Water cooler talk

Wanye
March 25 2009 11:35AM

wtf

We get vulnerable when we come onto the Nation the day after a loss and see that people are still having to comment on last night's GDB cause there is no new content. Consider this article "what we would talk about this morning if we worked together in the same office." Just rambling BS. Feel free to join in instead of working.

No matter what they are trying to tell us over at EdmontonOilers.com the Red Wings did not “edge the Oilers 3-2” last night at RX1. Anyone with functioning eye organs could tell you that the Oil got out to an early lead and got outworked, out shot, outplayed and eventually out scored by the Detroit Red Wings.

The standings

Despite our constant prayers to the Hockey Gods, the Oil hardly are sitting pretty in the standings. It’s tighter than a Tokyo Subway Car right about now in the West. Look!

standings03252009

Ugh. In playoff runs of years gone by you would say to yourself, “yeah man, the Oil were this close. They went 19-3 down the stretch but remember that one loss in there to Phoenix? They totally needed that game.” Now, not so much.

There have been literally a dozen must-win, should-have-won, needed-to-win and didn’t-wins that the Oil have gassed this season. Is last night’s loss going to be the straw that broke the camel's back? Personally we think the Oil made the playoffs when they beat the Hawks last Friday. We even declared this fact at the top of our lungs at the Nation party. “The Oilersssh have made the playofffsh!!!” we yelled in jubilation firing an imaginary AK-47 in the air and waving our other arm side to side. Imaginary gunfire is just one of the many awesome things about Nation parties.

We are rambling...

If this team makes the playoffs – nay WHEN they make the playoffs – it’s clear they won’t be doing it with the usual head of steam. Except in one regard.

Roloson

dwayneroloson

Man, is this guy ever a gamer or what? 46 shots on goal last night? In what, his 46th straight hame? In what, his 57th year on earth? How long can this guy keep it up? Forever? Totally.

*dances in front of desk shooting imaginary AK-47 into the air*

Dudes getting booted out of RX1

Still reading? Good for you. Here is another rambling tale fellow co-worker. We were sitting in the seats at RX1 enjoying reasonably priced $15 beers and some good ol’ boys behind us started to heckle Conklin. Nothing too crazy, just your garden variety “CON-K-LINNNNN” chant that must haunt the dreams of retired NHL goalies years after they hang up the skates. After a few verses of “CON-K-LINNNNN” had been good naturedly screamed, some of the Oilers faithful began doing the old look-back-stinkeye move. You know the move – the old “turn-around-in-seat-and-look-at-the-offender-as-though-he-is-screaming-his-undying-love-for-his-hot-cousin” look. Why do people do this?

You are at a hockey game people. We can see why some people get rattled if the drunk two rows over is screaming his theories about the sexual habits of the opposing teams star defender, particularly if there are little kiddies present. We can also see people getting rattled if it is an opposing teams fan. When the Oil lose, we personally want to go put the boots to every opposing fan who had the balls to wear a Wings jersey to the game. These people should stay home and not grace the hallowed halls of RX1 with their heresy.

But Oilers fans yelling Conklin? Give them the stink eye? Seriously, WTF?

wtf2

That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. It made even less sense when "the man" showed up and starting giving these die-hard fans some stress. What exactly are you telling us Mr. I'm-a-Security-Guard-now-but-I-tell-chicks-I’m-training-to-be-a-cop? We are supposed to pay the money to get into the game, pay the money to get good and gassed on hockey beers, but not scream and yell?

We will never understand the mandate of these security people or the fans who want to come to a game and listen in complete silence. If you want to watch a quiet game stay home. Or go to a game in Phoenix. It ain’t noisy there.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 The Towel Boy
March 25 2009, 11:42AM
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How bout them Oilers eh?

*reflects upon lame attempt at water cooler talk*

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#2 The Towel Boy
March 25 2009, 11:43AM
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...oh...and who saw this coming?!?

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#3 Robin Brownlee
March 25 2009, 11:45AM
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Wayne: So, before they ran you, did they shove you around and call you names in the back room where the guys-training-to-be-cops have coffee or just toss you out on your face?

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#4 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 11:45AM
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@ The Towel Boy:

Those pics are funny though right?

*shifts stance awkwardly, fiddles with spout on the water cooler*

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#5 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 11:46AM
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@ Robin Brownlee:

It wasn't me actually. But I could hear them telling the guys they were tossing "the Cops are on their way."

So lame.

You should really write something today. You are way better at this than I am.

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#6 Archaeologuy
March 25 2009, 11:48AM
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My AK is out, someone pass me a clip

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#7 Zamboni Driver
March 25 2009, 11:48AM
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Beers at Rexall are not overpriced.

