GDB XXVI: Kicked when we're down
bingofuel
November 27 2009 04:09PM
Is it still considered unmanly to cry? If it is, then please feel free to ignore the contents of this post. You see, when Robin Brownlee called me up this morning to tell me that he was hearing rumours that Ales Hemsky was bound for the operating table, I welled up — partly because I wish Ales well (and I do! Feel better, Hemmer!). But mostly because it sort of feels like the nail in the coffin of an already grotesque season.
We're more than 20 games into the thick of it. We're seven players down due to illness and injury. Gregor's getting pissed out of shape down in Calgary for the Grey Cup, Wanye's off in some backwater European country learning how to bake artisan bread just so, Willis is rocking the Internets at theScore.ca... And the rest of us are sitting here swallowing mouthfuls of our own fingernails as we watch an average team slide further down the bell curve.
Sweet jumping Moses, people, I have to stop thinking this way! Someone, pass the Kool-Aid.
Oh yeah!
Beat the Heat. No, seriously, do it
I know, I know Dany effin' Heatley's in town.
Big effin' deal.
Oh sure, we've partnered with Original Joe's in their Beat the Heat campaign to poke fun at the Heat. I'm going down there tonight to order no less than 27 Joe Burgers so that $27 can be donated to the Give Me Shelter charity. 27 burgers, Nation. If I was actually worried about Dany Heatley, I'd have 28 — just enough to put me into a coma so I could wake up tomorrow morning without a care in the world...
Yes, I would wake up and everyone would be healthy again. Hemsky's shoulder, it would turn out, actually became super-strong allowing him to shoot harder, more often and more accurately.
Comrie would be cured of his mono, and he would score 50 goals with Hilary Duff riding on his back singing her hit song, "[insert name of Duff song here]."
Khabibulin's back wouldn't only be back to 100%, but he would go on to win the World Breakdancing Championships. He'd also rescue a puppy from a fire, started by another rabid puppy.
The statue of Wayne Gretzky outside RX1 would be replaced with a statue of Dustin Penner standing on a pile of skulls — skulls that once belonged to all the people who ever made a donair joke at his expense. The pile would be 12 miles high.
Back to reality
But dreams aren't reality, kids. That's what my expensive psychology degree taught me. We're icing a team of youngins and ne'er-do-wells against a team of — quite literally — Sharks. Colin McDonald and Ryan O'Marra have been called up, Reddox has been sent down, and the lines they are a-changin'.
Oh, and there's going to be another teammate for the Oilers. THE FANS. I'd wager, in spite of the Oilers' shabby record, this is the most excited you're going to see the fans at RX1 in a really long time. Every time the Heat touches the rubber, the sound from the crowd will be defeaning.
And that alone will win the Oilers the game. 2-1 Oilers. In a shootout. And the star of the game will be none other than Deslauriers.
If I'm wrong, I will eat as many OJ's burgers as Penner ate donairs last season. I swear.
Hemsky might be out for the year? FUUUUHHHHHHH!!!! I wish Penner had 4 arms and could play with 2 sticks... this is gonna be a long season.
Ok Adam... you are seriously hilarious... I laughed out loud throughout the entire read... thanks for the adrenal rush on a Friday afternoon :) And just to REALLY make my day... wouldn't it be sweet if Smid scored a $500 goal for Give me Shelter? Cmon Laddy...you can do it!
Lynda
Man I hope you're hungry, cause you're gonna be eating a LOT of burgers!
Its going to be an ugly one tonight.. 6-1 for the Sharks, and either Brule or Vis will be injured.
@Lynda Steele
*swoons*
i love how happy smid was when they asked him about the trade that never happened. "im so happy heatley couldnt make up his mind."
never trade smid.
dont worry fellas we still got horcoff, the season is still alive.
@Lynda Steele
Ha, we now know Bingofuels first name! Half way there, way to keep your sources secret. Quality journalism Lynda, quality.
Seriously, nice to see you around, welcome to ON. One of the few people we can put a face to a name.
To everyone else, buy Laptop Diaries for your women/mom.
