Mob beatings and Draft Standings

Wanye
June 18 2009 02:51PM

FBL-NED-FEYENOORD-CLASHES-POLICE

Holy crap. The 2008-09 season ends and within seconds the MSM and blogosphere – half crazed from a lack of anything legitimate to discuss – turns on themselves and on each other like a pack of rabid zombie wolves.  If you can’t be bothered to dig through the 14,508 comments of late on here and read all of the fun we have made a handy guide we call the Who Hates Who Diagram  Feel free to use it as a handy reference until something interesting happens and we have real news to discuss:

hatediagram1

There. Now we can all remember what is going on and what side we are on. You're welcome society.

The Sedin Brothers

sedins_dancing

While everyone is schoolyard brawling, our real enemies are being allowed to operate with complete impunity. A report from some Swedish website has the Sedin Brothers asking for identical 12-year $63 million dollar contracts from whatever team “clever” enough to sign them.

You have to be kidding right? Even Charles Wang must look at this contract offer and think “wow, if this is the marketplace I am so happy I have my star netminder locked up until the year 2819.” The Sedins agents have the balls use Hank Zetterberg in Detroit as a contract comparison for these two Gremlins? How on Earth does that work exactly? Just because they are all Swedes doesn’t give them comparable market value.

Using that sound logic we are going to demand (insert something stupid with similar flawed reasoning) and laugh heartily as people rush to meet our demands.

$126 million for the Sedins. Pfft. What’s next? $4.25 MM per year for this here goof?

neveragain

Oh.

El Grando Draft Finale

The emails have gone out to the winners asking for snail mail addresses. The close-but-no-cigar-set have emailed us here at OilersNation World HQ explaining how a disallowed goal in G2 of the Canucks and Blues series should actually have counted and asking the courts for an additional point in the draft. No dice chumps.

When all the dust settled your champion draftee is DkrebaTeam – a three point winner over the pack of wild zombie dogs that made up the top 20 draft teams. Picking Matt Carle and Sammy Pahlsson and still winning the draft shows us a certain level of intelligence not previously detected on the internet. Congrats on winning a thousand dollar gift certificate to Hudsons (!)

1. DkrebaTeam 201 Pts

Evgeni Malkin Sidney Crosby Ryan Getzlaf Daniel Sedin Henrik Sedin Henrik Zetterberg Jonathan Toews Brian Rafalski Nicklas Lidstrom Scott Niedermayer Kris Letang Matt Carle Samuel Pahlsson

The Prize Winning Also Rans

2. Savages 198 3. beast of the east 196 4. hockeynut 193 5. Crunch 192 6. Saints 189 7. teamname 188 8. Squirrels 188 9. PIL 188 10. Heisler 187 11. Chrisbrugh Penguins 186 12. Pittsburg 186 13. WorstTeamEver 183 14. krunk67 183 15. Team Awesome Kickass 183 16. Wii not fit 182 17. no teeth 182 18. Road Warriors 181 19. FightingFoo 181 20. team cob 180

Congrats to all of the winners noted above. You should have received an email from our crew of pirates asking for some contact details. A big thank you to Hudsons Canadian Taphouse for believing in the draft and supplying us with all the prizing. 1036 entries - we blew the doors off our expectations (3 entries) and had a lot of fun in the process. We are going to roll out a new draft for next season and will be giving people the ability to host their own drafts using our site as well.  Any other suggestions on how we can improve the draft for next year?

The game within the game

wanye_champ

It won’t get us a G at Hudsons this summer but with the absence of any of our fellow Nation writers entering the draft – despite repeated pleas on our part – neither Willis, nor Brownlee nor Gregor took a moment from their hectic schedules to enter the draft.

As a result we declare ourselves to be the Nation Staff Writer Playoff Draft Champion 2009.

Look at us in that picture. Counting our money, flossing our ice. Yes, this heady victory will will arm us with plenty of ammunition for the entire summer as we are repeatedly fact checked by our fellow contributors.

Gregor: “Wanye – you can’t be serious when you wrote that piece of garbage yesterday right?” Wanye: “Sorry Gregor, we can’t hear you with the electronic draft championship plugging our ears”

Brownlee: “If you write any of that usual garbage you pass off as an article I am going to deal with you myself.” Wanye: “Is that a fact Brownlee? I will use my feelings of superiority from beating you in the Playoff Draft to shield myself from your punches”

Willis: “Wanye – were you kidding when you wrote that JF Jacques should be penciled in for a 50 goal season next year?” Wanye: “You tell me Willis. Were we kidding? Better yet don’t. Cause we totally rolled you in the playoff draft.”

Yeah, its going to be a sweet long offseason. Traffic is up, mob beatings are up, we are a draft champion of sorts even though we came in 735th place overall.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Librarian Mike
June 18 2009, 02:55PM
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When I saw the top picture, I thought it may have been a new feature: "Where's Wanye?"

