Picking the goat

Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM

goatgoat

Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.

Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.

Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.

The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.

Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!

Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.

This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.

2009-2010 Goat Selecto

Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.

goatgrebs2

Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.

No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.

One final note

wanye2

It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.

*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 pigeon
September 15 2009, 10:28AM
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Horcoff = Goat

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#2 Rick
September 15 2009, 10:31AM
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Khabibulin

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#3 danjo1
September 15 2009, 10:31AM
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Pouliot

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#4 Poo Czar
September 15 2009, 10:31AM
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I'm calling JDD as my Goat. That gangly frenchmen is gonna kill this team when we need to put Tretiak in his cryogenic chamber to rest, I can feel it. Plus, he's French, and nobody can actually spell his name. So there's that.

Le BAAAAAAA

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#5 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 10:32AM
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Poo Czar wrote:

Le BAAAAAAA

This statement represents a leap forward in Goat Technology in my humble opinion. Well played.

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#6 jeff
September 15 2009, 10:33AM
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I said O'Sullivan yesterday, but I change my answer to whoever makes the first line LW.

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#7 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:34AM
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Goat Deuce...nice.

The Big Goat Is the Big C: Captain ill timed Penalty MOREAU

You're not Jason Smith, you're not Mark Messier....You're Shane Corson....

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#8 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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@ jeff:

Wow! Declaring a position to be the Goat of the team. Can this be allowed?

*checks imaginary Rule Book of Internet Nonsensery*

Nope. You have to name a player. Sorry Jeff.

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#9 Petr's Jofa
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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Khabibulin

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#10 TheFadedLine
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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Good call. I second Garbagekov for goat.

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#11 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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I already feel bad for calling Ethan Moreau, Shane Corson... thats just mean...damn Goat.. you made me say that!

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#12 Amber
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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Poo Czar wrote:

Le BAAAAAAA

Oh God love ya, Poo Czar.

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#13 Travis Dakin
September 15 2009, 10:35AM
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Let the record show that I have chosen Patrick O'Sullivan as the goat. Daddy beat him for a reason.

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#14 Travis Dakin
September 15 2009, 10:36AM
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Too much?

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#15 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:37AM
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@ Travis Dakin: oh wow....that just happened...

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#16 Ogden Brother
September 15 2009, 10:37AM
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One of Souray/Grebs/Gilbert.

Awesome blog by the way.

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#17 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:38AM
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@ Travis Dakin: Thats way worse than calling someone Shane Corson. You have made me feel better about myself, so sir I thank you!

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#18 smytty777
September 15 2009, 10:39AM
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Staios: he has done nothing since yesterday to change my view of him.

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#19 Amber
September 15 2009, 10:40AM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Let the record show that I have chosen Patrick O’Sullivan as the goat. Daddy beat him for a reason.

Keep in mind, unlike last season, O'Sullivan will get no special treatment based on an abusive upbringing.This is the season he must earn his keep. He is fair game from here on. Well played on making the first "Daddy drank" reference of the 09-10 season.

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#20 Travis Dakin
September 15 2009, 10:40AM
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Fiveandagame wrote:

@ Travis Dakin: Thats way worse than calling someone Shane Corson. You have made me feel better about myself, so sir I thank you!

And that is the reason why I need to come up with a clever name.

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#21 Petr's Jofa
September 15 2009, 10:41AM
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Wanye?

Since you have your rule book open, can you check to see if I am allowed to pick a member of the Oiler's managment as the goat of this season? Was MacT a goat-eligible last season?

This season hasn't started and yet Oiler managment has already failed to deliever. What happened to the bigger and grittier team I thought I was going to be watching in copper and blue this season?

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#22 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:41AM
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How about...

Moreau's goatness will infect this team like cancer infected Patrick Swazye's pancreas....

*hides under Dirty dancing bed sheets and waits for lightning bolt to strike him down*

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#23 jeff
September 15 2009, 10:42AM
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@ Wanye Gretz: Now there is a rule book? Just seems whoever gets put there gets shat on. Fine I will go with Moreau.

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#24 Benhur
September 15 2009, 10:43AM
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Gagner - expectatons are too high for a slow small player.

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#25 Mr. Pink 17
September 15 2009, 10:43AM
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I will go for Hemensky as goat, time for hime to move on. Does anyone remember the whinning he pulled off during a play off run?

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#26 Amber
September 15 2009, 10:44AM
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@ Fiveandagame: Too soon, Pony Boy, too soon.

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#27 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 10:45AM
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@ Petr's Jofa:

This is an excellent question. We are pushing into new territory here people. I would think this would be allowed yes. It lacks the pizzaz of picking an actual player to blame but sure - this will fly.

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#28 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 10:46AM
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@ Mr. Pink 17: ~Hemensky? who the hell is that? Is he related to Ales Hemsky? ~

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#29 Jorge
September 15 2009, 10:48AM
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It is going to be Gilbert as the goat now that he has the haircut of kanye west's girlfriend

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#30 The Towel Boy
September 15 2009, 10:51AM
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I agree with Fiveandagame and choose Mr. Glass as my goat for the upcoming season.

