Western Review and Round 2 Predicto

Wanye
April 29 2009 10:53AM

weirdo_cup

Round One of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs are in the can and a few things are becoming clear. SJ might have been the biggest waste of a Presidency since GWB's second term in office. CGY continues to amuse us all with their special kind of suck and VAN might run out of weed if the Canucks are able to move through to the Western Final. Let's get right to it.

Of all the predictions made for the Western Conference only one man/woman/cyborg was correct in his/her/it’s Round One predictions. That person is:

#28 OvenChicken8 April 14 2009, 1:38 pm. Ducks in 6. (Joe Thorton adds another dismal playoff showcase with 0g and 6a). Wings in 4. if Osgood starts / Columbus in 4 if Conklin starts. (If Conklin starts he gets 2 hat-tricks… against himself). Canucks in 5. Blues win the first game in O.T. and crash and burn afterwards. Hawks in 7. Toews scores in game 7 OT to make Calgary relive the agony of losing another game 7.

While the rest of us were busy predicting the Sharks to walk all over the Ducks, OvenChicken8 was calmly predicting Jumbo Joe would suck again and the Ducks would prevail. Now sure, OvenChicken8 didn’t get the games all right, but he was able to correctly predict who won what. And just like in a paternity test – that’s close enough to be correct.

Well played.

Let’s review our picks shall we? We went 3 for 4 in our Western Predictions which ain't all bad.

Sharks (1) v Ducks (8)- Sharks in 6.

Great Gods of Rock does SJ ever have some issues. How do you run the table the entire season only to fold up shop in Round One? This is clearly one of the larger upsets since a certain team from Northern Alberta went on a dizzying run to the finals in 2006. Anyone remember that? We do....

*forgets Sharks-Ducks analysis completely, day dreams about Fernando wearing a rich and full beard*

Wings (2) v Blue Jackets (7) – Wings in 6.

Sorry Rick Nash. You can now replace “never been in the playoffs” with “made the playoffs once and got trounced by the Wings in the first round” on your NHL resume.

Yep, that was pretty much how that was going to go. Bless the hearts of the Jackets for trying but they were overmatched from the word go. Still, when Nash looks back on his career when he retires as a Blue Jacket, he can fondly remember the one year he made the playoffs and got crushed by the Wings.

Canucks (3) v Blues (6) - Canucks in 7

Holy crap are the Blues terrible. We feel slightly silly for predicting that this series would take seven games to complete. Thanks for being such a pile of suck and allowing the Canucks to walk all over you in four straight games. The only plus? The Canucks have been off for so long they will surely be crushed by the Hawks.

Hawks (4) v Flames (5) - Hawks in 6.

All we know is this: Calgary so terrible.

There is only one balm for the burn of Oilers fans everywhere who are still smarting from another year without playoffs. That is the soothing sensation of another Round One Flames exit. Misery loves company right Flames Fans?

*smiles smugly as RX1 sits completely empty while the Oilers themselves have scattered around the world for the offseason, gigantic paychecks in hand*

ROUND TWO PREDICTIONS

42-16509414

If you ask us - and nobody ever does - the Western Conference is now basically a question of how fast will the Wings roll everyone. Let's not kid ourselves here. We can't see anyone preventing the Wings from advancing to the Stanley Cup finals. They are just that good right now.

Wings (2) v Ducks (8)

Is Ryan Getzlaf a stud? Yes. Do the Ducks refer to Corey Perry as “Worm?” Yes. Does Jonas Hiller have a strange and disturbing manner of dancing in the club? Yes. Will any of these facts save the Ducks against the juggernaut that is the Wings? No.

Wings soooo good.

Detroit in 6.

Canucks (3) v Hawks (4)

This is an interesting series that really could go either way. Admittedly we know very little about either of these two teams will stack up against one another. Fortunately we could care less. In the absence of having any real intuition on the series we will pick the Hawks, if for no other reason than we know our hippie brother in Vancouver will read this and will immediately text us various threats.

YOU WANT SOME OF THIS BRO??? BRING THE HEAT.

Ahem.

Hawks in 7.

El Drafto Incrediblo

OilNxtYear – not only are you in first place right now but you have faith that the Oilers will redeem themselves next year. Or you simply suggest the Oilers will be in the league next year. Cryptic name aside one thing is clear – you are leading after round one at the draft. We are close - only about 150 players back. Watch for OilersNation OMG to slingshot past you on the back of our work horse Alexander Ovechkin.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 The Towel Boy
April 29 2009, 11:09AM
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Wings in 5.

Hawks in 6.

That is all.

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#2 Colin
April 29 2009, 11:16AM
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I make the incredibly lame:

6 & 6 prediction

Hawks, Wings advance.

