You want more Heatley?

Wanye
July 09 2009 12:08PM

heatleyblvd

OK we get it. The only thing that is on the minds of Oilers fans these days are the following three questions:

1) Is there any news on Dany Heatley? 2) Is Dany Heatley coming? What if the Oilers threw in Nilsson? Would that help? 3) How about now? Any Heatley news?

We have been inundated with commentary, twitters and even a couple emails from people wanting to know something- anything about possible Heatley news. No matter how small the news may be. Well, there is none at the present time.

We even went so far as to email Robin Brownlee:

Wanye: "Is there anything on Heatley? Everyone is getting pretty antsy." Brownlee: "Beat it kid."

So there you have it. In the absence of real news here is some video content to keep us all happy until something happens.

CONTENT

It's easy to think that at this stage of the game in the Dany Heatley negotiations, Oilers fans are the only people who are looking to smash anything Heatley related into smithereens. Sorry, we mean the 45% of Oilers fans who still have their heads screwed on straight (see poll) and don't want him to bring his circus act to town.

In any event - Sens fans hate him too, often with hilarious results!

You can't beat an angry Senator fan possessing the with the ability to do voiceover work. The synchronized breathing is a particularly nice touch.

A delicious Heatley BBQ. This may lack the quality audio of the preceding clip, but 80s band lyric-less rock muzak soothes our tattered nerves. There is also something satisfying about watching a mini-jersey melt on the grill.

Here is a borderline interesting interview with The Man himself. It also offers an interesting look at the house in Kelowna where K-Lowe and Tambo were forced to get down on their knees and beg on our behalf. We are sure the house is now surrounded by Oilers and Sens fans lurking in the shrubbery and looking for furniture to torch - but here is how it looked in better days.

Apparently the guy also wrote a book, classily titled "Dominant Dany Heatley." We suppose that "How to make blood enemies and influence people" didn't have the same cachet with the 8-11 year old set. In this ego stroking segment Ian Mendes and some lady fawn and gush over Heatley, awarding him the Peabody Prize, the Pulitzer prize and the Field Prize for Mathematics in the process. Former Oiler Luke Richardson also makes an appearance, fresh from porno rehersals it would seem. Nice moustache and collar combo Luke.

So there you have it you Heatley Jackals. The only fresh content on all of this BS you will find on the interwebs or your money back via certified cheque!*

*Cheques will not be valid

We feel so dirty. And not for the usual reasons.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 Porter
July 09 2009, 03:40PM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

West Coast Oil wrote: What I really want is an update on Huggy Bear and Big Mac! Those guys were every where for a while and now nothing! Give me the news Wanye what are those guys doing!! Then again I would be happy with any update from the development camp, why isn’t Brownlee camped out there? Did MPS and Lander make the camp? Camped out there? Talk to guys who haven’t even made the team yet? What, longing for a profile on Troy Hesketh? Pfft. I went out there Wednesday, but didn’t let any of the kids talk to me. Just wanted to stare them down. I’m Robin F*cking Brownlee.

BEST. POST. EVER. LOLOLOLOL.

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#102 Duke
July 09 2009, 03:54PM
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Doug wrote:

I bet the Edmonton Oilers could beat the BoSox in a baseball game.

I bet the BoSox could beat the Oilers in a hockey game.

I wonder if Heatley can pitch.

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#103 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 03:58PM
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Please someone check my comment from page to and comment

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#104 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 03:59PM
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kotalik went to the rangers today. I don't know where our g.m. is hiding but it sure would be nice to get the help that he said would be coming in the off season soon.As it stands there isn't much to look forward to in 09-10!

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#105 Curious
July 09 2009, 04:03PM
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@ hatecrime: Not much to look forward too. Stop being so negative. A girl came to the site today and actually - her words not mine- "rolled her eyes" at Wanye. I mean actually rolled them.

It was friggen awesome. Things are looking up I tell you.

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#106 scorecoff hemmercules
July 09 2009, 04:04PM
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@ hatecrime:

I said the same thing yesterday and got shat on because its only been a week since free agency started, which is true. Tambo still has time to do some work after this Heatly saga is over. It's not like we have cap room to sign a bunch of free agents anyway, and theres no way they were giving Kotalik 3 mil per season. It is very frustrating though to see all these other teams getting it done and were just kinda in limbo. Hopefully there is a trade or two in the works.

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#107 Doug
July 09 2009, 04:10PM
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@ Duke:

Boston can't beat anybody, at anything, anywhere. History backs me up. Look into it.

