A tale of two Davids

Wanye
February 11 2009 10:50AM

FMNF – Today we want to discuss a pair of Davids.

David #1 – That kid in the movie

With mad respect to our boys at JSBM who found this clip (and probably invented it for all we know) please take a moment to examine the video above. How do you think this David feels? From the looks of him – pretty damn awesome. We have a buddy who pays good money to get that messed up on a regular basis. Good for them both.

David #2 – That guy from the Journal

Now that we have all viewed that fine YouTube clip,  let’s talk about another David: David Staples. How do you think he is feeling today? Probably not as good as David #1 for two reasons. First, he isn’t stoned on laughing gas. That tends to damper one’s mood. Secondly he probably isn’t feeling 100/100 due to the backlash certain folk kicked up on his site yesterday when he reported about JJ possibly coming to visit.

Now we can only assume that the Edmonton Journal website gets 1,458,499 hits per hour regardless of breaking Jaromir Jagr news. So it’s clear that David Staples didn’t write this news to get some brief traffic surge as the collective OilersNation Eye of Sauron™ focused squarely on his story for the bulk of the day.

Instead Mr. Staples wrote this article for the same reason we wrote that article about our pending three way with the Olsen Twins:

We both believe our stories to be true.

He didn’t exactly say that Jagr was already shopping for a condominium in Castledowns and is looking into an annual pass at the Muttart Conservatory now did he? No. Staples said that there is possibility something could occur. There is a big difference. Personally when we read about it we almost did a backflip in our chair. But we have wicked backflip skills so that sort of thing happens all the time.

But sweet Suri Cruise did other people start tripping balls on the guy for having the audacity to report a potential signing of Jaromir Jagr by the local shitanusly mediocre hockey club. Yes, what a jerk he is to give us all the thrill of having something positive to discuss again. These sorts of comments are completely appropriate:

oilerman bush league reporting my friend February 10, 2009 2:25 PM

HockeyFan Man, blogging rumors is so damn easy. Just ask Eklund. And apparently Staples. February 10, 2009 2:32 PM

Fact #1: We like David Staples so all you haters can fuck off

When everyone else was showing our little website absolutely no love, David Staples wrote an article about us. When we were able to Jedi Mind trick Jonathan Willis into joining our merry band of Gypsies, David Staples wrote about us too. David Staples writing about things that are a bit off the beaten path led a great many of you to find the Nation and helped ignite our white hot love affair with one another. No David Staples, no OilersNation. Believe that.

Fact #2: David Staples is a rarity -– particularly in the North.

davidstaples1

Please take a moment to examine the figure above and note the distribution of David Stapleses in the US. Pay particular attention to how few there are in the North. Do you want our David Staples to pack his stuff and migrate down to the David Staples Mecca that is Florida? Do they deserve a 20th David Staples?

No. Screw Florida.

Fact #3: David Staples is 75 feet tall and has a functioning AM-RAM missile battery at the ready 24/7

staples1

Please take a moment to examine the figure above. You wouldn’t want his laser guided tracking system locking on to your abode or work because he got mad do you? Do you know how long it took us to draw that? Like 20 minutes. Now THAT is a waste of your time. But Staples reporting that there is a possibility Jagr signs Chez Oil isn't. Ease up.

FMNF

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Colin
February 11 2009, 10:53AM
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Preach it brotha.

-FMNF

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#2 doggie-style D
February 11 2009, 10:58AM
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love the drawings! Keep it up!

By the way, that Arena design was true genius...who did that, anyway?

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#3 Travis Dakin
February 11 2009, 10:59AM
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FMNF- FOr sure gotta give the respect to Staples. He is EXACTLY how I found this site. When did he write that first article? It's been so long and so good. I wanted to smash some people making those comments on his blog yesterday.

But, it was an interesting afterrnoon. FMNF

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#4 Wanye Gretz
February 11 2009, 11:00AM
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doggie-style D wrote:

love the drawings! Keep it up! By the way, that Arena design was true genius…who did that, anyway?