Fiveandagame, we're just one ill-timed penalty from looking like heroes! I'm betting it will happen sometime before the end of Game 1.

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#31 Chris.
September 15 2009, 10:51AM
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I'd like to see who makes the team, and where before I pick a goat. For example: if Pouliot is slotted in as the third line center I pick him as goat. If Comrie is expected to play in a power vs power role with Horcoff: Goat... and so on...

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#32 BingBong
September 15 2009, 10:52AM
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JDD and his 22 or so games will be very hard to watch...

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#33 jayoilfan
September 15 2009, 10:52AM
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I got Stortini as my star, I think I'll pick Khabibulin as my goat too (count it, three so far, Rick, Petr's Jofa and me, ther will probably be more before this is over...). An oldish goalie who has a history of not performing in the early part of contracts.

Now as I say that I remember waaay back to last year's goat picking day. I chose Souray and look what happened, a career year! maybe Khabi will show me up like Sheldon did and this time bring us the cup. One can only hope!

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#34 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 10:53AM
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@ Jorge:

Where can I see evidence of this haircut? I have heard a lot about it on here in the past couple of days...

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#35 Poo Czar
September 15 2009, 10:53AM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

I would think this would be allowed yes

I respectfully object. The Coach and/or GM will get ruthlessly thrashed regardless of who it is that fails on the ice. In my Rule Book of Internet Nonsensery (Unabridged Version), the Goat must be on the ice, with his dainty hooves skittering about so we can all bask in his obvious Goatery.

Management failings are too speculative. The prosecution rests.

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#36 Mr. Pink 17
September 15 2009, 10:54AM
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Sorry my spelling is off today, however, I still pick HEMSKY for goat.

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#37 Petr's Jofa
September 15 2009, 10:54AM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Ouch, you wounded me deeply by calling out the pizzazz of my request to pick Tambellini as my goat. Therefore I will stick with Khabibulin as my goat

However, each time he lets in a bad goal, I reserve the right also scream at Tambellini through my TV.

4 year contract ahrgggg!

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#38 I'm a Scientist!
September 15 2009, 10:54AM
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My pick for goat of the 2009-10 season is Robin Brow...wait, wait wait...what am i saying...

*runs in a tiny little circle screaming a single tone then launches himself towards the SuperComputer with a flury of fists*

It...is...trying...to...get..me...killed!

My pick for Goat of the 2009-10 season is Pouliot. He sucks, 'nuf said. I didn't even need the SuperComputer to tell me that, which is rare because i really don't think for myself.

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#39 Picking the goat
September 15 2009, 10:55AM
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[...] News Sources wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptPicking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating. Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that t [...]

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#40 Chris.
September 15 2009, 10:55AM
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Fiveandagame wrote:

~Hemensky? who the hell is that? Is he related to Ales Hemsky? ~

If Hemmer starts the season with Comrie and O'Sullivan: I'll dubb that line the "Hemmed-in-sky" line...

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#41 sittingatmydesk
September 15 2009, 10:57AM
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My pick for Goat of the 2009-10 season is Pouliot

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#42 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 10:58AM
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@ Poo Czar: @ Petr's Jofa:

Part of me agrees with the Poo Czar on this now. I am so easily influenced by the mob regardless of my own beliefs. I should run for office.

Very well. Players only.

@ I'm a Scientist!:

hahahaha picking Brownlee. That's rich.

(you should probably run, he is probably on the way to your house already)

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#43 Moony
September 15 2009, 10:59AM
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Staios...Peckham will have his roster spot by the end of the year.

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#44 R Kenny
September 15 2009, 11:00AM
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@ Fiveandagame: Nobody puts Chopper in a corner.

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#45 Mr. Pink 17
September 15 2009, 11:01AM
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If Hemmer starts with Comrie and not Horcoff I just might have to change my pick of goat.

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#46 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 11:01AM
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@ Amber: *peeks out from hiding place*

Too soon? Yeah Kinda felt like it when my soul vanished after I typed it...

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#47 OilKings
September 15 2009, 11:01AM
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Staios

Too slow, too small, too expensive.

He gets worked over by bigger forwards and loves to hold on to the puck until the forechecker is on him at which point he makes a brutal suicide pass to someone.

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#48 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 11:02AM
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R Kenny wrote:

@ Fiveandagame: Nobody puts Chopper in a corner.

I tend to agree. Plus I watched him play softball already this season and the Mayor went out of his way to high five him.

THE MAYOR PEOPLE

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#49 Jimmy
September 15 2009, 11:02AM
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Pisani - I haven't changed my mind since yesterday afternoon.

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#50 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 11:03AM
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@ The Towel Boy: I betting first period my Toweled friend.

*sits and basks in what will be GOATOPIA for entire 09/10 season*

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