February 19 2009 02:25PM
On February 10th, Ethan Moreau and Ales Hemsky had their heads shaved, raising $27,000 for the Make-a-Wish Foundation of Northern Alberta and the Stollery Children's Hospital Foundation.
This is their story.
Radio dude: “So Ales, you have shaved your head today for a good cause. How do you feel?”
Hemsky: “What can I say? I am richer than an astronaut and the hair you just cut off probably has enough talent to be drafted in the 2nd round next year.”
Radio dude: “Is there any truth to the rumor this hair is being sent straight to a Rexall Pharmacy where it will be forwarded to the Daryl Katz Cloning Laboratory™?”
Hemsky: “Probably. As part of my new contract I signed away the ability “to be reproduced in whole or in part by the NHL and its affiliates.” I guess that’s the new CBA for you!”
Radio dude: “And you - what do you have to say for yourself there chachi?”
Cogliano: “I consider myself too pretty to participate in this charitable event. I am happy to attend the event and be the only Oiler in attendance not to shave his head. I roll like that. And besi-”
Moreau: (interrupting) “I’m so hot right now I could shave off my everythings and still roll a hundred times as hard as you there Chief. So you may want to pipe down before I kick your hair encrusted head clean off your shoulders.”
Hairdresser Girl (to Moreau): “I’d shave your everythings Ethan. Seriously.”
Kid in Hemsky Jersey: (thinks) “Given half a chance I will secretly gather this hair and bring it home to share with the legions of Hemsky fans around the world”
Hairdresser Girl: (thinks) “Given half a chance I will eat the pile of hair so that part of Ethan will always be inside me.”
Cogliano: (thinks) "I'm wearing a watch!"
Radio Guy: “This is getting slightly off the track. Perhaps I could get a word with the hair. Ales?”
Hemsky: “Works for me, the hair is free now.”
Radio Guy (to the pile of hair): “How about it? Want to be interviewed on CHED? Literally thousands of senior citizens and shut ins in Northern Alberta will hear this daytime interview and hang on your every word.”
Pile of hair: “FMNF bitches. Let’s get it on.”
The interview with Ales Hemsky’s pile of hair
Radio Guy: “Before we start this interview pile of Hemsky hair – are you technically under the contract with the Edmonton Oilers?”
Pile of Hair: “I don’t believe so.”
Radio Guy: “Excellent. How do you feel about the Rexall Scientist standing at the door waiting to whisk you away to the Daryl Katz cloning laboratory™ the instant this interview is over?”
Pile of hair: “In the absence of having the ability to sign any free agent players, I can totally see the wisdom of the Oilers cloning existing talent via hair follicle DNA extraction.”
Pile of Liam Reddox hair: “Does anyone want to clone me?”
Rexall Scientist standing nearby: “No.”
Pile of Liam Reddox hair: “Oh. Ok.” (sits in a pile sadly, looking very red)
Pile of Hemsky hair: “I would like to add that I also pronounce Cogliano to be a prissy wuss based on his actions today. Where does he get off attending this event with the likes of Moreau and my cranial master and yet he does not shave his dome? Lame.”
Hairdresser Girl: (with a full mouth) "Does anyone have any water?"
They play the Stars tonight or something.