GDB XXVIII: The Wings and Schwarzenegger references

bingofuel
December 03 2009 03:25PM

When was the last time the Oilers played? Like a week ago? And while some of you might remember what the score was, I actually took a page from Minister Towel Boy's lexicon of pop culture references and paid a little visit to my favourite fictional memory wipe shop, Rekall Inc.

Not only did I get a Mars adventure with a triple-breasted prostitute implanted into my brain, but I also had the fine people at the ol' Brain Deflator Factory pull the 7-2 loss to the Canucks out of my brain.

Shit, It didn't work. DAMN YOU COHAGGEN!

Give these people air

Anyone sitting there thinking this team is done for the season is... well, maybe not too far off. My older brother, a PhD in theoretical mathematics declared a few days back that, "Even though it is only December, the Oilers are pretty much toast and will not make the playoffs. They need to play at a 110 pt pace for the rest of the year (or something like that) just to make it. It is over for them for this year."

We put this out to our lovely Twitter followers the other day, and were treated to a further tidbit from oil101:

"If they get 6 pts every 5 games (98 pt pace) they will end up with 90 pts. Last two years cutoff was at 91 pts."

SEE EVERYONE?! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE!

Wings of, hopefully, providence

'Tis the season for miracles, my friends. So I'm gonna have a sit on ol' Brownleeclaus' lap, ask for a Tonka truck for Christmas... then I'll ask him to slip performance-enhancing drugs into the Oilers' gatorade. I'm surprised Kay-Z hasn't thought of this already. Ah, but he's too busy hiring consultants and trying to get taxpayers to fund an arena.

So tonight we have to go it alone against the Detroit Red Wings. Sure, they're ranked 10th in western conference while the Oilers are dead last... but we still have a chance. And even if we lose tonight (which we won't) we can rest easy knowing we're still a full THREE POINTS ahead of the Maple Leafs. Am I right, guys? Guys?

*crickets chirp*

Hulk smash!

No one likes losing, and you can bet your ass that every last one of the boys on this squad would probably break their sticks in a rage over their performance for far this season — as long as it didn't severely injury their own goalie. Khabby's in rough shape as it is.

But broken sticks don't win games. Hustling, battling, scoring and defending your zone wins games. These guys are tired of being raked over the coals, I'm sure. Tonight they're going to do all the things they need to do to win... and they're going to — get this — actually win it.

I said earlier today I thought the Wings would take the game 4-2. I take all that back. Tonight, it's the Oilers. 4-2.

Book it.

Go Oilers!

243fa199ff6efc362bf29a17e950b47e
Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#51 Gunner
December 03 2009, 06:20PM
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Sully heating up?

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#52 The Real Scuba Steve
December 03 2009, 06:21PM
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4 to 1 Oilers please tell I am not dreaming.

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#53 The Real Scuba Steve
December 03 2009, 06:21PM
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4 to 1 Oilers please tell I am not dreaming.

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#54 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 06:21PM
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Apparently the Oilers didn't get the memo that we'd all given up hope and that they are supposed to continue to suck thus securing a good draft pick.

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#55 Freezing Weather Fan
December 03 2009, 06:24PM
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You're definitely not dreaming Scuba. This is what we get when half the city starts calling for them to tank it.

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#56 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 06:24PM
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@Dan the Man

We complain when they play like garbage and can't win a game to save their lives. And then we come to terms with it and start seeing the silver lining that comes with a top draft pick, so we want them to start losing. And then, of course, they start playing well again.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Thankfully for us this is probably the worst the Red Wings have looked since the early 90's.

But god help the Oilers if they play well enough to come within sniffing distance of the playoffs but just fall short. Someone's going to get hurt.

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#57 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 06:27PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

We complain when they play like garbage and can't win a game to save their lives. And then we come to terms with it and start seeing the silver lining that comes with a top draft pick, so we want them to start losing. And then, of course, they start playing well again.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Thankfully for us this is probably the worst the Red Wings have looked since the early 90's.

But god help the Oilers if they play well enough to come within sniffing distance of the playoffs but just fall short. Someone's going to get hurt.

tambo will get hung from the gretzky statue via his short and curlies and beat with an old Gretzky Titan hockey stick if the oilers fall just short of the playoffs AGAIN

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#58 BarryS
December 03 2009, 06:30PM
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EricOG wrote:

You also lost the Jets. They were a pretty good team and I loved to watch them play. I have nothing but respect for the players, but they simply do not have the chemistry needed no matter who coaches them.

