Top o' the Morning!

Wanye
March 18 2009 09:50AM

leprechauns1

For once the Edmonton Oilers could point to someone on Rexall Ice that was smaller and more fragile than any of their players. That’s what you get when you inexplicably hire midgets to roll out a green carpet for the national anthem. Words escaped us when this moment occurred but luckily @dantencer was on the ball via Twitter:

“I think the 'authentic' leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

You, sir, are bang on in your assessment. Ordinarily we would write a few more words about how wrong this all was or make a joke about “St Patty’s day and Christmas –- the two days of the year any midget who wants work can clean up” but no.

Not today.

Today we are all happy because the blasted Oil won a hockey game. Today we are personally extra happy because there we were, in attendance at RX1 hammering back the hockey beers and watching an old man try and fight a prissy dude in a sweater in our section. (true story)

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

  1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover
  2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night, but #2 got done and got done right. We sat there and watched Sheldon “Big Sexy” Souray -- now complete with beard *swoon* -- go out and intimidate basically everyone on the ice including poor Sam Gagner, who had to be reminded by Coach MacTavish that he had nothing to fear as he and Souray were teammates. It's sometimes lost in translation on the telematrix, but this Sheldon Souray does a lot of little things right out there on the ice. Things like scaring the crap out of most opposing players, shooting rockets made of fire from the point and causing most of the females in the lower 20 rows to take multiple trips to the washroom to wring out their undies.

But we're hungover and we're rambling.

When you lose 39% of the time you also win 61% of the time and today we get to enjoy one of the good ones where we watch the highlights of the shoot out over and over again and contemplate how wise the brass are having picked up Kotalik at the deadline. EdmontonOilers.com seem to think all the problems have been solved too declaring “OT Woes Over!” On a day like today, who are we to argue with this shameless exaggeration of fact?

Happy post-St. Patty’s Day, Nation. Ain’t that right weird Storm Trooper Oiler fans?

starwars_oilfans

Ain’t this team some sort of awesome Wu-Tang Clan?

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Dan from Wainwright
March 18 2009, 12:32PM
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@ Travis Dakin: Yeah, I saw that later in a baggedmilk comment, my bad.

Too bad tone of voice/sarcasm and the like can't be represented by keyboard characters.

(bows out gracefully)

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#52 Travis Dakin
March 18 2009, 12:34PM
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@ Dan from Wainwright: haha shoot first ask questions later right? I got it.

It's all good around here friend.

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#53 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 12:45PM
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@ Dan from Wainwright: @ Travis Dakin:

Travis always understands me, and Dan, what the hell is keeping you in Wainwright? You had better have a job as a ninja spy that circles the town come night fall to unleash vigilante justice.

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#54 Adam
March 18 2009, 12:45PM
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bingofuel wrote:

@ Adam: I’ve done my democratic duty… Or, rather, I voted for your video. I’ve also tweeted about it through OilersNation on twitter. Best of luck, my liege.

Thanks dude! I really appreciate the support!

http://doritosguru.ca/DeVillionaire/I%20Need%20Another%20Bag

Good game last night too!

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#55 shakey
March 18 2009, 12:53PM
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@ baggedmilk: IT'S NOT YOUR REAL NAME??????????? I don't know if I can go on. So when I playfully call you Baggy, I'm unwittingly contributing to your lie? Next thing you tell me is that here is no Deep Oil and he's really some dude wearing a tin-foil hat, peeing his pants while yelling at a stop sign.

Wait till I tell the Easter Bunny about this. He's going to be super pissed.

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#56 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 12:55PM
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@ shakey:

Don't worry, it's my real name

*wink*

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#57 Dan from Wainwright
March 18 2009, 12:56PM
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@ baggedmilk: baggedmilk wrote:

@ Dan from Wainwright: @ Travis Dakin: Travis always understands me, and Dan, what the hell is keeping you in Wainwright? You had better have a job as a ninja spy that circles the town come night fall to unleash vigilante justice.

I work* at the military base geeking it up civvy style.

*work may or may not include actual work per se, but may consist almost entirely of studying Oil stats and refreshing the lastest ON post/comments 298 times in a work day.

