May 29 2009 10:30AM
With the recent FMNFing and the new armada of Coaching staff sailing into the Bay of OilersNation, there is bound to be a ton of changes in the approach to the game of hockey, the personnel involved on the ice and the overall attitude at RX1.
Given that the team has been a steaming cup of shitanusly mediocre hockey these past three years, a whole new approach is pretty much A-OK with everyone who is involved with this team, both in the stands and off the ice.
Whether or not GM Tambellini is going to be able to shed some of the heavy contracts and be freed up to chase new (read: better) players remains to be seen. But what is clear is that the list of underachieving meat bags is long and the potential destinations for said bags of meat is short. While a great many current Oilers may not be around to see the puck drop on opening night, three players spring to mind as those who could benefit most from a coaching change.
For many of these doghousian Oilers, this will be their last chance in an Oilers uniform.
Rob “Last chance to amount to anything” Schremp
Stats last year: (AHL) 69 GP 7G - 35A - 42 Pts (NHL) 4 GP 0G - 3A - Pts
Good case scenario 09-10: (NHL) 10G - 10A - 20 Pts Bad case scenario 09-10: AHL4lyfe
It’s no surprise to anyone who pays rapt attention to the Oilers that Schremp is pumped to see his career nemesis head on to other (as yet unnamed) opportunities. “It would be nice, obviously, if I’d been playing in the NHL the last couple of years, but this is what the organization wanted to do with me, develop me in Springfield,” Schremp was quoted recently saying in a Yahoo sports article. “So that’s that path you have to take. Hopefully I’m on track to play in the NHL next year. Hopefully it’s a new opportunity. But I think the organization has had my best interests in mind since I’ve been drafted. It’s not just MacTavish, it’s the whole organization that has to make plays with my career. They want to develop me and make sure I’m ready. Hopefully next year is the year I make it. I hope that’s what the plan is.”
Don't you worry about what the plan is there Robbie. There is a solid plan and the Oilers are executing it. Why the plan called for making the SCF06 then missing the playoffs for the next three years we will never know - but there is a plan. Believe that. Perhaps rather than worrying about the plan ol’ Lord Schrempington might instead get out of his own way long enough to make something of an NHL career.
By all accounts Schemp’s attitude is quite poor but his hands are by all same accounts s-i-c-k. But as any one of the 1000 YouTube sensations will attest, sick hands don’t get you no NHL career in this day and age.
Dustin “Donair Please” Penner
Stats last year: 78GP 17G - 20A - 37 Pts
Good case scenario 09-10: 25G - 25A - 50 Pts Bad case scenario 09-10: 15G - 10A - 25 Pts
Even we are starting to feel for Dustin Penner. On a team with an incurable case of mediocre craptitis, DDPP is the poster boy for what is ailing with the Oil. Invisible down the stretch, quiet on many nights, the Donairan one still found a way to pot 17 tucks and collect 37 points last season which really ain’t too bad if you step back, ignore his contract and squint at the stats page. It’s kinda like a magic eye – the beauty might not reveal itself right off the bat.
But much like Schremp, Penner is playing below his immense potential and could certainly use a change of coaching pace after MacT, who threw DDPP under the bus on a few occasions last year and generally didn’t get along with #27 most of the time. Fortunately for Penner it was the Coach that ended up leaving town not him and perhaps the new coaching staff and a fresh approach is exactly what he needs to elevate his game.
Robert “Muffin man” Nilsson
Stats last year: 64GP 9G-20A-29 Pts
Good case scenario 09-10: 12G – 35 A – 47 Pts Bad case scenario 09-10: 8 G – 15 A – 23 Pts
We used to love us some Robert Nilsson back in his rookie year. Quick on the wing, sporting a cool half visor and a big part of that “let’s-go-on-a-run-down-the-stretch-with-only-rookies-only-to-break-Wanye’s-heart-again” run back in 07-08.
He was able to keep himself busy during last year on many nights distributing little muffins all over the ice: when he was carrying the puck, when he nervously entered the corners, when he was directing soft little flubbers on net. Despite all this fresh baked softness he only able to score 9 goals.
9 goals – despite all the PP and ice time.
9 measly goals.
If we were coaching the Oil and Nilsson had 9 paltry goals in a season we would hire his Dad Kent to come over as a special consultant to the team. His only duty – beating his son without mercy and forcing the two to share a room on the road. That would learn the little bastard. But we suppose some of these finicky racehorses are sometimes better suited to a soft touch and by all accounts Mr. Renney and his velvet gloves should bring exactly that to the table.
Thinking about the 09-10 season
When we lie awake at night in our bed - pictured above - we often now worry about how good the Oilers will be next year. We worry long and hard. If the Oil are going to do anything but repeat the same monstrous disappointment of last year, these three players above are going to have to have a big say in it. We would go so far as to suggest that as goes these three underachievers so goes the team.
9 Goals Nilsson. You oughta be ashamed.