GDB MINUS 1: Emotional faceoffs

Wanye
September 27 2009 05:17PM

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And so the preseason that saw the return of Mike Comrie, the continued fall of Rob Schremp and the dehydration of Nikolai Khabibulin draws to a close with tonight’s tilt against the Canucks. And about time if you ask us – although an uninspired preseason could lead to a brick of a start to the regular season too.

We have had the honour of observing a great many of these preseason games and like many in the Nation we are starting to shake our head at the preseason version of these Edmonton Oilers of ours. To say that the Oilers have been, well unemotional at best, is an understatement.

Anyone catch the game against the Flames? Good gravy was that a stink bomb. And the most recent outing against the Bolts? It probably left many in the City of Winnipeg thankful they haven’t had to pay that kind of money to watch that bad of an end to a game since the Jets left.

Yes, it’s a nerve racking time to be a fan of the 2009-2010 Edmonton Oilers. We traditionally use this preseason hockey to irrationally seize upon heroes, goats or anything in between to carry us through the long winter. And with the exception of Comrie's four point night and the continued emergence of young Eberle, there hasn't been much for us to get wound up about.

quinn2

Hopefully the Mighty Oil can start to show some life in this final preseason game tonight. We would be even more concerned if it weren’t for the presence of Coaching Newbies Pat Quinn and Tom Renney though. They seem to be watching things from the bench, arms crossed in thinkery and building some sort of plan. One must imagine that they have come to the following conclusions:

Fact: Sheldon Souray can wire the puck. This probably took about eleven seconds for the Coaching Staff to figure out, if they didn't already know it to begin with. Mr Sexy hasn't lost a step nor a MPH over the offseason and should be counted on to have another excellent campaign.

Fact: Jordan Eberle will eventually be a dandy. Even if the kid is eventually sent back down to Junior, Jordan Eberle has stamped his mark on the hearts of many an Oiler fan in the past couple of weeks. It may not be today, but at some point in the near future he is going to take to the ice for his rookie campaign as an Oiler and will give us many a thrill in the process.

Fact: Khabibulin is old and old things tend to try out quickly. So what exactly happened the other night against the Flames to our new 'tender? (whispers in ear) He got dehydrated? Doesn't that only happen to long distance Kenyan runners on mile 367 of a marathon? It happened in preseason hockey? How many years have we signed him for?

(insert awkward pause here)

Fact: The Oilers in their current state absolutely blow at faceoffs. This is really starting to get out of control. We watched the game against the Lightning with a buddy who doesn't really follow hockey all too much. We consider him a work in progress and often sit him in front of a TV and ply him with alcahol and explain all of the tiny details about the Oilers that he could never figure out on his own. At some point during the third period he leaned over and said "boy, the Oilers sure aren't good at winning those puck drops are they?"

When a European-Canadian of dubious lineage, who doesn't even follow the game can spot this glaring hole - things are getting dire indeed.

Fact: The only thing lower than the faceoff % of these here Oilers is their emot-o-meter as seen is the graph below charting the performance of the Oilers in the preseason:

preseasongraph

Job Numero Uno Tonight: EMOTION

Alrighty Oilers. Listen up and listen good. It seems that the entire corps of Centremen have somehow made it into the NHL without passing Faceoffs 101 in Minor Hockey. We will leave this glaring and horrifying hole aside for the moment in the hope that you are merely saving all your faceoff wins for the regular season.

There are few other valid excuses for your absolutely abysmal performance in the circle of late. But there are even fewer reasons we can think of that would justify the cyborgian lack of emotion you have been displaying thus far. We have seen long term coma patients that have more jump to them than you.

Despite our better judgement we will be in RX1 again this evening, crushing $8 hockey beers and trying to pretend that things are going to be OK. Maybe do your increasingly nervous fans a favour and show a little jump on the eve of the regular season will you? Geez.

Lineups

Here are your lineups for tonight’s game, courtesy of the Oilers website. Try and guess which team is which!

Khabibulin gets the start, Pisani, Moreau and Pouliot remain injured.