And then, you have a management team that does nothing. And don't nobody bring up cap issues because other teams also have them and still make moves. When an ordinaty person does not do their job right, they get F-I-R-E-D!!!

hate to disagree with you, well no I don't, how many of the crooks running banks and investment companies you know lost their jobs, lately? How many union chiefs lost their jobs for forcing salaries and benifits on company which promply go out of business. Nobody runs off CEO's who make millions for running companies which haven't made money for years. Seems to me some of the recent bailout company execs haven't missed a bonus yet.

Old and cynical, entropy rules, what was will still be when I'm long gone.

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#59 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 06:32PM
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Couldn't I just hang around Aldo in West Ed all day and meet Tom Gilbert?

Some kind of "prize" you're giving away there Sportsnet.

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#60 BarryS
December 03 2009, 06:39PM
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@cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

Cable Guy and Jeanshorts.

Sorry about that, the purpose of the Oilers is to make money. Long as they make money, or even better, their losses can be written totally off against other Katz businesses, what anybody outside thinks means about nothing.

Anybody thinks the poor crowds in the 1990s was about bad hockey, give your heads a shake. It was about the sale of Gretz, the decision not to pay going rates to the other stars, the gainers strike, and the vendetta between the sports reporters, who lost their hero and much status in the field, and P Puck. The sports guys tend to deny this, but ever heard a union guy lost his job after a rich new contract ever take any blame for it, or blame the union management? Not anti-union, once worked for an oilfield firm could afford to blow eleven million in dry holes in Oklohoma one year and went bankrupt before the end of the next year. Didn't take any blame either.

The vendetta ended when it became clear the papers were considering cutting reporters due to lack of interest in the team. Before the loss of Gretz, it seemed like there were three or four media guys per paper and guys from all the tv stations followed the team about. The sports sections were being cut when papers were actually still making money.

One who lived through it and learned sports reporters and atheletes aren't dispassionate heroes, they're as vain, foolish, and money hungry as anybody else.

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#61 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 06:41PM
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BarryS wrote:

Cable Guy and Jeanshorts.

Sorry about that, the purpose of the Oilers is to make money. Long as they make money, or even better, their losses can be written totally off against other Katz businesses, what anybody outside thinks means about nothing.

Anybody thinks the poor crowds in the 1990s was about bad hockey, give your heads a shake. It was about the sale of Gretz, the decision not to pay going rates to the other stars, the gainers strike, and the vendetta between the sports reporters, who lost their hero and much status in the field, and P Puck. The sports guys tend to deny this, but ever heard a union guy lost his job after a rich new contract ever take any blame for it, or blame the union management? Not anti-union, once worked for an oilfield firm could afford to blow eleven million in dry holes in Oklohoma one year and went bankrupt before the end of the next year. Didn't take any blame either.

The vendetta ended when it became clear the papers were considering cutting reporters due to lack of interest in the team. Before the loss of Gretz, it seemed like there were three or four media guys per paper and guys from all the tv stations followed the team about. The sports sections were being cut when papers were actually still making money.

One who lived through it and learned sports reporters and atheletes aren't dispassionate heroes, they're as vain, foolish, and money hungry as anybody else.

So................

Are we getting Taylor Hall or not?

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#62 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 06:42PM
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BarryS wrote:

Cable Guy and Jeanshorts.

Sorry about that, the purpose of the Oilers is to make money. Long as they make money, or even better, their losses can be written totally off against other Katz businesses, what anybody outside thinks means about nothing.

Anybody thinks the poor crowds in the 1990s was about bad hockey, give your heads a shake. It was about the sale of Gretz, the decision not to pay going rates to the other stars, the gainers strike, and the vendetta between the sports reporters, who lost their hero and much status in the field, and P Puck. The sports guys tend to deny this, but ever heard a union guy lost his job after a rich new contract ever take any blame for it, or blame the union management? Not anti-union, once worked for an oilfield firm could afford to blow eleven million in dry holes in Oklohoma one year and went bankrupt before the end of the next year. Didn't take any blame either.

The vendetta ended when it became clear the papers were considering cutting reporters due to lack of interest in the team. Before the loss of Gretz, it seemed like there were three or four media guys per paper and guys from all the tv stations followed the team about. The sports sections were being cut when papers were actually still making money.

One who lived through it and learned sports reporters and atheletes aren't dispassionate heroes, they're as vain, foolish, and money hungry as anybody else.

~hey look, captain obvious is on his soap box again~

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#63 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 06:48PM
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Someone mentioned something about people using "random post generators" in a previous thread....I think it's being used again.

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#64 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 06:50PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Someone mentioned something about people using "random post generators" in a previous thread....I think it's being used again.

midget carrot penis cream beer winegums?

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#65 Milli
December 03 2009, 06:54PM
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wow!!! we are a machine. Anyone know the Oilers record when they are Stoned compared to unStoned?

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#66 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 06:56PM
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cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

midget carrot penis cream beer winegums?

What is ...

