Three things we can’t wrap our minds around

Wanye
July 08 2009 09:58AM

complex

What do you do when it’s the middle of the off season and you are supposed to talk Oilers 24/7? What if there is no Oilers news? What if all of a sudden the site has grown again and now 21,000 people have visited the website in the past two days wanting to read Oilers related somethings and only that?  We can't handle this kind of pressure! You people are animals and y-

*starts to cry*

There are several approaches to solving this weighty problem today July 8, 2009:

You can go for volume

eklund

We had never heard about this Eklund until Willis wrote that article about him. Let’s be honest, an old guy throwing out Nashville Predator trade rumors with an undecipherable (E-something) rating system isn’t exactly the kind of thing that makes ol’ Wanye get up in the morning and race to his compumatrix. Now turn him from an old guy into a hot lady, give her a nice rack and put her in a scenario where the pizza delivery guy needs to be paid for the pizza and make a movie about it. Then we will be paying rapt attention each and every day.

We have heard and read a lot of people hating on this nice Indiana Jones looking chap and couldn’t really understand the nature of the vitriol. Having been to his site and looked around we don’t see anything that is really deserving of all this hatorade but we also don’t get his schtick. For the life of us we can’t wrap our minds around why this dude just pumps out fake trade rumors all day long. There are lots of different NHL related things to talk about in the day. Why just focus on this?

We are having a hard time wrapping our brain around reporting on the Oilers 24/7. Can you imagine trying to report on TRADE RUMORS 24/7? Of course he has a 0.000014% accuracy rating. If he reported the trades as they were to occur he would post about 20 articles all year long.

You can watch the poll

wtf1

And you can similtaneously curse the day Mr. and Mrs. Heatley knocked boots over a box of red wine and an 8 track cassette of Air Supply.

You want Dany Heatley to come to Edmonton still? What in the sweet holy hell are we doing here Nation? This used to be 73% No and 27% percent Yes! Now the Yes’ are winning? Are you that desperate? Do any of you have sisters that are that desperate? Cause if you do tell them to hit us up at twitter.com/wanyegretz and we will put them to good work acting out a play about a pizza delivery guy who needs to get paid for his pizza.

Great Gods of Hockey – we just can’t wrap our minds around why anyone in these parts would be cheering for Dany Heatley to do anything except get creamed by a bus. Please people who voted “Yes to Heatley being an Oiler” in the past 48 hours. Explain what has happened to make you think “yeah, you know what – I DO want this unbelievable douchebag to wear the Copper and Blue. I don’t care how much of a train wreck he is or how little regard he is showing for his current club. Things will change once he gets HERE by gum!”

Seriously though, please explain.

You can talk bullshit and wait

Have you ever seen this video which was picked up by sewer snakecam in North Carolina? It’s 100% real and mad disgusting. Some brainy interweb types are saying that it is a clump of annelid worms but we think it looks more like how we imagine Lauren Pronger looked before she assumed human form, exited the sewers and began to seek a human mate. We have watched this a few times and we have not been able to wrap our minds around it either.

Until something happens of note, may this video haunt your dreams.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#101 scorecoff hemmercules
July 08 2009, 03:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@ Cam:

Ya, your right. I want this Heatly thing to be over already. I just figured we would have more to show for at this point than 1 less centerman and a goalie. At least an RFA signing like Grebs or something like that. How long do we wait for Heatly??? Even if he does say yes we still have to work out a new deal with Murray as well. Still a couple months to do some things but I have a feeling it won't be much.

Avatar
#102 risto
July 08 2009, 04:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Robin Brownlee wrote:

@ MattN: Every time BM said “for f#ck shake” during the conversation, and he said it a lot, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud and blowing the interview.”

Like talking to a drunk Mel Blanc halfway between Sylvester the Cat and Elmer Fudd

Avatar
#103 d.visscher
July 08 2009, 05:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

I think with all these free agents being signed one by one there will be no one left. If the Oilers can get him, I say take him, he will only make our team better..

Avatar
#104 myteammytown
July 08 2009, 06:12PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Rice wrote:

Jason Gregor wrote: Rice wrote: vote for Heatley because it has been what 12 years since someone of the copper and blue scored 39 goals. And that is an off season for heater. I will put up with a lot of crap for a bit of that. Worse than that my man…18 years since Petr “garbage pail helmet” Klima scored 40. You take Heatley in a second and don’t worry about it. Didn’t Smyth have 39 goals in 96/97?

thank god we dont have math as a requirement to post here at oilersnation.

Avatar
#105 MrOiler
July 08 2009, 08:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

If someone hasn't mentioned it already (I'm not reading 104 comments to find out), the YES side is winning because all the good UFA's are gone.

Given the choice between 12th place and Dany Heatley, Dany wins hands down.

Now where is Satan with that contract that needs signing?

Avatar
#106 Oilerguyforlife
July 08 2009, 11:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Wainwright Dan wrote:

A well done read on what actually went down between KLowe and Heatley in Kelowna … http://www.downgoesbrown.com/2009/07/dany-heatley-trade.html

I read that tuesday night dude damn funny just about fell off my chair reading that

Comments are closed for this article.