GDB/GDFD No. 81: El Batalla de Alberta con queso

Ryan Lambert
April 10 2009 06:02PM

battlerages

Round 1 of The Battle of Alberta doubleheader goes tonight in what was originally going to be an absolute blowout final two games between the Oil and the Flames. That was before GDB No. 1, when hope ran high. Fast forward to GDB 81 and this game suddenly means less than a game of chess between Paris and Nicky Hilton. It will also be just as futile and pathetic.

But even though the games mean nothing to the season overall, emotionally this game still means a lot to hardcore Oilers and Flames fans. Both camps are bitterly disappointed in their squads of late, yet Flames fans will continue to see playoff games featuring their favorite team. The OilersNation, again, will not.

TLP and Wanye have been accused of being the same person in the past. A quick search at the "imaginary internet people directory" shows they are very different. One hails from the Boston area, the other from the frozen tundra of E-town. One loves Hannah Montana, the other Billy Ray Cyrus. Both believe that their respective teams have completely dropped the ball and are willing to discuss tonight:

TLP: I have complied a list of five Reasons why the Flames have been the bigger disappointment, and by "compiled," I mean, "hastily scribbled down on the back of my suicide note while I read a pamphlet on noose preparation."

  1. Miikka Kiprusoff has a 2.85 GAA and .892 sv % since the deadline and has lost in nine of his 16 appearances.
  2. Dion Phaneuf, a Norris Trophy nominee just last year, has been on the ice for 116 goals against this year and is currently a -11.
  3. Despite a much better group around him, Jarome Iginla's goal total has dropped from 50 in 82 games in 2007-08 to 35 in 80 this year.
  4. Calgary hasn't scored a power play goal since March 23 and has given up five or more goals 16 times this year, including two eight-goal nights. The two teams that scored eight were Toronto and Tampa. Yes, you read that correctly.
  5. Calgary's likely playoff opponent, barring a literal miracle taking place and the Lord Our Savior Jesus Christ intervening and preventing the Canucks from earning two points this weekend, is Chicago. The Flames went 0-3-1 against the Blackhawks this year and allowed 19 goals in four games. They also only scored seven.

So, y'know, the Flames are pretty much boned.

Wanye: Be that as it may one must remember that you Flames fans get little sympathy in the OilersNation because: a) we hate you and b) you are at least going to be able to see a first round exit. Up here? Not so much.

So here are five reasons why the Oilers have been the bigger dissappointment, by Wanye von Gretz IV.

  1. The Edmonton Oilers have not won more games than they’ve lost in any season since the lockout.
  2. No Oiler has scored 30 goals since Ryan Smyth was traded for a) a forward with 29 total points b) a forward prospect who has spent the entire year in the AHL, with 1 goal to show for it and c) a draft pick spent on a defenseman who may not even get an entry level contract.
  3. The entire organization is screwed. The Oilers farm team is so bad that of all the players to spend the entire season there, only one has a positive plus-minus — a 32-year old journeyman who spent last season in Austria.
  4. Mathieu Garon, expected to be the starting goaltender, floundered so badly that he lost his job and was traded midseason. The 24-year old prospect who replaced him as backup not only has worse numbers but is trusted so little that he hasn’t started an NHL game since November.
  5. Outside of Ales Hemsky, no Oilers’ forward has even 20 goals. Only one team in the NHL has both a worse penalty kill and a worse powerplay than the Oilers and only two teams have scored fewer goals at home than the Oilers.We just can't stop at five, either...
  6. The Oilers best goal-scorer is in a nine-way tie for 73rd in the NHL.
  7. Andrew Cogliano is on pace to be the NHL’s worst faceoff man in the last decade.  Sam Gagner is only marginally better.
  8. No Oilers player managed to reach a point per game pace this season.
  9. The Oilers best defensive prospect at the start of the season, Taylor Chorney, is -29 in the AHL.  The Oilers are so bad that he’s currently on their NHL roster.
  10. Having said all of that they are still better than the Flames, who can expect back to back ass kickings from the Oilers en route to a first-round exit.