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#58 Jason Gregor
March 18 2009, 12:56PM
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Wakes up at 12:18...head pounding...thankfully my job doesn't start until three...pounds back beer and clam (best hangover remedy ever)...tries to read posts on ON and can't understand half of them...curses bloody murder at Dr. Wang from On The Rocks for the endless supply of Jagger Bombs...Finds Visa receipt in pocket...son of a....realizes mid week hangovers are way worse than weekends ones...Shakes head in amazement at fans who drink this hard and often during weekday Oiler games...Gotta love day after St. Paddy's day...

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#59 Quinn
March 18 2009, 12:56PM
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Deep Oil wrote:

Quinn wrote: Picture … so wrong …. little people …. pc overload … ‘collapses in fetal position’ Mike Milbury (QUINN) would use the word midget and avoid little people. At least Rexall Sports are providing employment for these two… I hear they might have a long term contract to become a Rexall Greeter…

Deep Oil remembers my name! I gleeful so am.

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#60 Chaz
March 18 2009, 01:00PM
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I think Wayne put the pictures of the Little people in this article to hide the fact that Grebs had one of his best games as an Oiler last night. Now that the Russian league has tanked he is playing with gusto as it looks like he'll need to hang in North America for a few more years yet.

Sure he allowed one of the Blues to cruise by him uncontested for a breakaway in OT, but that is just part of what makes him so fun to watch. Kind of like when Roli does the 'Bat the puck out of the air' schtik or the 'Let's chuck my stick into the corner for the remainder of this penalty kill' schtik. I guess when you play as well as he has lately, it allows you to get away with stuff like that. I Love Circus Roli.

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#61 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 01:08PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

@ Dan from Wainwright: haha shoot first ask questions later right? I got it. It’s all good around here friend.

It's official baggedmilk and dakin are in love.

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#62 Bruthah
March 18 2009, 01:11PM
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Deep Oil wrote:

Travis Dakin wrote: @ Dan from Wainwright: haha shoot first ask questions later right? I got it. It’s all good around here friend. It’s official baggedmilk and dakin are in love.

WSTC..... What's your source????????

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#63 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 01:15PM
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Bruthah wrote:

Deep Oil wrote: Travis Dakin wrote: @ Dan from Wainwright: haha shoot first ask questions later right? I got it. It’s all good around here friend. It’s official baggedmilk and dakin are in love. WSTC….. What’s your source????????

A trucker from Elk Point that has a son on the Oilers that drives through Villeneuve for coffee....

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#64 Word
March 18 2009, 01:15PM
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Chaz wrote:

I think Wayne put the pictures of the Little people in this article to hide the fact that Grebs had one of his best games as an Oiler last night. Now that the Russian league has tanked he is playing with gusto as it looks like he’ll need to hang in North America for a few more years yet. Sure he allowed one of the Blues to cruise by him uncontested for a breakaway in OT, but that is just part of what makes him so fun to watch. Kind of like when Roli does the ‘Bat the puck out of the air’ schtik or the ‘Let’s chuck my stick into the corner for the remainder of this penalty kill’ schtik. I guess when you play as well as he has lately, it allows you to get away with stuff like that. I Love Circus Roli.

I heard MacT told him that whenever he gets the uncontrollable urge to bat the puck out of their, he should throw his stick into the corner to stop himself from going through with it.

Now that's coaching!

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#65 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 01:16PM
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Bruthah wrote:

WSTC….. What’s your source????????

Well, I walked in on them giving each other colonics with their mouths. So. Walking in on that sort of thing once, shame on me. Walking it on it 10-15 times, well, you know...

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#66 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 01:18PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

@ shakey: Don’t worry, it’s my real name *wink*

David R. Baggedmilk? The same David R. Baggedmilk that pissed his pants in Ms. Johnson's grade 4 math class at J. D. Howell Elementary? 1987? NO WAY! I thought that was you! But it's such a common name, I just never thought it could be you.

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#67 Bruthah
March 18 2009, 01:20PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Bruthah wrote: WSTC….. What’s your source???????? Well, I walked in on them giving each other colonics with their mouths. So. Walking in on that sort of thing once, shame on me. Walking it on it 10-15 times, well, you know…

Wow, just wow

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#68 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 01:24PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

Wakes up at 12:18…head pounding…thankfully my job doesn’t start until three…pounds back beer and clam (best hangover remedy ever)…tries to read posts on ON and can’t understand half of them…curses bloody murder at Dr. Wang from On The Rocks for the endless supply of Jagger Bombs…Finds Visa receipt in pocket…son of a….realizes mid week hangovers are way worse than weekends ones…Shakes head in amazement at fans who drink this hard and often during weekday Oiler games…Gotta love day after St. Paddy’s day…

mmmm...beer and clam. Love it.