Those are a Wanye Gretz Production. All world rights reserved. An autographed version (as always) is available at wanyegretz@gmail.com

You're welcome society

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#5 Rick
February 11 2009, 11:01AM
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The bulk of Oiler fans are as bi-polar as the team they cheer for. The sooner we accept this reality the quicker we can become efficient at filtering through the overly emotional crap alot of them bless us with.

Speaking of which, I wonder how many of the guys that went off the deep end on David Staples yesterday were the same guys that called Al Strachan a fraud when he said Pronger wanted a trade out of here?

I'm not suggesting that Staples' rumour will prove true, I'm just suggesting that stranger things have happened...like Strachan getting one right.

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#6 The Towel Boy
February 11 2009, 11:21AM
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FMNF - Jagr to the Oil! Viva la resistance!

Wanye Question: Who saw this coming!?!

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#7 jayoilfan
February 11 2009, 11:27AM
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Staples is awesome! Like Daken, he pointed me to this gold mine of a blog (keep up the great work Wanye & Co.).

Whne I read about it yesterday I read every word. Especially the parts that said it is a possibility, everything and anything is a possibility.

When others started raggin on him I thought it was a little uncalled for. Come on Oiler fans, it is his job to be a reporter and he wouldn't have posted if he wasn't confident in it.

I totally respect him and his articles/blogs. His thoughts have credibility with this fan, and to post something of that magnitude with all the bad crap fans have been blowing around lately, it shows he has balls to rock our collectively heads with some potentially NHL worthy news.

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#8 JRocks247
February 11 2009, 11:43AM
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I dig David Staples, I'm only worried that the Mighty Oil (who better be mighty cuz' I'm taking my future father in-law to the game) were trying to back door these negotiations and now I'm sure more Tambo wanna bees are ringing Jagr with offers. Cogs to Gags in front to Jags...ohh and Louie snags...damn so close.

Prediction tonight...4-2 Oilers..Smid actually scores a goal! Book it!

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#9 Colin
February 11 2009, 11:47AM
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JRocks247 wrote:

Prediction tonight…4-2 Oilers..Smid actually scores a goal! Book it!

I doubt it, but Save it for the GDB man.

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#10 OvenChicken8
February 11 2009, 11:52AM
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- FMNF (Unless Bucky takes over) -

Whether or not the story had any substance to it, it kept me entertained through a boring day of work yesterday. Thanks Staples :)

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#11 I Am The Law - FMNF
February 11 2009, 11:56AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

FMNF- FOr sure gotta give the respect to Staples. He is EXACTLY how I found this site. When did he write that first article? It’s been so long and so good. I wanted to smash some people making those comments on his blog yesterday. But, it was an interesting afterrnoon. FMNF

Same here. No Staples, no Nation goodness for me.

Wanye Gretz wrote:

doggie-style D wrote: love the drawings! Keep it up! By the way, that Arena design was true genius…who did that, anyway? Those are a Wanye Gretz Production. All world rights reserved. An autographed version (as always) is available at wanyegretz@gmail.com You’re welcome society

Still have the one Wayne sent me as my desktop background. Very nice!

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#12 Jack "slacking off at work" Bauer
February 11 2009, 12:06PM
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Can we have another discussion on why we should fire our deadbeat of a coach? Like why would we want to have a coach killer being coached by a player killer? Mark my words Mactavish would have put Jagr on defense, the 3rd penalty kill unit, and would have put Joey Moss on his wing after a bag skate 30 minutes before the game. Mactavish could coach the olympic team and theyd still manage to play 500 hockey while only scoring 2 goals a game.

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#13 Thenosebleedsection.
February 11 2009, 12:12PM
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Oh man, Those pictures are pure GOLD!. You are like the Vango of MS paint my friend.

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#14 B-rad
February 11 2009, 12:30PM
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Wayne.......I need to buy some Nation gear for valentines day...and then give it to myself....

is there any left my friend?

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#15 Robert...
February 11 2009, 12:42PM
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"distribution of David Stapleses"...gold

He did provide me with the most exciting 7 minutes of this season so far.

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#16 Dropping Deuces
February 11 2009, 12:42PM
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FMNF - The only thing this blog is missing is pie charts, why no pie charts?

