Shamrock Shakes and a Bulldog

Wanye
July 27 2009 11:19AM

slowsign1

Jonathan Willis is a beast. How he manages to pump out articles each and every day of the year that both make a point and are interesting we will never know. We certainly haven’t been blessed with the same writing skills as Senor Willis, but lack of talent hasn’t stopped us from trying.

So before you read this article we will start off by warning you that today is a slow news day. Really slow. Like “there-are-365-days-in-a-year-and-this-one-ranks-high-on-the-list-of-least-stuff-happening” type slow.

But still, on this slow news day of July 27, 2009 we want to know two things:

shamrock

1) Why is the Shamrock Shake only available around St. Patrick’s Day?

Seriously McDonalds. Is it too much to ask to keep that thing around all year round? It’s a viable beverage option all 12 months of the year! We have been engaged in a heated debate with a buddy all morning on this topic and we just can’t let it go. Our well structured arguments are as follows:

a) The Shamrock Shake is an excellent frosty beverage. b) The Shamrock Shake is only available in March. This is hardly the time most of us are looking for milkshake type beverages. c) On a hot summer’s day like the ones we are experiencing of late, a Shamrock Shake would hit the spot. d) The Shamrock shake requires little extra effort for the average McDonalds franchisee to create. There is no extra infrastructure needed – just ground up leprechauns and shamrocks added to the cement mix that passes for a milkshake.

We feel that this is a valid customer feedback item. Our buddy is of the mind that this is a seasonal treat and is no more appropriate than eating a candy cane in the middle of the summer. He adheres to a strict seasonal edible code of conduct. We say, if it feels good do it.

Besides this debate, which is sure to die away the instant anything of note occurs, we also wonder:

slowday

2) What’s going on with our beloved Oilers?

Turns out, the answer is “less than not much.” We have taken the time to search the entire interwebs too, so don’t think your ol’ pal Wanye is leaving you in the dark. We looked everywhere. TSN, SportsNet, The Jonas Brothers website, JSBM. Everywhere. Eventually our search for anything related to anything interesting took us to the last place you would expect any Oilers news of interest – the Oilers official website. As luck would have it, they have revamped the site a bit which is of borderline interest to some of us. Looking for news, we slowly plodded through the riveting accounts of both the minor hockey school the Oil are running and a breathtaking account of the development prospects taking in basic training.

What’s that Riley Nash? You tried to go rappelling and ended up upside down? Thank goodness we don’t have a heart condition. News of this potential risk to your massive NHL career might have triggered some variety of cardiac event.

Just when all seemed lost we came across the photo of the day feature on the site. There are about a hojillion photos of MacIntyre and Stortini – in a Tim Horton’s, at a variety of baseball game events, posing with “local celebrities” and generally serving as a shining example of how Oilers should behave in the City. We have to respect the level of community involvement that Stortini and MacIntyre are bringing to the table in the off season. It’s impressive.

But enough of their positive example and role modelness. We want to show you a pair of hilarious pictures.

Slow news day laugh #1

macintyre2

Is this picture doctored in some way? On your left – you have Oilers megaslugger Steve MacIntyre, all 11 foot 82 inches of him. On your right, an apparent action figure of Canadian Boxing Legend Scotty “The Bulldog” Olson. Are these guys of the same species? The height differential between the two is astounding.

Slow news day laugh #2

macintyre1

In what has to be one of the least flattering pictures we have had the honor of seeing in a long time, MacIntyre proves that not every camera angle is a flattering one. Every time we look at this picture we can’t help laugh.

Don’t worry, those goose bumps you are experiencing at the moment will subside in a few minutes.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Chaz
July 27 2009, 11:28AM
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The Oilers signed Scotty Olsen! This is huge news. Where are those holes in our lineup now Smarty Pants Oiler Nation commenters?

Summer 2009 = Great Success!

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#2 oilguyry
July 27 2009, 11:31AM
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...............

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#3 Librarian Mike
July 27 2009, 11:31AM
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The best thing about that last picture is that guy in the background doing the 'shocker' sign.

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#4 Wanye Gretz
July 27 2009, 11:33AM
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oilguyry wrote:

……………

Well put.

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#5 douggy
July 27 2009, 11:39AM
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eklund is "reporting" (hahaha) that heatley has signed a deal with san jose. which is pretty much impossible with 1 mil in cap space. anyone else cry wolf? lol.

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#6 Giggsunited
July 27 2009, 11:46AM
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Oh PLEASE let this be official! I just want it to be done with.

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#7 OvenChicken8
July 27 2009, 11:48AM
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@ douggy: considering he's already under contract, how does one sign heatley?

