December 03 2009 03:25PM
When was the last time the Oilers played? Like a week ago? And while some of you might remember what the score was, I actually took a page from Minister Towel Boy's lexicon of pop culture references and paid a little visit to my favourite fictional memory wipe shop, Rekall Inc.
Not only did I get a Mars adventure with a triple-breasted prostitute implanted into my brain, but I also had the fine people at the ol' Brain Deflator Factory pull the 7-2 loss to the Canucks out of my brain.
Shit, It didn't work. DAMN YOU COHAGGEN!
Give these people air
Anyone sitting there thinking this team is done for the season is... well, maybe not too far off. My older brother, a PhD in theoretical mathematics declared a few days back that, "Even though it is only December, the Oilers are pretty much toast and will not make the playoffs. They need to play at a 110 pt pace for the rest of the year (or something like that) just to make it. It is over for them for this year."
We put this out to our lovely Twitter followers the other day, and were treated to a further tidbit from oil101:
"If they get 6 pts every 5 games (98 pt pace) they will end up with 90 pts. Last two years cutoff was at 91 pts."
SEE EVERYONE?! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE!
Wings of, hopefully, providence
'Tis the season for miracles, my friends. So I'm gonna have a sit on ol' Brownleeclaus' lap, ask for a Tonka truck for Christmas... then I'll ask him to slip performance-enhancing drugs into the Oilers' gatorade. I'm surprised Kay-Z hasn't thought of this already. Ah, but he's too busy hiring consultants and trying to get taxpayers to fund an arena.
So tonight we have to go it alone against the Detroit Red Wings. Sure, they're ranked 10th in western conference while the Oilers are dead last... but we still have a chance. And even if we lose tonight (which we won't) we can rest easy knowing we're still a full THREE POINTS ahead of the Maple Leafs. Am I right, guys? Guys?
No one likes losing, and you can bet your ass that every last one of the boys on this squad would probably break their sticks in a rage over their performance for far this season — as long as it didn't severely injury their own goalie. Khabby's in rough shape as it is.
But broken sticks don't win games. Hustling, battling, scoring and defending your zone wins games. These guys are tired of being raked over the coals, I'm sure. Tonight they're going to do all the things they need to do to win... and they're going to — get this — actually win it.
I said earlier today I thought the Wings would take the game 4-2. I take all that back. Tonight, it's the Oilers. 4-2.