Picking the goat

Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM

goatgoat

Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.

Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.

Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.

The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.

Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!

Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.

This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.

2009-2010 Goat Selecto

Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.

goatgrebs2

Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.

No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.

One final note

wanye2

It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.

*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#301 Wanye Gretz
September 16 2009, 01:26AM
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jeanshorts wrote:

@ ScubaSteve: Yes. Yes I did. I even had people over just for Big Brother. GET OFF MY BACK!!!! *searches around for his manhood*

Look what we become in the offseason. LOLZ

Pick up ye shiveled beans jeanshorts. The new season is upon us!

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#302 Death Metal Nightmare
September 16 2009, 03:07AM
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run three offensive lines. this teams roster and the caliber of players sucks way too much not to. load it up and fire. this roster is going nowhere for 3-4 years when hilarious contracts run out.

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#303 Lofty
September 16 2009, 06:25AM
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I only saw the tsn highlight package but Schremp sure made a nice pass on the PP

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#304 Milli
September 16 2009, 07:46AM
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I'm going out on a limb here, but I am picking WAYNE GRETZ to be the goat this year, he is gonna be the only one we are able to make fun of all season long!!!!!!! And Staios.

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#305 Colin
September 16 2009, 08:16AM
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Milli wrote:

I’m going out on a limb here, but I am picking WAYNE GRETZ to be the goat this year, he is gonna be the only one we are able to make fun of all season long!!!!!!! And Staios.

Wanye isn't the goat, he made this awesome website.

Besides, we can still make fun of him anyway.

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#306 danomyte15
September 16 2009, 08:46AM
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staios=the goat for this year

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#307 RossCreek
September 16 2009, 10:18AM
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What happened to r59's post? It wouldn't have been removed because he said something aboutt "making fun of me" when the only one being made fun of was wanye, would it? Wanye is r59? r59 is wanye? WTF

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#308 Hemmertime
September 16 2009, 10:58AM
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Nilsson = Goat (if the bastard makes the team, otherwise Staios) Grebeshkov = The man, almost got my pick for my star, but cant not pick Visnovsky = My star for the year.

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#309 Michigan Oiler
September 16 2009, 11:06AM
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It took until page 6 before anyone mentioned my goat:

Robbie Shrimp, I mean Schremp.

I choose him because you know he won't make the team and he'll end up being claimed by the Islanders, scoring 20 goals and 80 points for them on their first line. Damn the Shrimp!

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#310 David S
September 16 2009, 11:56AM
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My goat is JDD. The possibilities for an epic fail are just too large to ignore.

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#311 Reagan
September 16 2009, 08:01PM
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LOVE THE F*ING GOAT WAYNE!

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#312 bingofuel
September 17 2009, 10:26AM
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My goat will be none other than Steve Staios. That is all.

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#313 Chris
September 17 2009, 08:55PM
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@ bingofuel:

I miss MAB. He was a swear in my house.

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#314 2009-10 Oilers Goats and Stars - OilersNation.com
September 30 2009, 12:30PM
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[...] Willis, Amber McCormick, bingofuel, and Wanye Gretz (who has already picked his star and his goat), have submitted their goats and stars for the 2009-10 Oilers hockey season. Who will you [...]

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#315 ywzplqy
October 10 2009, 06:21AM
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