GDB XXVIII: The Wings and Schwarzenegger references

bingofuel
December 03 2009 03:25PM

When was the last time the Oilers played? Like a week ago? And while some of you might remember what the score was, I actually took a page from Minister Towel Boy's lexicon of pop culture references and paid a little visit to my favourite fictional memory wipe shop, Rekall Inc.

Not only did I get a Mars adventure with a triple-breasted prostitute implanted into my brain, but I also had the fine people at the ol' Brain Deflator Factory pull the 7-2 loss to the Canucks out of my brain.

Shit, It didn't work. DAMN YOU COHAGGEN!

Give these people air

Anyone sitting there thinking this team is done for the season is... well, maybe not too far off. My older brother, a PhD in theoretical mathematics declared a few days back that, "Even though it is only December, the Oilers are pretty much toast and will not make the playoffs. They need to play at a 110 pt pace for the rest of the year (or something like that) just to make it. It is over for them for this year."

We put this out to our lovely Twitter followers the other day, and were treated to a further tidbit from oil101:

"If they get 6 pts every 5 games (98 pt pace) they will end up with 90 pts. Last two years cutoff was at 91 pts."

SEE EVERYONE?! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE!

Wings of, hopefully, providence

'Tis the season for miracles, my friends. So I'm gonna have a sit on ol' Brownleeclaus' lap, ask for a Tonka truck for Christmas... then I'll ask him to slip performance-enhancing drugs into the Oilers' gatorade. I'm surprised Kay-Z hasn't thought of this already. Ah, but he's too busy hiring consultants and trying to get taxpayers to fund an arena.

So tonight we have to go it alone against the Detroit Red Wings. Sure, they're ranked 10th in western conference while the Oilers are dead last... but we still have a chance. And even if we lose tonight (which we won't) we can rest easy knowing we're still a full THREE POINTS ahead of the Maple Leafs. Am I right, guys? Guys?

*crickets chirp*

Hulk smash!

No one likes losing, and you can bet your ass that every last one of the boys on this squad would probably break their sticks in a rage over their performance for far this season — as long as it didn't severely injury their own goalie. Khabby's in rough shape as it is.

But broken sticks don't win games. Hustling, battling, scoring and defending your zone wins games. These guys are tired of being raked over the coals, I'm sure. Tonight they're going to do all the things they need to do to win... and they're going to — get this — actually win it.

I said earlier today I thought the Wings would take the game 4-2. I take all that back. Tonight, it's the Oilers. 4-2.

Book it.

Go Oilers!

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 The Towel Boy
December 03 2009, 03:32PM
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It's a great day in Oilersnation when multiple articles can reference Total Recall on the same day.

Oilers 9, Wings 2.

Yah, that should do it.

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#2 Bucknuck
December 03 2009, 03:32PM
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"Frustartion"... I think that is a misspell. But on the the other hand I am MORE than Frustrated... I am devastated, demoralized and feel like weeping when I think about the Oilers. Maybe a new word like "Frustartion" is needed... it kinda has the root word Fart in it and that is what the oil have done in the last five minutes of a lot of games this year... stunk up the joint...

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#3 Travis Dakin
December 03 2009, 03:34PM
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A PhD in theoretical mathematics......

haha I wonder who the favourite son is.

"But I made Oilersnation!!!"

Oh bingofuel..... how do I love what you've done for my life?

Let your brother count the ways.

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#4 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 03:35PM
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Oilers 5-2. Goals to Gagner (x2), Stortini, Souray, and Smid.

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#5 Milli
December 03 2009, 03:36PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

It's a great day in Oilersnation when multiple articles can reference Total Recall on the same day.

Oilers 9, Wings 2.

Yah, that should do it.

WE WANT TEN!!!!! WE WANT TEN!!!!

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#6 Travis Dakin
December 03 2009, 03:37PM
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Now after the game when Willis does his post game and maybe if Wanye gives us another hooligan story from the future (Europe time) we will have had one very productive day.

Wait.... I thought Jeanshorts.... oh nevermind.

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#7 The Fish
December 03 2009, 03:39PM
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Wings 7-Oilers 3 We don't have a snowballs chance in hell.

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#9 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
December 03 2009, 03:42PM
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I have no idea what to say. If we win 4-3, if they win 11-2 and both goalies get pulled and we just play with six attackers.

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#10 Travis Dakin
December 03 2009, 03:46PM
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bingofuel wrote:

I'm the funny one. So suck it, Dakin.

And come clean this egg up off OilersNation HQ.

You certainly are... I was pulling for you to write more articles a very long time ago OZ.

I'll gather up my supplies and be right over.

