Picking the goat

Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM

goatgoat

Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.

Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.

Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.

The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.

Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!

Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.

This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.

2009-2010 Goat Selecto

Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.

goatgrebs2

Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.

No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.

One final note

wanye2

It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.

*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#151 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 01:06PM
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@ Petr's Jofa:

Willis will be throwing down 3 articles per week herein.

Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters?

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#152 daveeed
September 15 2009, 01:07PM
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Goat = Moreau

I do like his effort level but last year the penalties he took were terrible, the mixed messages he had in some interviews and heck I bet even some of the dressing room rift between the younger and older players could be laid at his feet. Plus, apparently, from reading these comments, he had the Clap (aka Leduc disease). And seriously, if your dressing room post-game tradition is clapping along to Hall & Oates, no wonder we didn't make the playoffs!!!!

Back to pretending to work...

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#153 Archaeologuy
September 15 2009, 01:07PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters?

May I suggest Edgar Alan Poe or Ovid. I love those guys.

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#154 daveeed
September 15 2009, 01:08PM
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Oh I forgot to mention my nickname for Moreau this season is Capitan Cabra.

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#155 toprightcorner
September 15 2009, 01:09PM
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I go with 3 goats

JDD - when the Wall gets hurt, JDD plays 10 straight and has .881 save %

Moreau - take a penalty with 3 minutes left that costs us the game at least 9 times this year

Staios - Forgets about his man while killing Moreau's penalties far too often.

With these three goats, you will be guaranteed to have at least one for each loss and likely one for each win they squeaked out.

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#156 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 01:12PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

smiliegirl15 wrote: I wish the rest of the players on this team had half the heart Moreau does on the ice. If his heart is on the ice it’s most likely cuz he broke his ribs and it fell out.

Oh Snap went Penners waist band!

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#157 scorecoff hemmercules
September 15 2009, 01:18PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@ Petr’s Jofa: Willis will be throwing down 3 articles per week herein. Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters?

3 a day to 3 a week, sigh, while I do enjoy JW's stuff over at Hockey or Die it just isn't the same when its not all Oil realted. You really going to recruit a new guy??

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#158 The Pestival
September 15 2009, 01:21PM
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I go with JDD as the goat, he doesn't even have a name, just three letters, what an idiot!

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#159 Tommy
September 15 2009, 01:21PM
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Goat = Moreau

AKA Captain Two-Minutes, theCaptainethanmoreau, Cyclops or Mr. Glass.

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#160 Fiveandagame
September 15 2009, 01:22PM
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Maybe Amber should post more than once every 4 months..

Come on Amber, BE FUNNY! come oooonnnnn!

Bring out the big guns and knock us down with your rare brand of hockey related hilarity.

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#161 DK0
September 15 2009, 01:22PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Willis will be throwing down 3 articles per week herein. Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters?

Find a way to steal lowetide :)

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#162 no clue
September 15 2009, 01:25PM
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My goat is McPouliot the play killer. That Rat Bastard can ruin with the worst of them!

BTW, awesome art work Wayne. I'd like to buy a print of yesterdays and todays (a print cause obviously I can't afford an original).

***For the record, I do not want to make sweet man-love to Wayne, however I do like the childlike innocence of the artwork***

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#163 Poo Czar
September 15 2009, 01:28PM
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DK0 wrote:

Find a way to steal lowetide

Again?

Or perhaps we'll be subjected to a series of DeepOil investigative pieces detailing how we're all just living in a hockey Matrix and Pocklington wrote the CBA using Toe Blake's blood that he stole from Strawman Katz and the EIG is taking over the Coyotes for Wayne (with restaraunt tips) and how living behing the Sobey's dumpster technically doesn't make you crazy if you're actually a Big Ballin' Buhjillionaire who chooses to eat stray cats as they keep the monsters and Pat laforge at bay.

I'd read that.

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#164 BUCK75
September 15 2009, 01:31PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

I think it is time that your art should be included in a calendar. With your latest 2 designs, the good news is we only need 7 more!

January: http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/that-just-happened/

February: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/things-that-make-you-go-grrrr/

March: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/a-better-arena/

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#165 OYLer
September 15 2009, 01:38PM
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Kevin Lowe = King of goats, nowdays cutting the cheese a little too sourly.

Kevin Prendergast = Head Herder caught in compromising position after imbibing one too many drafts

Steve Tambellini = Prince goat in waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting.....