Game Day Prediction: Tie Game. 3-3. Goals from Penner, Cogs and Smid of course. The sharks goals come from a Heatly hat trick. Those are the only players playing tonight right?
Obvious Game Day Prediction: Gene Principe will be off the charts with a number of well timed (and horrible) "heat" references..."bring the heat" "Heat up" "Cool the heat down" "Turning up the heat"...etc.
Not So Obvious Game Day Predicition: A tie game occurs because the vibrations created by all the Heatley booing is such that the lights in RX1 are shattered, forcing the game to end prematurely. Also, bingofuel turns a permanent shade of red after Lynda Steele uses his REAL name on his very own blog... how dreadful!
@Hemmertime
Pffffft you've always known my first name! I've been on Lynda's show TWICE.
One day, I'll even challenge her to a drinking contest. I happen to know she's a Pilsner drinker like me!
@bingofuel
You're doomed.
OK boys. With Hemmer down, its time to open up the last resort. It seems to work for Gregor...
http://www.thecaniac.com/1/custom/brassbonanza.mp3
@bingofuel
Think I was listening? I was either
A> Gawking at the person on your left. Or
B> Trying to determine who had bigger hoop earrings.
No worries, hemmer's overrated. Sharks are not that good. I'm calling it 4-3 regulation win. Brule, Horc, Cogs and the captain. 2 on the PP, cuz ya know, that puck hog hemmer's hurt.
@Milli
That is some amazing kool-aid! Where did you get it?
You know he'll have a short segment when they do a close-up on Dustin Penner:
"Dustin Penner was targeted in a potential trade during the off-season that would have seen the Sharks' Dany Heatley donning the copper 'n' blue. Penner has done a great job at showing the Oilers what they almost gave up, as he is currently top 10 in the league in goals, points, and +/-. He says he's also in the best shape of his life.
It just goes to show...
If you get out of the kitchen, you might stand up... the Heat."
Edit: Another possibility: "If you get the heat out of your kitchen, you might stand out"
Hemmertime wrote:
Some of us internet junkies know Bingofuel's last name too. Since it isn't as cool as Bingofuel, though, we just don't care. Who the heck is Clark Kent anyway? It's all about the Superman.
Game Day Prediction: 3-2 Oilers in the shootout.
Obvious Game Day Prediction: At least one reference is made by a commentator about how San Jose is the best 'regular season' team in the NHL.
Not So Obvious Game Day Prediction: Between periods Dany Heatley decides he wasn't being used enough on the powerplay and refuses to play anymore. Jeanshorts goes to Kelowna and pees on Heatley's rug.
@bingofuel
Well done mon frere... great bit of humour in an otherwise humourless day.
@Travis Dakin
Glad you enjoyed. My inspiration was a bad of mushrooms and a jar filled with my own tears.
why does no one like horcoff anymore ?
@David S
Oh man! I had no idea what that song was. Until now. I must have heard it a hundred billion times playing NHL '94 (it was so easy to score.)
The Whale are simply legendary.
'cause far too often play dies with him.
imo, playing hurt beyond 80% capacity (which seems to be the case), it's like going to work with flu: you jeopardize all around you just so you don't feel useless away from the action.
again: organization and the vets...someone's gotta do something.
Official now, Hemsky surgery. Done for the season.
Per Oilers official Twitter.
Who is the current top prospect in this coming draft? Taylor Something..... I hope he's good.
So do we call it a year and tank it? Look for a trade and get a decent scoring forward (unlikely). Or realize we're only 4 points out of 8th (and 2 out of 15th)and continue on with the group of guys that we have?
Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin, it sucks to almost have to look forward to tanking this season only 25 games in...
Please PLEASE do the right thing. Tank it hard!!! Sell off the valuable vets and REBUILD PROPERLY!!! This is your chance to right so many wrongs Tambo!
@Oildrop89
I just hope they don't do anything stupid like trading away assets for a quick fix or to try and find a Hemsky replacement. I'd just trudge along with what we have now, because really things can't get much worse, and then assess where the team is by the trade deadline before doing anything drastic.
