Picking the goat
Wanye
September 15 2009 10:25AM
Picking the Goat for the 2009-10 hockey season is almost more difficult than picking the Star. Firstly, one has to take a look at the team’s overall chances and the likelihood someone is going to take multiple blamings as the season wears on. The better your team, the less likely your goat is going to take a beating.
Say you are one of the eleven remaining fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.You have a reasonably good chance that your team won’t lose a single game all season and odds are that the blistering basket shoot-scoring of the Washington Generals won’t keep you up late on most nights. In this instance you have no real need for a Goat as success seems assured.
Now say you are a fan of the local ice hockey squadron, the Edmonton Oilers. Following their liver shredding Cup run in 2006, the Oilers have amazingly missed the playoffs three years in a row. This has not gone over well in the OilersNation where fans have become surely at best and murderous at worst. We had a long discussion with some of the boys about the temperature of the crowds that will enter RX1 this coming season. What will the prevailing mood be? Hopeful hope? Anger filled anger? Something inbetween like tepid indifference? It really could go either way.
The purpose of picking a Goat is to be able to hang your hat on an Oiler and blame him for the entire buffet table of bitter tasting woe that the Oilers serve to us on such a regular basis of late. When you name a particular player as your Goat he becomes the whipping boy for the entire team and a theraputic release for all things bad.
Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!
Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.
This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.
2009-2010 Goat Selecto
Last year we famously picked Dennis Grebeshkov to be the Goat for the season. Though some in the Nation figured his dramatically improved play, team leading plus/minus (or something) and (something something) meant he had turned the corner as an NHL player they couldn't be more wrong. While we were focused on his terrible play, worse attitude and awful results we found that we actually began to truly dislike him as the season wore on.
Think we hated Grebs last year? Check back now that it is 2010 and Goatie McGrebeshkov has signed a 3 million dollar deal. A 3 million dollar deal!? Has the entire world gone crazy? What in the sweet holy hell is going on? Remember when Grant Fuhr signed that crazy free agent contract with the Leafs? What did he make, like $1.8 MM or something? Now Grebeshkov makes 3 million? How do you think that makes Grant Fuhr feel? We will tell you how it makes Grant Fuhr feel. Not very good! And he has found a second life on the celebrity golf circuit.
No, no, no. This won’t do at all. We love Grant Fuhr. Screw you Grebs, looks like you are up as the Goat deuce years in a row.
One final note
It’s (Preseason) Game Day Bitches.
*runs off to liquor store, because if the hobos downtown have taught us anything it’s that unemployed people drink whenever the hell they please*
Oh I forgot to mention my nickname for Moreau this season is Capitan Cabra.
I go with 3 goats
JDD - when the Wall gets hurt, JDD plays 10 straight and has .881 save %
Moreau - take a penalty with 3 minutes left that costs us the game at least 9 times this year
Staios - Forgets about his man while killing Moreau's penalties far too often.
With these three goats, you will be guaranteed to have at least one for each loss and likely one for each win they squeaked out.
The Towel Boy wrote:
Oh Snap went Penners waist band!
Wanye Gretz wrote:
3 a day to 3 a week, sigh, while I do enjoy JW's stuff over at Hockey or Die it just isn't the same when its not all Oil realted. You really going to recruit a new guy??
I go with JDD as the goat, he doesn't even have a name, just three letters, what an idiot!
Goat = Moreau
AKA Captain Two-Minutes, theCaptainethanmoreau, Cyclops or Mr. Glass.
Maybe Amber should post more than once every 4 months..
Come on Amber, BE FUNNY! come oooonnnnn!
Bring out the big guns and knock us down with your rare brand of hockey related hilarity.
Wanye Gretz wrote:
Find a way to steal lowetide :)
My goat is McPouliot the play killer. That Rat Bastard can ruin with the worst of them!
BTW, awesome art work Wayne. I'd like to buy a print of yesterdays and todays (a print cause obviously I can't afford an original).
***For the record, I do not want to make sweet man-love to Wayne, however I do like the childlike innocence of the artwork***
DK0 wrote:
Again?
Or perhaps we'll be subjected to a series of DeepOil investigative pieces detailing how we're all just living in a hockey Matrix and Pocklington wrote the CBA using Toe Blake's blood that he stole from Strawman Katz and the EIG is taking over the Coyotes for Wayne (with restaraunt tips) and how living behing the Sobey's dumpster technically doesn't make you crazy if you're actually a Big Ballin' Buhjillionaire who chooses to eat stray cats as they keep the monsters and Pat laforge at bay.
I'd read that.
@ Wanye Gretz:
I think it is time that your art should be included in a calendar. With your latest 2 designs, the good news is we only need 7 more!
January: http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/that-just-happened/
February: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/things-that-make-you-go-grrrr/
March: http://www.oilersnation.com/2008/11/a-better-arena/
Kevin Lowe = King of goats, nowdays cutting the cheese a little too sourly.
Kevin Prendergast = Head Herder caught in compromising position after imbibing one too many drafts
Steve Tambellini = Prince goat in waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting.....
The goat has to be Staios, I know, it's an easy pick, but when it's right, it's right.
Archaeologuy wrote:
Since I am personally responsible for matchmaking two bloggers with Oiler Nation in the past with no credit or thank you..... I thought of this outside the box blogging opportunity....... for all Nation....sites.
Neil Smith www.nhlgm.com This guy is blackberry enabled and actaully answers questions from fans.
A part time hockey blogger generally makes $1000 month - Smith may want more money, but this go to all the sites within the Nation at a cost of $300 per site per month, plus new sponsorship with a former GM.
