Picking the goat
Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM
Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.
Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.
Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.
The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.
Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!
Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.
This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.
2009-2010 Goat Selecto
Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.
Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.
No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.
One final note
It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.
*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*
@ Petr's Jofa:
I was typing that before # 91 was up, so more of # 87.
Wanye Gretz wrote:
Good lord, Wanye - you've gotta give us some warning before dropping gold like that!
I just finished laughing hard enough to fart, shoot snot rockets and choke on oxygen. All at the same time.
Fiveandagame wrote:
You can't just sink to their level. It takes active propulsion to get down there.
Staios is the Goat this year. He's to slow, small, he puts in a hell of an effort but he just doesn't have it anymore. Gator retired and Staios is getting close, besides Peckham will be pushing for a spot in the next year or two if not this year.
Wayne, is that goat skating fast or farting $$$?
Ender the Dragon wrote:
So true...so true.
Kieso wrote:
I think in the event your goat is traded or even better banished to the minors you can basically declare "checkmate" and the Oilers have to send you a free pair of game tickets or something.
@ ronaldo:
He is so rich that money is falling out of his goat pockets as he glides down the ice grinning like an idiot.
Wanye Gretz wrote:
It all makes sense now. But I think another reason he forgot his stick is that he's wearing a skate on all four legs... Even if he was wearing only two skates, he doesn't have opposable thumbs.
Another reason to mock him!!!
danjo1 wrote:
Good heavens you are right. He lacks the ability to even hold his stick! And yet the Oil have seen fit to pay him $3 milli.... it boggles the mind.
I'll have to go with...Staios. We always seem to pick a Dman to run out of town. Luckily, Steady Steve is in the last year of that albatross of a contract, and won't be back anyways.
I'm a Scientist! wrote:
Hahahahahahahaha. That's funny. A scream. My sides hurt from guffawing. Hahahahahaha.
Be that as it may, as coincidence would have it, you're the first winner of the RB Signed Jersey Contest. I've got an autographed Ales Hemsky game-worn jersey for you. All you have to do to get it ($899.99 value), is slip me your address and I'll personally come by later today and give it to you. Don't delay.
My Goat this year is Smid.
He's also my Star.
@ Wanye Gretz: Could you add to the picture? Maybe Ethan Moreau picking up Grebs stick for him (due to the lack of the already mentioned opposable thumbs) like a good captain and subsequently spraining his wrist in the process?
Robin Brownlee wrote:
Now why does this seem too good to be true? Hmmm...
@ Fiveandagame: Another slight on the Captain! You sons of bitches...
Robin Brownlee wrote:
run scientist, im not kidding... nobody EVER comes back after winning an RB contest. :)
Can a player still be your goat if they are on the Long Term IR?
~If not, Maybe Moreau isn't a good pick~
Seems to me you can only rag on your goat while he's on the IR if he would have made a difference healthy.
Robin Brownlee wrote:
Does this mean you signed the Hemsky jersey? That would be cool. After you ax murder I'm a Scientist! Can I have the jersey?
who doesn't like a blog about how terrible all our oilers are? Gilbert sucks
Wanye's "goat" drawing looking like a bull - which is a totally different species. The goalie in the net is too small for a NHL team. It looks like they should be in Tom Thumbs or whatever they call the 6 year olds now. At least the stick looks like a stick. The net has no mesh but nice attempt at making it 3-D.
For a six year old C- but for you Wayne...
Grade F
Try tracing - its easier.
Sorry to say but Horcoff and his ugly salary are going to make him the "goat" this year. We all expect him to do more and I dont see him being able to do it. Unfortunately when the Oilers slump he will be the one we all turn to and criticize.
@ Curious:
You do realize that criticizing my drawings only inspires me to do more right?
It just came to me as did the spelling of HEMSKY, by picking a goat are we saying the Oil will not make the playoffs. Hense--Blaming the Goat
Today is a good god damn day in the Nation.
Wanye Gretz wrote:
Take requests? I would like to see the goat and star fight for the outcome of the coming season.
@ Wanye Gretz:
We can only hope for more truely inspirational drawings to see your progression and your truely artistic side come out. As long as you arent in a bathtub with Mike Myers doing your drawerings I am ok with more.
But you still get an F from me for today.
Curious wrote:
Does the F stand for "F****n Awesome?"
