Top o' the Morning!

Wanye
March 18 2009 09:50AM

leprechauns1

For once the Edmonton Oilers could point to someone on Rexall Ice that was smaller and more fragile than any of their players. That’s what you get when you inexplicably hire midgets to roll out a green carpet for the national anthem. Words escaped us when this moment occurred but luckily @dantencer was on the ball via Twitter:

“I think the 'authentic' leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

You, sir, are bang on in your assessment. Ordinarily we would write a few more words about how wrong this all was or make a joke about “St Patty’s day and Christmas –- the two days of the year any midget who wants work can clean up” but no.

Not today.

Today we are all happy because the blasted Oil won a hockey game. Today we are personally extra happy because there we were, in attendance at RX1 hammering back the hockey beers and watching an old man try and fight a prissy dude in a sweater in our section. (true story)

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

  1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover
  2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night, but #2 got done and got done right. We sat there and watched Sheldon “Big Sexy” Souray -- now complete with beard *swoon* -- go out and intimidate basically everyone on the ice including poor Sam Gagner, who had to be reminded by Coach MacTavish that he had nothing to fear as he and Souray were teammates. It's sometimes lost in translation on the telematrix, but this Sheldon Souray does a lot of little things right out there on the ice. Things like scaring the crap out of most opposing players, shooting rockets made of fire from the point and causing most of the females in the lower 20 rows to take multiple trips to the washroom to wring out their undies.

But we're hungover and we're rambling.

When you lose 39% of the time you also win 61% of the time and today we get to enjoy one of the good ones where we watch the highlights of the shoot out over and over again and contemplate how wise the brass are having picked up Kotalik at the deadline. EdmontonOilers.com seem to think all the problems have been solved too declaring “OT Woes Over!” On a day like today, who are we to argue with this shameless exaggeration of fact?

Happy post-St. Patty’s Day, Nation. Ain’t that right weird Storm Trooper Oiler fans?

starwars_oilfans

Ain’t this team some sort of awesome Wu-Tang Clan?

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 Shifty203
March 18 2009, 09:56AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Technically, They aren't stormtroopers. They are Clones. Get your star wars lingo right before you start crackin jokes. :)

Avatar
#2 Wanye Gretz
March 18 2009, 09:58AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Shifty203:

Thank you for tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft long enough to make that comment.

Kidding. ;)

Avatar
#3 Shifty203
March 18 2009, 10:00AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Shifty203: Thank you for tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft long enough to make that comment. Kidding.

ROFL!!

Avatar
#4 Wanye Gretz
March 18 2009, 10:02AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Shifty203:

I am actually a big Star Wars nerd complete with Queen Amidala pillow case. I stared at those two for awhile and couldn't figure out what they were.

Avatar
#5 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 10:08AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Shifty203: I am actually a big Star Wars nerd complete with Queen Amidala pillow case. I stared at those two for awhile and couldn’t figure out what they were.

Star Wars fan? Or did you just want an excuse to cut a hole in the pillow where Natalie Portmans mouth is?

Avatar
#6 jayoilfan
March 18 2009, 10:12AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Must the beer muddled brain that forgot the resemblance to the Clone Warriors. Funny thing is I too don't remember any team jerseys from the movies... go figure.

Totally kick ass costumes though, I'd love to have one for Halloween

Avatar
#7 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 10:34AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Maybe the little people could be a small step and hire them to be "ice people" and then move forward with ice girls for 2009 - 2010 if there is a team here due to non renewal of season tickets and a drop in corporate advertising.

The difference this year to last year is the luck of the MACT Irish in overtime - if MACT would of been rubbing his lucky rabbit's foot this year a little harder, this team in spite of it's imcompetence would not be fighting for a playoff spot...

Biggest con is shelling out $10K to Rexall Sports for 2 playoff dates and the rest of the money being directly applied to your renewal .... if they make the cut....rumor has it there are lots of suites for sublease based on poor play and a fragile economy (there is that word fragile again) - this is done very, very quietly as the OIL get very, very angry when their primary lease tenants sell their suites - OILER SUITE POLICEMAN BOB HAROMY is on the lookout.

Avatar
#8 OvenChicken8
March 18 2009, 10:35AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Shifty203: Thank you for tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft long enough to make that comment. Kidding.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

this and the wring out their undies quotes totally made my day!

Avatar
#9 RyanD
March 18 2009, 10:37AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

This whole article is the best thing I've read since you mentioned on Twitter that you were going to rub your naughty bits on the glass for Cole (and since no pictures were posted, I'm have to assume that it's what I feared).

Avatar
#10 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 10:40AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye how do you get drunk at Oiler games with all the lineups..... are you bringing in your own firewater ?