Wanye - Make the call.
@ Fiveandagame: I hereby make my promise to you that I will try to make more of a contribution this season. However, in my defense, it's hard to post articles when Wanye ties us up in his basement during the off season.
I pick Ethan Moreau as my goat.
Amber wrote:
uh...awesome!!
The quality of humour is getting pretty weak today.
Fish wrote:
...says the guy who's bringing none of his own to the table
Amber wrote:
He showed us his basement in the Video yesterday.... I wish I had chesticles so I might have the pleasure of being locked in that basement.
@ Archaeologuy: Uh....ya it is
@ Poo Czar: Touche.
@ BUCK75:
Only one of these pictures count as two have been technically enhanced images. This type of digital enhancement should not be promoted as I feel it stifles Wanye's creativity and artisitic abilities.
So today he drew a bull instead of a goat. They are kinda similar but the main thing is he tried. And got an F.
Curious wrote:
It's not his fault, Gilbert was the one who taught him how to use MS Paint. Just blame Tommy "not as cool as the green ranger" Gilbert.
My Goat will be Chris "the human rake" Pronger. I am going to choose to only think positive thoughts about the current roster. Maybe Mike the Mouth is rubbing off on me from watching too much World Poker Tour but that's my pick.
GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@ Wanye Gretz: The captain is it, too bad you aren't on board. You'll be seeing a lot of "BAAAAAAAAAAHD PENALTY!!1!" this season.
@ OvenChicken8:
Damn that Tommy Boy Gilbert and all his shananigans
@ Travis Dakin: You don't need chesticles for Wanye to tie you up in his crawl space. You just neeed forget that at one point in time you had some dignity and self worth.
Hmmmmm, The complete Oilers TV schedule is out. Looks like two games are going to be streamed on Oilers.com
hxxp://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=498644&cmpid=oilers-twt-nhl_oilers
Amber wrote:
Qualify!!
Puhleeze, no way Grebs sucks this year. Yeah he's overpaid but almost all the Oilers are. The goat is Moreau: yesterday, today and tomorrow!!!
@ freeze:
The preseason games are largely blank. Am I going to be able to catch the game tonight on SNW?
Jimmy wrote:
Oilers Website
freeze wrote:
16 games on PPV this year? I swear there was only 12 last year.
Fish wrote:
"All seven Oilers pre-season games will be streamed live on edmontonoilers.com."
Pfft. Reading is for chumps.
@ Refuses to think Negatively:
Haha, I just got back from Vegas and I ran into Mike the Mouth at PH while I was there. He's actually a really nice guy, TV paints him as a villain.
Horcoff is the goat. He belongs on the 3rd line with Pisani.
The joke is ON faithful such as I banking on a big season from WinkleDusty.
The hero will be Lucky Charms and his 30+ season playing with Ales.
Having just returned from BC, the Oil are now the punchline the Canucks were in the 80's. You know, mommy beats me, daddy beats me, Judge asks kid who do you want to live with?
Nothing funny about 3 missed playoffs, Klowe
Love the ON, love the Oil more. Go BulinWall, TooSlickShelly, all of the little fellows nicknamed "consonant/vowel/gs" and the new fan fav Peckham.
Shifty203 wrote: 16 games on PPV this year? I swear there was only 12 last year.
Yeah, it was only 12. But from listening to Gregor yesterday, they Oil don't make much money on PPV. In many cases, due to logistics, they can't find anyone to broadcast period. Those two outliers are probably examples of that.
I'm torn between Staios and Gilbert. I enjoy yelling at Gilbert at the games - he always seems to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Okay: Gilbert for goat!
BUCK75 wrote:
There were more, but I can't find all of them. I seem to remember one really good one of a piggy-bank that I liked, and there was a graph that was pretty hilarious too. While searching, though, I did run accross this overlooked gem:
http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/04/spotted/
I looked at the PPV sched, 10 of the 16 are home games sooo, maybe not so bad if you can go to RX1. 6 away (free at local pub with purchase of bevies). One way or another i'll be drinking ($8 heroin beer or $6 pints at pub). Me thinks I just saved some money?
@ Shannon Goat or no goat, it's more fun to cheer FOR your team (especially if you sit near me), come on get on the band wagoon.
@ no clue:
I cheer for the team (first time season ticket holder this year!), but Gilbert does make me see red sometimes.
I stand by my decision as Gilbert for goat.
@ Ender the Dragon:
I'd personally rather Gregor make a calendar of his male modelling than my artistic awesomeness get corrputed with corporate corporatism. Anyone ever go to his site and look?
www.justagame.ca
WHOOOOOWHEEEEEEE!
@ Wanye Gretz: A real Dandy he is.
@ Wanye Gretz: It looks like he's dressed in the newly-released Johnny Cash line. Nice threads, JG.
No Goat this year.
MMMMM I love this Quinn brand Koolaid though.
Refuses to think Negatively wrote:
Ladies and Gentlemen... MR. RICHARD SIMMONS HAS JOINED THE PARTY!!!!!
*crickets*
*more crickets*
@ Wanye Gretz: Wanye Gretz wrote:
I vote for me. It'll be 30% Oilers, 30% random bullshit and 40% incest jokes.
In all seriousness a regular guest column where you invite the funniest regular commentators to post some stuff might be interesting.
Or you could always get someone, you know, good.
BUCK75 wrote:
Ender the Dragon wrote:
Wanye Gretz wrote:
Oh, Wanye, don't be so modest. This work should be compiled. Here are a couple more, but I still can't find that damned piggy-bank . . .
http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/06/mob-beatings-and-draft-standings/ http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/davids/