GDB XXIX: An afternoon dancing with the Stars

Jason Gregor
December 05 2009 08:45AM

Well now it feels like hockey season. I’m sure many of you are barely getting in the house in time, after shoveling your vehicle out of 20 cm of the white stuff, to watch the Oilers take on the Stars. You probably spent an hour on your sidewalk and then got the bright idea to shovel out your car, only to have your neighbour notice you were outside so they asked if you could shovel their car out as well.

Your neighbour is either pregnant or elderly so you couldn’t be a douche and now you are trying to adjust your eyes to the TV after being blinded by the sun’s reflection off of the snow. It’s probably not the only thing that will be blinding you today.

Interestingly enough it snowed in Dallas on Tuesday, so it’s hockey weather in Texas and Alberta. Who knew?

When the puck dropped 40 hours ago in Detroit many of you thought it would be the start of the tank job. The Oilers would get blown out in Detroit and then limp into Dallas and get spanked by the Stars. The latter could still happen, but after Thursday’s game some of you are fighting the dreaded SPLIT PERSONALITY FAN.

On one shoulder you have your little devil fan dressed in an Oiler jersey convincing you that 54 games is ample time to turn this around and get into the playoffs. “Jeff Deslauriers is finally going to live up to his draft position and become an impact goalie,” your devil fan says.  

“Who needs Ales Hemsky and his sick stick handling skills, Bobby Nilsson and Patches O’Sullivan were playing in his shadow and now they flourish. Zack Stortini has always been the 4th line checking center who can win faceoffs. Ryan Potulny will be the Fernando Pisani of the 2006 playoffs and he will score 26 by seasons end. Trust me”

While you try to fight off these ridiculous notions, there is a part of you that wants to believe them. How awesome would the Oilers be next year when Hemsky returns after making the playoffs without him this year you tell yourself.

Then your Angel fan tosses his halo knocking the devil off your shoulder and rips into you.

“Wake up Kool-aid boy. This team can’t lose every game down the stretch, so the win over Detroit was just a speed bump. The Oilers aren’t tough enough, they can’t win a faceoff, their defensive zone coverage sucks and their goalie’s game fluctuates more than Oprah’s weight.

“Why do you do this to yourself? Just when you think this team is done, they win one stupid game and they suck you back in. You are blinded by your loyalty to want this team to win, that you can’t fathom another spring without playoffs. Well chump, a win over the Wings is not the beginning of a solid 55 game stretch.”

Admit it, that’s how most of you feel right now.

Last week, many of you were comfortable with the notion of missing the playoffs again, as long as the team got a top five pick, but beating Detroit has given you a glimmer of hope.

Will the Stars crush that glimmer like they did five times in the playoffs between 1998 and 2004? This Stars team doesn’t have Sergei Zubov, Jamie Langenbrunner, Brett Hull or Ken Hitchcock. Instead they have young guys like James Neal and Loui Eriksson and a red-hot Brad Richards.

Brendan Morrow is also hot with a goal in five consecutive games, and Stephane Robidas leads the NHL in hits, but the Stars are 1-4 in their last five afternoon home games.

Who the hell knows if the Oilers will win today, but unless you are stuck in your back alley, or on a side street, or taking your kids to hockey you will be watching this game with conflicted emotions.

I don’t predict scores, because I suck at sports select but I guarantee you this will happen.

Jeanshorts will complain about his hangover and the soft three he just had to pay cab fare to leave.

Dakin will be livid when the Oilers score two PP goals.

Menace will pinch a nerve in his neck from looking at his angel and devil from shift-to-shift.

Scientist will come up with another way to quote posts while calculating the length of time it will take a grader to grade every street in the city.

98% of the readers will read the comments section and never post, but secretly they will be just as irate or filled with hope as all of the posters.

And of course, Gene will have a reference to Robert Nilsson and the Lone Star State in his intro... book it!

Ddf3e2ba09069c465299f3c416e43eae
One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
Avatar
#1 Ccubed82
December 05 2009, 08:58AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Great read, and hilarious.... Patches O Sullivan.... Awesome predictions on the upcoming posts. I think the Oil will put up a great battle today, but lose in the Shoot Out. Nilsson will score another dandy and at least one wil be scored on the PP. Mr Gregor, do you forsee DD getting a start in the near future?

Avatar
#2 oilforthewin
December 05 2009, 09:12AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

not sure what to expect, but regardless i am in for the long haul.

Also on the mma front. How come i have to go to wikipedia to find out anything about local mma. I know you write the odd story about the cfl and nll is the mma a future possibility?

Avatar
#3 The Towel Boy
December 05 2009, 09:34AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Hahaha...the sad part about your comment predictions is that they will probably come true.

Are we all really that predictable?

Oilers 18 - Stars 2

Yeah...that should do it.