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#11 I'm a Scientist!
December 03 2009, 04:00PM
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Game Day Prediction:1-0 for the Oilers. Goaltending clinics by JDD and Jimmy Howard. The only goal of the game is by Smid. This will kickstart a tradition of winning every single game that is shown on CityTV.

Obvious Game Day Prediction: Brownlee will add 'Making lame predictions' to his list of irritants...or has he already?

Not So Obvious Game Day Prediction: In an effort to shameless draw crouds to the game, Detroit will offer the first 1000 people at the stadium a free Detroit Red Wings jersey Pistons jersey Lions jersey...map. Map Night in Motor City!

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#12 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 04:07PM
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I'm a Scientist! wrote:

Game Day Prediction:1-0 for the Oilers. Goaltending clinics by JDD and Jimmy Howard. The only goal of the game is by Smid. This will kickstart a tradition of winning every single game that is shown on CityTV.

Obvious Game Day Prediction: Brownlee will add 'Making lame predictions' to his list of irritants...or has he already?

Not So Obvious Game Day Prediction: In an effort to shameless draw crouds to the game, Detroit will offer the first 1000 people at the stadium a free Detroit Red Wings jersey Pistons jersey Lions jersey...map. Map Night in Motor City!

Can we all make fun of Willis when the first 1000 fans don't want Marc-Antoine Pouliot, either?

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#13 Homie
December 03 2009, 04:10PM
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Rekall Inc? Rexall? Hmmmmmm. Maybe next September we wake up and no one remembers the last four years thanks to a drug that Katz puts in our $8 beers.

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#14 Homie
December 03 2009, 04:12PM
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Maybe its just the winter storm bowing in but I have a bad feeling about tonight

6-2 Wings. Nilsson gets a pair and Penner blows a knee.

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#15 EricOG
December 03 2009, 04:12PM
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It's good to see Katz has his priorities straight. A new state of the art place for the Oilers to play in is a whole lot more important than the state of the team right now.

It's all about the new arena people!!

So what if the on ice product is AHL quality so long as the seats are filled.

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#16 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 04:12PM
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EricOG wrote:

It's good to see Katz has his priorities straight. A new state of the art place for the Oilers to play in is a whole lot more important than the state of the team right now.

It's all about the new arena people!!

So what if the on ice product is AHL quality so long as the seats are filled.

Bahaha! Welcome to Winnipeg!

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#17 EricOG
December 03 2009, 04:13PM
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I forgot, Oilers win 1-0 tonight...

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#18 EricOG
December 03 2009, 04:16PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

Bahaha! Welcome to Winnipeg!

I may be raging mad mad at management right about now, but I'll be dammed if I stand by and do nothing while someone takes the Oiler away..

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#19 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 04:21PM
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EricOG wrote:

I may be raging mad mad at management right about now, but I'll be dammed if I stand by and do nothing while someone takes the Oiler away..

Hey, it's not so bad. We've got a brand new arena that seats 15,000 on a sellout. We also get some pretty big name AHL talent through here: Jason Krog, Mike Keane, Rob Schremp...

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#20 EricOG
December 03 2009, 04:32PM
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Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things wrote:

Hey, it's not so bad. We've got a brand new arena that seats 15,000 on a sellout. We also get some pretty big name AHL talent through here: Jason Krog, Mike Keane, Rob Schremp...

You also lost the Jets. They were a pretty good team and I loved to watch them play. I have nothing but respect for the players, but they simply do not have the chemistry needed no matter who coaches them.

And then, you have a management team that does nothing. And don't nobody bring up cap issues because other teams also have them and still make moves. When an ordinaty person does not do their job right, they get F-I-R-E-D!!!

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#21 Monday Guy
December 03 2009, 04:38PM
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Gagner Hat Trick !

there.... i said it

*runs back and hides under rock

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#22 captainnapalm
December 03 2009, 04:39PM
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Tonight's going to bring back the good ol days of high-scoring hockey. JDD will be brilliant(?) in an 8-6 Oilers victory, with Smid winning someone a million dollars with 5 goals. Oh wait, this is City TV, they probably won't have Score & Win except on 630CHED.

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#23 jmcgeoug
December 03 2009, 04:48PM
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why in THE HELL is this game on CityTV and ONLY CityTV Edmonton? When is hockey ever on CityTV? Being in Sask., I can't watch it, because we only get CityTV Toronto, which obviously isn't televising the game. What gives?

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#24 Paq Twinn
December 03 2009, 04:58PM
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Oilers lose 6-4. Top line gets 1g,1a each. Patty-O gets the other goal. Dubie comes in to start 2nd after JDD struggles or maybe the team in front of him.

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#25 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:01PM
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Umm does anyone know what a "City TV" is?

Oh, good. It's a Sportsnet broadcast on some kind of public access channel.

