientist!

Well, well, well Europe. Be prepared to get a Wanye-shaped foot in your ass. You might have been able to trick us regularly in Spain with all of your "Spanish" and "local nudity laws" but this is England and if we can't communicate effectively using the King's English then Robin Brownlee was right when he called us "easily one of the dumbest people I have had the misfortune of meeting."

  • Step 1: Go to London.
  • Step 1 1/2: Take picture of inside of sexy phone booth outside hotel.
  • Step 2: Go Drinking in London.

Chatty chat

Everyone in London seems to go to the pub and engage in long deep talks with each other. There are no TVs in most parts of a traditional English pub, no distractions, no video games. Just sitting down with your "mates" and staring them in the eye as you crush "pints." This must explain the British desire to go and dominate the world, so you can return home to the local Cock and Ale Tavern and tell all of your pals of your exploits abroad.

If we had to go to the bar and just talk to the boys, we too would feel compelled to do way wickeder stuff too, like smash the Belgians, dominate a subcontinent or what have you. Luckily we have 190 TV screens within line of sight in our beloved Edmonton bars and we can observe others doing things and make witty comments like, "That Tom Gilbert is a piece of lazy shit. Right fellas?" And then we all laugh heartily, slam our pints on the table repeatedly and no one needs to actually do anything.

In da club

After awkwardly talking to one another, the OilersNinja and your ol' pal Wanye left the pub and got straight crushed in a London night club called the Road House drinking Canadian Club Rye. At the beginning of the night we told the bartender that we were going to drink all the C.C. he had in the joint and we didn't disappoint.

The big shock on the night came at precisely 2:12 AM. No lie, the good folks at the Road House played the theme song to Baywatch and to our imperial surprise the party people danced up a storm.

We literally hadn't heard the theme song to Baywatch since we used to watch Baywatch — which last went down in about grade 8. Mind you when we watched episodes of Baywatch in Grade 8 we weren't really be in it for the audio if you catch our drift. But that is another story for another website. And what does the bar back up this auditory assault with? The Friends theme song. We have never heard the Friends theme song for more than 3 seconds as we changed the channel to find Sportscentre, but there went the British dancing to it too. And this guy (noted below) here decided to turn his shirt inside out and dance with the ladies. Rookie move, "mate."

After the bar it was off to get a "donar kebab" — the local version of a Dustin Penner. It was no Queen Donair we can tell you that, but we were in no condition to quibble over quality.

Actual Oilers talk

We have been reading the Nation from cover to cover whenever spotty wi-fi coverage gives us a chance. The article Brownlee wrote the other day is probably one of the best of the year and he is bang on as usual in his assessment of the State of the Union.

Whether Tambo or the veterans are to blame something needs to be done — and quick. We can't imagine this is the team Kay-Z earmaked $205 million for, nor is it the team Pat Quinn and Tom Renney thought they would coax onto the ice when they signed onboard. Nor is it a team that the City can sufficiently get behind during the conversations to build a new arena.

Bottom line: winners stick around, losers play in Long Island.

This team needs to improve — and fast.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 The Towel Boy
November 25 2009, 11:13AM
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Hahaha...oh dear. Sounds like a good time. What's with the TV themes? Is that a British thing?

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#2 I'm a Scientist!
November 25 2009, 11:16AM
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~You're a scientist too?~

I'm famous!!!!

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#3 Monday Guy
November 25 2009, 11:16AM
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Woah... wait a second...

i'm still in shock !

... Baywatch had a theme song ??

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#4 The Towel Boy
November 25 2009, 11:18AM
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@I'm a Scientist!

I don't think Wanye is suggesting he is a scientist, but rather a warning to you... keep your head up.

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#5 Hemmertime
November 25 2009, 11:20AM
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Hit Germany and listen to the Hoff

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#6 Ogden Brother
November 25 2009, 11:21AM
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Makes me happy that I'm able to see a picture of a nipple at work without getting shut down -Thank you Wanye

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#7 David S
November 25 2009, 11:26AM
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Nice on-the-scene reporting Wanye!

Man I miss London. Only after visiting that city do you realize what a backwater our beloved home town actually is. Bet it was pretty cool to get a cab any time, at the drop of a hat.

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#8 I'm a Scientist!
November 25 2009, 11:47AM
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@The Towel Boy

I know, i know... just in shock at my shout out...

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#9 Marsha
November 25 2009, 11:48AM
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Ahhhh London. I love that city. I hope you'll stop by the Tower or the Abbey in addition to drinking up all the CC in the pubs.

Mind the gap!! Go Oilers!!

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#10 I'm a Scientist!
November 25 2009, 11:49AM
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Some people stand in the darkness....afraid to step in to the light...

I love the Hoff.

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#11 GSC
November 25 2009, 11:50AM
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EPIC WIN.

Nicely done, Wanye. I miss foggy London town...

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#12 freeze
November 25 2009, 11:58AM
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Monday Guy wrote:

Woah... wait a second...

i'm still in shock !

... Baywatch had a theme song ??

