July 09 2009 12:08PM
OK we get it. The only thing that is on the minds of Oilers fans these days are the following three questions:
1) Is there any news on Dany Heatley? 2) Is Dany Heatley coming? What if the Oilers threw in Nilsson? Would that help? 3) How about now? Any Heatley news?
We have been inundated with commentary, twitters and even a couple emails from people wanting to know something- anything about possible Heatley news. No matter how small the news may be. Well, there is none at the present time.
We even went so far as to email Robin Brownlee:
Wanye: "Is there anything on Heatley? Everyone is getting pretty antsy." Brownlee: "Beat it kid."
So there you have it. In the absence of real news here is some video content to keep us all happy until something happens.
It's easy to think that at this stage of the game in the Dany Heatley negotiations, Oilers fans are the only people who are looking to smash anything Heatley related into smithereens. Sorry, we mean the 45% of Oilers fans who still have their heads screwed on straight (see poll) and don't want him to bring his circus act to town.
In any event - Sens fans hate him too, often with hilarious results!
You can't beat an angry Senator fan possessing the with the ability to do voiceover work. The synchronized breathing is a particularly nice touch.
A delicious Heatley BBQ. This may lack the quality audio of the preceding clip, but 80s band lyric-less rock muzak soothes our tattered nerves. There is also something satisfying about watching a mini-jersey melt on the grill.
Here is a borderline interesting interview with The Man himself. It also offers an interesting look at the house in Kelowna where K-Lowe and Tambo were forced to get down on their knees and beg on our behalf. We are sure the house is now surrounded by Oilers and Sens fans lurking in the shrubbery and looking for furniture to torch - but here is how it looked in better days.
Apparently the guy also wrote a book, classily titled "Dominant Dany Heatley." We suppose that "How to make blood enemies and influence people" didn't have the same cachet with the 8-11 year old set. In this ego stroking segment Ian Mendes and some lady fawn and gush over Heatley, awarding him the Peabody Prize, the Pulitzer prize and the Field Prize for Mathematics in the process. Former Oiler Luke Richardson also makes an appearance, fresh from porno rehersals it would seem. Nice moustache and collar combo Luke.
So there you have it you Heatley Jackals. The only fresh content on all of this BS you will find on the interwebs or your money back via certified cheque!*
*Cheques will not be valid
We feel so dirty. And not for the usual reasons.