Picking the goat

Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM

goatgoat

Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.

Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.

Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.

The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.

Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!

Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.

This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.

2009-2010 Goat Selecto

Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.

goatgrebs2

Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.

No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.

One final note

wanye2

It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.

*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#201 BUCK75
September 15 2009, 04:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Ender the Dragon:

I seem to remember more of them too - I looked at ever article written by Wanye & that is all I could find.

Must have been the booze/pharmaceutical induced hallucinations that had me thinking there were more. :P

Avatar
#202 BUCK75
September 15 2009, 04:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Ender the Dragon wrote:

hxxp://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/davids/

HAHAHA - I knew there were more. The 75' tall David Staples with the AM-RAM missiles was pretty funny!

Avatar
#203 Refuses to think Negatively
September 15 2009, 04:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I'm a Scientist! wrote: Ladies and Gentlemen… MR. RICHARD SIMMONS HAS JOINED THE PARTY!!!!! *crickets* *more crickets*

I said Mike the mouth was rubbing off on me - not rubbing me off.

*looks around exitedly expecting laughter, then hangs head in shame and heads back to mom's basement*

Avatar
#204 I'm a Scientist!
September 15 2009, 04:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Refuses to think Negatively wrote:

I said Mike the mouth was rubbing off on me – not rubbing me off.

*slow clap... so slow that 8 year old sugar fiends fall asleep between connections*

Avatar
#205 R Kenny
September 15 2009, 04:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Full TV schedule released, 80 games total, 40 on Sportsnet: hxxp://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=498644#2009-10_Edmonton_Oilers_Broadcast_Schedule

Avatar
#206 DK0
September 15 2009, 04:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

WTF is with Dec 31st where it says "SN Calgary" Edmonton vs Calgary in Calgary better damn well be on the TV here.

Avatar
#207 Jay
September 15 2009, 05:18PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Goat: Gagne. Prove me wrong Sam, prove me wrong. Your faceoff skills, turnovers, and weak shot were laughable last year, laughable I say!... except for the fact that you play for my favourite team, which makes it less funny.

Avatar
#208 hide.the.beer.klima.is.here
September 15 2009, 05:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Goat: Steve Smith.

I just can't quit him.

Avatar
#209 Gunner
September 15 2009, 05:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Jay: Seriously?

Avatar
#210 Oilersordeath
September 15 2009, 05:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The three Billy goats gruff:

Staios, Gilbert, Grebs

Avatar
#211 Petr's Jofa
September 15 2009, 06:00PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Gunner:

Ganger was my second choice. If he has another slow start it could be disaster for this team.

Avatar
#212 Adam Dyck
September 15 2009, 06:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I'm going to have to go with JDD.

Avatar
#213 W.T.
September 15 2009, 06:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

W.T. suggests Kevin Lowe remains the biggest goat of all. He continues to show up on local air waves talking about players when he is the one that signed all these goat horn contracts. W.T. suggests second goat is Katz for actually thinking he can build an entertainment center with public money and he has all the control of it. W.T. suggest Bill LaForge as third goat. ANYONE who stands up in front of the media saying the Oilers lost lots of money last year. If this is true, W.T. suggests Katz wasn't too smart to buy the team that losses all this money

Avatar
#214 Skidplate
September 15 2009, 06:17PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The goat for the upcoming season is:

Bryan Lerg............ JK

Jeff Deslauriers, thats JDD to the rest of you.

F*&^U#* me in the goat a.s.s.

Avatar
#215 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 06:40PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Fiveandagame wonders if Fiveandagame can pick a poster for Fiveandagame's goat this year. I wonder who Fiveandagame thinks it could be.......

Avatar
#216 BigE57
September 15 2009, 06:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ W.T.:

It's Patrick LaForge by the way....

Avatar
#217 EddieEdmonton
September 15 2009, 06:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

77 D Tom Gilbert 82 5 40 45 6 26 2 0 1 107 4.7 37 D Grebeshkov 72 7 32 39 12 38 2 0 0 62 11.3

you pay gilbert4 whats so bad for grebs at 3 i think you suffer from doncherry syndrome and just dont like europeans wayne gretz

Avatar
#218 R-DAWG
September 15 2009, 07:07PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Is any one else having problems "connecting to the server"??

Avatar
#219 R-DAWG
September 15 2009, 07:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Is any one else having problems "connecting to the server"?? For the game that is

Avatar
#220 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:10PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ R-DAWG: Your missing a fight.

Avatar
#221 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:12PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

(I mean) You're missing a fight. Try reloading the website and linking right from the main page.

Avatar
#222 R-DAWG
September 15 2009, 07:16PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

All good now!