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#8 IgorUlanov
July 27 2009, 11:53AM
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douggy wrote:

eklund is “reporting” (hahaha) that heatley has signed a deal with san jose. which is pretty much impossible with 1 mil in cap space. anyone else cry wolf? lol.

Actually that's a good sign when it comes to Eklund's reliability. The higher the 'E' scale goes towards Heatley being traded to San Jose, the more likely it is he's coming here.

But seriously...how can a guy who is 'in' the hockey buisness keep reporting it as a Heatley 'signings' He's already signed! It's a friggin' trade, not a free agent signing.

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#9 SkinnyD
July 27 2009, 11:57AM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

The best thing about that last picture is that guy in the background doing the ’shocker’ sign.

That's not the shocker, it's just the sign of satan. The shocker is when you pull your ring finger back with your thumb. It's hard to do. Which is why most of us settle for the devil horns 'cause it's easy.

I typically settle on the uber-easy point-and-laugh.

I want a McRib.

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#10 rod blogoiavich
July 27 2009, 12:00PM
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Congrats on being the '94 LPGA comeback player of the year! You never cease to amaze me, wanye!

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#11 Wanye Gretz
July 27 2009, 12:04PM
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@ rod blogoiavich:

Why thank you. The dizzying highs of success are all the sweeter when you have also had lows to reflect back on.

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#12 douggy
July 27 2009, 12:12PM
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sorry. I didnt mean signed. heres what insider info you can get for $20 at hockeybuzz. "Just updating quickly that there are rumours of a completed Heatley deal with San Jose not including Marleau." oh and also, Grant fuhr will be back between the pipes this year for edmonton! hahaha.

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#13 oilersseasonticketholdersince99
July 27 2009, 12:16PM
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The kelowna Times is reporting that a Oilers video was dropped off in the Kelowna Blockbuster lost and found box.Does that mean Heatley did not watch the video or just miss place it? Quick someone send an email to Tambalini and Lowe to resend the video to Heatley you know he will come as soon as he looks at it.This is the biggest joke in hockey circles and what is worse is that this once proud organization is becoming the new version of the Harold Ballard run Toronto maple Leafs.

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#14 I'm a Scientist!
July 27 2009, 12:16PM
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Mmm....shamrock shakes.... Maybe the new Rexall building can sell these right along side their magic beers?!? It would be quite the experience going to games and getting totally leprechauned!

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#15 freeze
July 27 2009, 12:18PM
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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#16 Hemmertime
July 27 2009, 12:21PM
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Wish The Bulldog was abit younger. Id pay good money to attend a Bulldog vs MacIntyre boxing match, even with headgear on and such

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#17 Hemmertime
July 27 2009, 12:23PM
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@ douggy: You paid Eklund $20? Tell you what, for $10 Ill give you a season ticket to sh*t I make up off the top of my head. Ill even inundate you with stories of my pets.

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#18 forsoothed
July 27 2009, 12:23PM
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can "the bulldog" play left wing?

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#19 Matt
July 27 2009, 12:26PM
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I think Olson and MacIntyre are wearing the same size jersey. Olson clearly needs more Shamrock shakes in the summertime.

Let me get this straight... this is one of the hockey days of the year and Eklund just so happened to have a "hot rumor?" I'm sure thats just a coincidence...

Oh, and a belated congrats on your LPGA Comeback Player of the Year award. Glad to see you have the necessary equipment to be in consideration for the award...

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#20 Poo Czar
July 27 2009, 12:28PM
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Here's the thing about the Shamrock Shake - just because it's green doesn't mean that in should only be around for St. Paddy's Day. The Irish do not lay claim to Mint flavoring, just the color green. By this logic, McDonalds should remove lettuce from the menu the rest of the year as well.

Good Lord could I go for a delciously smooth and minty Shamrock Shake right now. If they just rename it "McMint Chip" for the rest of the year could we get away with that?

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#21 dw
July 27 2009, 12:28PM
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douggy wrote:

eklund is “reporting” (hahaha) that heatley has signed a deal with san jose. which is pretty much impossible with 1 mil in cap space. anyone else cry wolf? lol.

Call me crazy but wouldn't Ottawa have to trade him to San Jose before he could sign a deal with San Jose?

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#22 freeze
July 27 2009, 12:28PM
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I find it hilarious how many times Heatley is mentioned in this Spezza wedding article: cccp://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/Simply+spectacular/1829897/story.html

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#23 oilers123
July 27 2009, 12:29PM
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I can't believe people still go to Eklunds site. hahaha

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#24 Rice
July 27 2009, 12:33PM
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The second pic makes Scotty Olsen look like a leprechaun. I would imagine that Gagner, Cogliano, Nillsson, almost every other Oiler would look like a leprechaun beside MacIntyre as well.