5 Ladislav Smid D 10 Shawn Horcoff C 13 Andrew Cogliano LW 19 Patrick O'Sullivan RW 22 J-F Jacques LW 24 Steve Staios D 27 Dustin Penner LW 33 Steve MacIntyre RW 35 Nikolai Khabibulin G 38 Jeff Deslauriers G 43 Jason Strudwick D 44 Sheldon Souray D 46 Zack Stortini RW 67 Gilbert Brule C 71 Lubomir Visnovsky D 77 Tom Gilbert D 83 Ales Hemsky RW 85 Liam Reddox LW 89 Sam Gagner C 91 Mike Comrie C

And here is your other lineup, starting with Cory Schneider in net. A suckier bunch of sucks hath not existed if you ask us:

3 Kevin Bieksa D 5 Christian Ehrhoff D 6 Sami Salo D 8 Willie Mitchell D 14 Alex Burrows RW 18 Steve Bernier RW 21 Mason Raymond LW 22 Daniel Sedin LW 24 Darcy Hordichuk LW 29 Aaron Rome D 30 Andrew Raycroft G 33 Henrik Sedin C 35 Cory Schneider G 37 Rick Rypien C 39 Cody Hodgson C 42 Kyle Wellwood C 55 Shane O'Brien D 56 Matt Pope RW 65 Sergei Shirokov 73 Tanner Glass RW

Final note

Did anyone notice the Canucks have a player named Tanner Glass? Is that a terrible name or what?

Prediction: Oilers 4 Canucks 2.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Sam
September 27 2009, 05:29PM
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First?

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#2 David S
September 27 2009, 05:31PM
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Sam wrote:

First?

We gotta have some sort of golden facepalm award for these guys.

GOILERS!

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#3 Legion
September 27 2009, 05:32PM
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5-1 oilers is a outrage prediction that I has decided to make. Penner gets standing ovation and reveals himself as... WANYE GRETZ!!!!!

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#4 Sam
September 27 2009, 05:34PM
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Just out of curiosity anyone have Brule's and Pouliots faceoff % from the preseason?

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#5 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 05:35PM
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Let's DOOOOOOOOO this!!!!1!

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#6 Deep Oil
September 27 2009, 05:35PM
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Didn't this braintrust give Khabi $15mm for 4 years...

While Biron signed for one year at 1.4mm for one year. OUCH!

Seems like comparitive price checking under salary cap rules, does come into play - oh well, there is always next year......

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#7 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 05:37PM
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Tanner Glass is a mega bad Hockey name.

I hope JFJ breaks the Glass tonight.

GOILERS!!!!

4 -3 goals by JFJ, Hemsky, Patty O', and Stortini!!!

It would be very grand to celebrate a win tonight.

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#8 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 05:38PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

Let’s DOOOOOOOOO this!!!!1!

oooohhhh I like the '1' you added, it's a subtle hint that the Oil and all who Cheer in the Oil's ranks are always number 1! Right? right?.....

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#9 West SideMike
September 27 2009, 05:39PM
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@ Sam: That's right. You win FIRST prize in the retard olympics. Congrats!

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#10 BarryS
September 27 2009, 05:42PM
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Somehow I think J-F Jacques, Steve MacIntyre, Jason Strudwick, and Zack Stortini all end up with fighting majors tonight but hopefully not instigator penalties.

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#11 Sam
September 27 2009, 05:42PM
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Get trolled

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#12 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 05:42PM
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@ West SideMike: The retard Olympics! Did I miss them again???? I've been training all day on Brownlee's post. Oh man....

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#13 BarryS
September 27 2009, 05:44PM
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David S wrote:

Sam wrote: First? We gotta have some sort of golden facepalm award for these guys. GOILERS!

Can't the geeks figure out a way to start the comments at 2? That way those who like to number their posts would be full of sh*t not p*ss.

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#14 Shifty203
September 27 2009, 05:46PM
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David S wrote:

Sam wrote: First? We gotta have some sort of golden facepalm award for these guys. GOILERS!

I say there should be a special stupid sticker that goes beside their name permantley. Like a picture of Fabio or something.

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#15 Jay
September 27 2009, 05:48PM
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I thought Quinn wasn't gonna use tonight as a tune-up game for the actual team. That lineup looks an awful lot how I imagine the regular season lineup will look.

Also, anyone think of moving Strudwick to forward? That dude has some size.

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#16 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 05:49PM
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Tanner Glass sounds like some rich white kid name. The douche with the popped collar, driving the blinged out SUV to the Hamptons for the weekend.

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#17 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 05:49PM
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Ethan Moreau's comments before the game

hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KQxT20mY-k&feature=related

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#18 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 05:52PM
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You know I picked him as my goat... but that kinda felt mean...