Losers.

TLP: Yeah, you're right. You guys really are the worst.

Enjoy the game, everyone.

686dfac3780611cb7acad6ce5166c6c1
Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#51 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 09:00PM
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did I hear correctly on the radio that the oilers are 24-1-2 when they are leading after two periods?

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#52 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:01PM
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Lets chant: nanana hey hey good by Roil

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#53 David S
April 10 2009, 09:01PM
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~Ice looks to be in prime shape tonight~

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#54 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:01PM
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Isn't the J silent

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#55 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:02PM
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Fred Stauffer says he is no doctor on the radio. Man, Rod Hall of Famer must of had enough of him this year

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#56 David S
April 10 2009, 09:02PM
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Sandra wrote:

Isn’t the J silent

*sigh*

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#57 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:03PM
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albundy wrote:

Fred Stauffer says he is no doctor on the radio. Man, Rod Hall of Famer must of had enough of him this year

Rod asked "why hasn't Desjarlais started before". Fred said "I am no doctor"

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#58 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:04PM
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MacT is a classy guy.

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#59 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:04PM
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Princess isn't playing well tonight. Must be sad for MacT or Roli

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#60 David S
April 10 2009, 09:05PM
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Jeezez Gilbert!

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#61 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 09:06PM
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Sandra wrote:

Isn’t the J silent

hxxp://oilers.nhl.com/team/app?page=PlayerDetail&playerId=8470074&service=page&tab=prf

change hxxp to http and it will take you to his profile page on the team web site. I promise you there is no "j" in his last name.

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#62 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:06PM
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You know if you rate the radio team this year, Rod had a solid year but Fred is no Morley. For that matter, Fred is no color man at all and he admitted he is no doctor so then, what does that make him.

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#63 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:06PM
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Darn Horc

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#64 Harlie
April 10 2009, 09:06PM
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Horcs earnin his bread!

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#65 David S
April 10 2009, 09:07PM
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Nice. Piece. Of. Work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#66 Harlie
April 10 2009, 09:07PM
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it was all Shelly.

Bye Bi Kippersoft.

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#67 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:07PM
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Hopefully Cogs last game with the Oil too.

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#68 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:09PM
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Penner looks good on the 4th line

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#69 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:09PM
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SULLY SULLY

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#70 David S
April 10 2009, 09:10PM
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I wonder what it's like to have a 37 goal scorer and a 36 goal scorer on the same team.

O'Sullivan! About freaking time.

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#71 David S
April 10 2009, 09:11PM
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Sandra wrote:

Hopefully Cogs last game with the Oil too.

Wuh?

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#72 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:13PM
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Cogs valuable in a trade. He can skate and her is what he can't do, he can't win a draw, he can t win a battle, he can't play defense. Time to go with Roli

BRING BACK MORLEY

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#73 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:13PM
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What a glove by Desjarlais

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#74 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:15PM
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Desjarlais and Garon for 2010

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#75 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:15PM
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albundy wrote:

Cogs valuable in a trade. He can skate and her is what he can’t do, he can’t win a draw, he can t win a battle, he can’t play defense. Time to go with Roli BRING BACK MORLEY

SO Morley is back next year?

Cogs is 2nd behind Hemsky in give aways

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#76 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:16PM
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I think it will either by Morley or Rob Brown. Fred takes over for Rod.

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#77 David S
April 10 2009, 09:16PM
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Sandra wrote:

What a glove by Desjarlais

You should just save yourself the grief and go with "JDD".

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#78 Deans
April 10 2009, 09:17PM
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albundy wrote:

I think it will either by Morley or Rob Brown. Fred takes over for Rod.

Where does the Fred nickname come from?

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#79 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:18PM
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Roli going to Ottawa to be close to family and Ottawa still need goalie. 3yr deal so Roli happy.

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#80 Female Hockey Fans of The World
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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Sandra wrote:

What a glove by Desjarlais

Sandra,

Please please please please go to oilers.nhl.com and look at the roster. I promise you that our goalie's name is not Desjarlais. It is Deslauriers.