Avatar
#223 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:24PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

SULLY!

Avatar
#224 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:25PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Nice shot Sully!! And a helper for Storts

Avatar
#225 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:25PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

~smells like Stanley to me~

Avatar
#226 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Chris wrote:

~smells like Stanley to me~

~plan the parade!~

Avatar
#227 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Saddledome event host looks like a castoff from the set of The Hills Have Eyes.

Avatar
#228 Chris
September 15 2009, 07:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Nice Donkey Punch!

Avatar
#229 Dave
September 15 2009, 07:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

What fight was the color guy watching when storts pounded prust?

Avatar
#230 Jay
September 15 2009, 07:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Ha. Nice calgary announcing on that one. "oh stortini is just hanging on now! He's hugging him!". Pfft, stortini fed that chump

Avatar
#231 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Who made that hit?

Avatar
#232 Rusty Shackleford
September 15 2009, 07:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ ScubaSteve: I think that was Minard.

Also, Harvey the Hound groping that girl in the stands was hilarious.

Avatar
#233 David S
September 15 2009, 07:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Which web browser are you guys using? Firefox shows a big pile of blue splash page and not much else. After all this talk by Laforge and co. about how big Oil Country is, you think they'd buck up and make sure the server could handle the traffic.

Avatar
#234 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Rusty Shackleford:

Just like any calgarian, Harvey is a pervert..

Avatar
#235 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ David S:

I'm using safari, and it's working just fine

Avatar
#236 David S
September 15 2009, 07:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

ScubaSteve wrote:

I’m using safari, and it’s working just fine

Tanks ScubaSteve.

Avatar
#237 Rusty Shackleford
September 15 2009, 07:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ David S:

In the actual GDB someone mentioned that firefox was screwing up. IE is working fine for me.

Avatar
#238 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 07:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

This color guy is a tool.

"Nystrom might double his 5 goals from last year, and might even reach double digits."

Wow, just wow

Avatar
#239 Rusty Shackleford
September 15 2009, 07:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ ScubaSteve:

I couldn't believe the way their crew was calling the Stortini fight. Apparently Prust was smacking Stortini around and Zach was keeping up the Huggy Bear rep? Were they watching the same fight?

Avatar
#240 David S
September 15 2009, 07:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

So let me get this straight. CALGARY HAS ICE GIRLS NOW???!!?!!

Its war I tell you. War.

Avatar
#241 David S
September 15 2009, 07:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Rusty Shackleford wrote:

In the actual GDB someone mentioned that firefox was screwing up. IE is working fine for me.

Thanks Rusty. Just got home form work and didn't have time to sift through the thread(s). Sh!tty coverage. atdhe.net has better feeds.

Avatar
#242 Jay
September 15 2009, 07:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@ Gunner: Gunner wrote:

@ Jay: Seriously?

Seriously. Not like I want him to be a goat. The franchise has a lot riding on him. We would be better off if he becomes the superstar we need and of course that's what we all want (myself included) BUT! I need to see some more from him at the start of the seasons, rather than just showing up the last 20 games (see '08/'09 season).

Avatar
#243 Dave
September 15 2009, 08:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Keep it up POS!

Avatar
#244 cableguy
September 15 2009, 08:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Chris wrote:

~smells like Stanley to me~

that was me, sorry

Avatar
#245 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 08:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Chris wrote:

SULLY!
Avatar
#246 Chris
September 15 2009, 08:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Sully Again!

~Shine up the Rocket Richard Trophey~

Avatar
#247 viss.99
September 15 2009, 08:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

W.T. wrote:

W.T. suggests Kevin Lowe remains the biggest goat of all. He continues to show up on local air waves talking about players when he is the one that signed all these goat horn contracts. W.T. suggests second goat is Katz for actually thinking he can build an entertainment center with public money and he has all the control of it. W.T. suggest Bill LaForge as third goat. ANYONE who stands up in front of the media saying the Oilers lost lots of money last year. If this is true, W.T. suggests Katz wasn’t too smart to buy the team that losses all this money

I couldn't agree with you more.

Avatar
#248 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 08:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

hey you know whats awesome? OILERS ON THE INTERWEBS!!!!

Avatar
#249 Jason Gregor
September 15 2009, 08:12PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Ender the Dragon wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: It looks like he’s dressed in the newly-released Johnny Cash line. Nice threads, JG.

Those are old...I will have new ones next week a long with a female that some of you might enjoy taking a gander at from time-to-time.

Avatar
#250 ScubaSteve
September 15 2009, 08:14PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Did you see that PP, movement, shots, puck control..... all good signs

Comments are closed for this article.