February 11 2009 10:50AM
FMNF – Today we want to discuss a pair of Davids.
David #1 – That kid in the movie
With mad respect to our boys at JSBM who found this clip (and probably invented it for all we know) please take a moment to examine the video above. How do you think this David feels? From the looks of him – pretty damn awesome. We have a buddy who pays good money to get that messed up on a regular basis. Good for them both.
David #2 – That guy from the Journal
Now that we have all viewed that fine YouTube clip, let’s talk about another David: David Staples. How do you think he is feeling today? Probably not as good as David #1 for two reasons. First, he isn’t stoned on laughing gas. That tends to damper one’s mood. Secondly he probably isn’t feeling 100/100 due to the backlash certain folk kicked up on his site yesterday when he reported about JJ possibly coming to visit.
Now we can only assume that the Edmonton Journal website gets 1,458,499 hits per hour regardless of breaking Jaromir Jagr news. So it’s clear that David Staples didn’t write this news to get some brief traffic surge as the collective OilersNation Eye of Sauron™ focused squarely on his story for the bulk of the day.
Instead Mr. Staples wrote this article for the same reason we wrote that article about our pending three way with the Olsen Twins:
We both believe our stories to be true.
He didn’t exactly say that Jagr was already shopping for a condominium in Castledowns and is looking into an annual pass at the Muttart Conservatory now did he? No. Staples said that there is possibility something could occur. There is a big difference. Personally when we read about it we almost did a backflip in our chair. But we have wicked backflip skills so that sort of thing happens all the time.
But sweet Suri Cruise did other people start tripping balls on the guy for having the audacity to report a potential signing of Jaromir Jagr by the local shitanusly mediocre hockey club. Yes, what a jerk he is to give us all the thrill of having something positive to discuss again. These sorts of comments are completely appropriate:
oilerman bush league reporting my friend February 10, 2009 2:25 PM
HockeyFan Man, blogging rumors is so damn easy. Just ask Eklund. And apparently Staples. February 10, 2009 2:32 PM
Fact #1: We like David Staples so all you haters can fuck off
When everyone else was showing our little website absolutely no love, David Staples wrote an article about us. When we were able to Jedi Mind trick Jonathan Willis into joining our merry band of Gypsies, David Staples wrote about us too. David Staples writing about things that are a bit off the beaten path led a great many of you to find the Nation and helped ignite our white hot love affair with one another. No David Staples, no OilersNation. Believe that.
Fact #2: David Staples is a rarity -– particularly in the North.
Please take a moment to examine the figure above and note the distribution of David Stapleses in the US. Pay particular attention to how few there are in the North. Do you want our David Staples to pack his stuff and migrate down to the David Staples Mecca that is Florida? Do they deserve a 20th David Staples?
No. Screw Florida.
Fact #3: David Staples is 75 feet tall and has a functioning AM-RAM missile battery at the ready 24/7
Please take a moment to examine the figure above. You wouldn’t want his laser guided tracking system locking on to your abode or work because he got mad do you? Do you know how long it took us to draw that? Like 20 minutes. Now THAT is a waste of your time. But Staples reporting that there is a possibility Jagr signs Chez Oil isn't. Ease up.