My favorite type of porn? (midget)

My highscool nickname? (carrot penis)

My favorite kind of candy? (cream beer winegums)

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#67 BarryS
December 03 2009, 06:56PM
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@jeanshorts

Given the overall luck of this team, we'll draft him and he'll break something during the summer and be gone for the season and come back a good third line guy.

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#68 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:00PM
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@cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

What's up, your's more important than mine? Haven't noticed to many original thoughts in your posts lately.

It's my soap box and I stand on it if I want, can't use yours, there's seems to be some sort of test to get up on it.

Pots and kettles and the colour black.

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#69 David S
December 03 2009, 07:01PM
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Ha ha! Looks like somebody broke out the Pilsner right after work.

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#70 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 07:02PM
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Is Quinn wearing two collars??????

Why aren't they both popped???

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#71 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:02PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

What is ...

My favorite type of porn? (midget)

My highscool nickname? (carrot penis)

My favorite kind of candy? (cream beer winegums)

Autopilot brain seems to have overruled conscious brain again and hit the wrong post to respond to. Sigh.

Were over proud of it, were you? Or perhaps you showed it to some female and she laughed and told everyone thus naming you?

Life can be cruel can't it.

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#72 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 07:03PM
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BarryS wrote:

What's up, your's more important than mine? Haven't noticed to many original thoughts in your posts lately.

It's my soap box and I stand on it if I want, can't use yours, there's seems to be some sort of test to get up on it.

Pots and kettles and the colour black.

never said that.

i found it flattering that you picked a post of mine to respond to with 4 paragraphs of "stuff" that came out of left field.

was a nice read, not sure what it had to do with my post, but a nice read.

edit: 3 changed to 4 paragraphs. my bad

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#73 Moop
December 03 2009, 07:05PM
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BarryS wrote:

Autopilot brain seems to have overruled conscious brain again and hit the wrong post to respond to. Sigh.

Were over proud of it, were you? Or perhaps you showed it to some female and she laughed and told everyone thus naming you?

Life can be cruel can't it.

Hey, carrot penis is better than cauliflower dick.

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#74 Shaun Doe
December 03 2009, 07:10PM
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Moop wrote:

Hey, carrot penis is better than cauliflower dick.

Both aren't that stellar, afterall no one likes to eat vegetables.

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#75 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:11PM
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@cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

The trouble with unruly brains and fingers that seem to type by themselves, they get off on a tangent on the general state of things.

Some times wish it was the old days and fans spend their time arguing inprovable things like which player was the best instead of which player is the most overpaid and untradeable and which GM is the best without knowing who signed who, and which player came not because of the GM or because of the weather, the general state of undress and general "friendliness" of the local females, anywhere was better where they were now or whatever.

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#76 David S
December 03 2009, 07:12PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Is Quinn wearing two collars??????

Why aren't they both popped???

If we win, those colla's get popped!

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#77 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:13PM
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@Shaun Doe

In my day, if daddy wasn't rich and you didn't own wheels, the girls would not come close enough to see it with a telescope.

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#78 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 07:13PM
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Am I the only one that saw Abdelkater completely jump at Gagner there? Shouldn't that, umm, be a charging penalty or something? Thank god he missed him.

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#79 David S
December 03 2009, 07:14PM
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Man I'm lovin' Smid's game lately.

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#80 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 03 2009, 07:15PM
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BarryS wrote:

The trouble with unruly brains and fingers that seem to type by themselves, they get off on a tangent on the general state of things.

Some times wish it was the old days and fans spend their time arguing inprovable things like which player was the best instead of which player is the most overpaid and untradeable and which GM is the best without knowing who signed who, and which player came not because of the GM or because of the weather, the general state of undress and general "friendliness" of the local females, anywhere was better where they were now or whatever.

you had me at unruly brains and fingers

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#81 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 07:20PM
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So um, I missed this game because CityTV wasn't playing the game.

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#82 scortini
December 03 2009, 07:21PM
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BarryS wrote:

The trouble with unruly brains and fingers that seem to type by themselves, they get off on a tangent on the general state of things.

Some times wish it was the old days and fans spend their time arguing inprovable things like which player was the best instead of which player is the most overpaid and untradeable and which GM is the best without knowing who signed who, and which player came not because of the GM or because of the weather, the general state of undress and general "friendliness" of the local females, anywhere was better where they were now or whatever.

I think it was bob dylan who said, and the times they are a changing

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#83 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 07:22PM
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Weeeeeooooooppppppp!

What is that, win number 2 on the road this year? Progress!

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#84 Shaun Doe
December 03 2009, 07:24PM
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I know I really shouldn't complain about a free feed for the game but that Justin.TV stream might have given me a nosebleed. Can you actually pick up epilepsy from watching jumpy internet feeds?