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#3 greenlightning86
April 29 2009, 11:30AM
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Wings 6 Van in 7 (Luongo is the difference)

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#4 Brian O'Neill
April 29 2009, 11:33AM
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Wings in 7 Bruins in 5 Penguins in 7 Canucks in ..... won't predict too much bad juju

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#5 dragon
April 29 2009, 11:41AM
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ANA 6 (time for Ozzi to call it a day) CHI 6 (Joel's wizkids too much for Lu) CAR 5 (too hot for bruins to handle) PIT 6 (here comes Guerrin)

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#6 Archaeologuy
April 29 2009, 11:42AM
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Van in 6; the Nucks have Luongo and are well rested. The Hawks on the other hand have just come off a very physical and emotional series. I'm not cheering for the Cansucks but Luongo needs to go deeper into the playoffs in order to be ready for the 2010 Olympics.

Detroit in 5; The Ducks beat the Sharks in the playoffs, so what? Who hasnt? Nobody on the Sharks besides a geriatric Lemieux has ever accomplished anything. Detroit is too good from top to bottom to be beat down by Anaheim.

I want to see somebody elbow Perry and Pronger in the face.

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#7 baggedmilk
April 29 2009, 12:01PM
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Hawks in 6 and Patrick Kane points to Denis Savard in the crowd while weeping uncontrollably.

Wings in 6 powered by the ginger beard of Johan Franzen, and a lifetime supply of beers and smokes and cod from Dan Cleary.

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#8 Harlie
April 29 2009, 12:05PM
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I called Cane's for the Cup previously. I'm still sticking with that. And yes I know they are from the East side!

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#9 Harlie
April 29 2009, 12:08PM
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that dude in the picture looks like a brown haired version of Kevin from Wonder Year's older brother Wayne.

"look at me scrote! I'm touching the Cup and peeing in my pants all the while my eyes are closed!"

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#10 Wanye Gretz
April 29 2009, 12:08PM
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@ baggedmilk:

Your prediction commentary is hands down my favorite. Why they fired you at ESPN is still beyond me.

Hint: Sexual aggression related.

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#11 Harlie
April 29 2009, 12:11PM
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and why is buddy's girlfriend the one wearing the Wife Beater? And she's also the one wearing pants! I wouldn't be surprised if his name was Ben Dover.

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#12 sittingatmydesk
April 29 2009, 12:11PM
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Wings in 6.

Canucks in 6.

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#13 baggedmilk
April 29 2009, 12:38PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ baggedmilk: Your prediction commentary is hands down my favorite. Why they fired you at ESPN is still beyond me. Hint: Sexual aggression related.

Unfortunately for me, the predatory actions on my part towards ESPN mega hotness Erin Andrews did not go unnoticed. With good behavior the restraining order might be lifted, and her garbage will be mine to explore once again.

*Patrick Kane cries in approval*

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#14 BGH
April 29 2009, 12:48PM
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Round 2 is the march of the Animals.

Ducks, Hawks, Bruins and Penguins.

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#15 Colin
April 29 2009, 12:55PM
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Just admit it Wanye, that's totally you and your slightly too friendly cousin in the picture.

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#16 Ducey
April 29 2009, 01:33PM
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Ducks in 6. After a year off, Scotty Niedemier is back, and the Ducks will punish the Wings. Detroit's goaltending will be exposed by Getzlaf and co.

Canucks in 6. Canucks play too tight of Defence for the young Hawks. I sure hope I am wrong here.

In looking at your picture it reminded me that 90 years ago the Cup finals were not held due to the Flu outbreak. Hmm...

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#17 Wanye Gretz
April 29 2009, 01:34PM
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@ Colin:

I look more like the girl on the left than I do the dirt squirrel on the right. A one arm sleeve tattoo and the other is blank? What is this amateur hour?

@ baggedmilk:

I remember when you cried like Patrick Kane after they let you go. It was touching to see you all worked up.

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#18 mjsh
April 29 2009, 02:08PM
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I hate the canucks but they are better than the Hawks, Nucks, in 6, wings in 5, bruins in 5 and the Capitals in 7.. ( I took ovie in the draft too.

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#19 roughneck
April 29 2009, 02:24PM
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the girl in the top photo looks just like the one on her knees in front of phaneuf in JWs flames eulogy

can we graft the legs on the girl in the bottom photo onto Sammy? She looks rugged.... and clearly has jam.

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#20 Quinn
April 29 2009, 02:46PM
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Because my first round picks were so incredibly off ...