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#69 shakey
March 18 2009, 01:24PM
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@ The Towel Boy: Don't get too excited T.B. After all this and the fact that they traded Eric Cole AND THEN we found out he was a southern spy placed here by Bettman to bring down the Katz establisment (all of this was said exactly by Wanye yesterday...or something like it) I don't know what to believe anymore. Is it getting dark in here? Do you guys smell toast?

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#70 Andrew W
March 18 2009, 01:28PM
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Mr. Gretz wrote:

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover 2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night...

This is the first categorically wrong statement our fearless leader has made on ON. First of all, I'm sure that all sorts of ladies, bearded and otherwise, would line up for his Gretz-ness on any given night. Secondly, unless he's missing both of his hands from some kind of tragic zamboni accident, there is always an opportunity for passionate love-making. The fact that he has a Princess Amadelia pillowcase should provide any extra "motivation" he might need, too.

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#71 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 01:31PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

David R. Baggedmilk? The same David R. Baggedmilk that pissed his pants in Ms. Johnson’s grade 4 math class at J. D. Howell Elementary? 1987? NO WAY! I thought that was you! But it’s such a common name, I just never thought it could be you.

I wasn't pissing, I was hydrating the bull frog that I carried in my pocket.

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#72 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 01:41PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

I wasn’t pissing, I was hydrating the bull frog that I carried in my pocket.

By pissing.

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#73 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 01:46PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

baggedmilk wrote: I wasn’t pissing, I was hydrating the bull frog that I carried in my pocket. By pissing.

Hey. If I'm going to hydrate Thurman he's drinking straight from the tap.

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#74 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 01:48PM
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Pants Pocket Bullfrog....isn't that a punk band?

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#75 Quinn
March 18 2009, 01:48PM
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These comments are barely fit to put up in an elementary classroom. I still have children who aren't bleeding from their eyes.

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#76 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 01:52PM
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@ Quinn:

If you are showing this to children in school right now? Because if you are you are a god among men.

Unless you are showing it to them as a cautionary tale as to what can happen when you drink too much Labatt Blue in high school, fail too many classes, have drunken sex with an underage girl, and get stuck working a dead end job with a crappy life, where the only thing you have left to look forward to is coming to an Oilers fan site and talking to other losers cut from the same clothe as you, then damn you! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!

*crumples into a pile on the floor as he realizes how worthless his life has become*

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#77 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 01:53PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

If you are showing this to children in school right now? Because if you are you are a god among men.

See, look at that. That sentence doesn't even make sense. STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS.

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#78 Wanye Gretz
March 18 2009, 01:54PM
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This is probably one of the better comment threads I have read on here in awhile. Funny how not feeling compelled to rip the team to shreds - cause they actually played half decent - leads to more light hearted commentary.

It's hilarious on here when the team is playing like crap and everyone is wound up tighter than a drum too, but this is a nice change of pace.

*goes back to hangover sleep under desk*

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#79 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 02:00PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

So fickle is the mob.

*places sign for "Free Hugs" on desk*

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#80 Amber McCormick
March 18 2009, 02:01PM
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@ Jason Gregor: Awww muffin.

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#81 shakey
March 18 2009, 02:08PM
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he he…Amber said Muffin...

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#82 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 02:12PM
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@ shakey:

Make no reference to Amber's oyster ditch. She is my lady and a saint at that.

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#83 Archaeologuy
March 18 2009, 02:27PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

@ shakey: Make no reference to Amber’s oyster ditch. She is my lady and a saint at that.

that just made my day worthwhile

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#84 shakey
March 18 2009, 02:31PM
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@ baggedmilk: 'oyster ditch'

Fantastic!

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#85 The Menace
March 18 2009, 02:35PM
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Deep Oil wrote:

“I think the ‘authentic’ leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

I'd like to hear more about these 'overpiced sausages'...they sound delicious.