Tank. It's the obvious course to take now.
Ah voice of reason.... Anything less than a whole hearted sh*t show for the rest of the year would just be wrong.
And that would be different from the way we're playing how?
while i agree 110% the oilers should go that route, i also have no money invested in the team.
sponsors and season ticket holders would probably suggest otherwise.
I know i would be pissed if i dropped thousands of dollars only to have the team tank after 25 games
@jeanshorts
Exactly, don't throw away the future for a momentary fix. We'll need those picks with the inability to sign free agents and a lack of possible trade suspects. Do what you can do with the guys there, maybe they surprise us? I'd love to hope, but it'd be nice to grab a high pick in the draft and have someone to build the team around in the near future.
@bingofuel
Hey buddy... I'd like to ask you a favour. Can you please remove the swear filter until maybe midnight so we can fully express how we are feeling right now? I have some very passionate things to say right now that I think some people would relate to.
Haha, no way they tank. I bet they win just enough games like they always do.
Great GDB bingofuel!
I think I was one of the only people that actually enjoyed the slide of 2007. Until that last DAMN WIN THAT LET CHICAGO INTO 5TH PLACE AND WIN THE LOTTERY AND TAKE KANE!!!!!! There is some fun to be had when the team is tanking bad. I think we could really get behind that.
@Travis Dakin
We're used to losing when we don't want to, why can't we enjoy it when we WANT to? I'm down.
dont get me wrong, i will drive the tanknation bandwagon right off whatever cliff of mediocrity you want to head to.
Remember that game last year when Chicago raped us, and everyone started cheering for Chicago to score more goals? I've already said it before but it's official now, that's that what this season has become.
HAHA I think we should start a petition to management that states we will all fully support a season tanking. I don't want them to think they have to squeak in to playoffs to keep me as a fan. I've been there since March 1980 and I always will be. Please PLEASE give us a great draft pick this year. That is my wish. Screw a four game playoff throttling.
I'm fully on board with that. I've sat back and watched the Blackhawks, Penguins, Capitals, and others suck and suck for years while the Oilers continued to strive for mediocrity. Look at those damn teams now!!! Oh sure we had a playoff ride 2 or 3 times in 20 years but damn.... Wouldn't it be nice to get a top prospect to help us for once?
~and, on the bright side, MacT isnt around anymore to ruin the top prospect!!!!~
He'll probably get a shoulder injury 14 games into his first season and never be the same again.
Oh god.
@Travis Dakin
Whats the point of squeaking in when you probably won't make it past the first round? I never understood that. All you basically got out of it was ticket revenue for 2-3 home games.
I don't even feel sad about everything, I feel optimistic about what can be if they take advantage of the situation. Do it up right, dump the OP'd vets gather some picks and build this baby up the right way. Instead of hoping for decent success every year, why don't we build it up so we know we'll be good every year. I'm down with the tankin'.
I don't know why everyone always says this. If we'd won the lottery K.Lowe would have taken Turris. We can see how that's working out for Phoenix so far ...
I'm feeling the same way. A ray of light maybe. I'm tired of being the Leafs west.... Always good enough to maybe be close to the playoffs but never bad enough to get some draft help to change.
He wouldn't have taken Turris. Kane was the number one. Turris was who they wanted to trade up for at 3 or 4. Either way Gagner is the second best pick so I'm not really complaining about it too much. Point being was they won a meaningless game for some sort of "pride" and it ended up screwing them.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
hahhaha.
Stick a hot iron in the Oil. Their season is done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're not even good enough WITH Hemsky, let alone without him. The only thing which may salvage their season is if Tambellini makes a couple more moves and gets replacements in return who are equal to the top players which are out of the lineup for us !!
......Yah,.....fat chance of that. But I'm willing to be surprised if someone will take the reins and make the moves !!! Likely ? ..NOT !
ummm, who are the oilers going to trade off the roster to get top players in return?
you and I and most here don't care if we tank but do you think Pat Quinn can stomach it?