Am I the only one that read the Devil Fan voice in Robin Brownlee's voice? *runs and hides*

Avatar
#4 SirFozz
December 05 2009, 09:36AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Oilers will win because I had just gotten used to the idea of them sucking the rest of the year.

4-1 (Sully, Vish, Penner, Moreau)

Also, anyone interested in a great deal on a broken snow shovel?

Avatar
#5 OregonStateFan
December 05 2009, 10:11AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Read my lips... no new taxe... I mean, 2-2, SO loss to the Stars. These boys are going to get outhit.

There. Now they can prove us wrong.

Avatar
#6 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 10:13AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Principe will use something about a daytime game and how the Oilers hope the Stars dont come out to shine during the day.

Avatar
#7 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 10:14AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
OregonStateFan wrote:

Read my lips... no new taxe... I mean, 2-2, SO loss to the Stars. These boys are going to get outhit.

There. Now they can prove us wrong.

I won't mind tax money being used on the arena if every red blooded tax payer gets 1 free ticket to a single game.

Avatar
#8 tricksnard
December 05 2009, 10:22AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

7-2 Oil. Angel fan chokes on a nacho and Devil Fan kicks him in the nuts while he's down.

Avatar
#9 Smokin' Ray
December 05 2009, 10:32AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

GAME DAY!!!

Avatar
#10 swany
December 05 2009, 10:46AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Gregor what is this romour that 92.9 in calgary is reporting as just about done. Cogs ans our 1st pick for Staal, That's Eric Staal, with all the LTIR room we have the money works now but the years after could get pretty tight, any news on your end this is all over the HF boards.

Avatar
#11 BarryS
December 05 2009, 10:59AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Who's playing goal for the stars, the one we can score against or the one we can't?

Go Oilers - Second round or top three in the draft, only two choices. Please chose as soon as possible, roller coasters make me sick.

Avatar
#12 Skidplate
December 05 2009, 11:16AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Why do I think the angel should be pulling for the Oilers to win?

Avatar
#13 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 05 2009, 11:21AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

2-0 Oilers. That's right. I'm predicting a shutout. Goals to Brule and Stortini.

Avatar
#14 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
December 05 2009, 11:23AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

$2 ticket pays $33 to pick Edmonton, Detroit, and Toronto today.

Avatar
#15 dragon
December 05 2009, 11:26AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
BarryS wrote:

Who's playing goal for the stars, the one we can score against or the one we can't?

Go Oilers - Second round or top three in the draft, only two choices. Please chose as soon as possible, roller coasters make me sick.

yeah, roller coaster here we come.

listening to Renney's quote at practice yesterday ('you do know you didn't win the Stanley Cup in Detroit, right?') I'm inclined to believe the copper&blue boys will start the game quite confident.

Let's just see if this a good thing or a bad thing.

Avatar
#18 Senator Theo
December 05 2009, 11:34AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I can never remember if I'm supposed to listen to the angel, or the devil.

3-1 Oilers!

Avatar
#19 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 05 2009, 11:36AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
swany wrote:

Gregor what is this romour that 92.9 in calgary is reporting as just about done. Cogs ans our 1st pick for Staal, That's Eric Staal, with all the LTIR room we have the money works now but the years after could get pretty tight, any news on your end this is all over the HF boards.

stop and ask yourself this:

"self, why would carolina trade their superstar first liner for a unproven 2nd liner and a pick?"

honestly. common sense and half a brain should tell you the answer

Avatar
#20 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 11:40AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

stop and ask yourself this:

"self, why would carolina trade their superstar first liner for a unproven 2nd liner and a pick?"

honestly. common sense and half a brain should tell you the answer

Bruce Garrioch is reporting its Jordan Stall not Eric.

Avatar
#21 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 11:40AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Source: http://twitter.com/Brucegarrioch (done in different post to not have first comment moderated)

Avatar
#23 Jeremy
December 05 2009, 11:48AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Tambo includes Cogliano in another trade rumor in hopes of another 'Penner-esque' motivational shake-up. Cogs to score 40 goals. 1st rd. pick to get 80 points, BEFORE even getting drafted.

Avatar
#25 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
December 05 2009, 11:50AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Hemmertime wrote:

Bruce Garrioch is reporting its Jordan Stall not Eric.

garrioch and reporting should never be used in the same sentence....

ever

Avatar
#26 freeze
December 05 2009, 11:53AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Tencer just tweeted this: "Update on Khabibulin from Tambellini: Back is "a little bit better but It's not to the point where he can start testing it or working out.""

Avatar
#27 Dan the Man
December 05 2009, 11:55AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Will the Oiler guns come out blazing in the Lone Start State?

Avatar
#28 Dan the Man
December 05 2009, 11:58AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

There were flurries in Dallas on Tuesday, will we see a flurry of Oilers goals here today?