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#17 shakey
February 11 2009, 12:45PM
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David Staples is how I became a card carrying member of OilersNation (when do I get my card by the way?) I used to read him everyday at lunch. Since I've accepted my addiction to the 'Nation, I hardly go back to the one that brought me here. Sorry David...you were fun while it lasted. It's not you, it's me. I just need some time to focus on other sites. You deserve so much more than I can offer you right now. Don't go away mad, we can still be friends...I'll call you, I swear.

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#18 freeze
February 11 2009, 12:45PM
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FMNF

don't forget about the David-Christian Bale remix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70r-Ca8wcVg

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#19 freeze
February 11 2009, 12:45PM
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FMNF

don’t forget about the David-Christian Bale remix: hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70r-Ca8wcVg

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#20 BUCK75 - FMNF
February 11 2009, 12:56PM
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HAHAHA - another great illustration. The goliath David Staples taking on all that talk smack on his property. Is it just me or does he have a lazy eye?

Oh how people forget that Staples was the one breaking most of the news on the Katz Empire buying our team. People have short memories...

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#21 I Am The Law - FMNF
February 11 2009, 12:57PM
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Jack "slacking off at work" Bauer wrote:

Can we have another discussion on why we should fire our deadbeat of a coach? Like why would we want to have a coach killer being coached by a player killer? Mark my words Mactavish would have put Jagr on defense, the 3rd penalty kill unit, and would have put Joey Moss on his wing after a bag skate 30 minutes before the game. Mactavish could coach the olympic team and theyd still manage to play 500 hockey while only scoring 2 goals a game.

Would the coach-killer and the player-killer somehow cancel each other out? Would we get an "Immovable Object" vs. "Irresistible Force" contest taking place? Could this create an equilibrium where Jagr puts out effort and MacT puts out intelligence?

Either way: FMNF

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#22 Ender the Dragon
February 11 2009, 12:59PM
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Lesson #1: Don't believe everything you read, and read it twice to be sure you understand.

Lesson #2: Wanye should be the Marketing and Design Coordinator for Chez Oil. Some mad art skillz, my friend. Also, drinking copious quantities of Buckley's aids in improving overall art quality substantially. Just ask little David; he knows.

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#23 Poo Czar
February 11 2009, 01:01PM
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Jesus, I think Wanye owes Staples some Nation Gear residuals; he put the Nation on my radar as well. No wonder Gretz is defending him so vehemently. I'm still a Staples guy too, I don't even hate the Error stat!

Glad to see a little more of the swearing back in your posts Wanye, nice to see you still have some pills.

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#24 Milli
February 11 2009, 01:07PM
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FMNF- Me too, here cuz of the Staples "cult of hockey".

And also, anyone who read his articles on the end of Peter Puck, the EIG and finally Katz buying the team. That was Gold, pure gold!!!! By the way, where can I get a copy of that, I was telling my buddy about it....

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#25 joey moss
February 11 2009, 01:38PM
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old news is old. my 81 year old grand mother had seen that video before it was posted here.

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#26 Wanye Gretz
February 11 2009, 01:43PM
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FMNF

@ The Towel Boy: You did. You always do somehow or other.

@ OvenChicken8: Bucky? What will he teach the troops? More defensive minded BS? No thanks.

@ I Am The Law - FMNF: That is hilarious. I have it as my screensaver too. A coworker walked by once and saw it and said "What the HELL is that supposed to be?" I just laughed and disappeared into a puff of smoke.

@ Jack "slacking off at work" Bauer: Now JB - where is your FMNF when you say that? Tsk tsk

BUCK75 - FMNF wrote:

Oh how people forget that Staples was the one breaking most of the news on the Katz Empire buying our team. People have short memories…

This is an excellent point that I forgot about. I would sell all of my organs to be able to look Kay-Z in his solid gold eyeballs and tell him all of my theories.

Theory #1: FMNF Theory #2: Please don't sue me.

@ Ender the Dragon: Marketing coordinator for the Oilers..... This gig is way better. Plus it doesn't pay *bursts into tears*

@ Poo Czar: "T Shirt sales? That's the richest plum!" - Krusty the Clown to Lisa

panting That was a lot of people to address. Can I have a beer now?

