GDB 76: Time for war

Wanye
March 29 2009 01:32PM

wtf31

Today is already a good day. The Oilers play the Wild, we are going to be in attendance and we get to write the GDB without any editorial overlords messing with our junk.

Normally when we post an article it follows a tortured route onto the interwebs. First we write it. Then we go back and read it and dismiss 99% of what we wrote. Then we go and get a snack. Then we spend 2 hours surfing for just the right picture. Then we send it to bingofuel who edits the crap out of it, fixing spelling and grammatical errors and generally making us appear literate. When our baby finally finds its way online it looks nothing like what it did when it was born.

mjbeforenafter1

But not today. Bingofuel is in Vancouver, Willis is in Ft. St. John, Brownlee and Gregor are off in fantasy media land where all the buffets are free. That just leaves your ol’ pal Wanye, a computer and direct access to posting the GDB.

Let's get to it shall we?

The Minnesota Wild

First of all it pains us to no end that the Wild run the Oilers show to the degree that they do. Though the seasonal series sits at 3-2 this season it always seems that the Oil are strangely intimidated by the Wild who pose no threat sitting in 11th in the conference.  Our stupid neighbours to the South run the Wild's show - up 5-0 in the seasonal series including a 3-2 win last night where they outshot the Wild 40-15.  What sort of magical spell do the Wild hold over the Oil? It makes absolutely no sense.

The Wild are like that girl we all know that isn’t particularly stunning but once upon a time rejected your advances at the bar at last call. Now she has the upper hand on you and you both know who is in charge and Brother - it ain't you. Every time you see her out in public now it's clear the balance of power has tipped in her favor and as she repeatedly emotionally slaps your ego in the face you can’t help but find her more and more intimidating.

Perhaps she looks like this:

wildladies

Sooner or later Mighty Oil, you need to decide what is going to happen this year. St. Louis is coming on like a team possessed and yet you are still amazingly sitting in 8th place with 7 games remaining in the season. Anaheim is also in the mix and if you let the Wild back into it tonight, it will be a 5 team battle for 2 places in the post season. For heavens sakes do us all a favor and finish the year strong.

Look at this log jam in the West.  It's amazing!

standings03292009

Bank some friggin points Oilers! Great googly-moogly! Pretend you care just a l'il bit - if not for our collective sanity then to collect those coveted playoff bonuses that await you.

The lines

See? We can provide this kind of information too Nation. Tonight’s lines are as follows:

83-10-21 18-13-34 27-19-89 46-51-22

You’re welcome.

MacT on the verge

Here is a quick fact for you. Craig MacTavish is only one win away from his 300th career NHL victory. This is an impressive fact. It would be more impressive if he had passed this milestone about a season and a half ago as it would mean the Oilers would have been a dramatically better team during his reign. Still, beggars can’t be choosers and if you have a dictator for life you might as well celebrate his milestones with him. Right Citizens of Cuba?

Right.

See you at RX1

After a weekend of being cooped up at friggin work and not being able to have any fun whatsoever you had best believe we are going to the game tonight. And you had also best believe that we are going to have a few beersies in the process. After all what better use for $5,000 than spending it on 4 beers at the game? Hit us up on the twitter if you are there. Perhaps a free RX1 beer will find its way into your stomach if you do.

Do NOT disappoint us tonight Oilers. Consider this a dire warning.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Smokin' Ray - NNC
March 29 2009, 01:41PM
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GAME DAY!!!

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#2 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
March 29 2009, 01:41PM
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Where are your seats dude? We should arrange a Nation party by sneaking into the Gold Club and making security chase us away from the opposition locker room.

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#3 Smokin' Ray - NNC
March 29 2009, 01:43PM
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This is a must, must, must win. Go big or go home. I'm a little surprised that MacIntyre isn't replacing Jacques tonight. Can Stortini take down Boogaard? Is Gagner really on the wing on the 3rd line or is that a typo?

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#4 Victoria
March 29 2009, 01:46PM
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There goes my appetite.

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#5 Archaeologuy
March 29 2009, 01:48PM
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Dude could afford all those guns, Rock Band, and Guitar Hero but he couldnt spring for a bigger bed. Maybe the single was all that could fit in moms basement.

either way, i wish i was that cool.

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#6 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 01:52PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

i wish i was that cool.

I don't know what that guy has planned but I want in.

@ Jack "FMNF" Bauer:

I actually don't know yet. I am going as a guest. I will twitter it up the instant I see a ticket though. Are you on that communication network yet?

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#7 Sandra
March 29 2009, 01:53PM
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The boogyman is hurt and won't play tonite, so Hemsky should dance and not give up if things don't "go his way" If MacT is still here next year, I think Hemsky might ask for a trade.

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#8 Archaeologuy
March 29 2009, 01:55PM
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And god knows whats in the box under the bed. If he's willing to show the world all that crap but is too emberassed to reveal the contents of said mystery box I can only assume that it contains materials too twisted for my own imagination to conceive of.

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#9 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
March 29 2009, 01:58PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

No, how do I get on that network?