Avatar
#29 Shaun Doe
December 05 2009, 12:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Anyone have a working link to the game? atdhe has the colour bars at the moment and Justin.tv has not one, not two, but three feeds of the canucks game posted... Shoot me in the face

Avatar
#30 Tooles
December 05 2009, 12:07PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I think today is the day we see Hatty O'Sullivan nab 3. His karma is finally catching up to him and today is the perfect storm!

Avatar
#31 swany
December 05 2009, 12:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Jason Gregor wrote:

Slap yourself for even thinking this. An 18-goal scorer and a 1st for a 100 point guy and a guy who got his team to the conference finals last year almost by himself?

Why would an alternative rock station in Calgary report this? It is probably a promotion to see how stupid Oiler fans are and that they will believe anything. You guys are just making their campaign successful.

And for clarification on the LTIR. Just because Hemsky goes on it, doesn't mean it is a free $2.8 million dollars.

LTIR allows a team to go over the cap, it doesn't just eliminate Hemsky's contract value.

First it was a question not a statement. Second if the Canes think they are in a position for a top three pick keeping Staal doesn't help them, plus they add another top 15 pick from the Oil and get Cogs that 3 first rounders for Staal not to mention it frees up 8 mil in cap space. I never believed it in the first place but when Heatley wanted to be traded everyone used his contract as a stumbling block so Staal at 8 mil a year won't get you much more than3 first rounders. If Pies and Hemmer are both done you can go over the cap by there contracts that's 6.6 mil for this year

Avatar
#32 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 12:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

garrioch and reporting should never be used in the same sentence....

ever

better than me saying Eklund confirmed him. :P

BUT, Jordan makes 10x more sense than Eric for that package.

Avatar
#33 Eric Johnson
December 05 2009, 12:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

( . Y . )

Avatar
#34 David S
December 05 2009, 12:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
swany wrote:

Gregor what is this romour that 92.9 in calgary is reporting as just about done. Cogs ans our 1st pick for Staal, That's Eric Staal, with all the LTIR room we have the money works now but the years after could get pretty tight, any news on your end this is all over the HF boards.

Is Eklund working for 92.9 now?

Or maybe someone just sent them a link to that Eklund rumor generator.

Avatar
#35 Hemmertime
December 05 2009, 12:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@David S

Or it was a sick joke from Calgary radio station, although they would likely have used Kovies name instead.

Avatar
#36 c_tux
December 05 2009, 12:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I wish Christmas would come early and Tambo would miraculously deal James Neal out of Dallas for...well who cares really it's James 'effin' Neal! <3

Avatar
#37 David S
December 05 2009, 12:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

BTW. You guys really need to check out Black Dog Hates Skunks blog today.

Avatar
#39 Tooles
December 05 2009, 12:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Cogs is flying out there, the kid really wants to score today!

Avatar
#40 Tooles
December 05 2009, 12:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

JACQUES WHAT THE HELL MAN!!!

Avatar
#41 David S
December 05 2009, 12:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@ Jason - Edmonton fans are sitting ducks for practical jokes right now. Although this sounds like one of those "dirt for dirt" opportunities that's just sitting out there waiting for a response.

Avatar
#42 David S
December 05 2009, 12:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Doesn't Dallas have a backup goaltender? AND WHY ISN'T HE IN NET??????

Avatar
#43 Dan the Man
December 05 2009, 12:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Thats it I'm going to go build a snow fort.

Avatar
#44 freeze
December 05 2009, 12:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

It never ceases to amaze me how well other teams create so much space in the offensive zone and yet we are constantly under pressure with no time to make a decent pass.

Avatar
#45 Travis Dakin
December 05 2009, 12:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Why did they just show Renney as a coaching candidate? He is employed right now thanks.

Avatar
#46 Travis Dakin
December 05 2009, 01:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

So who's getting hammered tonight? It's company christmas party season!!!! hahah always drama. I love it.

Avatar
#47 Tooles
December 05 2009, 01:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Visnovsky with the gun!!!

Avatar
#48 Travis Dakin
December 05 2009, 01:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

so... do I cheer when the Oilers score? uh... I'm not inclined to.

Avatar
#49 Shaun Doe
December 05 2009, 01:05PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Anyone else notice that there really isn't one player on the Oilers that is capable of getting angry and elevating their game accordingly? What I mean is a guy like Iginla who you just don't want to get riled up if he is having a slow game. Penner might be the closest to a player like this.

Avatar
#50 Travis Dakin
December 05 2009, 01:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Shaun Doe wrote:

Anyone else notice that there really isn't one player on the Oilers that is capable of getting angry and elevating their game accordingly? What I mean is a guy like Iginla who you just don't want to get riled up if he is having a slow game. Penner might be the closest to a player like this.

BIG SEX.

Comments are closed for this article.