Yours,

Movie 'Nachos' (aka stale chips and "cheese" - cost to produce 14¢)

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#8 Robin Brownlee
March 25 2009, 11:49AM
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@ Wanye Gretz: Yes, I am. And I probably will once I've put together the new rack my wife ordered from the Acme Bed Company. Looks easy . . . should have this sucker put together by midnight.

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#9 Chaz
March 25 2009, 11:50AM
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If the Oilers worked as hard as Wayne does at finding the most shitaneously awesome pictures for his articles, they would be in first place.

* Continues to divide time between giggling at the fat rock star kid and the puking grannie.

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#10 druds
March 25 2009, 11:54AM
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What are those pictures? Is that photo evidence from when you were apprehended by Childrens Services?

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#11 Rick
March 25 2009, 11:58AM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

Yes, I am. And I probably will once I’ve put together the new rack my wife ordered

When I read this I thought you were going to tell us eyebrow raising stories from you're time moonlighting as a plastic surgeon.

Robin Brownlee wrote:

from the Acme Bed Company. Looks easy . . . should have this sucker put together by midnight.

Imagine my disappointment after I read this...

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#12 Quinn
March 25 2009, 11:58AM
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When I envision Wanye, I actually saw pictures of that dude in the last picture. That is a level of coolness that cannot be faked. Brilliant.

I agree on the whole shouting at a hockey game thing. Mind you, living in Calgary and only having the chance to attend games in the library here, I know all about sitting in your seat to golf clap a goal.

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#13 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 11:58AM
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@ Robin Brownlee:

Sweet. I look forward to reading it. I bet we could find some volunteers to help you put it together if you need a hand and it would speed things up.

*sits waiting for Brownlee to assemble a bed so he can then write a nation article. Realizes how bored he really is today. Starts formulating a plan for entertainment*

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#14 socaldave
March 25 2009, 12:01PM
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ok, after last night, whiff's title as "Greatest Defensive Forward EVER" has got to go. On Hossa's goal, whiff comes off the bench, looks at Hossa and says nah... I don't have to pick up that guy - what's the worse that could happen? pffffffft...

Just like him standing there with his mouth open watching the puck rim around the glass resulting in Minnesota's 15 on 1. I mean... come ON.

Ok, ok, ok - to be fair, Gagner effing choked up the puck at the Detroit blue line and then made a horrific line change. All this just after he had found himself all alone in front of CONNNNNNNNNNKLIIIIIIIIIIIN but instead of shooting, decides he should work on his puck-handling skill for a quick second or five.

~deep breath~

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#15 Quinn
March 25 2009, 12:03PM
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BTW, I was arguing over on Lowetide the need to use "Outliers" as a textbook for interviewing wannabe hockey players in the draft. Only by doing an in-depth review of family history, gene make-up, jam content, # of hours of practise before the age of 15 and social abilities can we have the best drafts ever. That and a total triumphant stat analysis of the way they walk.

If the Oil had done this in past years we would have drafted Parise, Franzen, Tavares and Hedman (before anyone else knew about them) and the previously undeveloped talent that is me. We would all then be sitting around watching the Oil score by moving their little finger in the general direction of the opposition net, and winning games 3256 to 2 every night.

The world would work so much better if I were running it.

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#16 Archaeologuy
March 25 2009, 12:14PM
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@ Quinn: I cant believe how bad the Oil are at drafting, I mean I've been eligible since 2001 and nothing so far. They went with some Czech kid who I hear is doing OK, but seriously?

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#17 442Junkie
March 25 2009, 12:17PM
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So do you guys think that the Oilers are going to fire MacT today? How about buying out Penner? Or are we going to make it to the finals...

*stares off into the distance wondering if i have turned the stove off*

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#18 442Junkie
March 25 2009, 12:19PM
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Huh, huh, Brownlee said rack!

*begins shifting weight from leg to leg while staring at my shoes uncomfortably*

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#19 Mother Pucker Hockey
March 25 2009, 12:19PM
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I threw together some garbage on last night's slop as well: http://www.motherpucker.ca/nhl-news/hemsky-defence-sucks-oilers-lose/

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#20 Quinn
March 25 2009, 12:20PM
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Arch,

I am totally with you on that. I believe that I have never seen you play, so that makes you the best player I have never seen. Ummmm ...

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#21 442Junkie
March 25 2009, 12:23PM
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Deep Thought's, Junkie style:

Why is the guy in the first picture taking off his pants? No wonder that kid looks a bit terrified!