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#166 Deep Oil
September 15 2009, 01:41PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Wanye Gretz wrote: Perhaps we should recruit a new writer for our stable of murderous gangsters? May I suggest Edgar Alan Poe or Ovid. I love those guys.

Since I am personally responsible for matchmaking two bloggers with Oiler Nation in the past with no credit or thank you..... I thought of this outside the box blogging opportunity....... for all Nation....sites.

Neil Smith www.nhlgm.com This guy is blackberry enabled and actaully answers questions from fans.

A part time hockey blogger generally makes $1000 month - Smith may want more money, but this go to all the sites within the Nation at a cost of $300 per site per month, plus new sponsorship with a former GM.

Wanye - Make the call.

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#167 Amber
September 15 2009, 01:44PM
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@ Fiveandagame: I hereby make my promise to you that I will try to make more of a contribution this season. However, in my defense, it's hard to post articles when Wanye ties us up in his basement during the off season.

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#168 Smokin' Ray
September 15 2009, 01:44PM
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I pick Ethan Moreau as my goat.

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#169 Archaeologuy
September 15 2009, 01:53PM
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Amber wrote:

in my defense, it’s hard to post articles when Wanye ties us up in his basement during the off season.

uh...awesome!!

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#170 Fish
September 15 2009, 01:53PM
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The quality of humour is getting pretty weak today.

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#171 Poo Czar
September 15 2009, 01:55PM
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Fish wrote:

The quality of humour is getting pretty weak today.

...says the guy who's bringing none of his own to the table

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#172 Travis Dakin
September 15 2009, 01:55PM
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Amber wrote:

However, in my defense, it’s hard to post articles when Wanye ties us up in his basement during the off season.

He showed us his basement in the Video yesterday.... I wish I had chesticles so I might have the pleasure of being locked in that basement.

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#173 Amber
September 15 2009, 02:00PM
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@ Archaeologuy: Uh....ya it is

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#174 Fish
September 15 2009, 02:07PM
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@ Poo Czar: Touche.

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#175 Curious
September 15 2009, 02:14PM
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@ BUCK75:

Only one of these pictures count as two have been technically enhanced images. This type of digital enhancement should not be promoted as I feel it stifles Wanye's creativity and artisitic abilities.

So today he drew a bull instead of a goat. They are kinda similar but the main thing is he tried. And got an F.

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#176 OvenChicken8
September 15 2009, 02:16PM
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Curious wrote:

So today he drew a bull instead of a goat. They are kinda similar but the main thing is he tried. And got an F.

It's not his fault, Gilbert was the one who taught him how to use MS Paint. Just blame Tommy "not as cool as the green ranger" Gilbert.

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#177 Refuses to think Negatively
September 15 2009, 02:19PM
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My Goat will be Chris "the human rake" Pronger. I am going to choose to only think positive thoughts about the current roster. Maybe Mike the Mouth is rubbing off on me from watching too much World Poker Tour but that's my pick.

GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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#178 freeze
September 15 2009, 02:20PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: The captain is it, too bad you aren't on board. You'll be seeing a lot of "BAAAAAAAAAAHD PENALTY!!1!" this season.

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#179 Curious
September 15 2009, 02:24PM
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@ OvenChicken8:

Damn that Tommy Boy Gilbert and all his shananigans

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#180 Amber
September 15 2009, 02:28PM
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@ Travis Dakin: You don't need chesticles for Wanye to tie you up in his crawl space. You just neeed forget that at one point in time you had some dignity and self worth.

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#181 freeze
September 15 2009, 02:30PM
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Hmmmmm, The complete Oilers TV schedule is out. Looks like two games are going to be streamed on Oilers.com

hxxp://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=498644&cmpid=oilers-twt-nhl_oilers

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#182 ronaldo
September 15 2009, 02:33PM
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Amber wrote:

You don’t need chesticles for Wanye to tie you up in his crawl space. You just neeed forget that at one point in time you had some dignity and self worth.

Qualify!!

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#183 Scarlett
September 15 2009, 02:35PM
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Puhleeze, no way Grebs sucks this year. Yeah he's overpaid but almost all the Oilers are. The goat is Moreau: yesterday, today and tomorrow!!!

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#184 Jimmy
September 15 2009, 02:35PM
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@ freeze:

The preseason games are largely blank. Am I going to be able to catch the game tonight on SNW?

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#185 Fish
September 15 2009, 02:38PM
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Jimmy wrote:

@ freeze: The preseason games are largely blank. Am I going to be able to catch the game tonight on SNW?

