Top o' the Morning!

Wanye
March 18 2009 09:50AM

leprechauns1

For once the Edmonton Oilers could point to someone on Rexall Ice that was smaller and more fragile than any of their players. That’s what you get when you inexplicably hire midgets to roll out a green carpet for the national anthem. Words escaped us when this moment occurred but luckily @dantencer was on the ball via Twitter:

“I think the 'authentic' leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

You, sir, are bang on in your assessment. Ordinarily we would write a few more words about how wrong this all was or make a joke about “St Patty’s day and Christmas –- the two days of the year any midget who wants work can clean up” but no.

Not today.

Today we are all happy because the blasted Oil won a hockey game. Today we are personally extra happy because there we were, in attendance at RX1 hammering back the hockey beers and watching an old man try and fight a prissy dude in a sweater in our section. (true story)

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

  1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover
  2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night, but #2 got done and got done right. We sat there and watched Sheldon “Big Sexy” Souray -- now complete with beard *swoon* -- go out and intimidate basically everyone on the ice including poor Sam Gagner, who had to be reminded by Coach MacTavish that he had nothing to fear as he and Souray were teammates. It's sometimes lost in translation on the telematrix, but this Sheldon Souray does a lot of little things right out there on the ice. Things like scaring the crap out of most opposing players, shooting rockets made of fire from the point and causing most of the females in the lower 20 rows to take multiple trips to the washroom to wring out their undies.

But we're hungover and we're rambling.

When you lose 39% of the time you also win 61% of the time and today we get to enjoy one of the good ones where we watch the highlights of the shoot out over and over again and contemplate how wise the brass are having picked up Kotalik at the deadline. EdmontonOilers.com seem to think all the problems have been solved too declaring “OT Woes Over!” On a day like today, who are we to argue with this shameless exaggeration of fact?

Happy post-St. Patty’s Day, Nation. Ain’t that right weird Storm Trooper Oiler fans?

starwars_oilfans

Ain’t this team some sort of awesome Wu-Tang Clan?

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 Archaeologuy
March 18 2009, 03:55PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

I take no responsibility for the words I type.

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#102 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 03:57PM
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Dustin Penner wrote:

Did somebody say Oysters AND Ham??????

Well played.

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#103 Dan from Wainwright
March 18 2009, 04:00PM
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Quotes that make the situation with MacT feel even worse (from players in NY after their coaching change):

"I've had a blast," the 31-year-old said. "It's a really fun, exciting team to be around and you can see how guys have elevated their play since they got the new coach.

"He's very demanding and he relies on everyone to play the game hard. The team is going in the right direction at the right time."

For the Rangers, the change in style since Tortorella replaced the fired Tom Renney has been the biggest boost.

Before, they were a dispirited team that had trouble scoring, but since then, other than a 3-0 loss in Carolina, they look to be a better club all around, particularly on attack.

(Sobs and hides face, repeating FMNF and rocking in a corner)

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#104 Jeremy
March 18 2009, 04:02PM
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I spat orange drink all over the keyboard when I read "Oyster Ditch". Sounds like a great punk band name. Any one come up with pee-flaps yet? Tuna taco? Meat curtains?

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#105 Poo Czar
March 18 2009, 04:06PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Poo Czar: I hope Willis doesn’t see any of this. We are trying to put on a good show for the smart people that come here too…. *smashes plate on head*

Hell, I wanna hear the smart peoples perspective on the subject! Drop some Sciencey stuff in there, like a "Mariana Trench" or "Laplace Transform" or something. What the hell do i know? "Wizard's Sleeve" still makes me giggle.

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#106 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 04:15PM
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Poo Czar wrote:

“Mariana Trench”

hahahahahahaha. BEST DAY EVER!

Look at this. If the Oilers won every game this group right here could solve world peace, cure cancer and finally figure out where the clitoris is.

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#107 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 04:25PM
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Well if this is where we're going, I'm in it to win it...

beef dip, stink pit, gut locker, fish mitten, fiddle cove, love dugout, snapper, pork port

I have others...

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#108 Travis Dakin
March 18 2009, 04:30PM
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It's good to bust out like this once in a while.

So much tension with Dennis and Brownlee and Gregor and Willis and Brownlee and Gregor and Brownlee and Gregor....

Deep Oil wrote:

It’s official baggedmilk and dakin are in love.

Not so much love but an unhealthy obsession.

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#109 Bruthah
March 18 2009, 04:30PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

I have others…

Why am I not surprised by that.

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#110 Gene's Pubes
March 18 2009, 05:45PM
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I would love to bang a midget.

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#111 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 05:55PM
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The Menace wrote:

Deep Oil wrote: “I think the ‘authentic’ leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.” I’d like to hear more about these ‘overpiced sausages’…they sound delicious.