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#10 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 02:02PM
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@ Archaeologuy:

Excellent call. I didn't even notice the box under there. I was too busy looking at the mess of a life he had displayed on the bed.

@ Jack "FMNF" Bauer:

Go to twitter.com and sign up. Then go to "find people" and search for wanyegretz. You will enjoy it - all kinds of celebrities are on there twittering away nonsensical BS and a great many citizens of the nation are on there too. Bingofuel insisted the nations hop on this train early on and it has been hilarious.

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#11 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 02:04PM
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@ Sandra:

Do you really think so? I can't see it personally. He signed the long term deal for a reason. You don't see players coming here, signing long term deals and then leaving do you?

*sadly remembers another D-man who used to wear #44*

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#12 Librarian Mike
March 29 2009, 02:31PM
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Christ, Wanye. Where do you find these pictures?

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#13 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 02:45PM
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@ Librarian Mike:

People email them to me at wanyegretz@gmail.com

It always makes my day

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#14 Puckbag
March 29 2009, 02:45PM
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Wanye,

I don't think your uncle appreciates the photos you took of him floating around on the net.

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#15 David S
March 29 2009, 02:46PM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

Christ, Wanye. Where do you find these pictures?

For all we know, that could be Wanye with a Pentax point and shoot and timer delay. Bah-ha!

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#16 BUCK75 - FMNF
March 29 2009, 02:47PM
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This would be a good time to start your longest winning streak of the season Oilers. 3 game win streaks just aren't exciting anymore.

Noticed in your graphic that Minne is the only team trying to get in the play-offs that has more goals scored than allowed. Columbus is a + too, but everyother team has a -gf/ga.

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#17 Abdullah the Butcher
March 29 2009, 02:51PM
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WTF!

Brownlee in the old days. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadnt seen it.

Ah the memories. The hair.

Life was good. Eating a bag of Old Dutch chips. Laying in bed in my mom's basement, watching Stampede wrestling.

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#18 Jay
March 29 2009, 03:00PM
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Let's just hope that the copper and blue can show us some freakin' intensity, like the first part of the ducks game, and not mail it in like in phx.

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#19 Poo Czar
March 29 2009, 03:08PM
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Abdullah the Butcher wrote:

Brownlee in the old days

Sweet Lord, he's right! Watch out Edmonton Sun, the man above has you in his sights...

BROWNLEE!!!!

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#20 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 03:08PM
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@ David S:

If that picture was of me I wouldn't be hanging around on this site talking puck that's for dang sure. I would be out living my life and using up some of them bullets.

Looking at that picture more, the best part is the degree to which he is spreading his legs. That level of stretch tells me that this is a picture of a man who is well versed in the art of arms stock piling and seduction.

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#21 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 03:09PM
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@ Poo Czar:

It ain't Brownlee. I can tell assure you of that too. Brownlee doesn't have any spare bullets lying around the house. Every bullet Brownlee has ever owned is embedded in the skulls of his enemies.

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#22 Puckbag
March 29 2009, 03:14PM
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Is it just me or does that guy need to watch where he's pointing that gun? Or is he holding his "bulge" hostage for a cheaper membership at the Wild West Shooting Range?

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#23 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 03:17PM
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@ Puckbag:

Well played.

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#24 Phil
March 29 2009, 03:18PM
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Let's kill these motherf*ckers. I wanna see bodies being dropped on the ice tonight. Goals gettin' scored. I'm F*CKIN PUMPED.

Never thought I'd appreciate Stortini the way I do now, not in a million years. The way he homed in on dude last game, painted him with a target then skated straight into him, then back down the ice to drop the mitts with GP was CLA$$IC.

Can't put a price on sh*t like that, definition of a team player. Respect due.

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#25 Puckbag
March 29 2009, 03:23PM
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And on that photo of the two Wild chicks, the one on the right looks like that could be Boogaards' mom.

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#26 Dale Hammer
March 29 2009, 03:24PM
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Why are you making fun of Mr. Brownlee? (edited by WG) you should be nice. (edited by WG)

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#27 Chris
March 29 2009, 03:31PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Though the seasonal series sits at 3-2 this season...

NICE. Who needs Bingofuel?

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#28 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 03:33PM
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@ Chris:

That's right isn't it? 3 wins for MIN 2 for los Oilerinos?

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#29 Phil
March 29 2009, 03:37PM
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Oh and BTW, Wanye, great p0ast. Always a good read. Got me stoked for the game.

Don't care how destitute and dire things may seem to be, I woke up this morning cravin' to see some hockey.

Let's hope the boys don't disappoint tonight, I have a feeling they wont.

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#30 17
March 29 2009, 03:40PM
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I wonder what one would have to google to find that gentleman's picture.

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#31 Rusty Shackleford
March 29 2009, 03:42PM
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Something tells me the guy in that picture invented the art of shooting an invisible AK-47 in the air whilst dancing. Then realized he could get much more out of life if those invisible guns turned into real heat and seductive poses - with some guitar hero to entice the ladies.

