Is there an issue Papa?

Wanye
November 06 2009 11:13AM

No, no, no. It wasn’t supposed to go like this at all. There was a coaching change. Penner was on fire and Comrie got tricked into playing here by Kay-Z for a kazoo and a shiny bag of tokens to Galaxyland. Now we are trapped in a City on the verge of being torn apart by H1N1 infected zombies and the Oil are minutes from being declared “crappy” by all except our precious last few folk to depart the bandwagon each year. Oh, and winter can’t be more than 11 minutes away if it hasn’t already arrived since we last looked out the window.

Nothing left to do but throw up a gang sign, take a picture of ourselves and throw it up on the Nation for all to see how much this season is affecting our current state of mind.

Let’s Recap

Thursday: Check.

Poker: Check.

Oilers Game: Check.

Beer of choice: Old Vienna.

Crushed: Check.

Winner of Poker: Wanye.

Second place/First Loser: Young Cheezy.

Half of the room no longer giving a crap about the Oilers: Check.

Uh oh.

We can’t quite put our finger on it right now, but something seems wrong with the Edmonton Oilers Ice Hockey Squadron/League of Quasi-Ordinary Gentlemen. Wasn’t it a few short weeks ago everything looked splendid? How has the team fallen so far so fast to the point that one guy at poker was heard to remark “if the Oil are going to be this crappy maybe we should turn down the game and turn up some poker music.”

This type of talk is just emotional nonsensery in our mind, so we turned to the Department of Science at Wanye Enterprises and asked for a quick recap of the season to date, using empirical evidence and the like. The boys in the lab came up with this:

The fact that the last 11 straight games have been on PPV may actually be a blessing for the Oilers, who can hope that a great many of their fans are too weakened by this raging swine flu pandemic/epidemic to have been able to activate their Shaw on Demand devices. In this state of near transmogriphication into H1N1 Zombies, perhaps a great swath of the OilersNation hasn’t had to bear witness to this unexplicably shitanusly© terrible team.

What is the deal here exactly? Is this illness related? We put it to the newly reborn Nation Poll and 46% of us think that the teams woes stem from illness not hockey skillery. As sick as the team is, thank the Gods of hockey the Oil weren’t immunized against anything, or at the very least Kay-Z had everyone report to a clinic located 12 miles underground where they were either given the least effective flu shots in the history of medical science or this illness is the side effect of a super syrum that will lead to exponential muscle growth over the next 3 months.

Either way, we have that little panicky feeling in the pit of our stomach already. It’s way too early for that emotion to be rearing it’s ugly head.

Souray

No matter what nice things are being said about bygones being bygones, boys being boys, head injuries being head injuries, Iginla’s hit on Souray being accidental and Big Sexy not looking for revenge you can forget about it. We had an interesting chat yesterday with one of our 3.4 actual sources that know anything and this is a transcript of how we remember the conversation going down:

Wanye: How is Souray feeling?

Source Dude: Not bad, I guess it sorta comes and goes at times but overall he is feeling better.

Wanye: That blows. He took a pretty nasty hit.

Source Dude: Yep and he is chomping at the bit to beat the shit out of Iginla when they meet up.

Wanye: Really? I thought I heard that he wasn’t pissed about it/that it was an accident or something.

Source Dude: Let me tell you something “Wanye.” Souray is probably one of three people in the NHL I am afraid of. He has absolutely no mercy and won’t let someone put him out for weeks on end without revenge. It might not happen his first game back against Calgary, but at some point in the near future you can count on those two fighting and Souray is going to man handle him.

Wanye: Do you think you could get him to sign my face so I could turn it into a tattoo?

Source Dude: I don’t know why I even answer your calls sometimes.

*awkward silence*

So at a time in the season where there doesn’t seem to be much to get excited about, we can at least look forward to Big Sexy’s return to the lineup and a 5 alarm beat down in the future for one Jarome Iginla.

Other than that though....UGH

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Ender
November 06 2009, 05:24PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

You point out the one fight where Souray gets hurt as the basis to your argument, and how Iginla flipped Moreau around and never hit him as the other?

Why didn't you use the Beauchemin v. Iginla example, when Iggy lost or the Souray v. Weller where Souray crushed him.

Picking one fight out is asinine and completely not a true refection of either fighter. I will tell you that Souray is a better fighter consistently than Iginla.

That doesn't mean Souray would automatically crush him, but the odds, albeit slim, would be in Souray's favour.

Valid argument regarding sample size and examples used. Still, note that I didn't catagorically state that Iginla would win such a fight. I didn't state that for the simple reason that I don't know. I'm just saying that Wanye's statement that "Souray is going to man handle him" is far from a given; it could well go the other way, and how craptacular would that be?

On top of that, a fight driven by personal vendetta stands to lose the Oilers much in the case of an injury/suspension and stands to gain them little if anything in the case of a clean win. This is about Souray, not the team, and that's selfish. If Big Sexy pulls out the win, the Oilers get . . . what again? Bragging rights? The players from the other 28 teams are going to play the Oilers more tentatively from then on because of a fight? The potential risk does not match the reward.

Fights happen all the time in the NHL and one more isn't likely to matter much one way or the other. If Souray does feel like he has to defend his manhood or something though, he better be damn sure that he does it clean (extend the challenge and have it accepted) and that he doesn't get hurt in an unnecessary activity that is about him and not his team.

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#52 roughneck
November 06 2009, 05:42PM
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I guess Ken King has to find jobs for "2" former and still nameless alberta health people. And even more shocking he had no comment... Ken King passing on the opportunity to share his colossal brilliance with the world, how very odd. Very odd indeed.