Oilers Website

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#186 Shifty203
September 15 2009, 02:43PM
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freeze wrote:

Hmmmmm, The complete Oilers TV schedule is out. Looks like two games are going to be streamed on Oilers.com hxxp://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=498644&cmpid=oilers-twt-nhl_oilers

16 games on PPV this year? I swear there was only 12 last year.

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#187 Jimmy
September 15 2009, 02:44PM
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Fish wrote:

Oilers Website

"All seven Oilers pre-season games will be streamed live on edmontonoilers.com."

Pfft. Reading is for chumps.

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#188 scorecoff hemmercules
September 15 2009, 02:46PM
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@ Refuses to think Negatively:

Haha, I just got back from Vegas and I ran into Mike the Mouth at PH while I was there. He's actually a really nice guy, TV paints him as a villain.

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#189 risto
September 15 2009, 02:49PM
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Horcoff is the goat. He belongs on the 3rd line with Pisani.

The joke is ON faithful such as I banking on a big season from WinkleDusty.

The hero will be Lucky Charms and his 30+ season playing with Ales.

Having just returned from BC, the Oil are now the punchline the Canucks were in the 80's. You know, mommy beats me, daddy beats me, Judge asks kid who do you want to live with?

Nothing funny about 3 missed playoffs, Klowe

Love the ON, love the Oil more. Go BulinWall, TooSlickShelly, all of the little fellows nicknamed "consonant/vowel/gs" and the new fan fav Peckham.

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#190 freeze
September 15 2009, 02:57PM
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Shifty203 wrote: 16 games on PPV this year? I swear there was only 12 last year.

Yeah, it was only 12. But from listening to Gregor yesterday, they Oil don't make much money on PPV. In many cases, due to logistics, they can't find anyone to broadcast period. Those two outliers are probably examples of that.

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#191 Shannon
September 15 2009, 03:11PM
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I'm torn between Staios and Gilbert. I enjoy yelling at Gilbert at the games - he always seems to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Okay: Gilbert for goat!

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#192 Ender the Dragon
September 15 2009, 03:16PM
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BUCK75 wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: I think it is time that your art should be included in a calendar. With your latest 2 designs, the good news is we only need 7 more! January: http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/that-just-happened/ February: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/things-that-make-you-go-grrrr/ March: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/a-better-arena/

There were more, but I can't find all of them. I seem to remember one really good one of a piggy-bank that I liked, and there was a graph that was pretty hilarious too. While searching, though, I did run accross this overlooked gem:

http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/04/spotted/

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#193 no clue
September 15 2009, 03:18PM
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I looked at the PPV sched, 10 of the 16 are home games sooo, maybe not so bad if you can go to RX1. 6 away (free at local pub with purchase of bevies). One way or another i'll be drinking ($8 heroin beer or $6 pints at pub). Me thinks I just saved some money?

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#194 no clue
September 15 2009, 03:20PM
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@ Shannon Goat or no goat, it's more fun to cheer FOR your team (especially if you sit near me), come on get on the band wagoon.

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#195 Shannon
September 15 2009, 03:29PM
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@ no clue:

I cheer for the team (first time season ticket holder this year!), but Gilbert does make me see red sometimes.

I stand by my decision as Gilbert for goat.

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#196 Wanye Gretz
September 15 2009, 03:31PM
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@ Ender the Dragon:

I'd personally rather Gregor make a calendar of his male modelling than my artistic awesomeness get corrputed with corporate corporatism. Anyone ever go to his site and look?

www.justagame.ca

WHOOOOOWHEEEEEEE!

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#197 Fish
September 15 2009, 03:33PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: A real Dandy he is.

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#198 Ender the Dragon
September 15 2009, 03:41PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: It looks like he's dressed in the newly-released Johnny Cash line. Nice threads, JG.

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#199 Charlie
September 15 2009, 03:41PM
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No Goat this year.

MMMMM I love this Quinn brand Koolaid though.

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#200 I'm a Scientist!
September 15 2009, 03:49PM
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Refuses to think Negatively wrote:

My Goat will be Chris “the human rake” Pronger. I am going to choose to only think positive thoughts about the current roster. Maybe Mike the Mouth is rubbing off on me from watching too much World Poker Tour but that’s my pick. GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ladies and Gentlemen... MR. RICHARD SIMMONS HAS JOINED THE PARTY!!!!!

*crickets*

*more crickets*

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