I sure hope so....
*crosses fingers and toes and rocks back and forth*
@ Wanye Gretz:
I thought it was for Fantastic!
I usually give people an 'F' for eFfort.
@ Wanye Gretz:
As I look at the drawing again and again, and see the subtle attention to detail that I hastily made during my initial review of the picture, you can take the "F" and pretend it means anything you want. I have this sudden feeling that maybe you dont take criticism very well and I certainly dont want to be the cause of any sudden "reactions" because you have my email address and the cops might find me later.
You can cross your toes? Thats F****ed up
Tambellini's name is missing from that list.
If this team is slow out of the gates and gets itself into a big black hole by December that is almost impossible to recover from, Tambellini will be wearing the horns for not doing enough this offseason except Healtey hunting.
Staios, unfortunately. Love the old bastard, but he served up an awful lot of pizzas last year. Other than Horcoff, and his, inability to put the puck in the ocean, I think he'll definitely lead the team in how many times he causes The Nation to unleash vile, prolonged torrents of profanities at their television screens. Get a Staios Swear Jar ready, Nation.
Wanye, where's the article on MacT getting a TSN gig?
"I'm happy to finally be among the experts where the issues are many and solutions obvious,"
ahahaha Classic.
@ Curious:
Oh yeah I am literally sitting here in my chair seething. If you define "seething" as "watching YouTube videos of Westside Connection and reading Willis at his new site at http://my.thescore.com/hockeyordie/default.aspx"
I'll be OK. You give me whatever ratings you want so long as you come to the site and have a good time.
Travis Dakin wrote:
Seconded.
Wayne in the house, RB chirping and a whole lotta goats... Take that! Work place productivity!
Poo Czar wrote:
Ethan had Chlamydia? Say what?!
You are all too hard on Moreau. I wish the rest of the players on this team had half the heart Moreau does on the ice. There is no one with more grit than he. Horcoff is my goat. Staios is too easy to blame. Khabi will fix him after the first time Stevie Wonder trips over him in his effort to play goalie. Horcoff just doesn't seem to have the confidence and seems to feel the pressure of his salary and fan expectations. Otherwise he would fan on the puck so much. AND before you start harping on how many points he had last season, he gets the most Hemsky ice time too so he better damn well produce something. I would sincerely love to see him back to his pre-shoulder injury season self.
Goat: Gilbert. He had an awful lot of second assists last year and his point total masked a fair it of average to below average play in his own end.
Fiveandagame wrote:
It's all about "multitasking"....yeah.
@ Amber:
OH AMBER! :D
(hold for applause)
smiliegirl15 wrote:
*where is that edit feature they keep promising. It's all a trick I tell ya.
smiliegirl15 wrote:
If his heart is on the ice it's most likely cuz he broke his ribs and it fell out.
@ Robin Brownlee: YES! I can't believe i won! i never win ANYTHING!!!
*skips around and jumps for joy...*
Just when i was about to burn the SuperComputer to the ground for being so stupid... La la la...
My address is
c/o DeepOil 32 DeepOil Lane Edmonton, Alberta
I should be home around 6... i am the guy with the hair.
*Runs........fast*
Wanye has an edit function! Do we mob him?
Amber wrote:
Did he tell you it was a harmless rash? That guy can be such a rascal!
Goat = Horcoff
I would have chosen Moreau, but I'm not even convinced he makes the team this year.
@ I'm a Scientist!:
Good Lord that's rich. This IS a great day on the Nation.
Wanye Gretz wrote:
I remember the good old days when Willis used to flood this site with blogs. Now his new gig has 6 pages of blogs and we're left with not seeing anything from him since Saturday.
**bravely holds back tears**
@ Petr's Jofa:
Willis will be throwing down 3 articles per week herein.
Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters?
Goat = Moreau
I do like his effort level but last year the penalties he took were terrible, the mixed messages he had in some interviews and heck I bet even some of the dressing room rift between the younger and older players could be laid at his feet. Plus, apparently, from reading these comments, he had the Clap (aka Leduc disease). And seriously, if your dressing room post-game tradition is clapping along to Hall & Oates, no wonder we didn't make the playoffs!!!!
Back to pretending to work...
Wanye Gretz wrote:
May I suggest Edgar Alan Poe or Ovid. I love those guys.