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#53 Nail Yakupov
November 06 2009, 06:05PM
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I see that my photograph somehow found it's way into Google Images where you proceed to steal my identity for the amusement of Oilers Nation. No matter, I put my head to the floor and slam it very hard in honor of being able to say that Kay-Z wants to romp around in my image.

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#54 Jason Gregor
November 06 2009, 06:09PM
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Ender wrote:

Valid argument regarding sample size and examples used. Still, note that I didn't catagorically state that Iginla would win such a fight. I didn't state that for the simple reason that I don't know. I'm just saying that Wanye's statement that "Souray is going to man handle him" is far from a given; it could well go the other way, and how craptacular would that be?

On top of that, a fight driven by personal vendetta stands to lose the Oilers much in the case of an injury/suspension and stands to gain them little if anything in the case of a clean win. This is about Souray, not the team, and that's selfish. If Big Sexy pulls out the win, the Oilers get . . . what again? Bragging rights? The players from the other 28 teams are going to play the Oilers more tentatively from then on because of a fight? The potential risk does not match the reward.

Fights happen all the time in the NHL and one more isn't likely to matter much one way or the other. If Souray does feel like he has to defend his manhood or something though, he better be damn sure that he does it clean (extend the challenge and have it accepted) and that he doesn't get hurt in an unnecessary activity that is about him and not his team.

SOuray will do it at the appropriate time if he feels it is necessary. And Souray gets lots of space on the ice because of how he plays, if he does decide to dance with Iginla at some point I wouldn't be surprised, and I doubt Iginla would be either.

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#55 Nail Yakupov
November 06 2009, 06:15PM
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Nvm

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#56 David S
November 06 2009, 06:20PM
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HansBaurMesserschmittWatson wrote:

lack of depth ?

i see you have pechkam and chorney there. one of them would have been ok, but both ? we had three staring d-men out of the line up at once. how much depth do you want ? do you think any team in the nhl preps for 3 starting d-men being out at once ? on top of that you dont want them to slip up, or play at the skill level they are at ? there is a reason chorney and pechkam started the season in the ahl, and why strudwick was the 7th.

moreau and pisani is just bad management decisions. they were a handi-cap for quinn to begin with.

and smac, come on ? whats so bad with him overseeing things from the top ? he is a good insurance policy for a man who clearly understands his role.

If we use Detroit as the standard to which the Oilers aspire (as has been postulated), Chorney, Peckham and Brule would still be in the AHL. Moreau and Pisani would have been retired or traded. In their place - maybe one super top-notch, sure fire prospect who earned his way onto the team and bonafide NHL'ers picked up as UFA's.

The original post questioned why Vancouver and Calgary can have injuries and win while we go in the tank. The answer I believe is that neither of those teams are running in nearly as many juniors, nor do either of them keep useless or past-prime players on their rosters (with stupid gift contracts).

My guess is Moreau and Pisani are still on the roster because that's what management wants. Quinn and Renney are one of the best coaching tandems in the league. No way they keep guys like that unless they have to.

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#57 BarryS
November 06 2009, 06:39PM
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SirFozz wrote:

@ jeanshorts

Who is this Craig Wark I keep hearing about? Did I miss some fantastically ridiculous (super troll) comments?

He seemed to be one of those guys who have trouble knowing his A** from a hole in the ground.

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#58 HansBaurMesserschmittWatson
November 06 2009, 06:42PM
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Ilya Kovalchuk is the best player in the league!

IMO

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#59 BarryS
November 06 2009, 06:49PM
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@blu

Blu Wrote: Apparently Quinn benched Nils. How do you folks seeing that situation playing out? Quinn has proven before that he can get high quality play out of young players, and that has me hopeful at least.

Unfortunately the word desire seems not to be in Nils vocabulary. Neither is seems is self discipline. Nor emotional involvement. Haven't seen much work ethic either. Nilsson is said to have talent and skill but quite clearly not the desire, self-discipline, or desire to use it. It's quite clear he is some sort of head case and needs to be gone.

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#60 Pajamah
November 06 2009, 07:31PM
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@BarryS

Halloween costume video on the oilers official website

"My costume was a pirate, supposed to be Johnny Depp, didn't look very good.....lack of motivation I guess"

- Robert Nillson

Sums up his whole damn career, no?

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#61 roughneck
November 07 2009, 12:12AM
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you guys are familiar with Roberts dad right?

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#62 SkinnyD
November 07 2009, 12:57PM
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David S wrote:

If we use Detroit as the standard to which the Oilers aspire (as has been postulated), Chorney, Peckham and Brule would still be in the AHL. Moreau and Pisani would have been retired or traded. In their place - maybe one super top-notch, sure fire prospect who earned his way onto the team and bonafide NHL'ers picked up as UFA's.

The original post questioned why Vancouver and Calgary can have injuries and win while we go in the tank. The answer I believe is that neither of those teams are running in nearly as many juniors, nor do either of them keep useless or past-prime players on their rosters (with stupid gift contracts).

My guess is Moreau and Pisani are still on the roster because that's what management wants. Quinn and Renney are one of the best coaching tandems in the league. No way they keep guys like that unless they have to.

It's pretty common knowledge that Detroit's been developing players better than most teams in the league...for a while. This is a seemingly new concept for the Oil, which they're now rectifying (actually having an AHL franchise helps). Not going to happen overnight - it didn't for Detroit.

You think Detroit would have traded Moreau or Pisani? Who's the last Oiler captain to retire as an Oiler? I'd have to think that sends a message to other players as to how they're going to be treated once they're here. Detroit tends to let those types of guys retire on their own terms, so I don't think your argument's valid there. Problem is their guys have just been better.

Vancouver's top 6 D are pretty experienced...so if their top 3 went down, there are actual NHLers to fill the gap. We're definitely not as deep on D as we thought...

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