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#25 IgorUlanov
July 27 2009, 12:36PM
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@ douggy:

Sorry, I wasn't implying you not knowing the difference. It is Eklund who has repeatedly used the verb 'signed' in reference to Heatley instead of the proper 'traded.' Drives me nuts.

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#26 Hemmertime
July 27 2009, 12:36PM
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oilers123 wrote:

I can’t believe people still go to Eklunds site. hahaha

I do, sometimes I need a laugh. Read it for entertainment purposes not informative. Some of the bloggers for their teams arent bad. But trade "rumorS" only good for a laugh. With Heatley he has mentioned him to 24 NHL teams, and you KNOW he will be like "you heard it hear first". Nevermind the multitude of Heatley waived his NTC to Edmonton E5s

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#27 daveeed
July 27 2009, 12:39PM
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Those pics are awesome. I've stood beside Scotty Olson in a bar or two back in the day and I towered over him and I'm 5'9", I think he's about 5 foot. Actually he should be careful if McD's really does blend up leprechauns into milkshakes.

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#28 misfit
July 27 2009, 12:41PM
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You aren't wrong about that last pic, Wayne.

On a somewhat ironic note, that picture makes MacIntyre look egactly like the comic book character "the goon".

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#29 #13 The Rat
July 27 2009, 12:41PM
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Tip of the Day:

Go to Dairy Queen and ask for a mint shake. You cannot always get it, but 9 times out of 10 let the good times roll.

Enjoy.

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#30 Bruthah
July 27 2009, 12:56PM
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#13 The Rat wrote:

Tip of the Day: Go to Dairy Queen and ask for a mint shake. You cannot always get it, but 9 times out of 10 let the good times roll. Enjoy.

If i would have read this before lunch, I would have asked when I was there. DAMN YOU! I nominate 'The Rat' for president of ONAT for a day.

Sidenote, Ever leave a Mcd's shake on the counter overnight by accident? It'll make you not want to have one ever again since it'll still be gelatinous.

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#31 Robin Brownlee
July 27 2009, 12:57PM
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Hemmertime wrote:

Wish The Bulldog was abit younger. Id pay good money to attend a Bulldog vs MacIntyre boxing match, even with headgear on and such

If the Bulldog got MacIntrye in a boxing ring for a three-round bout, Mac would be KTFU before nine minutes eslapsed. On skates, of course, with Mac holding him at arm's length and pumping right hands, Scotty would be nothing but a stain on his knuckles.

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#32 Curious
July 27 2009, 01:02PM
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Shamrock Shakes....ummm what a taste bud tease. Its kinda like when a girl comes out of nowhere and rolls her eyes at you and then disappears into the crowd. And not that everyday kind of roll your eyes look - you know the special roll your eyes look. Like in the movies - like you might have a chance look. Shamrock shakes i love you...

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#33 jeanshorts
July 27 2009, 01:09PM
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Poo Czar wrote:

The Irish do not lay claim to Mint flavoring

hahahaha that is down right ludicrous!

They do lay claim to domestic violence and shriveled penis' though. Trust me.....

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#34 dyckster
July 27 2009, 01:14PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

They do lay claim to domestic violence and shriveled penis’ though.

So I gotta ask, have you seen Patty O'Sullivan's trouser snake, or is your full name jeanshorts O'Reilly and you have a daily first "hand" experience with the irish shriveled penis phenomenon?

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#35 jeanshorts
July 27 2009, 01:15PM
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@ dyckster:

I'm a grower, not a shower.

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#36 dyckster
July 27 2009, 01:21PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

I’m a grower, not a shower.

I commend you for not getting into a shrivleled penis debate, considering the bitch slapping I've opened myself up to having the username "dyckster".

You're a bigger man (pun intended) than I sir!

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#37 White Ninja
July 27 2009, 01:22PM
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I love bulldogs. Corona and margaritas, how can you not love them. Way better than a milkshake cause you get drunk.

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#38 Chirp
July 27 2009, 01:25PM
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@ Hemmertime:

HAHAAH what makes you think Big Mac would have to even wear head gear?