Wings 6 (Ducks defense will discover what it is like to play against forwards who care)

Canucks 6 (Chicago will discover what it is like to play a team that cares with a full defense corps and a goalie who can stop pucks)

Pittsburgh in 7 (I dunno and don't care)

Bruins in 6 (I love Tim Thomas as only a man can/should)

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#21 jeanshorts
April 29 2009, 03:02PM
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The jeanshorts run Peter Klima's World Class Helmet now sits at position...420! I think that's a good omen! I'm also one spot ahead of Towel Boy. EAT IT TB!!! EEEAAATTT ITTTTT!!!!

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#22 The Towel Boy
April 29 2009, 03:07PM
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@ jeanshorts:

Why, you son of a...

IT'S ON!!

*feverishly attempts to update his roster with 13 Ovechkin's, realizes he can't and then cries uncontrollably like Patrick Kane*

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#23 BUCK75
April 29 2009, 03:10PM
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Nikolai Khabibulin is playing or a new contract. Wasn't he playing for one when TB won the cup?

Hawks young stud Dmen step up & Dustin Alphabet leads series in scoring.

Hawks in 6

A Johan Franzen hit kncks CFP out of series. Jonas Hiller remembers who he is.

Wings in 5

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#24 jeanshorts
April 29 2009, 03:12PM
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Wait, is it a good thing I only have 6 players going into round 2? It is right? Spread around the scoring?

Oh and also Wings in 6.

Hawks in 6.

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#25 Rusty Shackleford
April 29 2009, 03:35PM
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Looks like I'm jumping on the jeanshorts/baggedmilk bandwagon:

Hawks in 6. Wings in 6.

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#26 baggedmilk
April 29 2009, 04:07PM
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Rusty Shackleford wrote:

Looks like I’m jumping on the jeanshorts/baggedmilk bandwagon: Hawks in 6. Wings in 6.

Unfortunately, it's an actual little red wagon.

*Thanks to Rusty, the wagon is now full*

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#27 Rusty Shackleford
April 29 2009, 04:23PM
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@ baggedmilk: At first I typed "jumping on the jeanshorts/baggedmilk train"... Then quickly realized bandwagon is a much more appropriate word to use.

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#28 Milli
April 29 2009, 04:29PM
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Ducks in 6

hawks in 7.

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#29 baggedmilk
April 29 2009, 04:30PM
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Rusty Shackleford wrote:

@ baggedmilk: At first I typed “jumping on the jeanshorts/baggedmilk train”… Then quickly realized bandwagon is a much more appropriate word to use.

I understand.

*onward, Jeanshorts, onward!*

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#30 OvenChicken8
April 29 2009, 04:46PM
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Well first of all I'd like to thank Wanye and of course God, my mother, my 4 different grade 3 teachers and the rest of ON.

Round 2:

Ducks in 7... Hiller gives another mind-blowing performance and steals enough games to pull the upset.(The human rake loses an eye... a guy can dream.)

Canucks in 5... EFF you Luongo :(

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#31 Ender the Dragon
April 29 2009, 05:13PM
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After being destroyed in my playoff pool yet again this year (Damn the Sharks to hell! They do this to me every year and I never learn . . .) I can barely summon the will to type at all, let alone predict anymore.

I'm so unworthy . . .

[cries uncontrollably like Patrick Kane]

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#32 Harlie
April 29 2009, 06:13PM
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BUCK75 wrote:

Dustin Alphabet

HAHA!

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#33 Victoria
April 29 2009, 09:38PM
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Wings in 6

Hawks in 7

Bruins in 5

Cap/Pens... I don't care as long as it lives up to the hype.

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#34 Smokin' Ray - NNC
April 29 2009, 09:38PM
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Hawks in 6

Ducks in 6

Bruins in 6

Caps in 6

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#35 Smokin' Ray - NNC
April 29 2009, 09:42PM
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oh yeah... The Jambalaya Jams are sitting comfortably in 366th in the Hudson's Playoff Draft. No thanks to Travis Moen though. Mr. No Points. Oh well. Go Jams!

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#36 MustardTiger4Life
April 29 2009, 11:25PM
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Van in 7 Wings in 6 Pens in 6 Bruins in 5

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#37 Jamie
April 30 2009, 12:27AM
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Where'd you find the picture of the Canes fans?

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#38 Harlie
April 30 2009, 09:50AM
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Maggie "the missing link" Monkey from TSN is forecasting the Cane's to beat Boston in the second round. Too bad "The Missing Link" got only 2 out of 6 right in her first round predictions. So who knows where things will end up. I'm still callin for the Cainiacs. Cole will not be denied!

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#39 Jason Gregor
April 30 2009, 03:32PM
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COle sucks...no points in seven games...he is a dud in the playoffs...

Bruins in 5 Capitals in 7 WIngs in 6 Hawks in 7

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