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#108 Wanye Gretz
July 09 2009, 04:12PM
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@ Curious:

I remember that! Rolled her eyes right in front of me, just like in the movies.

*ends day the way it began, furiously tap dancing and flailing arms*

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#109 scorecoff hemmercules
July 09 2009, 04:12PM
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@ Oilerguyforlife:

Try using a comma or a period once and a while dude, no one responds because its so hard to read your comments. Not trying to being an ass, just giving you a tip.

Agreed though, I don't think there's an oiler fan that doesn't like Gagner.

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#110 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 04:12PM
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when is malhotra coming he would be a good add and I thought I heard the oilers were offering kotalik 3mil maybe it was the term anyone think of anyone else who might be available for first line left wing or center

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#111 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 04:15PM
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@ scorecoff hemmercules: LOL sorry I hate those things not to mention I'm on my iPhone and it's a pain in the ass

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#112 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 04:16PM
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@ Curious: Even when tambo fired mac-t he looked pissed that he had to do it and promised changes in the off season.sooo i'm just looking for the changes.

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#113 patty
July 09 2009, 04:18PM
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Oilerguyforlife wrote:

@ Peter Pan: I think kessel is another right winger we need a left for hemmer any I for one am getting real tired of waiting for heatley would love to see him here and I voted yes but let’s talk about what we have does anybody else think gagner could be a 80-90 point guy I mean the puck follows the kid around he always seems to be in the right spot just like someone who used to play for us a long time ago he is my favorite player I can see him being our top line guy sometime this year or next for sure anyone who feels the same please comment

Oilerguyforlife wrote:

Please someone check my comment from page to and comment

I think it was a long run on sentence, and you need to work on your spelling. Gagner is the tops though. Kessel could play either wing I'm sure.

Oilerguyforlife wrote:

when is malhotra coming he would be a good add and I thought I heard the oilers were offering kotalik 3mil maybe it was the term anyone think of anyone else who might be available for first line left wing or center

holy cow. I bet Heatley would work on the first line. Is he available?

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#114 Duke
July 09 2009, 04:22PM
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Any news on Troy Hesketh?

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#115 scorecoff hemmercules
July 09 2009, 04:23PM
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hatecrime wrote:

@ Curious: Even when tambo fired mac-t he looked pissed that he had to do it and promised changes in the off season.sooo i’m just looking for the changes.

I thought Tambo looked really nervous at his last presser. Nothing like the one in April thats for sure. His hands are tied right now for basicly any moves since he has to wait on Heatley. We still have RFA's to sign too, after those and the possibility of Heatley's contract on the books there is no cap room left. We don't exactly have a lot of trade bait either at the moment.

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#116 Curious
July 09 2009, 04:23PM
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@ hatecrime:

I think we just have to be patient. The issue is we cant go out and start throwing out UFA offer sheets. We have to move some salary inorder to add and subtract from what we have inorder to manage the cap. We all see the big name players get signed and get all fired up and start to wonder when we are going to do something. I have faith we will get the changes we are all looking for.

You should have seen SmileyGirl15 come in here and roll her eyes at Wanye. Like he said, It was like in the movies. Man it was awesome.

So to sum it up, changes are coming be patient, and Wanye made eye contact with a girl. Pretty much awesome day all around.

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#117 Wanye Gretz
July 09 2009, 04:29PM
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Curious wrote:

So to sum it up, changes are coming be patient, and Wanye made eye contact with a girl. Pretty much awesome day all around.

It makes me wonder what tomorrow will bring!

*wonders what tomorrow will bring*

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#118 Chris
July 09 2009, 04:30PM
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Does this mean there are fourteen other SmileyGirls that post here?

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#119 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 04:33PM
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@ patty: I meant besides heatley brainiac and kessel playing both sides is that somthing like cole playing both sides LOL

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#120 dragon
July 09 2009, 04:35PM
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any Sharks rumors out there? they've been awful quiet so far for a team with great expectations and very short post-season...? any chances for a trade there?

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#121 David S
July 09 2009, 04:39PM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

I went out there Wednesday, but didn’t let any of the kids talk to me. Just wanted to stare them down. I’m Robin F*cking Brownlee.

One of the best comments I've read here yet.

Signature worthy!

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#122 J.L.
July 09 2009, 04:39PM
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There are girls who post on here, but most of the time you don't know it.

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#123 jeanshorts
July 09 2009, 04:40PM
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J.L. wrote:

There are girls who post on here, but most of the time you don’t know it.