I was referring to the players....

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#112 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 06:01PM
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Not suprising that the Dark Knight took the guaranteed advertising dollars from Northlands to name the baseball team the "Edmonton Capitals" so they can promote the Capital Ex via the team name.... just goes to show you that the Dark Knight desperately needs the sin lottery money via the Northlands license for RX2.

Stay tuned for more conspiracy on how to use government money for private gain. Sounds very much like the book on Peter Puck right now.....

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#113 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 06:03PM
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Gene's Pubes wrote:

I would love to bang a midget.

Sounds like a warped pedophile fantasy - please stay away or go to OZ.

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#114 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 06:04PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

It’s good to bust out like this once in a while. So much tension with Dennis and Brownlee and Gregor and Willis and Brownlee and Gregor and Brownlee and Gregor…. Deep Oil wrote: It’s official baggedmilk and dakin are in love. Not so much love but an unhealthy obsession.

what's that on your chin ?

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#115 Amber McCormick
March 18 2009, 06:15PM
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How did this thread go so wrong, so fast?

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#116 suntory hanzo
March 18 2009, 06:54PM
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Man, it seems prices have changed since I moved away. I had seasons tickets 1992-1994 in the 2nd row expansion and they were 11 bucks a ticket. That's when I got my Klima jersey for my birthday! If you got one of the collectible cups of coke with team logos on it (the visiting team) you could go get it refilled as many times as you wanted. The 2 bucks then seemed outrageous. What's it cost to park there now. We used to park a few blocks away in front of an electrical supply store that was closed during those hours.

Japan is cool cuz you can fill your pockets with beer and they don't check, but if you want beer in the hand when you go in, you stop outside the stadium and pour the beer into plastic cups. Tall boys are 3 bucks from the food/drink stands on the way up. Good times!

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#117 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 06:57PM
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suntory hanzo wrote:

Man, it seems prices have changed since I moved away. I had seasons tickets 1992-1994 in the 2nd row expansion and they were 11 bucks a ticket. That’s when I got my Klima jersey for my birthday! If you got one of the collectible cups of coke with team logos on it (the visiting team) you could go get it refilled as many times as you wanted. The 2 bucks then seemed outrageous. What’s it cost to park there now. We used to park a few blocks away in front of an electrical supply store that was closed during those hours. Japan is cool cuz you can fill your pockets with beer and they don’t check, but if you want beer in the hand when you go in, you stop outside the stadium and pour the beer into plastic cups. Tall boys are 3 bucks from the food/drink stands on the way up. Good times!

I had Section M centre ice 1979 for $12 per ticket - welcome to the new century and at RX2 do you think prices will go down, or you will get more value for your dollar....

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#118 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
March 18 2009, 08:04PM
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@ Amber McCormick:

Deep Oil started posting.

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#119 Amber McCormick
March 18 2009, 08:36PM
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@ Jack "FMNF" Bauer: True dat...true dat

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#120 Archaeologuy
March 18 2009, 10:01PM
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@ Amber McCormick:

It was only a matter of time before a group of men (no matter how socially inept) banded together to discuss various names for lady bits. It's a primal function of our brains. It was the spark for human culture. Just a bunch of guys needing to better understand the nature of the opposite sex.

All the caves have been painted, now its up to us to fill the interwebs with our combined knowledge of women.

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#121 David S
March 18 2009, 11:16PM
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Holy crap! I must have been the only guy in Edmonton who went to work today.

Epic thread ladies. Looks like even the moderators took the day off. We're one homo-erotic comment away from a JSBM GDT. It's greasy in here and I like it.

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#122 baggedmilk
March 19 2009, 10:19AM
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David S wrote:

Epic thread ladies. Looks like even the moderators took the day off. We’re one homo-erotic comment away from a JSBM GDT. It’s greasy in here and I like it.

I take great pride in the vulgarity of the JSBM Bosignore Citizens Brigade meetings.

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#123 I'm a Scientist!
March 19 2009, 10:53AM
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Poo Czar wrote:

Wanye Gretz wrote: @ Poo Czar: I hope Willis doesn’t see any of this. We are trying to put on a good show for the smart people that come here too…. *smashes plate on head* Hell, I wanna hear the smart peoples perspective on the subject! Drop some Sciencey stuff in there, like a “Mariana Trench” or “Laplace Transform” or something. What the hell do i know? “Wizard’s Sleeve” still makes me giggle.

I am a Scientist and I approve all said terms. But when i looked it up in my Official Book of Science, the definition listed there is "Not The Pooper" - the fish mitten part of a lady that opperates for the soul purpose of being a pork port.

Science rules.

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