Note - to all ON that want to come down to the Oiler club lounge and do not have tickets to get past the NAZI Northlands ushers..... go to the top of the blues right side of Rolli - take the stairs down to the bottom and there is a door that opens directly to the club lounge (no security) where the puckgirls looking for free drinks hang out.... I have had to assist many blue ticket holders with this several times for friends that wish to have a bevy without the issues of concrete of this cement barn.

Note - if you are in PHX and wish to get great value on booze, get a suite, a bottle of RUM is $40 and Crown Royal is $60 - a far cry from the ransom at RX1.

Avatar
#11 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 10:45AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

How could so much awesomeivity be packed into one Oilers game?

1. Sheldon Souray's 20th goal.

2. Leprechauns.

3. Clone Troopers.

4. Old Man fight.

5. 2nd round pick guy gets the shootout winner.

6. A Win!

And there's at least 7 or 8 other points I have forgotten since I started making this list 3 minutes ago.

Avatar
#12 bingofuel
March 18 2009, 10:45AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Deep Oil

Lines? Deep Oil, stay in your seat and don't move. Let the beer come to you, otherwise your bladders going to start badgering you to get up and go to the bathroom. If you think line-ups for beer are bad, you must know that trying to take a whiz in RX1 is the worst.

Avatar
#13 bingofuel
March 18 2009, 10:48AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ The Towel Boy:

Just say the line, kid.

Avatar
#14 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 10:50AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Deep Oil:

What other magical secret boobie traps and hidden "Goonies" type adventures can one find within RX1? Tell me there's a pirate ship below the ice surface...

Avatar
#15 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 10:53AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

bingofuel wrote:

Let the beer come to you,

Look at Mr. Big Shot here, sitting in his gold plated seats in the lower bowl, eating his diamond encrusted nachos, sipping on a bottle of Cristal, having the beer come to him.

I'll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less.

Avatar
#16 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 10:55AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

bingofuel wrote:

@ The Towel Boy: Just say the line, kid.

*quietly and unwillingly mutters "...who saw this coming..." to please his fans*

Avatar
#17 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 10:56AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

bingofuel wrote:

@Deep Oil Lines? Deep Oil, stay in your seat and don’t move. Let the beer come to you, otherwise your bladders going to start badgering you to get up and go to the bathroom. If you think line-ups for beer are bad, you must know that trying to take a whiz in RX1 is the worst.

Sorry, I just used the washroom in our suite when I had tickets, not a fan of the public loo. Too many newfies pissing in the sink if you know what I mean....

Northlands had one poor lady that actually looked like a man - several complaints from the crowd... Northlands has to learn that a waitress server needs to be uplifting to the corporate crowd with a great set of eyes - these farm boys need to go down south to an American rink where the BUD LIGHT girls give out free samples (sorry this is Canada -AGLC-) with hugs and photos.

Avatar
#18 spoiler
March 18 2009, 10:59AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Sure, the win was great. But yet again we see the oil's absolute inability to score. No forecheck, no system, no power play- excluding a Souray point shot or a Hemsky dangle from the half boards.

But wait, all our overtime problems are over? Please......

Avatar
#19 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 11:03AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

*quietly and unwillingly mutters “…who saw this coming…” to please his fans*

YOU WANNA BE FAMOUS DON'T YA??!! NOW LOSE THE TOP!

Avatar
#20 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:05AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

jeanshorts wrote:

bingofuel wrote: Let the beer come to you, Look at Mr. Big Shot here, sitting in his gold plated seats in the lower bowl, eating his diamond encrusted nachos, sipping on a bottle of Cristal, having the beer come to him. I’ll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less.

I don't go to the games anymore, sitting down in front of my 60" LG television in HD with my kids is more rewarding with no snow, cold, parking issues for an overtime loss or 9 - 2 blowout.... the value just isn't there - 41 games a year to watch a coach that has been tuned out by overpaid sausages - no thanks.

Please note having the option to fast forward through Gene Principe groaners is priceless.

I am chicken wing fan so going to Hudsons, OTR, Moxies, or Shark Club is my big night out - with crown royal, not a CRISTAL fan - that is for vegas at the Palms for the naught nighty.... I will post some photos from last years event on facebook for you boys.

Take the $10K for the gold seats and go on a few holidays this winter, still have a share in the suite, but the tickets are used by my clients....

I will have the photos from the Palms up later today...

Cheers...

Avatar
#21 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:18AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

@ Deep Oil: What other magical secret boobie traps and hidden “Goonies” type adventures can one find within RX1? Tell me there’s a pirate ship below the ice surface…

Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules.

If you know someone with Gold seats, just grab some tickets from your friends in the lounge and then head upstairs to your blue seat friends and they can get into carpet, more attractive puck bunnies and better service.