ZOMG ROBERT NILSSON IS BACK! PLAYOFFS!!!!

*rips his own face off his skull*

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#26 scortini
December 03 2009, 05:05PM
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Wings 5-3 wings go up 4-0 before edmonton decides to make a game of it pens, cogs and vis get the goals

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#27 Travis Dakin
December 03 2009, 05:06PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Umm does anyone know what a "City TV" is?

Oh, good. It's a Sportsnet broadcast on some kind of public access channel.

ZOMG ROBERT NILSSON IS BACK! PLAYOFFS!!!!

*rips his own face off his skull*

Can I wear that freshly discarded face to pick up chicks?

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#28 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 05:08PM
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jmcgeoug wrote:

why in THE HELL is this game on CityTV and ONLY CityTV Edmonton? When is hockey ever on CityTV? Being in Sask., I can't watch it, because we only get CityTV Toronto, which obviously isn't televising the game. What gives?

assuming you just crawled out from under your rock...

mr.watt from the oilers has explained, more than once, why.

basically, sportsnet didnt want it, tsn didnt want it, they couldnt PPV it, city was their only viable option so the game could be on TV in the Edmonton region.

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#29 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:09PM
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@Travis Dakin

Absolutely.

Sell out in Detroit tonight!

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#30 DK0
December 03 2009, 05:13PM
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@Travis Dakin

Unlike Jeanshorts you would actually sleep with them too!

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#31 Eddie Shore
December 03 2009, 05:14PM
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This picture quality rivals the sloppy atdhe feed. It's almost as bad as the quality of ice in Detroit.

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#32 Ender
December 03 2009, 05:15PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

ZOMG ROBERT NILSSON IS BACK! PLAYOFFS!!!! *rips his own face off his skull*

See, this is what happens when you tell yourself "I don't really need that medication. I'm really fine . . ."

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#33 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:16PM
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All skill! Exactly like he meant to do it.

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#34 Garett
December 03 2009, 05:19PM
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In exact 4 second increments, my city TV feed is freezing, glitching... I saw Vish come over the blue line, then glitch, then players celebrating in front of the net! Way to go City TV, job most awfully done!

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#35 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:22PM
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What a shift! This Moreau-Cogs-Potulny line is on fire again!

So glad someone finally showed Cogliano how to use his speed for more than just missing on break aways.

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#36 scortini
December 03 2009, 05:24PM
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man do i hate it when stauffer does the play by play

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#37 scortini
December 03 2009, 05:29PM
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what the hell is a slobberknocker bob??

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#38 Hemmertime
December 03 2009, 05:31PM
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God damn city TV couldnt even get the Shaw guide to properly show the game was on there. Fecking rookies.

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#39 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:35PM
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PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#40 Hemmertime
December 03 2009, 05:36PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Umm does anyone know what a "City TV" is?

Oh, good. It's a Sportsnet broadcast on some kind of public access channel.

ZOMG ROBERT NILSSON IS BACK! PLAYOFFS!!!!

*rips his own face off his skull*

If he continues to make moves like he just did ... sigh, still no hope

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#41 Gunner
December 03 2009, 05:36PM
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Really Nilsson?

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#42 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 05:37PM
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If Nilsson made moves like that regularly I'd bear his children.

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#43 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 05:41PM
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Me thinking to myself one minute ago: I wonder how long it will take for the wheels to fall off and for them to cough up this lead?"

Let's hope for a better finish next period yes? Solid period all around though. Can't complain outside of that last second goal.

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#44 Gunner
December 03 2009, 05:42PM
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There is our prized Staios/Strudwick pairing. Staois two steps behind and Strudwick swinging his stick around like a blind man searching for a curb.

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#45 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 05:48PM
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Gunner wrote:

There is our prized Staios/Strudwick pairing. Staois two steps behind and Strudwick swinging his stick around like a blind man searching for a curb.

That's freakin' hilarious. Best line of the week.

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#46 Colin
December 03 2009, 05:51PM
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Race for last is on. Go Oilers! which means the Wings must win...........

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#47 17
December 03 2009, 06:07PM
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Lubo is great, Cogliano has been playing well lately, Nilsson's goal was insane, I wish we could win some freaking faceoffs. Man our PP is brutal.

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#48 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 06:10PM
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for f***s sakes cogliano, shot the f-ing puck at the f-ing net.

****smashes a mirror and kicks the dog****

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#49 Shaun Doe
December 03 2009, 06:13PM
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You know with Edmonton providing oil and Michigan producing all these cars... you really think they would give us a break once in a while. I mean we obviously control their financial destiny.

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#50 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 06:16PM
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Yeesh. The Red Wings are playing Oilers-esque hockey tonight. So this is what it's like to have all the bounces go your way!

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