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#39 Librarian Mike
July 27 2009, 01:25PM
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Hemmertime wrote:

But trade “rumorS” only good for a laugh. With Heatley he has mentioned him to 24 NHL teams, and you KNOW he will be like “you heard it hear first”. Nevermind the multitude of Heatley waived his NTC to Edmonton E5s

Agreed. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

@ Wanye Gretz:

Another benefit of the Shamrock Shake is that Pat Quinn could get in on it. Instead of chewing gum, I'd rather see him sucking back mint shakes during a game.

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#40 douggy
July 27 2009, 01:29PM
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@Hemmertime no I was being sarcastic. making fun of how eklund makes a very nice living because people pay for his made up stories. Oh btw, im starting up my own website too, since im a hockey insider now ive decided. only $69 per month. ive developed a rating scale. its called the bullshit scale and it measures the same as the fujita scale they use to describe tornados. in this case, shit tornados. it goes from BS1 to BS5! this just in on Hockeylies "Darryl katz has "signed" a confession stating that he is indeed Batman. (BS5)" hahahahaha.

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#41 The Towel Boy
July 27 2009, 01:30PM
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As a Swede, I would like to lay claim to Volvo and IKEA. Take that! mint flavouring.

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#42 TonyT
July 27 2009, 01:38PM
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@ Wayne Gretz YouTube: dog loves grandma

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#43 Wanye Gretz
July 27 2009, 01:38PM
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I think this conversation is rounding out quite nicely given the non-hockeyness of the day.

Poo Czar wrote:

By this logic, McDonalds should remove lettuce from the menu the rest of the year as well.

You see PCzar this is the kind of logic that needs to be rained down upon morons like my buddy more often. I showed him your comment and it very nearly shut him up. I say nearly because he rebutted with:

"I'm not saying it isn't good in the summer, nor am I saying McDonalds couldn't call it something else. What I am saying is St. Patrick's Day treats should be enjoyed around St. Patrick's Day."

jeanshorts wrote:

They do lay claim to domestic violence and shriveled ***** though. Trust me…..

I originally considered deleting the offensive wording in this comment JS. However knowing that this is probably the most solid laugh anyone will have today I will leave it.

You're welcome society.

Man, that pic of MacIntyre swinging just cracks me up.

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#44 Wanye Gretz
July 27 2009, 01:39PM
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TonyT wrote:

@ Wayne Gretz YouTube: dog loves grandma

look up OilersNation on youtube and check out our footage of amorous canines.

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#45 Ender the Dragon
July 27 2009, 01:40PM
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douggy wrote:

eklund is “reporting” (hahaha) that heatley has signed a deal with san jose. which is pretty much impossible with 1 mil in cap space.

Not completely impossible, but highly unlikely. San Jose has bee rumoured to be attempting the following:

1) Move Marleau somewhere. Cap savings: $6.3M 2) Trade with Ott: Heater ($7.5M) for Cheechoo ($3M) and Ehrhoff ($3.1M).

In theory, this would leave them with enough cap room to flesh out their roster. The problems with this plan are twofold:

1) Who will eat Marleau for $6.3M? 2) Ottawa needs to accept this deal, which kind of sucks.

Possible, though. Just saying.

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#46 dyckster
July 27 2009, 01:49PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Man, that pic of MacIntyre swinging just cracks me up.

I Googled "Worst athlete facial expression". This chick could be Mac's twin sister.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ul8VgHojN7U/Sif0WUpW1cI/AAAAAAAAFCE/xdAxeQx4AkI/s400/funny_faces_35.jpg

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#47 The Towel Boy
July 27 2009, 02:13PM
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Ender the Dragon wrote:

1) Who will eat Marleau for $6.3M?

The same team that would pay Horcoff 11.98 trillion over 39 years?

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#48 Poo Czar
July 27 2009, 02:18PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

“I’m not saying it isn’t good in the summer, nor am I saying McDonalds couldn’t call it something else. What I am saying is St. Patrick’s Day treats should be enjoyed around St. Patrick’s Day.”

This only makes sense if mint flavored milkshakes are a generally accepted universal St. Patricks day treat, rather than an arbitrary flavor that McDonalds came up with as a marketing ply in the 70's. Unless mint somehow replaces booze as the official flavor of St. Paddy's day (or McDonalds actually buys the holiday outright) I demand Shamrock Shakes year round and call Shennanigans on your buddy's line of reasoning.

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#49 Librarian Mike
July 27 2009, 02:21PM
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@ dyckster:

Nice one! Here's a keeper though:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_V5XIbaAr_lE/R4KCG9KXvHI/AAAAAAAAAP8/bh7qNFphdbI/s400/mactavish_craig250.jpg

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#50 ronaldo
July 27 2009, 02:32PM
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@ Enter the Dragon "Who will eat Marleau for $6m .3?"

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