Parking - travel across the overpass within Northlands Park to Rexall (by the agricom) and their is secret parking on the west side of RX1 next to the LRT for Oiler brass and admin wives - parking there is great, short walk to the doors - down the escalator in the club lounge.... reason I am revealing this one... is I have a private car service that takes me to concerts and other non hockey events.

Autographs - just walk down the ramp where the buses park and enter through the silver door - sign in with confidence, wave and the northlands security guard (asleep or watching a small tv) will think nothing more..... helps if you have a wheelchair person in tow -you may use "little people" on March 17 if neccessary, the more confusing the better. Then you are in... but you have carefully watch out for the tv truck, zamboni, and head over to visitor dressing room for real hockey players.....

Avatar
#22 Adam
March 18 2009, 11:21AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Last day to vote for the Doritos video! Thanks again for all the support, every vote counts!

http://www.doritosguru.com/DeVillionaire/I%20Need%20Another%20Bag

Sincerely,

Adam, of Ghost Ride The Whip

Avatar
#23 Quinn
March 18 2009, 11:31AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Picture ... so wrong .... little people .... pc overload ... 'collapses in fetal position'

Avatar
#24 bingofuel
March 18 2009, 11:38AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Adam:

I've done my democratic duty... Or, rather, I voted for your video. I've also tweeted about it through OilersNation on twitter. Best of luck, my liege.

Avatar
#25 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 11:42AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Wanye Gretz:

I ended up getting last minute tickets to the game and man was I smashed last night. Sweet lord I am glad there were no check stops on the way home because I would have blown somewhere between Craig MacTavish and early 80's Motley Crue.

Avatar
#26 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 11:44AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Quinn wrote:

Picture … so wrong …. little people …. pc overload … ‘collapses in fetal position’

There is nothing wrong with midgets. They're people too, but it's like a 2 for 1. Personally, I found the exploitation of said midgets to be hilarious.

Avatar
#27 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:47AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

baggedmilk wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: I ended up getting last minute tickets to the game and man was I smashed last night. Sweet lord I am glad there were no check stops on the way home because I would have blown somewhere between Craig MacTavish and early 80’s Motley Crue.

not cool - you are an idiot for endangering our lives and then bragging about it - call a taxi, a friend, just don't mess up someone elses life moron - maybe ON can ban you from the party on Friday

Avatar
#28 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 11:49AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Deep Oil wrote:

Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules.

Yeah...what's the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? ...just wonderin.

Avatar
#29 socaldave
March 18 2009, 11:50AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Deep Oil:

this from the guy urging us to use the handicapped as a VIP pass...

Avatar
#30 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:51AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Quinn wrote:

Picture … so wrong …. little people …. pc overload … ‘collapses in fetal position’

Mike Milbury (QUINN) would use the word midget and avoid little people. At least Rexall Sports are providing employment for these two... I hear they might have a long term contract to become a Rexall Greeter...

Avatar
#31 socaldave
March 18 2009, 11:51AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

Deep Oil wrote: Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules. Yeah…what’s the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? …just wonderin.

purely to keep MacT from getting full, unopened bottles chucked at him every time he revamps lines mid-game.

Avatar
#32 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:52AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

Deep Oil wrote: Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules. Yeah…what’s the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? …just wonderin.

Nope it is a safety issue - could be used as a weapon.

Avatar
#33 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 11:54AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

socaldave wrote:

@ Deep Oil: this from the guy urging us to use the handicapped as a VIP pass…

Nope - the handicapped parking is north of Rx1 by the gretzky (mercenary) statue, prime parking is available to the west of RX1 - but my Mom does have a handicapped sticker due to her hip replacement..... might have to borrow her Lexus....

Avatar
#34 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 11:54AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

Yeah…what’s the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? …just wonderin.

Try google Towel Boy. Jeez. Apparently it's so someone doesn't toss a nicely capped, full bottle of 10 dollar watter from somwhere in baggedmilk's section down on the heads of rich doctors and lawyers that sit in bingofuel's section for the "poor impaired."

Avatar
#35 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 11:56AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Deep Oil: @ socaldave:

Thanks!

Avatar
#36 The Towel Boy
March 18 2009, 11:56AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ The Towel Boy:

What the hell is "watter" ?

Avatar
#37 Colin
March 18 2009, 12:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

@ The Towel Boy: What the hell is “watter” ?

That's for people who can afford to pay for the extra "T". I've never had it, but I've heard that it's: "the best drink evar"

Avatar
#38 jeanshorts
March 18 2009, 12:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

@ The Towel Boy: What the hell is “watter” ?

It's like Water, but enough electricity in it to make your ball hairs stand on end.