Either way, that was not a friendly way to wakeup from a hangover... GO OIL GO!

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#32 n00b1aN
March 29 2009, 03:47PM
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5 star picture would fap to it again.....

wait what?

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#33 Chris
March 29 2009, 03:53PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

No your facts are straight... It's just this might be the worst sentence ever written:

Though the seasonal series sits at 3-2 this season it always seems that the Oil are strangely intimidated by the Wild who pose no threat sitting in 11th in the conference.

I LOVE IT! I'm gonna buy and drink a six pack of BUD LIGHT in your honor Sir!

*Tipping the hat*

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#34 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 04:12PM
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Chris wrote:

I’m gonna buy and drink a six pack of BUD LIGHT in your honor Sir!

And I tip my hat to you Sir for the props and the purchase.

*pockets a quarter from imaginary endorsement deal with Bud Light*

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#35 Robin Brownlee
March 29 2009, 04:14PM
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Wanye: I told you if you ran any of THOSE photos without my permission, there would be BIG TROUBLE*

*glances at cache of weapons and spots large calibre revolver and hollow-point ammo.

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#36 Chris
March 29 2009, 04:25PM
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3-2 Oil. OT required. 40+ saves by Roli, 3 posts hit, and a minor heart attack suffered by me!

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#37 Phil
March 29 2009, 04:41PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ David S: If that picture was of me I wouldn’t be hanging around on this site talking puck that’s for dang sure. I would be out living my life and using up some of them bullets. Looking at that picture more, the best part is the degree to which he is spreading his legs. That level of stretch tells me that this is a picture of a man who is well versed in the art of arms stock piling and seduction.

An awesome human being to be sure, haha.

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#38 Phil
March 29 2009, 04:42PM
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@ Robin Brownlee:

Quit flattering yourself Brownlee. You ain't got that much beautiful hair on your head, do you?

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#39 pmg2
March 29 2009, 04:52PM
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The last 7 games are a tougher schedule for St. Louis, Anaheim, and Minnesota. The Oil on the other hand have the last 6 out of 7 at home. Dare we say that opportunity is staring them in the face........or dare we say that they will fall FLAT on their face considering how pitifully pathetic they've been at home this year. To this point this team has shown "absolutely nothing" insofar as being able to take advantage of making hay at home. I said the other day that this team just doesn't have the horses, not the consistency, or the determination. Until they initiate some sort of a miracle I stand pat. Prediction Last 7 games, ......4 wins, 3 losses. It will come down to tiebreakers. This tean just doesn't have it. Prove Me Wrong Oil, but that's where I sit. Just to add to those who are feeling great right about now, here's a thought: Next year Horcoff will make 7mil + , Penner will be 4mil+ , Gagner and Cogliano are up in the air and unproven as to whether they'll be able to take the next step, Gilbert will be the same at 4mil+, and what about their goaltending ? WIll Rollie have another career year at 40 yrs old ? If not, who will take the load or be the savior- even as a backup ? Many questions folks.

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#40 Librarian Mike
March 29 2009, 04:53PM
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You know, yesterday my wife asked me "What do you think Wanye looks like?" and we what we came up with was pretty much that dude, except he would be wearing cutoffs and an Oilers jersey with 'Wanye' on the back, and the number '69'.

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#41 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 05:03PM
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@ Librarian Mike:

What do you think Wanye looks like?

Whatever you are thinking I look like - go about half the size, with way more legs and venomous fangs.

HISSSS

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#42 Jay
March 29 2009, 05:19PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Whatever you are thinking I look like - go about half the size, with way more legs and venomous fangs.

From that description, it's pretty obvious that Wanye is a 3 foot tall spider with the jaws of a cobra

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#43 Wanye Gretz
March 29 2009, 05:23PM
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@ Jay:

With the head of Optimus Prime. Why is this so hard to follow for some?

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#44 Harlie Chuddy
March 29 2009, 05:27PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Archaeologuy wrote: i wish i was that cool. I don’t know what that guy has planned but I want in.

he looks a bit old to shoot up a high school but I doubt the post office would have hired this guy. A high school it is.

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#45 oilersninja
March 29 2009, 05:34PM
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That is clearly a klingon dressed as a human, sent to earth to take our formula to make coca-cola.

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#46 Sandra
March 29 2009, 06:15PM
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the captain is in the game

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#47 Sandra
March 29 2009, 06:17PM
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Flippin Rolison

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#48 17
March 29 2009, 06:19PM
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well this is going well.

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#49 Sandra
March 29 2009, 06:19PM
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Time for JD Desjairlais

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#50 Phil
March 29 2009, 06:20PM
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I don't know about that penalty on Chopper, that was a suspect call. What did he do there, get the knee out a wee bit? Maybe I missed something.

Anyways 1-0 Minnesota. Roli looks pretty shaky out there.

2-0 now as I write this. Sad, sad state of affairs. WAKE UP BOYS! Throw JDD in there.

And man oh man, is 77 out there for every GA or what?

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