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#85 David S
December 03 2009, 07:24PM
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What the...?????

Solid, competent game where I wasn't on the edge of a nervous breakdown with 5 minutes left. In fact, it looked surprisingly...dare I say...

easy?

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#86 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 07:28PM
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If we could only play the Wings 56 more times this year....and then meet them in the playoffs...for 4 straight rounds...

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#87 Shawn Cronin
December 03 2009, 07:30PM
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It almost looked like the two teams swapped threads. Detroit was awful getting the puck out of their zone, good Oil forechecking caused them to give the puck up. Nice work from the Oil. Also, the reffing was excellent, let them play, made for a good fast paced game, free wheeling and physical. Does anyone else think Stortini might have a little injury that he is playing through?

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#88 Shaun Doe
December 03 2009, 07:30PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

If we could only play the Wings 56 more times this year....and then meet them in the playoffs...for 4 straight rounds...

Pshh that would never happen. I mean how little do you actually know about hockey? Any 3rd grader would tell you that the final round of the playoffs is against a team from the east... I mean come on! Other than that your story checks out.

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#89 Dan the Man
December 03 2009, 07:44PM
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Shaun Doe wrote:

Pshh that would never happen. I mean how little do you actually know about hockey? Any 3rd grader would tell you that the final round of the playoffs is against a team from the east... I mean come on! Other than that your story checks out.

Damn! I knew it seemed to good to be true, my mom was right, I'm such a freakin' idiot.

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#90 c_tux
December 03 2009, 07:44PM
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@Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

I bet you can't wait for when TSN airs a game of mystery on the 16th too eh?

On a side note, why does the Oilers website still have Garon in the background on some pages?

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#91 jeanshorts
December 03 2009, 07:50PM
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c_tux wrote:

I bet you can't wait for when TSN airs a game of mystery on the 16th too eh?

On a side note, why does the Oilers website still have Garon in the background on some pages?

Probably the same reason I just now got an email telling me about the game on City TV tonight. They're mediocre at best at what they do.

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#92 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:50PM
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You know the definition of mixed feelings, if you kid loses in the school semi-files, he feels bad, if he wins, there goes another weekend ... or if the oilers win a game they're closer to the playoffs, if they lose, they're closer to the number one draft choice.

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#93 David S
December 03 2009, 07:54PM
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If the Oilers win, they're farther away from a number one draft choice. If they lose, they're closer. Playoffs aren't even in the conversation any more I'm afraid.

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#94 BarryS
December 03 2009, 07:56PM
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c_tux wrote:

I bet you can't wait for when TSN airs a game of mystery on the 16th too eh?

On a side note, why does the Oilers website still have Garon in the background on some pages?

Probably because the management doesn't tell the cyber staff what's going on and they don't know unless their told . . . Umm, can it be . . . no, surely former players turned coaches can think for themselves.

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#95 BarryS
December 03 2009, 08:00PM
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David S wrote:

If the Oilers win, they're farther away from a number one draft choice. If they lose, they're closer. Playoffs aren't even in the conversation any more I'm afraid.

Um, would be the first time this team broke the hearts of a segment of the fans. Unfortunity, other than cloroform of some such, you can't make a team quit and given they these guys seem to be contrarians, coaching to lose makes them play harder, coaching to win, makes them take the night off.

The season is not half over, sigh.

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#96 Harlie
December 03 2009, 08:11PM
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did Bobby Bad Sweater Nilsson bag one tonight? Better trade him while he's hot.

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#97 RossCreekNation
December 03 2009, 08:31PM
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Heard a bit of Stauff & Karius (an upgrade if you ask me). WTF?! The Oil can't even lose right. Losers. And by losers, I mean winners. And by winners, I mean LOSERS (lol).

What's Barry S' deal? Or should I say bsaipe? Hmmm... could it be? Barry S + bsaipe. Hm. Nope, I can't figure this one out. (Seriously though dude, what's the deal with the name? I've noticed it once or twice in the past, but assumed human error. It's not possible for a human to error this long though... is it - I'm looking at you "Total Goals" Bob Nilsson).

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#98 Harlie
December 03 2009, 08:38PM
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@RossCreekNation

something about back in the day they had soap boxes that you can actually stand on. And least that's what i've gathered so far..

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#99 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 09:07PM
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@c_tux

I might actually be at a Moose game on the 16th, or maybe a Christmas party or something...

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#100 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 03 2009, 09:25PM
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Man. I've got this feeling of impending doom. Shaw still hasn't billed me for all of the PPV hockey I've ordered since I moved into my new place in October. I've called them twice about it and they've got no record I've even ordered it. I feel like one of these days I'm going to end up with a $300 cable bill.

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