Worse than calling him Shayne Corson...

Plus he's hurt...

Okay from now on I will only Comment on Goat like behavior on the ice from thecaptainmoreau.

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#19 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 05:54PM
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@Sam:

I love the "first" don't you even listen to these haters. Now if you will excuse me I'm about to board the LRT with 4 homeless vagrants and an emo kid.

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#20 Legion
September 27 2009, 05:59PM
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Eat a dick Sammy my boy

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#21 Zamboni Driver
September 27 2009, 06:00PM
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Emotion. Wow....what's that like, I wonder?

Best player doesn't really like hockey. Never speaks.

Goon is a good fighter, but never really gets mad.

Captain should be released.

And the change that the braintrust came up with was get a slightly less old goalie, pay HIM way too much too, and for even longer.

And add Comrie, so that Bill will help pay for a new barn.

I can't imagine why no one cares. Look around here...good lord WE really don't care. "Oh boy, here comes the regular season.....I am sure we have a chance for maybe getting 8th, then who knows...."

Insanity = .......

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#22 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:03PM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

Emotion. Wow….what’s that like, I wonder? Best player doesn’t really like hockey. Never speaks. Goon is a good fighter, but never really gets mad. Captain should be released. And the change that the braintrust came up with was get a slightly less old goalie, pay HIM way too much too, and for even longer. And add Comrie, so that Bill will help pay for a new barn. I can’t imagine why no one cares. Look around here…good lord WE really don’t care. “Oh boy, here comes the regular season…..I am sure we have a chance for maybe getting 8th, then who knows….” Insanity = …….

And Zamboni Driver has to take the bus because he can't pass the driving test.

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#23 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:05PM
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Ahh.. finally. A hockey game. Cheers!

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#24 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:06PM
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Alternate feed for the game...in case you need it...

hxxp://atdhe.net/8926/watch-vancouver-canucks-vs-edmonton-oilers

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#25 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:07PM
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Is it just me or has the anthem singer lost something? His voice sure seems tired.

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#26 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:07PM
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I bet big Mac scores the first goal set up by Gagner and Cogliano ;)

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#27 EddieEdmonton
September 27 2009, 06:08PM
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where can i watch the game it snot on the oilers website

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#28 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:10PM
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The Red-Ox on the newly formed kid line?

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#29 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:11PM
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@ BarryS: ~It's to be expected, Khabibulin and him went to High school together, he's probably just dehydrated~

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#30 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:11PM
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@ EddieEdmonton: hxxp://atdhe.net/8926/watch-vancouver-canucks-vs-edmonton-oilers

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#31 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:11PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

Alternate feed for the game…in case you need it… hxxp://atdhe.net/8926/watch-vancouver-canucks-vs-edmonton-oilers
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#32 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:13PM
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Look at this Horcoff kid winning faceoffs.

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#33 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:15PM
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@ The Towel Boy: Thats 5.5 hard at work. Top line looks to be in top form thus far.

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#34 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:16PM
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OIlers leading shots 6-0 weird....

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#35 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:17PM
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Hemmer is on FIRE tonight!!!

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#36 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:17PM
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W000 hooo. Good work by Hemmer to keep it alive.

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#37 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:17PM
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Hemsky back to his true self. Nice to finally see.

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#38 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:19PM
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ugh feed so god damn laggy i feel like punching my computer..........

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#39 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:19PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: nervous is one way to put it for sure.

AT LEAST IT IS 1-0!

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#40 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:19PM
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Ok, Mark Schultz just called the Flames "losers"...awesome.

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#41 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:20PM
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was that music at the game or just on the feed? horrible.

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#42 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:21PM
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Shapeman wrote:

ugh feed so god damn laggy i feel like punching my computer……….

I'm glad it's not just me...

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#43 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:21PM
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fat b@stard.

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#44 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:22PM
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Where the eff is the other D man?

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#45 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:22PM
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...Maybe Khabibulin is dehydrated or something...cuz he looked a little slow on that breakaway.

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#46 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:22PM
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Okay now I really feel like punching my computer

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#47 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:22PM
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Cough up goal vancouver.

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#48 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:23PM
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Ok, my feed went wonky now.

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#49 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:23PM
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I hope we don't go to a lot of shootouts this year.

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#50 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:23PM
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feed is b0rked.

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