Rolling with Wanye I

bingofuel
June 22 2009 08:30AM

wanyetencer

Rolling with Wanye is so often a hilarious confluence of random and strange occurrences that it's a wonder I don't do it more often. But as some of you will note, Wanye Gretz is an elusive and enigmatic dude. Tracking him down, making sense of him, indeed having a conversation with him outside of topics like "Is Megan Fox the younger version of Angelina Jolie and is she ruining Angelina's career?" is damned near impossible. And I have been friends with him since Grade three.

For all his bravado, Wanye's an oddly reclusive guy in real life. But I wasn't going to let this deter me from dragging him out with me on Saturday evening.

"Wanye," I called him up and said. "You keep saying you're going to do a podcast for OilersNation."

"What's it to you, you glorified comments moderator?" he responded with typical aplomb.

"Well, you don't know shit about squat. So let's plant some edumacation in that over-sized brain pan of yours."

I told Wanye I was going to pick him up and bring him to the inaugural recording of my personal podcast, a project I've taken on with my pal Scott. We were recording the podcast at 630 CHED studios, where Scott works.

Wanye seemed quite reluctant to go somewhere where he ran an outside chance of having to talk OilersNation with anyone "in the media." He strangely compartamentalizes his two personalities and stressed that the only people he wants to talk hockey with is you guys, the readers of the site. Beyond this he remains strangely mum.

After considerably more arm-twisting, I eventually convinced Wanye to leave the shadowy corner of the garage he sleeps in and meet my co-host in the name of learning the podcasting game. Which we all need to continue to pressure him to do on his own, right gang?

Anyways, when we arrived and Scott and I prepared to record our show, Wanye realized he had left his precious blackberry in the OilersNation Mobile Command Unit™.

"Bingofuel, may I have the key to your filthy, rusted-out Honda so I can get my phone?"

To which I responded: "You knob. Now Scott and I have to come with you because the door locks automatically behind you on the weekends. FINE."

So we wasted some more time trudging through the station and out through the front door.

And this is where it gets positively outstanding.

As we make our way to the front of the building, who should come in but Mr. Daniel Alfred Rudiger Von Tencer III. The man behind the post-game radio broadcasts for the Oil. These two ~er, hockey talking types?~ walked right passed each other, like two gloriously clueless ships in the night, unaware who the other was. I looked on with suppressed glee, as I recognized Dan from his photo on his blog.

I didn't tell Wanye this had happened until after I'd finished recording the podcast. He looked pleased that this had occurred without either party's knowledge.

Then last night Dan Tencer said this on Twitter:

"@WanyeGretz @bingofuel Holy crap...that was you guys at the station? I can identify the elusive Wanye!"

Upon reading this, Wanye was filled with a flavorful mix of rage and glee. "That's the last time you get me out of Wanye Manor, Bingofuel." He cryptically texted me last night "Wanye Gretz is for the people, Wu Tang forever!"

He then vanished in a puff of red smoke. I haven't seen him since.

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 jdrevenge
June 22 2009, 08:34AM
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By far best picture ever!!! LOL. But I thought that, just like Bruce Wayne, Gretz was known to show face at his various charity events across the fair city?!

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#2 freeze
June 22 2009, 08:34AM
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haha, of all the people. talk about blackmail material!

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#3 Travis Dakin
June 22 2009, 08:42AM
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I saw that tweet and it made me laugh. I pictured that exact senario. Good times. That picture is epic.

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#4 Librarian Mike
June 22 2009, 08:59AM
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Great article, great picture. Man, you guys are just on fire lately. I am loving this website. It's probably for the best that Dan and Wanye didn't make eye contact, because I'm pretty sure there's something in Nostradamus about bad things happening if they do.

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#5 Dan Tencer
June 22 2009, 09:06AM
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The only analogy I can draw...and it's a bad one...is to a cop in a serial killer movie. You know, the one where he's having coffee at a diner chatting with the guy next to him, who turns out in the end to be the killer.

For the rest of his life, the cop thinks: "Damn. I missed my chance."

Now that I've scared him off, the chances are slim that I'll ever be able to meet Mr. Wanye and congratulate him in person for all of his great work in Paint.

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#6 bingofuel
June 22 2009, 09:10AM
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@ Dan Tencer:

Please don't encourage him and his Paint "skills," Dan. ;)

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#7 Archaeologuy
June 22 2009, 09:11AM
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Is this the part where Wanye reaches behind his head and rips off his mask to reveal that he is actually Dan Tencer.

*Mind. Blown.*

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#8 Travis Dakin
June 22 2009, 09:13AM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Is this the part where Wanye reaches behind his head and rips off his mask to reveal that he is actually Dan Tencer. *Mind. Blown.*

OH. MY. GOD.

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#9 bingofuel
June 22 2009, 09:16AM
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Also, does no one think it's hilarious that the picture shows 630 CHED as having a sandstone courtyard!? ;)

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#10 The Towel Boy
June 22 2009, 09:23AM
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I have received word that Wanye has been working on his evasion tactics by training with elite Yakizono Ninja warriors in the northern hills of Hatchimantai in Japan. You will never see him again...until just before your death at the hands of his Ninja Claw!

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#11 Librarian Mike
June 22 2009, 09:42AM
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bingofuel wrote:

Also, does no one think it’s hilarious that the picture shows 630 CHED as having a sandstone courtyard!?

Hahaha. 'Counterstrike: Gretz'

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#12 ScubaSteve
June 22 2009, 09:48AM
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It's sweet how Wanye has the head of Optimus Prime, and the scarf of Harry Potter, combined with the body of what I can only assume is an armless hobo.

