PFD No. 1: First in a four-part series

Ryan Lambert
April 16 2009 05:15PM

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Welcome to the first PLAYOFF Fire Drill, for this, Calgary's first postseason game on April 16, 2009

Who:

The Calgary Flames (the fifth seed in the West) and the Chicago Blackhawks (the fourth seed).

When:

6:30 p.m. Mountain time and 8:30 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should derive while they derive.

Where:

United Center, Chicago, Illinois.

Calgary was 19-20-2 away from home this year, and failed to win a game against Chicago this season. The Blackhawks were 24-9-8 at the United Center and beat Calgary 11-3 on aggregate there in two games.

What (to hate about the Blackhawks):

Similarity — Calgary hasn't played Chicago since Feb. 5, in a 5-2 loss at the Saddledome. Since then, the Blackhawks have gone 17-11-4, and the Flames went 16-13-2. That's almost enough to give you hope for a Flames win. Almost. (Of course, the Flames also played 15 playoff teams in those 31 games compared to the Blackhawks 18 in 32, so they did have a slightly easier schedule.)

Martin Havlat — Gets hurt all the time, but isn't hurt now. It strikes me as an incredibly inconsiderate thing to do to us Calgary fans that have had to sit through this malarkey of late.

Patrick Kane — I remember when he first started wrestling in the WWF and he was so mean to his brother the Undertaker and he chokeslammed a bunch of midgets and he would make all the lights go out and fire came out of the ringposts. It was very frightening.

Jonathan Toews — Stop making these horrible faces:

Kris Versteeg — Girls' name.

Brian Campbell — You've never seen a worse defenseman making SO much money. I'd say he's the poor man's Mike Green, but he's much, much richer than Mike Green (for now at least).

Andrew Ladd — Nice shirt:

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Dave BollandWanna-be ninja.

Patrick Sharp — He went to the University of Vermont. I have my own reasons for disliking that place, believe you me.

Duncan Keith — What kind of a name is Duncan? He is not a yo-yo magnate.

Nikolai Khabibulin — Drinks a "sports drink" meant for toddlers/probably cheated in 2004.

Sami Pahlsson — Former Duck. I don't like Ducks.

Joel Quenneville — The mustache!

Why?

You know why! Enjoy the game and talk to eachother about the impending horror in the comments section.

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Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 ngthagg
April 16 2009, 06:54PM
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You forgot to mention that Ladd is clearly wearing pink makeup and lipstick to match his shirt.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

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#2 Jonathan Willis
April 16 2009, 07:53PM
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13 reasons to hate the Blackhwaks and Ben Eager's name is nowhere to be seen. I expected better of you, TLP.

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#3 Jonathan Willis
April 16 2009, 07:53PM
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That's better. I feel better now.

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#4 Jonathan Willis
April 16 2009, 11:28PM
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Well now, that was quite the overtime.

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#5 drunk broadcaster
April 16 2009, 11:49PM
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Love NHL officiating

http://s731.photobucket.com/albums/ww318/metrognome9/?action=view&current=stupid-refs5394961.gif

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#6 Bob Cob
April 17 2009, 08:27AM
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Go Hawks!!!

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#7 smd521
April 17 2009, 08:51AM
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fLAMES are out in 4. Book it suckers!!

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#8 TavisCarr
April 17 2009, 02:13PM
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COME ON FLAMES DO BETTER!!

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