Avatar
#39 Wanye Gretz
March 18 2009, 12:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I haven't understood a word for the last 15 comments.

New nation record

Avatar
#40 Gene's Pubes
March 18 2009, 12:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Deep Oil:

"I don’t go to the games anymore, sitting down in front of my 60″ LG television in HD with my kids is more rewarding with no snow, cold, parking issues for an overtime loss or 9 - 2 blowout"

I didnt know Alberta Hospital had 60 inch TV's let alone allows you to have "your children" watch games with you.

Avatar
#41 Amber McCormick
March 18 2009, 12:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Towel Boy wrote:

Deep Oil wrote: Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules. Towel Boy wrote: Yeah…what’s the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? …just wonderin.

I think the bigger issue is that Deep Oil doesn't just say 'a bottle of water' but rather "Dasini" Probably rinse their hair with Perrier water cause they're so damn fancy.

Avatar
#42 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 12:16PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Gene's Pubes wrote:

@ Deep Oil: “I don’t go to the games anymore, sitting down in front of my 60″ LG television in HD with my kids is more rewarding with no snow, cold, parking issues for an overtime loss or 9 - 2 blowout” I didnt know Alberta Hospital had 60 inch TV’s let alone allows you to have “your children” watch games with you.

I am on the private care side.

Avatar
#43 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 12:18PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Deep Oil wrote:

not cool - you are an idiot for endangering our lives and then bragging about it - call a taxi, a friend, just don’t mess up someone elses life moron - maybe ON can ban you from the party on Friday

Dear Deep Oil,

Baggedmilk is a character I created, one would think that someone that spends as much time unconvering controversies and scandals as you would realize as much. Unfortunately, the blueprints for the tin foil hat you find to be so stylish must have been off, because you take everything you read on the Internet far too seriously.

Psst... Just between us, my real name is not really baggedmilk, I was at the Oilers game last night and took the LRT to my awaiting ride. Get off your soapbox, and get back to uncovering the truth behind the Queen being a shape shifter.

Here's a website to get you started.

http://www.whale.to/b/reptiles.html

Lovingly,

-baggedmilk

Avatar
#44 Deep Oil
March 18 2009, 12:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Amber McCormick wrote:

The Towel Boy wrote: Deep Oil wrote: Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap - the thrill of breaking the rules. Towel Boy wrote: Yeah…what’s the deal with keeping the caps? Is that how they keep track of inventory/sales? …just wonderin. I think the bigger issue is that Deep Oil doesn’t just say ‘a bottle of water’ but rather “Dasini” Probably rinse their hair with Perrier water cause they’re so damn fancy.

Cant stand perrier as it stings in my eyes....

Avatar
#45 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 12:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Deep Oil wrote:

not cool - you are an idiot for endangering our lives and then bragging about it - call a taxi, a friend, just don’t mess up someone elses life moron - maybe ON can ban you from the party on Friday

Dear Deep Oil,

Baggedmilk is a character I created, one would think that someone that spends as much time unconvering controversies and scandals as you would realize as much. Unfortunately, the blueprints for the tin foil hat you find to be so stylish must have been off, because you take everything you read on the Internet far too seriously.

Psst… Just between us, my real name is not really baggedmilk, I was at the Oilers game last night and took the LRT to my awaiting ride. Get off your soapbox, and get back to uncovering the truth behind the Queen being a shape shifter.

Here’s a website to get you started.

whale.to/b/reptiles.html

Lovingly,

-baggedmilk

Avatar
#46 Travis Dakin
March 18 2009, 12:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ baggedmilk: I love you.

Avatar
#47 Travis Dakin
March 18 2009, 12:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Todays thread and comments section is AWESOME! utter nonsense. Just the way I like it.

Avatar
#48 baggedmilk
March 18 2009, 12:25PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Travis Dakin wrote:

@ baggedmilk: I love you.

You complete me.

*face turns red, tickles Travis' belly with playful embarassment*

Avatar
#49 Dan from Wainwright
March 18 2009, 12:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Deep Oil wrote:

baggedmilk wrote: @ Wanye Gretz: I ended up getting last minute tickets to the game and man was I smashed last night. Sweet lord I am glad there were no check stops on the way home because I would have blown somewhere between Craig MacTavish and early 80’s Motley Crue. not cool - you are an idiot for endangering our lives and then bragging about it - call a taxi, a friend, just don’t mess up someone elses life moron - maybe ON can ban you from the party on Friday

I second that. That's a very loser-ish thing to do.

Avatar
#50 Travis Dakin
March 18 2009, 12:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Dan from Wainwright: You sir, are an idiot.

Please take no offense.

*hint* (it's called a joke)

Comments are closed for this article.