It's nice to see the granny puking in the second picture is cooling her head with a beer. She's not gonna let a bit of vomit ruin her buzz!

Not as insightful but, I tried...

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#22 Archaeologuy
March 25 2009, 12:34PM
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@ Quinn: We could be 2/3 of a line! I fall down just as good as Stortini, I can miss as many passes as Horcoff, and I can hit more than Gilbert.

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#23 sittingatmydesk
March 25 2009, 12:39PM
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****WTF***** i odnt even have a water cooler to stand on and yell..CONNNNNKKK LLLLLLINNNNNNNNNN

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#24 shakey
March 25 2009, 12:47PM
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@ Archaeologuy: Arch, would you have rather seen Pouliot or Stortini in the game last night? And you can use the fact that Pouliot was 5 yards short of useless in the game. Did anyone else think Moreau wasn't even dressed for the game until he got undressed trying to block/fall down drunk in front of a shot late in the game?

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#25 Archaeologuy
March 25 2009, 01:00PM
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@ shakey: Actually I like Stortini, I think he's very good at his job. I respect anyone willing to fight like he does. Personally though, IMO if he fought less it would be great. He could be a less talented Steve Ott. I think he needs to irritate the hell out of the other team and not give them an outlet for their frustration. Pouliot might only be good in the perfect situations, which dont seem that likely to come any time soon.

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#26 Mills
March 25 2009, 01:07PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

If that was the guy in section 222 he did almost take a tumble down the steps as the cops escorted him out.

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#27 The Towel Boy
March 25 2009, 01:14PM
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I couldn't resist....

http://i714.photobucket.com/albums/ww150/TheTowelBoy/wtf-ak47.jpg

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#28 Poo Czar
March 25 2009, 01:22PM
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I hereby nominate The Towel Boy as "Official Photoshopper of the Oilers nation". The first photo was awesome, the new one is perfect.

Well done, Sir.

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#29 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
March 25 2009, 01:27PM
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So did the people who got ejected just yell "Conklin" or did they yell "Conklin" plus some obsenities, plus telling the security guard to go F*** themselves?

Funny story for those who are wrestling fans. Whenever they come to Canada the fans generally yell at Shawn Micheals, "You screwed Bret" Well the pimple faced geek bitch of an usher told a group of people to stop chanting that becuase there were kids in attendence. Like wtf? 16,000 people are chanting this on pay per veiw!!? The group of people told the usher to shut up and mind his own business, in which case he got the security, then the cops etc etc etc.

The ushers at games are as bad as power tripping mall cops. They think they are the shît.

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#30 442Junkie
March 25 2009, 01:27PM
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x@ The Towel Boy: Is it sad that I didn't spot the change right away? Very well done.

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#31 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 01:51PM
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Poo Czar wrote:

I hereby nominate The Towel Boy as “Official Photoshopper of the Oilers nation”. The first photo was awesome, the new one is perfect. Well done, Sir.

I totally second this motion. TB would it be ok if we worked in concert on these kinds of photos???

@ Jack "FMNF" Bauer:

No obscenities at all. All they did was chant Conklin! and got the boot. No swearing either though they were gassed.

@ Mills:

Wasn't section 222, though I can't remember where it actually was. Somewhere in the 2-0-somethings.

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#32 The Towel Boy
March 25 2009, 01:55PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

In the words of the immortal Alf: "No Problem!"

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#33 Jorge
March 25 2009, 02:16PM
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I was at the game last night too and after the second goal the red wings scored security came over to the two wings fans beside me and said if they were going to cheer for the away team they had to do it quietly. After the third goal the guys went even crazier and security told them to leave. There only was a minute left but still I think it is pretty unreasonable. As much as I wanted to put my boot down their throats I still think it was bs they had to leave

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#34 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 02:30PM
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@ Jorge:

See that to me is just nonsense. I completely agree with you. Cheer quietly? Has there ever been a bigger oxymoron?

Answer: Yes.

Hire MacTavish

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#35 The Towel Boy
March 25 2009, 02:31PM
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@ Jorge:

Are you kidding me?

That's ridiculous.

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#36 Milli
March 25 2009, 03:02PM
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Wayner....Not too long ago...at the Mighty Oil v Nucks...My old lady got the boot....After I had just paid for 2 (resonably Priced) beers...then they told me I had to go too....Something about getting mouthy...But I just couldn't understand, why wait till I pay like $300 for 2 beers and then boot us...why not boots us before....OH YA....

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#37 GSC
March 25 2009, 03:40PM
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Arena/stadium/event security guards are some of the dumbest people out there. No disrespect to anyone out there in OilersNation that might have this particular profession, but your job sucks and so do you.