That's a great disguise, it might draw a lot of attention, but a great disguise none the less

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#13 bingofuel
June 22 2009, 10:02AM
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@ ScubaSteve:

Having known Wanye for as long as I have, I prefer to say that Optimus Prime has the head of Wanye.

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#14 Fiveandagame
June 22 2009, 10:16AM
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Holy Snap. Am I the only one who finds it scary that Wayne was inside mission control at the CHED? I am surprised there wasn't a hostile take over and 630 Ched would turned into Wayne Pirate Radio. Poor Mr. Tencer would have been ball gagged and ransomed off to some + sized fan and Brian Hall would have been forced to do commercials for JS&BM Roma's where your family can be creeped out and daughters oogled....

His restraint was amazing....

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#15 OvenChicken8
June 22 2009, 10:28AM
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Dan Tencer wrote:

The only analogy I can draw…and it’s a bad one…is to a cop in a serial killer movie. You know, the one where he’s having coffee at a diner chatting with the guy next to him, who turns out in the end to be the killer. For the rest of his life, the cop thinks: “Damn. I missed my chance.” Now that I’ve scared him off, the chances are slim that I’ll ever be able to meet Mr. Wanye and congratulate him in person for all of his great work in Paint.

Dan "you Owe It to yourself" to congratulate Wanye.

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#16 Librarian Mike
June 22 2009, 10:28AM
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Wanye at 630 CHED...Could he secretly be...Bob Layton?

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#17 jayoilfan
June 22 2009, 10:29AM
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Pricesless, surely if they had recognized each other and conversed, it would have been like some cataclysmic event and brought the end of the world or maybe just the general region around the CHED studio into oblivion.

That is so awesoem that they didn't know each other, Bingofuel, you sir, have got nerves of steel not to say anything at that moment, A+!

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#18 spOILer
June 22 2009, 10:30AM
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Is it just me or were Tencer and Willis twins separated at birth? JW looks like he's been eating a little better though.

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#19 Harlie
June 22 2009, 10:34AM
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anyone else get the email of the Stanley Cup party with pictures at Mario Lemiux's house? The Stanley Cup is floating in his pool with a bunch of players in the pool. Lemiux's house is staright up pimpin' it too.

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#20 Sandra
June 22 2009, 10:46AM
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@ bingofuel: So wayne is a Wraith?

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#21 Harlie
June 22 2009, 11:14AM
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@ bingofuel:

Wanye disappeared in a puff of RED smoke? I always pictured Wanye as more a GREEN smoke type of guy.

Blood Clott, brotha mon, One love!!

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#22 bingofuel
June 22 2009, 11:19AM
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@ Harlie: It was some weird ninja thing, dude. I don't know what to tell you.

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#23 TK10
June 22 2009, 11:22AM
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Bloody moronic waste of cyber space.

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#24 Canadian Maniac
June 22 2009, 11:22AM
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I think Tencer's tweet (which was amusing itself, I had assumed Wanye was a sentient AI program that decided it loved the Oilers, but hated humanity in general, which would explain a lot) combined with this article single-handedly justified Twitter's existence. Also, Eliza Duskhu posting pictures of herself, but that's another story...

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#25 Harlie
June 22 2009, 11:23AM
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@ bingofuel:

I used to be a ninja too! I used to use Green smoke myself, but to each his own. Wanye must be adding some donair spice to his smoke. Damn you Wanye and your dare to be different approach to life. Ninja's up, ho's down!

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#26 Harlie
June 22 2009, 11:27AM
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@ TK10:

are you describing your brain bucket?

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#27 Death Metal Nightmare
June 22 2009, 11:46AM
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its about time someone does an Oilers podcast for this site. it needs to be weekly if possible. for more Oilers BRAIN DAMAGE.

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#28 Harlie
June 22 2009, 11:53AM
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Harlie wrote:

anyone else get the email of the Stanley Cup party with pictures at Mario Lemiux’s house? The Stanley Cup is floating in his pool with a bunch of players in the pool. Lemiux’s house is staright up pimpin’ it too.

here's a link to the pics i was talkin 'bout...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenrobinson/sets/72157619836315964/

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#29 The Towel Boy
June 22 2009, 12:00PM
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Canadian Maniac wrote:

Also, Eliza Duskhu posting pictures of herself, but that’s another story…

She was so hot in the early 2000's.

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#30 Curious
June 22 2009, 01:45PM
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Never mind that Eliza girl, did anyone see the new sports girl at CTV on the weekend? Smart,cute little Ukrainian girl....lets just say I enjoyed the sportscast immensely and will be watching CTV sports from now on.

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#31 Harlie
June 22 2009, 02:24PM
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@ Curious:

she's been on for awhile...I think she replaced Ken Reid...I've asked Gregor on the Nation board to have her on JAG for an inty...how about it Gregor?

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#32 Curious
June 22 2009, 03:56PM
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Great idea Harlie. Gregor, get'er done. Gregor being from the farm shoudl understand that jargon

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#33 Dominoiler
June 23 2009, 11:29AM
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f'n hilarious...

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#34 MikeP
June 23 2009, 06:18PM
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"Wanye was a sentient AI program"

Sorry, did you use the words "sentient" and "Wanye" in the same sentence together? And then follow up with "AI" to boot?

You'll make him think he's too good to do Paint "touchups" if you keep it up!

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#35 White Ninja
June 23 2009, 11:07PM
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My first thought upon seeing the picture was, why is Wayne sneaking up on Pee-wee? Just add Chairy and Jambi the genie to the picture and its eerily close.

Mecca lecca hi mecca hiney ho!

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