They should be forced to identify themselves so we know who to oogle/sexually harass.

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#124 Wanye Gretz
July 09 2009, 04:41PM
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J.L. wrote:

There are girls who post on here, but most of the time you don’t know it.

LOOK!!! A GIRL?

@ jeanshorts:

Amen brother. Unless you too are a girl

*starts oogling vigorously*

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#125 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 04:42PM
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@ dragon: I totally agree with you.after they got ousted this year,rumors were flying they would clean house.I think we should start a joe thornton coming here roumor.that would be awesome.

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#126 heavyd
July 09 2009, 04:47PM
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Joe thronton is coming here, sweet.

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#127 patty
July 09 2009, 04:51PM
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@ Oilerguyforlife: I'm sorry, but all I can think about is Heatley. I blame the media. I really think Penner can do some good things if Heatley doesn't come here. He at least deserves a chance to see if he can be the guy we all hope for. All the Jagr talk has died down. Maybe he could be forced on to the left wing if they managed to get him over. I pray to the FSM that he does not join our team, but you never know what'll happen.

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#128 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 04:51PM
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I for one would not want Thornton that guy has done nothing for San jose.why would he do anything for us

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#129 Wanye Gretz
July 09 2009, 04:51PM
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heavyd wrote:

Joe thronton is coming here, sweet.

HE IS???

SNAP PUFFY!!!!!!!!

*throws Heatley poster on the ground, immediately staples poster of Scott Thornton to the wall. Realizes mistake, collapses in laughter*

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#130 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 04:53PM
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@ heavyd: and so it begins ha ha ha!!!

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#131 Monday Guy
July 09 2009, 04:55PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Which Mistak.. OH Bwahaaahaha

*wipes eye

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#132 Wanye Gretz
July 09 2009, 04:56PM
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Monday Guy wrote:

*wipes eye*

Who says we can't have fun with nothing going on?

*goes back to tap dancing in front of a Scott Thorton poster*

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#133 Oilerguyforlife
July 09 2009, 04:57PM
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@ patty: Hey no worries I'm with you on that I would kill to have heatley on our team he is exactly the guy we need for hemmer.I think Hemmer could put up 80-90 points with him on our team anyway time to hit the beer and get ready for the esks to kick the ALS a$$

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#134 jeanshorts
July 09 2009, 04:58PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

you, my friend, are a modern day Gregory Hines.

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#135 oilersinsider
July 09 2009, 04:58PM
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I had heard that San Jose was sniffing around the Heatley situation. No offers were made, but phone calls to Bryan Murray wondering what the asking price would be.

Sounds like if they can steal him to get him out of Ottowa, they would consider it.

I'm trying to find the source article I read from San Jose that stated this. If I find again, I'll post here.

You know San Jose would have to dump some salary if it was something they are considering.

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#136 Duke
July 09 2009, 04:58PM
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heavyd wrote:

Joe thronton is coming here, sweet.

That should read:

Joe Thornton is comeing here? Sweet.(e3)

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#137 heavyd
July 09 2009, 05:02PM
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Duke wrote:

heavyd wrote: Joe thronton is coming here, sweet. That should read: Joe Thornton is comeing here? Sweet.(e3)

Okay, first coming doesn't have an E in it, and it wasn't a question, but good try.

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#138 Monday Guy
July 09 2009, 05:06PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Hold On.. I'll grab my Broomhandle and old Bucket !

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#139 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 05:08PM
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whoa hold on now.we are just oiler fans trying to make the best out of a bad situation.nobody said we had to be literate.I was laughing my butt off at the joe t. stuff til the spellmaster 2.0 interferred.(just jokes lets party)

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#140 gdawg
July 09 2009, 05:12PM
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Oilers could use a guy Thorntons size. Im wondering has any media got a hold of cogliano or smid to see how theyre feeling these days?

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#141 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 05:21PM
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it would be nice to have a big power forward to counter against iggy and the soon to be even more boring to watch flames.d-fence

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#142 gdawg
July 09 2009, 05:38PM
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See, edmonton can live on after heatley.This past week too many people have spent too much time dissecting what went wrong, instead of just saying to hell with him. Even the sun has to come up in edmonton. Theres more fish in the sea. let the oilers focus on that

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#143 West Coast Oil
July 09 2009, 05:38PM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

West Coast Oil wrote: What I really want is an update on Huggy Bear and Big Mac! Those guys were every where for a while and now nothing! Give me the news Wanye what are those guys doing!! Then again I would be happy with any update from the development camp, why isn’t Brownlee camped out there? Did MPS and Lander make the camp? Camped out there? Talk to guys who haven’t even made the team yet? What, longing for a profile on Troy Hesketh? Pfft. I went out there Wednesday, but didn’t let any of the kids talk to me. Just wanted to stare them down. I’m Robin F*cking Brownlee.