I don't want to harp on you, but from one female fan to another, it's hard to take your opinion and comments seriously when you have continuously gotten his name wrong.

Sincerely,

The rest of ladies of the Nation

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#81 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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albundy wrote:

Roli going to Ottawa to be close to family and Ottawa still need goalie. 3yr deal so Roli happy.

"Fred " said Detroit on pregame

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#82 Harlie
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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Deans wrote:

albundy wrote: I think it will either by Morley or Rob Brown. Fred takes over for Rod. Where does the Fred nickname come from?

WT was calling Stauffer Fred cuz he looks like Flintstone.

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#83 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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I didn't know this either but Bob said one day on the radio that when he was younger he looked like Tom Selleck but now he looks like Fred Flintsone@ Deans:

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#84 David S
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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albundy wrote:

Roli going to Ottawa to be close to family and Ottawa still need goalie. 3yr deal so Roli happy.

C'mon. What idiot is going to give a 40 year old (by next year) goalie a three year deal?

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#85 Chuck
April 10 2009, 09:19PM
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I'm not watching the game at the moment so can some PLEASE TELL ME WHY WE CAN SUDDENLY SCORE IN A MEANINGLESS GAME???????????????? AUUUUUUURGH WAYNE ALL YOUR FAULT

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#86 Female Hockey Fans of The World
April 10 2009, 09:20PM
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@ Deans:

i think it's a reference to Fred Flinestone.

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#87 Deans
April 10 2009, 09:21PM
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Your not a real fan if you cant spell names correctly....When did Oilersnation turn into the lowetide comments section? Getting kinda smuggy in here.

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#88 albundy
April 10 2009, 09:21PM
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Where is WT these days

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#89 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 09:22PM
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@ Chuck:

I feel your pain. I was sitting here wondering the same thing. *Sigh*

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#90 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:22PM
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Female Hockey Fans of The World wrote:

Sandra wrote: What a glove by Desjarlais Sandra, Please please please please go to oilers.nhl.com and look at the roster. I promise you that our goalie’s name is not Desjarlais. It is Deslauriers. I don’t want to harp on you, but from one female fan to another, it’s hard to take your opinion and comments seriously when you have continuously gotten his name wrong. Sincerely, The rest of ladies of the Nation

So I'm blonde

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#91 Deans
April 10 2009, 09:23PM
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I dont listen to the games on the radio. How has "Fred" been doing as the color guy. The only game I listened to was one of the ones were Bob did play by play.

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#92 David S
April 10 2009, 09:23PM
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Female Hockey Fans of The World wrote:

Sandra, Please please please please go to oilers.nhl.com and look at the roster. I promise you that our goalie’s name is not Desjarlais. It is Deslauriers. I don’t want to harp on you, but from one female fan to another, it’s hard to take your opinion and comments seriously when you have continuously gotten his name wrong. Sincerely, The rest of ladies of the Nation

Clap clap!

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#93 Andrew W
April 10 2009, 09:24PM
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@ David S:

"C’mon. What idiot is going to give a 40 year old (by next year) goalie a three year deal?"

You obviously haven't been following the Senators for the past couple of years.

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#94 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:24PM
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Deans wrote:

Your not a real fan if you cant spell names correctly….When did Oilersnation turn into the lowetide comments section? Getting kinda smuggy in here.

Excuse me?

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#95 Auntie Kathy
April 10 2009, 09:25PM
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What the hell is Edmonton doing winning against Calgary???????

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#96 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:25PM
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Desjarlais first star

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#97 Sandra
April 10 2009, 09:25PM
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oopps "JDD"

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#98 OilersNinja
April 10 2009, 09:25PM
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@ Auntie Kathy:

Who the hell is Auntie Kathy and why the hell would you say that????????

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#99 Harlie
April 10 2009, 09:26PM
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great game JD! Too bad they waited till it didn't count till they put you in!!

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#100 Chuck
April 10 2009, 09:26PM
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Sandra wrote:

Desjarlais first star

I like blondes... A/S/L??

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