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#2 HondaGuy09
June 18 2009, 02:59PM
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First time commenter - Wanye that diagram is too funny. I love it when you get out your MS paint.

LOLZ

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#3 RBK
June 18 2009, 03:05PM
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That dolphin from Seaquest has never gotten along with ham radio operators.

LOL whatever you are on Wanye I want some

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#4 bingofuel
June 18 2009, 03:22PM
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Uh, Wanye? My team came in 89th. I ain't no writer, but I'm runnin' your show. RESPEK.

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#5 Wanye Gretz
June 18 2009, 03:24PM
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@ bingofuel:

You did???

*slowly backs away from computer*

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#6 DK0
June 18 2009, 03:31PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Yeah, its going to be a sweet long offseason. Traffic is up, mob beatings are up, we are a draft champion of sorts even though we came in 735th place overall.

Have you been taking your meds? i think you might have a couple personalities that gave up on battling for front runner and are teaming up. We are Wanye, resistance is futile.

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#7 The Towel Boy
June 18 2009, 03:33PM
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I turned up the suck big time in the draft. It's apparent I know absolutely nothing about hockey pools.

No prize for 816th eh?

There's always next season I guess.

...you've been warned...

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#8 The Towel Boy
June 18 2009, 03:34PM
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..ohh...and the dolphin from SeaQuest is a dink.

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#9 Chaz
June 18 2009, 03:41PM
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I love how "Flames Fans" are on the top of your seemingly random chart. Intentional or not, it's nice to know all is right in the Universe.

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#10 RBK
June 18 2009, 03:47PM
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We are Wanye, , resistance is futile.

Seconded

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#11 Travis Dakin
June 18 2009, 03:53PM
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Love the chart. Can't help but wonder... what ever happened to Deep Oil? man times have changed. I feel so out of touch now that he is gone. RIP buddy.

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#12 David S
June 18 2009, 03:53PM
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Haha! Nice one Wanye. I'm pretty sure you can update that chart with a line connecting Brownlee and Tencer.

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#13 Librarian Mike
June 18 2009, 03:53PM
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That other guy from Tron is cruising for a bruising as well...

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#14 Jason Gregor
June 18 2009, 03:56PM
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Brownlee just broke on air that Daum will be hired as head coach in Springfield. Expect announcement possibly later today or tomorrow.

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#15 The Towel Boy
June 18 2009, 04:00PM
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@ Jason Gregor:

oooooooo. good stuff.

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#16 Milli
June 18 2009, 04:19PM
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I love mob beatings.....unless the mob is beating me, that really sucked that day.

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#17 Monday Guy
June 18 2009, 05:10PM
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I'd like it noted that the Mondaze hit 28th overall. (insert Blind Squirrel and Nut anecdote here)

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#18 moo
June 18 2009, 06:24PM
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There sure is a lot of traffic around the Brownlee sector of that image... Hmm...

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#19 White Ninja
June 18 2009, 06:27PM
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Nice post Wayne. The Sedin's are on crack but Burke will probably sign them to that insane scrilla. Also, did you know that they are making a sequel to Tron? There is NO way they will screw that up and tarnish an awesome movie that I love.

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#20 Archaeologuy
June 18 2009, 10:03PM
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How can so few people hate that Dolphin from SeaQuest? Penner would likely eat it, and the Conservatives hate nature. That's at least two more lines to draw.

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#21 Lofty
June 18 2009, 10:21PM
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Let it be known... I hate the Sedin's

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#22 White Ninja
June 18 2009, 10:24PM
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I LIKE the dolphin from seaquest. It stole the show. It would have been a much better show if Roy Schneider still had the helicopter from Blue Thunder. That would have kicked ass. A super sophisticated sub AND a kick ass helicopter that could shoot cop cars in half! We would not be talking about a dolphin today if they had that copter. If only...

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#23 Smokin' Ray - NNC
June 18 2009, 10:45PM
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Well... I finished in a comfortable 415th place. (crowd cheers) At one point I was doing quite well and was dancing in the 80's. But after the 2nd round I was screwed. I just went lower and lower. Oh well. I just wanted to not be last (no offence to the guy that did).

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#24 Joey Moss
June 19 2009, 05:03AM
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that dustin penner caption is without a doubt the funniest thing i've seen on the internet since:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=940rzFtFNbs

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#25 Jack Bauer
June 19 2009, 06:22AM
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So I just finished reading that 204 comment drivel in the other blog. What shocks me most?

You guys actually pay people to write on here?

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#26 BUCK75
June 19 2009, 07:39AM
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I was wondering what ever became of Deep Oil...

In some ways I miss his McKesson Rants...

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#27 Jack Bauer
June 19 2009, 08:50AM
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shhhh......dont say his name, he might come back.

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#28 Engineer
June 19 2009, 09:11AM
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Where does the RAND corporation fit in to all this?

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