First a mention by Wanye in an article and now I get to be Brownlees set-up/straight man.. gosh I'm smoking hot lately!! Yeah BABY!!! So I guess I need to think of other comments to set up Brownlee... ummm .. damn writers block!!

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#144 mjsh
July 09 2009, 06:39PM
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wouldn't it be nice if the oilers actually did something. give us something to talk about

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#145 Chris
July 09 2009, 06:41PM
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You heard it here first:

Sources are reporting that Joe Thorton will likely be an Oiler before the summer is through.

Annonymous sources close to the team at OilersNation.com are reporting that the San Jose Sharks intend to "clean house" and (Joe) Thorton is "coming here" (Edmonton).

It is no secret that Oilers GM Steve Tambellini is actively seeking a top six forward. Earlier this month, Danny Heatley stunned the hockey world when he refused to waive his no movement clause in a deal that would have seen him traded to the Oilers in exchange for forwards Dustin Penner and Andrew Cogliano, as well as defencemen Ladislav Smid. Though Tambellini has publicly stated that the deal is "still on the table" Heatley's continued hesititation has led to rampant speculation that Oilers Management is proceeding with a "Plan B". Many believe that Tambellini is trying to broker a three way deal that would see the original package of Oiler players go to Ottawa, Heatley to San Jose, and Thorton, in turn back to Edmonton. It is widely believed that Joe Thorton would welcome the opportunity to play in a Canadian market.

Sources within both organizations remain tight lipped, but have been working the phones feverishly; particularly in Edmonton where the focus is on landing billionaire pharmacy giant Daryl Katz his "big fish"

Excitement is growing amoung the fans; and there is the sense that a deal is imminent. Oilers President Kevin Lowe in response to this growing optimism remained non-commital saying only, "Expect the unexpected."

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#146 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 06:56PM
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i said joe was coming as a joke two hourts ago just to take our minds off heatley.

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#147 Smokin' Ray
July 09 2009, 06:57PM
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David S wrote:

Robin Brownlee wrote: I went out there Wednesday, but didn’t let any of the kids talk to me. Just wanted to stare them down. I’m Robin F*cking Brownlee. One of the best comments I’ve read here yet. Signature worthy!

Indeed. That sh*t made me laugh all day. Thanks Brownlee.

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#148 HollaHollaHo'sFoADolla
July 09 2009, 07:00PM
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Chris wrote:

You heard it here first: Sources are reporting that Joe Thorton will likely be an Oiler before the summer is through. Annonymous sources close to the team at OilersNation.com are reporting that the San Jose Sharks intend to “clean house” and (Joe) Thorton is “coming here” (Edmonton). It is no secret that Oilers GM Steve Tambellini is actively seeking a top six forward. Earlier this month, Danny Heatley stunned the hockey world when he refused to waive his no movement clause in a deal that would have seen him traded to the Oilers in exchange for forwards Dustin Penner and Andrew Cogliano, as well as defencemen Ladislav Smid. Though Tambellini has publicly stated that the deal is “still on the table” Heatley’s continued hesititation has led to rampant speculation that Oilers Management is proceeding with a “Plan B”. Many believe that Tambellini is trying to broker a three way deal that would see the original package of Oiler players go to Ottawa, Heatley to San Jose, and Thorton, in turn back to Edmonton. It is widely believed that Joe Thorton would welcome the opportunity to play in a Canadian market. Sources within both organizations remain tight lipped, but have been working the phones feverishly; particularly in Edmonton where the focus is on landing billionaire pharmacy giant Daryl Katz his “big fish” Excitement is growing amoung the fans; and there is the sense that a deal is imminent. Oilers President Kevin Lowe in response to this growing optimism remained non-commital saying only, “Expect the unexpected.”

Jesus, I thought we banned Eklund? Sneaky f***er.

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#149 Chris
July 09 2009, 07:00PM
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@ hatecrime:

Easy buddy. I never expose my sources. (Unless you want to be named)

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#150 hatecrime
July 09 2009, 07:04PM
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@ Chris: sorry just stressed about the whole situation.time to set sail with captian morgan!!arrgghh

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