Have a nice day.

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#38 Xavier
March 25 2009, 03:59PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

Towel Boy we were talking about you last night on JSBM. Those two suckers need you to come up with a new banner for them. That thing is atrocious. LOL

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#39 Wanye Gretz
March 25 2009, 04:03PM
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@ Milli:

I remember you telling us that awhile back. That is complete BS. I understand that on any given night 99.5% of RX1 is greased and rowdy. That's why Penner can make $4.25 million per year.

That's the whole point - not the problem.

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#40 Chris
March 25 2009, 05:57PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Power corrupts... I guess you don't have to worry about pissing off your fans when there is a waiting list... Kinda like GM didn't have to worry about making the best cars with their 50% market share...

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#41 Helicopter Guy
March 25 2009, 07:36PM
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I crapped myself laughing at the pics accompanying Wanye's article. I offer nothing to the discussion.

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#42 deepoil
March 25 2009, 07:46PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Poo Czar wrote: I hereby nominate The Towel Boy as “Official Photoshopper of the Oilers nation”. The first photo was awesome, the new one is perfect. Well done, Sir. I totally second this motion. TB would it be ok if we worked in concert on these kinds of photos??? @ Jack “FMNF” Bauer: No obscenities at all. All they did was chant Conklin! and got the boot. No swearing either though they were gassed. @ Mills: Wasn’t section 222, though I can’t remember where it actually was. Somewhere in the 2-0-somethings.

Listen Mr. 24 and Wanye...... you have to understand that in the opinion of Northlands..... you are on private property and it is a privelege to be there, you have paid your dollar, but if you hollar, you will get a collar. Going against Northlands is like debating a mute - not much accomplished - most of these people are government workers that are milking the salary for little scrutiny - it is a monopoly - as you can the service is bad, food is terrible and overpriced.... WANYE -- you ended your aticle about PHX.... but in the world of private enterprise the experience in Glendale is one of an oasis of service, great food, liquor by the bottle for $40 - $60 insuite service - much the opposite of Siberia here at RX1.

Here are some arguments against this nazi warcamp mentality.....

1) City Owns The Land - not Northlands Northlands rents the land and gives the city two seats on their board.

2) Government paid for the buildings that Northlands operates - they are the caretaker - not the owner.

3) Employees at Northlands are non decision people, meaning if you make a mistake - deny or do not respond - you can always settle out of court via insurance.

4) Oilers don't care - talk to their in house lawyer They need Northlands today, tommorow and in the future so they will not rock the boat - LaForge is clipped here - no balls of steel - supporting the Oiler season ticket holder is second to maintaining the truce with Northlands - a neccessary evil.

5) Cops are actually private security - acting on contract to / behalf of Northlands for private duty - via the city on a overtime basis - working traffic and in house security - about 6 - 8 cops per game for 17 000 people.

Case in point..........

1) St. Albert Lawyer banned for life - not providing ID 2) 3 Pregnant Women being told to cover their #44 on their bellies during DUCKS visit. 3) Man evicted for TRADE LOWE two years ago..... 4) Woman banned for 6 months for exposing her breasts to inhouse camera - oilervision jumbotron.... 5) Man banned from Northlands suing EPS, Oilers, Northlands and cops for 1.1 million dollars for false arrest and assault.

Sad point here is that Northlands will be involved with new RX2 due to access to government infastructure and ongoing lottery money - this is evident with the province supporting the failing horse racing industry in exchange for jobs and tourism???

So in conclusion - when you step on city property leased by Northlands for a discount - check your freedom at the door, stay sober, yes sir three bags full sir - this is not the USA, you left Canada when you used your ticket stub to enter the dictatorship of Northlands - you may cheer but do not jeer.

This is from seeing the security, cops and northlands management in both management and non action on site at events.

Deep Oil

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#43 humantorch
March 26 2009, 03:26AM
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deepoil wrote:

blah blah blah i can't put pants on without falling over *drool*

seriously, dude, just stfu.

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#44 Peter Pan
March 26 2009, 07:16AM
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Those pictures are awesome... haha

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#45 Wanye Gretz
March 26 2009, 12:10PM
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humantorch wrote:

deepoil wrote: blah blah blah i can’t put pants on without falling over *drool* seriously, dude, just stfu.

I think his comments are fair. It's a valid perspective

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#46 Gene's Pubes
March 26 2009, 01:49PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

You actually read all that garbage to determine its fair? Im impressed!

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#47 Milli
March 26 2009, 06:31PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: Yep, but I'll be there without HER for Game 3 of the first round man, and I could give a flying Fork what it costs!!!!!

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