Excellent....

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#27 Wanye Gretz
February 11 2009, 01:45PM
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joey moss wrote:

old news is old. my 81 year old grand mother had seen that video before it was posted here.

Of course she did. Did she tell you about it while tucking you into bed with a warm bottle?

Don't disgrace the name you have chosen.

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#28 r59
February 11 2009, 02:03PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Did she tell you about it while tucking you into bed with a warm bottle? Don’t disgrace the name you have chosen.

HAHAHA Good to have you back dub gee

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#29 Amber McCormick
February 11 2009, 02:13PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

So hot how you get all defensive regarding one of your many boyfriends. I wish you'd run to my rescue when I'm being molested by Baggedmilk like you run to defend Mr. Staples.

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#30 Wanye Gretz
February 11 2009, 02:25PM
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Amber McCormick wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: So hot how you get all defensive regarding one of your many boyfriends. I wish you’d run to my rescue when I’m being molested by Baggedmilk like you run to defend Mr. Staples.

What am I wearing in this rescue fantasy of yours? It sounds intense *wiggles eyebrows in a suggestive fashion*

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#31 MJ
February 11 2009, 02:53PM
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Here here Wanye!

Ever since some uttered the words Edmonton Oilers online, there has been a thirst to gather rumours. A thirst to feel that you are closer to the team than what you'll get from the dailies, TV and radio.

Yesterday David Staples quenched our thirst. He didn't pass it off as news nor made any guarantees. He presented it in a way so the average Grade 6 student could comprehend that he was simply sharing something he heard and considered came from a reliable source.

Sadly a Grade 6 reading comprehension level is not required to start a browser; though when I rule the world....

Would all the naysayers here and on Staples' blog comments prefer he just kept it to himself and a select group of trusted souls he emailed privately?

Let's face it, most of us would pay big bucks to see Brownlee's Inbox around trade deadline day!

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#32 Robin B
February 11 2009, 03:51PM
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@ MJ: Inbox: Can be accessed at rbrownlee@edmonton.oilers.com. Password: Heywood J.

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#33 David Staples
February 11 2009, 04:14PM
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Hey, man, thanks! Much appreciated.

But really, I've been OK with all the fussing, especially any carping from the MSM guys, even my old buddy Spec calling me a "half-ass blogger" on national radio.

At least he didn't say I report from my mom's basement.

The fact is, when MSM guys get beat on a story, even a report of a hot rumour, their shorts get in a knot and all they want to do is crush the guy that scooped them and discredit the story.

How do I know this? Because I've been that MSM guy myself at times.

We are a spiteful, petty bunch, eh.

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#34 bingofuel
February 11 2009, 04:22PM
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@ David Staples: David, I've *always* thought of you as a half-assed blogger, but definitely a several-assed reporter. :P

Thanks for always giving the Nation shoutouts, especially when we needed it most: at the beginning.

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#35 Amber McCormick
February 11 2009, 04:33PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

What am I wearing in this rescue fantasy of yours? It sounds intense *wiggles eyebrows in a suggestive fashion*

Sweatpants. What else?!

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#36 Fortboy
February 11 2009, 05:09PM
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what the hell does MSM even stand for? MacTavish S**** Monkeys??

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#37 Fortboy
February 11 2009, 05:14PM
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@ Amber McCormick:

I hope he's wearing his Bro. Sagginess is not pretty. http://deonandan.com/images/manzier.jpg

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#38 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
February 11 2009, 05:22PM
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Hey David? Where is your FMNF???

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#39 baggedmilk
February 11 2009, 06:39PM
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Amber you're still talking about that? It was hot and you know it. We shared something special and don't you forget it.

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#40 abdullah the butcher
February 12 2009, 11:23AM
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David's a great guy, no knock on him.

BUT!!!!! More erroneous reporting on ON. Contrary to what you might think, The Journal doesn't get all the traffic you might think.

I know this to be a fact.

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#41 bingofuel
February 12 2009, 11:31AM
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@ abdullah the butcher: I don't know, man. Their Alexa rating isn't so bad!

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