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#86 The Menace
March 18 2009, 02:37PM
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Deep Oil wrote:

jeanshorts wrote: bingofuel wrote: Let the beer come to you, Look at Mr. Big Shot here, sitting in his gold plated seats in the lower bowl, eating his diamond encrusted nachos, sipping on a bottle of Cristal, having the beer come to him. I’ll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less. I don’t go to the games anymore, sitting down in front of my 60″ LG television in HD with my kids is more rewarding with no snow, cold, parking issues for an overtime loss or 9 - 2 blowout…. the value just isn’t there - 41 games a year to watch a coach that has been tuned out by overpaid sausages - no thanks. Please note having the option to fast forward through Gene Principe groaners is priceless. I am chicken wing fan so going to Hudsons, OTR, Moxies, or Shark Club is my big night out - with crown royal, not a CRISTAL fan - that is for vegas at the Palms for the naught nighty…. I will post some photos from last years event on facebook for you boys. Take the $10K for the gold seats and go on a few holidays this winter, still have a share in the suite, but the tickets are used by my clients…. I will have the photos from the Palms up later today… Cheers…

I’d like to hear more about these ‘overpaid sausages’…they sound delicious.

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#87 socaldave
March 18 2009, 02:48PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

@ shakey: Make no reference to Amber’s oyster ditch. She is my lady and a saint at that.

quite possibly post of the year!!!!

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#88 Bruno
March 18 2009, 02:53PM
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The Menace wrote:

having the option to fast forward through Gene Principe groaners is priceless.

Come on now leave Gene out of this.

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#89 Amber McCormick
March 18 2009, 03:02PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

Make no reference to Amber’s oyster ditch. She is my lady and a saint at that.

**SWOON**

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#90 Archaeologuy
March 18 2009, 03:12PM
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Amber McCormick wrote:

baggedmilk wrote: Make no reference to Amber’s oyster ditch. She is my lady and a saint at that. **SWOON**

Can you guys get Danny Tanner to read these posts out loud so it feels like an episode of "How I Met Your Mother"

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#91 DK0
March 18 2009, 03:25PM
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More fun names for someone's lady parts: hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT45EhTIxqU

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#92 Quinn
March 18 2009, 03:26PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

@ Quinn: If you are showing this to children in school right now? Because if you are you are a god among men. Unless you are showing it to them as a cautionary tale as to what can happen when you drink too much Labatt Blue in high school, fail too many classes, have drunken sex with an underage girl, and get stuck working a dead end job with a crappy life, where the only thing you have left to look forward to is coming to an Oilers fan site and talking to other losers cut from the same clothe as you, then damn you! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL! *crumples into a pile on the floor as he realizes how worthless his life has become*

It started as a health lesson, but when the paramedics arrived I started to think maybe I overdid it.

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#93 Poo Czar
March 18 2009, 03:39PM
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Oh Goodness how I miss these nonsense posts where the comments go off the rails.

And I'm on record as a big proponent of "Ham Wallet".

I DEMAND WILLIS' ADVANCED STATS ON LADY BITS AND THEIR ASSOCIATED NOMENCLATURE!!!

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#94 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 03:42PM
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Poo Czar wrote:

“Ham Wallet”.

Haha ahh man that one still kills me. First heard over at JSBM I might add.

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#95 Wanye Gretz
March 18 2009, 03:43PM
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@ Poo Czar:

I hope Willis doesn't see any of this. We are trying to put on a good show for the smart people that come here too....

*smashes plate on head*

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#96 druds
March 18 2009, 03:43PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

I’ll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less.

Stauffers whole body is huge, it scared the hell out of me the first time I watched a PPV and he and the broadcast crew were trying to balance on those tiny bar stools, I used to think Poti's head was big but Stauff's is frighteningly massive...

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#97 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 03:46PM
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"Oyster Ditch"...I really have nothing more to add to that. That's gold right there.

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#98 Archaeologuy
March 18 2009, 03:47PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Poo Czar: I hope Willis doesn’t see any of this. We are trying to put on a good show for the smart people that come here too…. *smashes plate on head*

I am a University Graduate and I approve these remarks...Ham Wallet, is there no end to the possibilities?

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#99 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 03:52PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

I am a University Graduate and I approve these remarks…Ham Wallet, is there no end to the possibilities?

...that sounds like a challenge if I ever heard one...

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#100 Dustin Penner
March 18 2009, 03:53PM
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Did somebody say Oysters AND Ham??????

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