I seem to recall something in the background as Pam Anderson and other breasts ran, in slow motion, down the beach....

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#13 Librarian Mike
November 25 2009, 12:09PM
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The two things that happened to me after living in England for a year:

-Acquired a taste for really good beer

-Became a vegetarian...England's a nice place, but all the stuff they say about the food is true.

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#14 Hemmertime
November 25 2009, 12:41PM
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freeze wrote:

I seem to recall something in the background as Pam Anderson and other breasts ran, in slow motion, down the beach....

Come and knock on my dooooor... ?

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#15 BarryS
November 25 2009, 12:49PM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

The two things that happened to me after living in England for a year:

-Acquired a taste for really good beer

-Became a vegetarian...England's a nice place, but all the stuff they say about the food is true.

Obviously you tried English Food, like eggs broiled in three inches of oil, and then the remaining oil sopped up as fried bread. The Yankee style restraunts were alright, and the chip joints could be good, the ones that changed the oil at least once a month. The places which had the oil in the fryer since they stole it from the engine of a yankee jeep in world war II could be dodgy though.

Never forget the first time I was there, when chip joints were everywhere. The Fish and Chips came with peas, peas which by law had to have been placed in a open container and left out to age at least a hundred years. You haven't lived until you've tried a mouthful of well fermented peas.

Also enjoyed the six kinds of red sauce ketchup to you peasants, which ranged from vinegar with red coloring to so thick you could hardly squeeze it from the packet.

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#16 BarryS
November 25 2009, 12:52PM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

The two things that happened to me after living in England for a year:

-Acquired a taste for really good beer

-Became a vegetarian...England's a nice place, but all the stuff they say about the food is true.

Gave up the beer thing when I found out the slops from the tap go down a tube and back into the barrel. Now I believe in recycling but some things are to much.

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#17 SquidRx
November 25 2009, 01:14PM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

The two things that happened to me after living in England for a year:

-Acquired a taste for really good beer

-Became a vegetarian...England's a nice place, but all the stuff they say about the food is true.

Vegetarian, hey? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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#18 Gerald R. Ford
November 25 2009, 01:50PM
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English food is one notch above Russian. Which is sort of like saying Horcoff's contract is better than Nylander's.

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#19 Harlie
November 25 2009, 02:00PM
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how many of the bar betty's in Da Club had the requisite British tooth snaggle? I am shuddering at the thought..

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#20 Ambassador humantorch
November 25 2009, 03:19PM
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Who's got two thumbs and gets to hang out with Wanye in the playground of Amsterdam tomorrow night?

*this guy*

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#21 Unnamed Source
November 25 2009, 03:46PM
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If your going to Amsterdam Wanye i want some picks of the place i consider " heaven on earth" To bad the Ninja doesnt indulge in the electric lettuce. I wanted to come before you left, now that i know your going to be in Amsterdam id give me left nut to be there right now. Have fun and have a couple "puffs" for me will you

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#22 I'm a Scientist!
November 25 2009, 03:54PM
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Ambassador humantorch wrote:

Who's got two thumbs and gets to hang out with Wanye in the playground of Amsterdam tomorrow night?

*this guy*

So I guess that will be the end of Amsterdam as we know it?

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#23 Ambassador humantorch
November 25 2009, 04:11PM
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I'm a Scientist! wrote:

So I guess that will be the end of Amsterdam as we know it?

Oh hot damn will it ever be.

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#24 jeanshorts
November 25 2009, 04:52PM
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I'm a Scientist! wrote:

So I guess that will be the end of Amsterdam as we know it?

I'm actually surprised he's been gone this long and hasn't started an international incident. Give it time I guess.

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#25 Colin
November 25 2009, 05:35PM
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Quite the trip from the sounds of things. Don't recall much about my last time in London except seeing an archer (in full medieval dress) firing arrows at a target about 200 yards away, homemade yew bow and arrows and he was hitting the red with every shot, about 12 arrows a minute--was damn impressive.

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#26 Jumptheshark
November 25 2009, 06:21PM
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Jeezes

these guys hit London and they don't try to hook up with any of us oiler fans living in london

their lose--could have gotten them a sweetheart hotel rates

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#27 C#### W###
November 26 2009, 12:49AM
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Jumptheshark wrote:

Jeezes

these guys hit London and they don't try to hook up with any of us oiler fans living in london

their lose--could have gotten them a sweetheart hotel rates

Maybe they didn't want to sleep in a spare bedroom at your Grandma's pad.

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#28 Ambassador humantorch
November 26 2009, 09:11AM
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Z0MG LORD WANYE GRETZ JUST SENT ME HIS PHONE NUMBER!!!!!@1

*swoon*

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#29 Harlie
November 26 2009, 10:24AM
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Ambassador humantorch wrote:

Oh hot damn will it ever be.

take Wanye to Club LV. Make sure to bring a fat stack tho! pricey for drinks there and that is not counting if you indulge in the other offerings (of which I didn't but I looked at the fine menu items while I was there!) ;)

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